MR. LOVELACE, TO JOHN BELFORD, ESQ.
TUESDAY, AUG. 1.
I am most confoundedly chagrined and disappointed: for here, on Saturday,
arrived a messenger from Miss Howe, with a letter to my cousins;* which I
knew nothing of till yesterday; when Lady Sarah and Lady Betty were
procured to be here, to sit in judgment upon it with the old Peer, and my
two kinswomen. And never was bear so miserably baited as thy poor
friend!--And for what?--why for the cruelty of Miss Harlowe: For have I
committed any new offence? and would I not have re-instated myself in her
favour upon her own terms, if I could? And is it fair to punish me for
what is my misfortune, and not my fault? Such event-judging fools as I
have for my relations! I am ashamed of them all.
* See Letter LV. of this volume.
In that of Miss Howe was enclosed one to her from Miss Harlowe,* to be
transmitted to my cousins, containing a final rejection of me; and that
in very vehement and positive terms; yet she pretends that, in this
rejection, she is governed more by principle than passion--[D----d lie,
as ever was told!] and, as a proof that she is, says, that she can
forgive me, and does, on this one condition, that I will never molest her
more--the whole letter so written as to make herself more admired, me
more detested.
* See Letter XLI. of this volume.
What we have been told of the agitations and workings, and sighings and
sobbings, of the French prophets among us formerly, was nothing at all to
the scene exhibited by these maudlin souls, at the reading of these
letters; and of some affecting passages extracted from another of my fair
implacable's to Miss Howe--such lamentations for the loss of so charming
a relation! such applaudings of her virtue, of her exaltedness of soul
and sentiment! such menaces of disinherisons! I, not needing their
reproaches to be stung to the heart with my own reflections, and with the
rage of disappointment; and as sincerely as any of them admiring her--
'What the devil,' cried I, 'is all this for? Is it not enough to be
despised and rejected? Can I help her implacable spirit? Would I not
repair the evils I have made her suffer?'--Then was I ready to curse them
all, herself and Miss Howe for company: and heartily swore that she
should yet be mine.
I now swear it over again to thee--'Were her death to follow in a week
after the knot is tied, by the Lord of Heaven, it shall be tied, and she
shall die a Lovelace!'--Tell her so, if thou wilt: but, at the same time,
tell her that I have no view to her fortune; and that I will solemnly
resign that, and all pretensions to it, in whose favour she pleases, if
she resign life issueless.--I am not so low-minded a wretch, as to be
guilty of any sordid views to her fortune.--Let her judge for herself,
then, whether it be not for her honour rather to leave this world a
Lovelace than a Harlowe.
But do not think I will entirely rest a cause so near my heart upon an
advocate who so much more admires his client's adversary than his client.
I will go to town, in a few days, in order to throw myself at her feet:
and I will carry with me, or have at hand, a resolute, well-prepared
parson; and the ceremony shall be performed, let what will be the
consequence.
But if she will permit me to attend her for this purpose at either of the
churches mentioned in the license, (which she has by her, and, thank
Heaven! has not returned me with my letters,) then will I not disturb
her; but meet her at the altar in either church, and will engage to bring
my two cousins to attend her, and even Lady Sarah and Lady Betty; and my
Lord M. in person shall give her to me.
Or, if it be still more agreeable to her, I will undertake that either
Lady Sarah or Lady Betty, or both, shall go to town and attend her down;
and the marriage shall be celebrated in their presence, and in that of
Lord M., either here or elsewhere, at her own choice.
Do not play me booty, Belford; but sincerely and warmly use all the
eloquence thou art master of, to prevail upon her to choose one of these
three methods. One of them she must choose--by my soul, she must.
Here is Charlotte tapping at my closet-door for admittance. What a devil
wants Charlotte?--I will hear no more reproaches!--Come in, girl!
***
My cousin Charlotte, finding me writing on with too much earnestness to
have any regard for politeness to her, and guessing at my subject,
besought me to let her see what I had written.
I obliged her. And she was so highly pleased on seeing me so much in
earnest, that she offered, and I accepted her offer, to write a letter to
Miss Harlowe; with permission to treat me in it as she thought fit.