The gentlemen were as ready as I to wish he had broken his neck, rather
than been present, I believe: for nobody was regarded but he. So little
of the fop; yet so elegant and rich in his dress: his person so specious:
his air so intrepid: so much meaning and penetration in his face: so much
gaiety, yet so little affectation; no mere toupet-man; but all manly; and
his courage and wit, the one so known, the other so dreaded, you must
think the petits-maîtres (of which there were four or five present) were
most deplorably off in his company; and one grave gentleman observed to
me, (pleased to see me shun him as I did,) that the poet's observation
was too true, that the generality of ladies were rakes in their hearts,
or they could not be so much taken with a man who had so notorious a
character.
I told him the reflection both of the poet and applier was much too
general, and made with more ill-nature than good manners.
When the wretch saw how industriously I avoided him, (shifting from one
part of the hall to another,) he at last boldly stept up to me, as my
mother and Mr. Hickman were talking to me; and thus before them accosted
me:
I beg your pardon, Madam; but by your mother's leave, I must have a few
moments' conversation with you, either here, or at your own house; and I
beg you will give me the opportunity.
Nancy, said my mother, hear what he has to say to you. In my presence
you may: and better in the adjoining apartment, if it must be, than to
come to you at our own house.
I retired to one corner of the hall, my mother following me, and he,
taking Mr. Hickman under his arm, following her--Well, Sir, said I, what
have you to say?--Tell me here.
I have been telling Mr. Hickman, said he, how much I am concerned for the
injuries I have done to the most excellent woman in the world: and yet,
that she obtained such a glorious triumph over me the last time I had the
honour to see her, as, with my penitence, ought to have abated her former
resentments: but that I will, with all my soul, enter into any measures
to obtain her forgiveness of me. My cousins Montague have told you this.
Lady Betty and Lady Sarah and my Lord M. are engaged for my honour. I
know your power with the dear creature. My cousins told me you gave them
hopes you would use it in my behalf. My Lord M. and his two sisters are
impatiently expecting the fruits of it. You must have heard from her
before now: I hope you have. And will you be so good as to tell me, if I
may have any hopes?
If I must speak on this subject, let me tell you that you have broken her
heart. You know not the value of the lady you have injured. You deserve
her not. And she despises you, as she ought.
Dear Miss Howe, mingle not passion with denunciations so severe. I must
know my fate. I will go abroad once more, if I find her absolutely
irreconcileable. But I hope she will give me leave to attend upon her,
to know my doom from her own mouth.
It would be death immediate for her to see you. And what must you be, to
be able to look her in the face?
I then reproached him (with vehemence enough you may believe) on his
baseness, and the evils he had made you suffer: the distress he had
reduced you to; all your friends made your enemies: the vile house he had
carried you to; hinted at his villanous arts; the dreadful arrest: and
told him of your present deplorable illness, and resolution to die rather
than to have him.
He vindicated not any part of his conduct, but that of the arrest; and so
solemnly protested his sorrow for his usage of you, accusing himself in
the freest manner, and by deserved appellations, that I promised to lay
before you this part of our conversation. And now you have it.
My mother, as well as Mr. Hickman, believes, from what passed on this
occasion, that he is touched in conscience for the wrongs he has done
you: but, by his whole behaviour, I must own, it seems to me that nothing
can touch him for half an hour together. Yet I have no doubt that he
would willingly marry you; and it piques his pride, I could see, that he
should be denied; as it did mine, that such a wretch had dared to think
it in his power to have such a woman whenever he pleased; and that it
must be accounted a condescension, and matter of obligation (by all his
own family at least) that he would vouchsafe to think of marriage.
Now, my dear, you have before you the reason why I suspend the decisive
negative to the ladies of his family. My mother, Miss Lloyd, and Miss
Biddulph, who were inquisitive after the subject of our retired
conversation, and whose curiosity I thought it was right, in some degree,
to gratify, (especially as these young ladies are of our select
acquaintance,) are all of opinion that you should be his.
You will let Mr. Hickman know your whole mind; and when he acquaint me
with it, I will tell you all my own.
Mean time, may the news he will bring me of the state of your health be
favourable! prays, with the utmost fervency,
Your ever faithful and affectionate
ANNA HOWE.