MISS CLARISSA HARLOWE, TO MISS HOWE
SUNDAY, JULY 23.
The letter accompanying this being upon a very particular subject, I
would not embarrass it, as I may say, with any other. And yet having
some farther matters upon my mind, which will want your excuse for
directing them to you, I hope the following lines will have that excuse.
My good Mrs. Norton, so long ago as in a letter dated the 3d of this
month,* hinted to me that my relations took amiss some severe things you
were pleased, in love to me, to say to them. Mrs. Norton mentioned it
with that respectful love which she bears to my dearest friend: but
wished, for my sake, that you would rein in a vivacity, which, on most
other occasions, so charmingly becomes you. This was her sense. You
know that I am warranted to speak and write freer to my Anna Howe than
Mrs. Norton would do.
* See Vol. VI. Letter LXIII.
I durst not mention it to you at that time, because appearances were so
strong against me, on Mr. Lovelace's getting me again into his power,
(after my escape to Hampstead,) as made you very angry with me when you
answered mine on my second escape. And, soon afterwards, I was put under
that barbarous arrest; so that I could not well touch upon the subject
till now.
Now, therefore, my dearest Miss Howe, let me repeat my earnest request
(for this is not the first time by several that I have been obliged to
chide you on this occasion,) that you will spare my parents, and other
relations, in all your conversations about me. Indeed, I wish they had
thought fit to take other measures with me: But who shall judge for them?
--The event has justified them, and condemned me.--They expected nothing
good of this vile man; he had not, therefore, deceived them: but they
expected other things from me; and I have. And they have the more reason
to be set against me, if (as my aunt Hervey wrote* formerly,) they
intended not to force my inclinations in favour of Mr. Solmes; and if
they believe that my going off was the effect of choice and
premeditation.
* See Vol. III. Letter LII.
I have no desire to be received to favour by them: For why should I sit
down to wish for what I have no reason to expect?--Besides, I could not
look them in the face, if they would receive me. Indeed I could not.
All I have to hope for is, first, that my father will absolve me from his
heavy malediction: and next, for a last blessing. The obtaining of these
favours are needful to my peace of mind.