Several times during my life I have felt the emotions so often told
of, so seldom felt by any man, when, with death apparently absolute
and inevitable, immediate and inglorious, staring me full in the
face, I forgot all fears for myself--dreamed not of shuddering at the
thought that I soon must die--that the gates of death were swung wide
open before me, and that, with a speed and force against which all
human resistance was useless, I was rushing into them. I knew that
I was fated with the rest; but I thought only of those behind me in
my charge, under my supervision, then chatting gaily, watching the
swift-receding scenery, thinking perhaps how quickly they would be at
home with their dear ones, and not dreaming of the hideous panorama
of death so soon to unroll, the tinkle of the bell for the starting
of which I seemed to hear; the first sad scene, the opening crash of
which was sickening my soul with terror and blinding me with despair.
For I knew that those voices, now so gay, now so happy, would soon be
shrieking in agony, or muttering the dying groan. I knew that those
faces, now so smiling, would soon be distorted with pain, or crushed
out of all semblance to humanity; and I was powerless to avert the
catastrophe. All human force was powerless. Nothing but the hand of
God, stretched forth in its Omnipotence, could avert it; and there was
scarce time for a prayer for that; for such scenes last but a moment,
though their memory endures for all time.
I remember well one instance of this kind. I was running on the R. &
W. road, in the East. A great Sabbath-school excursion and picnic was
gotten up, and I was detailed to run the train. The children of all
the towns on the road were assembled; and, when we got to the grove
in which the picnic was to be held, we had eighteen cars full as they
could hold of the little ones, all dressed in their holiday attire, and
brimful of mirth and gayety. I drew the train in upon the switch, out
of the way of passing trains, let the engine cool down, and then went
into the woods to participate in the innocent pleasures of the day.
The children very soon found out that I was the engineer; and, as I
liked children, and tried to amuse them, it was not long before I had
a perfect troop at my heels, all laughing and chatting gaily to "Mr.
Engineer," as they called me. They asked me a thousand questions about
the engine; and one and all tried to extort a promise from me to let
them ride with me, several declaring to me in the strictest confidence,
their intention of becoming engineers, and their desire, above all
things, that I should teach them how.
So the day passed most happily. The children swung in the swings,
romped on the grass, picked the flowers, and wandered at their own
sweet will all over the woods. A splendid collation was prepared for
them, at which I, too, sat down, and liked to have made myself sick
eating philopenas with the Billys, Freddys, Mollies, and Matties, whose
acquaintance I had made that day, and whose pretty faces and sweet
voices would urge me, in a style that I could not find heart to resist,
to eat a philopena with them, or "just to taste their cake and see if
it wasn't the goodest I ever saw."
But the day passed, as happy or unhappy days will, and time to start
came round. We had some trouble getting so many little folks together,
and it was only by dint of a great deal of whistling that all my load
was collected. I was much amused to see some of the little fellows'
contempt at others more timid than they, who shut their ears to the
sound of the whistle, and ran to hide in the cars. Innumerable were
the entreaties that I had from some of them, to let them ride on the
engine, "only this once;" but I was inexorable. The superintendent of
the road, who conducted the train, came to me as I was about ready to
start, and told me that, as we had lost so much time collecting our
load, I had better not stop at the first station, from whence we had
taken but a few children, but push on to the next, where we would meet
the down train, and send them back from there. Another reason for this
was, that I had a heavy train, and it was a very bad stop to make,
lying right in a valley, at the foot of two very heavy grades. So, off
I started, the children in the cars swinging a dozen handkerchiefs
from every window, all happy.
As I had good running-ground, and unless I hurried, was going to be
quite late in reaching my journey's end, I pulled out, and let the
engine do her best. So we were running very fast--about forty-eight
miles an hour. Before arriving at the station at which I was not to
stop, I passed through a piece of heavy wood, in the midst of which
was a long curve. On emerging from the woods, we left the curve, and
struck a straight track, which extended toward the station some forty
rods from the woods. I sounded my whistle a half mile from the station,
giving a long blow to signify my intention of passing without a stop,
and never shut off; for I had a grade of fifty feet to the mile to
surmount just as I passed the station, and I wanted pretty good headway
to do it with eighteen cars. I turned the curve, shot out into sight of
the station, and there saw what almost curdled the blood in my veins,
and made me tremble with terror: a dozen cars, heavily laden with
stone, stood on the side track, and the switch at this end was wide
open! I knew it was useless, but I whistled for brakes, and reversed
my engine. I might as well have thrown out a fish-hook and line, and
tried to stop by catching the hook in a tree; for, running as I was,
and so near the switch, a feather laid on the wheels would have stopped
us just as soon as the brakes. I gave up all. I did not think for a
moment of the painful death so close to me; I thought only of the load
behind me. I thought of their sweet faces, which had so lately smiled
on me, now to be distorted with agony, or pale in death. I thought
of their lithe limbs, so full of animation, now to be crushed, and
mangled, and dabbled in gore. I thought of the anxious parents watching
to welcome their smiling, romping darlings home again; doomed, though,
to caress only a mangled, crushed, and stiffened corpse, or else to
see the fair promises of their young lives blasted forever, and to
watch their darlings through a crippled life. 'Twas too horrible. I
stood with stiffened limbs and eyeballs almost bursting from their
sockets, frozen with terror, and stared stonily and fixedly, as we
rushed on--when a man, gifted, it seemed, with superhuman strength and
activity, darted across the track right in front of the train, turned
the switch, and we were saved. I could take those little ones home in
safety! I never run an engine over that road afterwards. The whole
thing transpired in a moment; but a dozen such moments were worse than
death, and would furnish terror and agony enough for a lifetime.