LEAVES FROM AN IMPERIAL NOTE-BOOK.

As I have taken occasion to tell them from time to time, God is sparing

no effort in favour of My brave armies. The noble courage with which

they have crushed a defenceless peasantry (who, by the way, do not seem

to share My recognition of the Deity's support of Our methods) has

proved them to be the authorised medium of the Divine vengeance. I am

very pleased with both them and God.

The destruction of Louvain, seat of a culture wholly distinct from the

Prussian ideal, was an inspiration, in which I once more detect the Hand

of Heaven. Unfortunately it has been misunderstood in neutral countries;

and, to appease their protests, I have had to explain that this feat of

righteous wrath has given me an attack of bleeding heart.

I am despatching an Imperial telegram to the President of the Oxford

University Boat Club to say that when My armies reach that city I may

possibly spare Oriel for the sake of My Rhodes Scholars. This generous

thought occurred to Me in church when I was returning thanks for the

demolition of the library of Louvain.

I have also instructed My intrepid aviators to reserve a pew for Me

intact among the ruins of Notre Dame de Paris--for thanksgiving

purposes.

I have repeatedly warned NICHOLAS that God is against him. It is like

his impious self-assurance to imagine that One whose services I have

exclusively secured for My side could for a moment entertain the idea of

supporting My enemies. I confess, however, that I had expected

FRANZ-JOSEF, as My ally, to receive a larger portion of the Deity's

favour than has so far fallen to him. From what I hear of the Lemberg

affair, it looks as if his independent arrangements for Divine support

had been inadequate. I am afraid I must leave him to get on without it

as best he can. I shall want all I've got for my own use.

I see that a new Pope has been elected at Rome. At any ordinary moment

this world-event must have attracted the attention of Heaven. But the

present attitude of Italy towards the Triple Alliance naturally

precludes any Divine cognisance of her concerns. On the other hand I

have Myself thought it expedient to address congratulations to the

Italian who now occupies the Pontifical Chair, and have ordered the fact

to receive due publicity as part of My subsidised Press campaign.

In order that the organisers of this campaign may the better persuade

neutral countries to accept My version of the justice of Our cause, I

have given directions for them to appeal throughout to the God of Truth.

We were, as usual, first in the field, and the Father of Lies has a lot

of ground to make up.

My dear son WILHELM tells Me that his own army has a tough proposition

in front of it. I sometimes fear that he lacks the unquestioning piety

of his Imperial Parent.

I note that services are still permitted to be held in the English

church at Dresden, but that no prayers for the success of British arms

are allowed. In view of My monopoly of Divine protection I regard this

precaution as unnecessary.

Some blundering operator in Berlin has circulated the ridiculous report

of a disaster to My army in France. I have ordered the fear of God to be

put into him.

Even I cannot be in two places at once, and I am too busy in exchanging

felicitations with My Creator in the background of Our western sphere of

operations to be able to give My benediction in person to the brave

defenders of My beloved Prussia. My lack of the gift of omnipresence has

always been rather a sore point with Me in My otherwise co-equal

relations with the Almighty. I hope in course of time to have this

corrected.

Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 147, September 16, 1914 · 第 6 / 69 题