"Our future lies upon the water," once boasted the KAISER. "And our
present lies in it," as the German soldier remarked when the Belgians
opened the dykes near Antwerp.
* * *
The mass of the German people would seem to be extraordinarily
ill-informed in regard to the War and to stand sadly in need of
enlightenment in some respects. For example, their ebullitions of rage
against everyone and everything English shows that they are ignorant of
the fact that we are a decadent nation and a negligible quantity in the
War.
* * *
Many of the little scraps in which the Germans were reported by their
Press to have been victorious now turn out to have been merely scraps of
paper.
* * *
According to _The Times_ one of the first acts of the new Pope will be
to urge the Powers at war to desist from hostilities in the interests of
humanity. It is rumoured that Austria-Hungary thinks this a capital
idea.
* * *
Our readers will, we are sure, be sorry to hear that the lady who, as
reported in our pages the week before last, in the course of a
difference with her husband, called him "a bloomin' Oolan," has once
again had words with him. This time, the husband complains, she shouted
after him, "You 'Un!"
* * *
An appeal has been made for magazines for the men at the front. The
following extract from a letter touches on the subject:--"On Wednesday
heavy German cavalry charged us with drawn sabres, and we only had a
minute to prepare to receive them. We left our entrenchments and,
rallying in groups, emptied our magazines into them as they drew near."
* * *
We regret to hear that, owing to so many persons failing to go out of
Town this year, there is considerable distress among London burglars.
The oldest among them do not remember a duller season.
* * *
A dear old lady writes to say that she is delighted to hear that the
Crystal Palace has been taken over by the Admiralty, as she loves the
place, and it is _so_ brittle.
* * *
Another dear old thing suggests that, in order to facilitate the work of
the police, all spies should be compelled to wear a distinctive dress.
* * *
With the object of benefiting the local branch of the National Relief
Fund there has been published at Brighton the first number of a paper
called _The Ally_. Our contemporary, _Ally Sloper_, has generously
decided in the circumstances to take no proceedings with a view to
protecting its title.
* * *
"Why," asks a lady, "should not waitresses take the place of the German
waiters whose services are now being dispensed with?" Possibly we may be
wrong, but we seem to remember once having seen an announcement on the
placard of a feminist journal to the effect that:--
WOMEN
CAN NOT
WAIT.
* * *
Lord ROSEBERY, speaking the other day at Broxburn, said that defeat for
us would not mean foreign tax-gatherers in the country. We are glad of
this. It would be deplorable if the tax-gatherer were ever to become an
unpopular figure with us.
* * * * *
Illustration: THE HUNTER HUNTED.
[With acknowledgments to Mr. J. C. DOLLMAN.]
* * * * *
The Fog of War.
"A final shell struck the Laurel amidship, enveloping her in a dense
certainohtstl thesemac recsmscvtm mecevsccvc."
_Glasgow Citizen._
* * * * *