10. Mix up your metaphors, moods, tenses, singulars, plurals, and the
sense generally.
11. Refer often to "the good old days" you don't remember, and bewail
the decadence of sport of all kinds.
12. Occasionally be haughty and contemptuous, and make a parade of
rugged and incorruptible honesty. In short, be as vain and offensive
as you can.
13. Set yourself up as an infallible judge of every branch of sport
and athletics.
_First Example_.--Event to be reported: An American pugilist arrives
at Euston, and is received by his English friends and sympathisers.