When I received a wire from an old and dear school-friend,
saying, "LUCY disappointed; come for week; wire me, _Goldfields_,
Henley--KITTY," I felt that the Art which I had been so assiduously
cultivating for some time past was to be put in practice at last. I
had long decided that there was a grand opening for girls (the true
unemployed) in the idea, and I had determined to make a good thing
out of it myself. KITTY' S telegram was somewhat vague, I admit; but
gossip having thrown a side-light on it, I knew that it came from
Henley, where she and her husband (whom I had never yet seen) had a
House-boat for the Regatta week. To answer in the affirmative, pack
my box, and catch the next train to Henley, was small work to a
"Professional Guest."
[Illustration]
When I arrived, I walked straight out of the station to the nearest
wharf, and, chartering a punt, had my luggage and myself placed on
board, and then told the small boy, who "manned" the craft, to take me
to the _Goldfields_. I was not too well pleased when he threw doubts,
not only on her whereabouts, but on her existence. Neither the small
boy nor a big man, nor an old woman standing by, knew anything about
it; and I had determined to take the next train to Town, when a
flannel-clad young man, with a heavy face and a peevish voice, called
out from the bank, "I've been looking for you everywhere." It proved
to be KITTY'S husband, but, as we were totally unacquainted with each
other's appearances, it was not wonderful that his search for me had
been ineffectual. He seemed much annoyed, however, and only vouchsafed
one remark as we punted, or, rather, waltzed (for the small boy was a
"dry bob," I think), down stream towards the _Goldfields_. "It's all
KITTY'S fault,--LUCY'S come." Of course this was awkward, but, on
arrival, KITTY was so hospitable, and LUCY so pretty, that, though our
sleeping and dressing apartment was astonishingly small, and I made
the odd girl out at dinner, I felt I could not mind much, and I also
got over the little _contretemps_ of my dressing-bag being dropped
into the river--"by accident," said KITTY'S husband.
Owing to the heat and the unaccustomed noise of the river, neither
LUCY nor I slept much; and, though we were told next morning we could
not have any baths, the whole scene was so bright and sparkling that
nobody (except KITTY'S husband, who seemed of a morose disposition)
could with reason have complained of anything. It continued to sparkle
till the first train came down from town, when our guests and the rain
arrived together. It was a dreadful nuisance, as the awning, which,
with the flowers, had cost us hours to arrange, speedily got soaked,
and had to be taken down. Then, of course, the sun came out again,
and for a time the heat was intense. In fact, one lady, who would eat
her lunch on the roof, grew quite faint, and had to be helped down to
KITTY'S husband's room. After lunch, we all ventured out in various
small craft, and again I was unlucky in my waterman. I was sure he had
never punted before, and it proved to be so; for when I asked him if
he had had much practice this season, he answered, the while he wrung
the water from his garments, that "he'd only seen it done, and it
looked easy." We managed, however, by dint of banging on to other
people's boats, to get along very well, until an ill-judged "shove"
sent us right out into the course, just as _the_ race of the day was
coming along. I am not quite clear as to what then took place; only I
know that everything was "fouled." KITTY'S husband, who had a bet on,
was furious, and glared at me for the rest of the day--a condition of
things I pretended not to see. That night we had a rat-hunt on board,
but we lost the animal, as LUCY diverted our attention by falling into
the river. It was most inconvenient of her, as she wetted our mutual
sleeping apartment dreadfully.
The second day was almost a _replica_ of the first, varied only by
KITTY'S husband fancying he had a sunstroke. The third and last day
was, however, not the success we could have wished. During the night
the weather turned hot, and the food turned--well, not good,--and next
morning the obligatory sacrifice to Father Thames was appalling. Then
when the necessary viands did not arrive from London, I in my capacity
of "professional guest," and of being always ready for any emergency,
volunteered to forage in Henley town. Oh! that expedition. I fought
at the fishmonger's, battled at the butcher's and baker's, grovelled
at the grocer's, and finally ended by committing a theft at the
butterman's. The number of our visitors was large, and was much
augmented by friends' friends, who came in battalions. It may have
been the extra weight on board, or it may be that the hunted rat had
designed a base revenge, but during lunch, and just as KITTY'S husband
was beginning to be genial, an odd idea seized me that the river was
rising. Yes! And the bank behind us was rising too. And gracious! the
water was flowing over the little promenade place, and running about
the floor of the saloon; and then the _Goldfields_ gave a lurch and a
shiver, and settled down in the mud, with a foot-and-a-half of dirty
water downstairs, and nothing but the roof left us to perch upon.
How we ever recovered our belongings I don't know. All I remember is,
being taken to the station in an old green wherry, and coming back to
town seventeen in a second-class carriage. My last view of the wreck
embraced KITTY, propped up against the railing of the roof, and making
tea on a table, which looked more like tipping over than standing
straight. KITTY'S husband was muttering to himself as he handed round
the cups; and, as I moved off through the crush of boats, I fancied
I caught the word "JONAH." Of course I may have been mistaken, as my
name is not that, but