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THIS GIDDY GLOBE
OLIVER HERFORD
[Illustration: PETER SIMPLE, F.T.G.
K. Mosely, Sculp.]
THIS
GIDDY GLOBE
BY
PETER SIMPLE, F.T.G.
FELLOW OF THE TERRESTRIAL GLOBE
EDITED AND ILLUSTRATED BY
OLIVER HERFORD, V. D. W. A.
[_"Very delightful wit and artist."_
_--Woodrow Wilson_]
NEW YORK
GEORGE H. DORAN COMPANY
COPYRIGHT, 1919,
BY GEORGE H. DORAN COMPANY
PRINTED IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
TO
PRESIDENT WILSON
[_With all his faults he quotes me still._]
PREFACE
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[_The Preface, which is strictly private and concerns only ourselves
and the Reader, has been removed to another part of the book._]
The Author makes due Acknowledgment to Charles Scribner's Sons for the
use of certain verses, and to Miss Cecilia Loftus for her series of
Perfect Day Pictures.
CONTENTS
PART I: WHY IS THE GLOBE
CHAPTER PAGE
I THE CREATION 15
PREFACE 19
II A LONG JUMP 20
III THE GIDDY GLOBE 23
IV THE USE OF THE GLOBE 25
V THE EQUATOR 28
VI THE EARTH'S CRUST 30
VII THE TEMPERATURE OF THE GLOBE 32
VIII THE AGE OF THE GLOBE 35
IX THE FACE OF THE GLOBE 38
X CLIMATE AND WEATHER 44
XI LAND AND WATER 47
XII THE DISCOVERY OF THE WORLD 51
XIII THE HABITABLE GLOBE 52
XIV THE TENANTS 54
XV RACE 56
XVI GOVERNMENTS OF THE GLOBE 58
XVII THE MORALS OF THE GIDDY GLOBE 61
PART II: THE COUNTRIES OF THE EARTH
XVIII THE POLES 65
XIX AMERICA 70
XX BOSTON 75
XXI THE UNITED STATES 78
XXII CANADA 83
XXIII GREAT BRITAIN 86
XXIV SCOTLAND 90
XXV IRELAND 92
XXVI WALES 96
PART III: FOREIGN COUNTRIES
XXVII SOUTH AMERICA 101
XXVIII HOLLAND 103
XXIX BELGIUM 106
XXX FRANCE 109
XXXI GERMANY 111
XXXII SWITZERLAND 112
XXXIII MONACO 113
XXXIV TURKEY 114
XXXV RUSSIA 117
XXXVI NORWAY AND SWEDEN 119
XXXVII AFRICA 122
XXXVIII ARABIA 126
XXXIX AUSTRALIA 129
XL CHINA 131
XLI JAPAN 133
XLII EGYPT, INDIA, ITALY, SPAIN,
GREECE, ETC. 134
EPILOGUE 136
APPENDIX 137
* * * * *
THIS GIDDY GLOBE
PART I
WHY IS THE GLOBE?
CHAPTER I
THE CREATION
_Six busy days it took in all_
_To make a World and plan its fall,_
_The seventh, SOMEONE said 'twas good_
_And rested, should you think he could?_
_Knowing what the result would be_
_There would have been no rest for me!_
_Claire Beecher Kummer._
It takes much longer to write a Geography than, according to Moses,
it took to create the World which it is the Geographer's business to
describe; and since the Critic has been added to the list of created
beings, it is no longer the fashion for the Author to pass judgment on
his own work.
Let us imagine, however, that concealed in the cargo of Hypothetic
Nebula destined for the construction of the Terrestrial Globe was a
Protoplasmic Stowaway that sprang to being in the shape of a Critic just
as the work of Creation was finished.
Would it not be interesting to speculate upon that Critic's reception of
the freshly made World?
We may be sure that he would have found many things not to his liking;
technical defects such as the treatment of grass and foliage in green
instead of the proper purple; the tinting of the sky which any landscape
painter will tell you would be more decorative done in turquoise green
than cobalt blue.
Like the foolish Butterfly in the Talmud, who (to impress Mrs.
Butterfly) stamped his tiny foot upon the dome of King Solomon's Temple,
our Critic might have declared the World "Too flimsy in construction."
He would certainly have found fault with the Solar System and the
Plumbing--the absence of heat in Winter when there is the greater need
of it and the paucity of moisture in the desert places where it never
rains.
The comicality of the Ape family might have provoked a reluctant
smile, but much more likely a lecture on the impropriety of descending
to caricature in a serious work.
[Illustration: THE FIRST CALENDAR
The Creation of Heaven & Earth _in Six dayes_ _Gen: I_
THE YEAR I
1st Sunday 1st Wednesday
1st Monday 1st Thursday
1st Tuesday 1st Friday]
At best, our Critic would have pronounced the freshly made World the
work of a beginner, conceding perhaps that he "showed promise" and
"might go far," and if he wished to be very impressive indeed, he would
pretend that he had penetrated the veil of Anonymity and hint darkly
that he detected evident traces of a Feminine Touch!
In that, however, our Critic would only have been anticipating, for is
there not at this very moment on the press a Suffrage edition (for women
only) of the Rubaiyat, in which one verse is amended to read thus--
_The ball no question makes of Ayes or Nos,_
_But right or left, as strikes the Player goes,_
_And SHE who tossed it down into the field,_
_SHE knows about it all, SHE knows, SHE knows!_
PREFACE
_STRICTLY PRIVATE_
_For the Reader Only_
DEAR READER:
This is for _you_, and you only. We have concealed it between chapters
one and two so that it will not meet any eye but yours.
We have a confession to make--it would be useless to attempt
concealment--we have the Digression habit.
We have tried every known remedy but we fear it is incurable.
All we ask, Gentle Reader, is that when we stray too far you will favour
us with a gentle reminder.