All the servants remarked that "the poor dear" from the very first bore
up like a suffering martyr, and then discoursed upon the vanity of human
hopes; and Mrs Downes, who was of a pious turn of mind, and went miles
"per 'bus" on Sundays to be present at religious services in theatres,
said that it was a "vale of tears," and wiped one tear out of her eye,
looked at it, wrapped it up very carefully in her handkerchief, and put
it in her pocket, as if fully aware of the fact that it was a
sympathetic pearl.
"They might well call it the last day," sighed the same lady, for to her
mind it was as if heaven and earth had come together.
"She is _bete_, this woman," said Mademoiselle Justine, who had
descended for hot water; and she stood and purred softly to herself, and
looked so like a cat that she only needed to have squatted down upon a
chair, and begun licking her trim dress, to have completed the likeness.
It was the last day of Maude's girlhood; the next was to see her what
the fashionable gossips would call a happy wife. The previous fortnight
had been spent in a whirl of busy doings. Dressmakers had been to and
fro, milliners consulted, Justine and Dolly had been kept up late at
night to see to packing, and so anxious was her ladyship that her child
should look her best that she insisted upon Maude visiting her dentist,
and seeing Dr Todd again and again. Maude tried to expostulate, but
her ladyship was inexorable, and spared herself no pains. The
consumption of spirits of red lavender was startling, but she bore up
wonderfully; went with that dear Sir Grantley to the coachmaker's in
Long Acre, and herself selected the new brougham that was one of the
baronet's wedding presents, and declared the horses which she twice over
went into the stable to see were "loves."
Then, too, she aided in the re-decorating of her daughter's new home; in
fact, spared herself in no way to bring about the happy event, while
"that wretched Lord Barmouth prowled about the house doing nothing but
thinking of gluttony." In fact, she found him one day sitting behind
the curtains in the drawing-room spreading potted tongue upon an
Abernethy biscuit, with a pearl paper-knife, when he ought to have been
helping her, for in these days his lordship's wolf, which constantly
bade him feed, was unusually active.
Perhaps it was a natural instinct similar to that which directs wild
animals to seek certain places at times to lick salt. At all events,
tongue had a wonderfully attractive effect upon Lord Barmouth: he would
steal or buy tongue in any shape to eat surreptitiously, and evidently
from a natural effort to provide homoeopathically against that from
which he suffered so much.
Tom gave her ladyship a great deal of trouble by his opposition to the
very last, but his efforts were in vain.
"I might perhaps have done more, Maude," he said, "but, hang it all,
what more can I do? A fellow can't hardly say his soul's his own in
this house. I've tried all I can to get the governor to take the lead,
but the old woman sits upon him so heavily that he hasn't a chance."
Maude only wept silently and laid her head upon his shoulder.
"There, there, little girl," he said, "cheer up. It's fashion, and you
mustn't mind. Old Wilters is very soft after all, and you must take a
leaf out of the old girl's book, and serve him out for it all. Hang me,
if I were you, if I wouldn't make him pay dearly for all this."
"Hush, Tom, dear Tom. Pray, pray don't talk about it. Tom, dear, when
I am gone--"
"There, I say, hang it all, don't talk as if you were going to pop off."
"Listen to me, Tom dear," said Maude, firmly. "I say when I am gone, be
as kind as you can to poor papa. I may not be able to speak to you
again."
"All right," said Tom; "but I say, you will try and hold up."
"Yes, Tom dear, yes."
"That's right, old girl, make the best of a bad bargain. You won't be
much worse off than Diana. Fashionable martyrs both of you."
"Yes, Tom dear."
"And you will try to be happy?"
"Yes, dear, I'm going to be happy. But you'll think the best of me,
dear, and take care of poor papa?"
"Of course I will. The old man will be better off when you are gone.
Her majesty won't be so stingy when she has got you both off her hands,
and married to rich men."
"No, dear. I will try and cheer up."
"That's right, old girl. I wish some one would make me happy." This
was accompanied by a look at Tryphie, who was in the room.
"I don't see how you can expect any lady to make you happy, Tom," said
the little girl, sharply. "A gentleman who worships two idols, cigars
and billiards, cannot have room for a third love."
"There she goes," said Tom, disconsolately. "Maude, I've told her I
loved her a score of times, and she pooh-poohs me, and looks down upon
me."
"Of course," said Tryphie, pertly. "Is it not settled that I am to be
Mrs Captain Bellman?"
"Mrs Captain Bellman!" cried Tom, savagely. "Look here, Tryphie, I
thought we had settled him, and now you bring him up again like an evil
spirit in a play. I tell you what it is, if somebody does not shoot
that great moustached scoundrel, I will."
"What, such a handsome, gentlemanly man?" said Tryphie, sarcastically.
"Handsome? Gentlemanly? The narrow-minded scoundrel! Look here,
Tryphie, a man may do worse things than smoke cigars and play billiards.
Damme, I can say I never caused a woman the heartache, or deceived my
friend."
"Are you sure, Tom?" said Tryphie, looking up at him with a melancholy
droll expression upon her countenance.
"Tryphie!" he cried, running to her, and catching her hand.
"Get along, you silly boy," she cried, laughing; and he turned away with
a look of annoyance, but Maude caught his arm.
"Tom, dear," she said, laying her head upon his shoulder, "come what
may, you will always think kindly of me."
"Why of course, my dear," he said, "always. I shall think of you as the
dearest and best of sisters, who always stuck up for me, and kept
herself poor by lending me--no, hang it, I won't be a humbug--giving me
nearly all her allowance. Maude, old girl: I'm afraid we young fellows
are terribly selfish beasts. Look here," he cried, excitedly, to hide
the tears that would come into his eyes, "I tell you what; I can get
half a dozen fellows together who'll help me burke old Wilters if you'll
say the word."
"Don't be foolish, Tom dear," sighed Maude. "I must go now to papa. I
want to stay with him all day. Thank you, dear Tom; be kind to him when
I'm gone."
"That I will, dear," he said; and, embracing him fondly, Maude hurried
away out of the room.
"Tom," said Tryphie, coming behind him as he stood, rather moist of eye,
gazing after her.
"Tryphie," he cried excitedly, facing round, "I feel such a scoundrel;
and as if I ought to put a stop to this cursed marriage. Here's a set
out: she detests him, that's evident; and if Charley Melton had been a
trump, hang me if he shouldn't have had her. Curse it all! her
ladyship's too bad. There, I can't stand it, and must be off. This
place chokes me--What were you going to say!"
"I was only going to say, Tom," she said, softly, "that I'm very sorry
I've behaved so unkindly to you sometimes, and snubbed you, and been so
spiteful."
"Don't say any more about it, Tryphie," said the little fellow, sadly.
"I'd forgive you a hundred times as much for being so good to the old
man. Good-bye, Tryphie, I'm off."
"But you'll come back for the wedding, Tom!"
"I'll be there, somethinged if I do," he said.
"What! See a second sister sold by auction?--Knocked down by my lady to
the highest bidder? No, that I won't. I can't, I tell you. Hang it
all, Tryphie, you chaff me till I feel sore right through sometimes.
I'm a little humbug of a fellow, but I've got some feeling."
"Yes, Tom," said Tryphie, looking at him strangely, though he did not
see it. "But I was going to say something else to you."
"Well, look sharp then," he said. "What is it!"
"Only, Tom, that I don't think I ever quite knew you before; and you
have pleased me so by what you said to poor Maude."
"Tryphie!" he cried, with his eyes sparkling.
"Yes, Tom, dear," she said, looking up in his face. "Don't let aunt
marry me to any one."
"If I do!" he cried, clasping her in his arms, and her pretty little
rosebud of a mouth was turned up to his for the kiss that was placed
there, just as the drawing-room door opened, and her ladyship sailed in
to stand as if petrified.
"Lord Diphoos! Tryphie!" she cried in a deep contralto. "What are you
doing?"
"Kissing," said Tom. "It's done this way," and he imprinted half a
dozen more kisses upon Tryphie's frightened little face before she
struggled from him, and ran out by another door.
"Have the goodness, sir, to ring that bell," said her ladyship, laying
her hand upon her side, and tottering to an easy-chair. "I cannot talk
to you about your conduct now--your wickedness--your riot and
debauchery--my mind is too full of what is about to take place; but as
you are going away to-day, I must tell you that you can return here no
more until Tryphie is married. I will not have her head filled full of
wicked nonsense by so unprincipled a young man."
"Yes, I am a very bad one, mother," said Tom, quietly; "but don't make
yourself uncomfortable. I am not going away."
"Not going away?" shrieked her ladyship. "Ah, who is that?" she
continued, without turning her head.
"Robbins, my lady."
"Oh, Robbins, send Justine to me."
"Yes, my lady," said the butler, retiring.
"I'm going to stop and see Maude turned off, if old Wilters don't have a
paralytic stroke on his way to church."
"Tom!"
"Well, it's likely enough. He's only about forty, but he has lived
twice as fast as most fellows ever since he was fifteen, so that he's
quite sixty-five."
"I will not listen to your insults, sir. As your mother, I should at
least be spared."
"Oh, ah, of course," said Tom, "duty to grey hairs and that sort of
thing--Beg pardon though; I see they are not grey. I'm going to stop it
all out now, and I shan't go--and what's more, mamma," he cried, nursing
one of his little patent leather shoes as he lolled back, "if you are
cantankerous, hang me if I don't contrive that the governor has the full
run of the wine at the wedding breakfast, there."
"If you dare, Tom!" cried her ladyship. "Oh, Justine, my drops."
"Yes, milady," said that damsel. "Ah! bold, bad lil man," she added to
herself, as she glanced at Tom, who very rudely winked at her when she
closed the door after Lord Barmouth, who crept in and went timidly to an
easy-chair.
"Your drops!" said Tom. "Ha--ha--ha! why don't you take a liqueur of
brandy like a woman, and not drink that stuff."
"Tom," said her ladyship, "you are too coarse. You will break my heart
before you have done. Only to think of your conduct," she cried,
glancing at the chair in the farther room, where Lord Barmouth lay
apparently asleep, as being his safest course when there was trouble on
the way, "that too of your dozy, dilatory father, when one of you might
make a position in Parliament, the other a most brilliant match."
"Why, you don't want the old man to take another wife, do you?" said
Tom. "I say, dad! Here, I say: wake up."
"Silence, sir, how dare you!" exclaimed his mother. "You wicked,
offensive boy. I was, for your benefit, trying to point out to you how
you might gain for yourself a first-rate establishment, when you
interrupted me with your ribald jests."
"Hang the establishment!" said Tom; "any one would think you were always
getting your children into trade. I shall marry little Tryphie, if
she'll have me. I'm not going to marry for money. Pretty sort of a
fellow I look for making a brilliant match, don't I?"
"Oh, Tom, Tom, Tom," said her ladyship, bursting into tears, "you will
break your poor mother's heart."
"Not I," said Tom, cynically; "it's not one of the heart-breaking sort.
But I say, you've made Diana miserable, and Maude half crazy, and now I
hope you are happy. Tell you what, I shouldn't be at all surprised now
if it's through you that Charley Melton is going to the bad. If so,
you've done it and no mistake."
"I am surprised that your father allows you to talk to me like this,"
said her ladyship. "I never knew a son so wanting in respect."
"Dad's asleep; don't wake him," said Tom; "the old man's about tired
out."
A snore from the easy-chair endorsed Tom's words, and he sat smiling at
his mother, knowing from old experience that she would not go away till
he had done criticising her conduct in his rough and ready style.
"I shudder when I think of poor Maude's escape," said her ladyship.
"Nothing could be more disgraceful than that young man's conduct. He
sees at last though that he cannot marry Maude, and that it would be
little short of a crime, so he--"
"Stands out of it," said Tom. "Hang me if I would, if any one was to
try to cut in after Tryphie."
"Once for all, Tom," said her ladyship, "I desire that you cease that
nonsensical talk about your cousin. Tryphie will marry when I select a
husband for her."
"Oh, of course!" said Tom; "but look here--two can play at that game."
"Will you have the goodness to explain what you mean, sir?"
"Yes," said Tom, taking out and counting his money. "Let me see,--about
two pounds ten, I should say. I dare say old Wilters would lend me a
fiver, if I asked him."
"Tom," cried her ladyship, excitedly, "if you dared to do such a thing I
should never survive the disgrace. For my sake don't ask him--at all
events not yet. There, there," she cried hastily, "there's a five-pound
note. Now, my dear boy, for your mother's and sister's sake, do not do
anything foolish for twenty-four hours. Only twenty-four hours, I
implore you."
"Thankye," said Tom, taking the note and crumpling it up, as he stuffed
it into his trousers pocket. "All right, then: I'll wait twenty-four
hours."
"What--what do you want the money for?" said her ladyship, adopting now
the _tremolo_ stop to play her son, as the _furioso_ had proved so
futile.
"I'm going to buy a revolver," said Tom, kicking up one leg as if he
were dancing a child upon it.
"A revolver, Tom? You are not going to do anything rash--anything
foolish?"
"What! Operate on myself? Not such a fool. I'd sweep a crossing to
live, not blow my brains out if I were what people call ruined. I'm
philosopher enough, mother, to know the value of life. Do you wish to
know what I want that revolver for?"
"Yes," said her ladyship, faintly; "but pray mind that your poor papa
does not get hold of it."
"Oh, yes," said Tom. "Well, mother, I'm going to stick up a lot of
playing cards in my bedroom, and practice at the spots till I'm a dead
shot."
"Great Heavens, Tom! what for?"
"So as to be able to make it warm for the man who comes after Tryphie.
Ah, Justine, got the drops? Why, you grow handsomer than ever."
"Go, impudent little man," said Justine, shaking her head at him, and
then running to her ladyship, who was lying back with closed eyes. "Ah,
poor, dear milady, you are ill."
"My drops, Justine, my drops," sighed her ladyship. "Ah, Justine, what
comfort you are to me in my sorrows. My good Justine, never pray to be
a mother;" and she showed her best teeth in a pensive smile of sadness
by way of recompense for the attention.
"_Ma foi_! no, milady, I never will," said Justine, turning very French
for the moment, and her ladyship's drops produced more tears.
Tom "made a face" at the maid while her ladyship's eyes were buried in
her scented handkerchief, and Justine gave him a Parisian smile as he
rose, winked once more, and left the room.
Then Lady Barmouth took up her lament once more.
"Ah! Justine, when the gangrene of the wounds in my poor heart has been
cicatrised over, I may perhaps breathe forgiveness into the ears of my
children; but now--oh now--"
"Ah, poor milady! what you do suffer," said the sympathising Justine;
"you make me so much to think of that poor Job, only he was a great lord
and not a lady, and you have not the boil."
"My poor Justine," sighed her ladyship, as she smiled patronisingly at
the innocence of her handmaiden, "there are moral and social boils as
well as those external, and when I sit here alone, forsaken by my
children--by my husband--by all who should be dear, left alone to the
tender sympathies of an alien who is all probity and truth--"
"Yes, poor milady, I suffer for you," said Justine.
"Thanks, good Justine, you faithful creature," said her ladyship,
sighing; "I could not exist if it were not for you."
And Justine said to herself maliciously, "I am what that wicked young
man calls a hom-bogues."