Charley Melton made up his mind that he would behave honourably, and he
called several times more at Portland Place, till it became evident that
there was no prospect of his being admitted. He saw the carriage twice
in the Park, and bowed, to obtain a cold recognition from her ladyship
the first time, the cut direct from her the second time, and an agonised
look from Maude.
"That's the second time this week," he muttered angrily; "I must end
this." He stopped short, leaning over the rails and watching the
carriage as it was pulled up, and a fashionably-dressed gentleman went
to the door and stood talking for some considerable time.
"My rival, I suppose. Sir Grantley Wilters, then, is to be the happy
man? Here, come along, Joby, it is time to take to stratagem. I wonder
what has become of Tom?"
The next day a special message was sent to that medical attendant,
Doctor Todd, Lady Barmouth imploring him to come directly, as Maude was
so ill that she was growing uneasy.
"Humph!" said the doctor, "poor girl. But she must wait her turn."
He hurried through his interviews with his regular patients, and reached
Portland Place just as lunch was going in; but it was put back while
Lady Barmouth took him into the drawing-room, where Maude was seated.
"Ah, my dear!" he exclaimed, in his cheery way. "Why, I say, what's the
matter?"
He sat talking to her for some little time, wrote a prescription, and
then rose.
"There, Lady Barmouth," he said; "that is all I can do. Give her change
_and_ peace of mind, and she will soon be well."
"Indeed, doctor," cried her ladyship, "she shall have everything she can
wish for. As to peace of mind, why what is there to disturb it? It is
our peace of mind that suffers. Poor Sir Grantley Wilters is half
distracted about her."
"Is he?" said the doctor, bluntly. "Why, what has it got to do with
him?"
"Hush, doctor! Fie!" exclaimed her ladyship, smiling. "There, you are
making somebody blush. It is too bad."
Maude darted an indignant glance at her mother, and with flaming cheeks
and eyes full of tears left the room.
"Poor girl, she is so hysterical," said her ladyship. "Ah, these young
girls, these young girls! Of course you will stay lunch, doctor?"
"Yes," he said shortly, "I intended to. I'm precious hungry, and you've
put me out of my usual course."
"I'm so sorry," said her ladyship; "but it was very good of you to
come," as the door opened and the earl came toddling into the room.
"Ah, doctor," he said, "doosed glad to see you. Did you hear my leg was
threatening again?"
"No," said the doctor, shaking hands. "We must have a consultation."
"And forbid so many good things, doctor," said her ladyship, with
asperity.
"But, my dear, I--I--I'm pretty nearly starved; it's poverty of blood,
I'm sure."
"Well, come and have a good lunch," said the doctor. "I'll see that you
have nothing to disagree with you."
"Thank you, doctor, thank you," said the old gentleman, as the gong
began to sound and they went down, Tryphie and Tom coming out of another
room--Maude joining them, looking now quite composed.
"I remember when I was a boy," said Lord Barmouth, suddenly.
"Yes, my love," said her ladyship, stiffly; "but you've told us that
before."
"Have I, my dear?" said his lordship, looking troubled, and then there
was a little pause.
"I may have a glass of hock, may I not, doctor?" said the old man, as
the luncheon went on.
"Eh? Yes.--I say, what's your name, bring me the hock, some seltzer and
a glass," said the doctor to Robbins. "Yes, my dear," he continued to
Tryphie, "I would rather any day go to the Tyrol than along the beaten
track through the Alps."
The butler brought the hock and seltzer, and a large tumbler, into which
such a liberal portion of wine was poured that Lady Barmouth looked
horrified, and the old gentleman chuckled and squeezed Maude's hand
under the table.
"Is not that too much, doctor?" whispered her ladyship.
"Eh? Much? oh no. Do him good," said the doctor, filling up the glass
with seltzer. "There, take that to his lordship."
"I say, father," said Tom, giving her ladyship a mocking smile, "I
watched the quantities. I'll mix your hock for you in future."
The luncheon went on, the doctor chatting merrily, while his lordship
became, under the influence of so strong a dose of medicine, quite
garrulous.
"I say, doctor," he said, chuckling, "did--did you hear that deuced good
story about Lady Grace Moray?"
"No," said the doctor; "what was it?"
"Capital story, and quite true--he he, he!" chuckled the old gentleman.
"She--she--she--begad, she was disappointed of one fellow, and--and--
and, damme if she didn't run off with the butler."
"Barmouth!" exclaimed her ladyship, austerely, "I am glad that the
servants are not in the room."
"It's--it's--it's a fact, my dear," said the old gentleman, wiping his
eyes. "Bolted with him, she did, and--and--and, damme, I forget how it
all ended. I say, Tom, my boy, how--how--how the doose did that affair
end?"
"Got married and made a fool of herself," said Tom sharply.
"Do people always make fools of themselves who marry, Tom?" said Tryphie
in a low voice.
"Always," he whispered back, "if they marry people chosen for them in
place of those they love."
"I must request, Barmouth, my dear, that you do not tell such stories as
that. They are loathsome and repulsive. Lady Grace Moray comes of a
very low type of family. Her grandfather married a butterman's
daughter, or something of that kind. They have no breeding."
"I--I--I think I left my handkerchief in the drawing-room," said his
lordship, rising.
"Why not ring, my love?" said her ladyship.
"No, no, no, I would rather fetch it myself," said his lordship, who
left the room, went up two or three stairs, stopped, listened, and then
toddled back to where, on a tray, the remains of a tongue stood in
company with an empty vegetable dish or two.
There was a great piece, too, of the point quite six inches long lying
detached, for the doctor's arm was vigorous, and he had cut the tongue
quite through. Such a chance was not offered every day, and it would
not only make a couple or three pleasant snacks when his lordship was
hungry, but it would keep.
He listened: all was still, and, cautiously advancing, he secured the
piece of dry firm tongue. Then he started as if electrified. Robbins'
cough was heard on the stairs, and his lordship dabbed the delicacy away
in the handiest place, and turned towards the door as the butler
appeared in the hall.
"What game's he up to now?" said Robbins to himself, as, with his memory
reminding him of the trouble he had had to sponge and brush the tails of
the old gentleman's dress coats, which used to be found matted with
gummy gravies and sauces, so that the pocket linings had had to be
several times replaced, he opened the dining-room door.
"I--I--I think I left my handkerchief upstairs Robbins," said his
lordship humbly; and he toddled in again and retook his place.
The luncheon ended, the party rose and stood chatting about the room,
while the doctor was in earnest conversation with Maude and her
ladyship.
"Nothing at all," he said firmly, "but low spirits from mental causes,
and these are matters for which mothers and fathers must prescribe."
"It's--it's--doosed hard to be so short of money," said his lordship to
himself as he was left alone; and then thinking of the tongue, he tried
to get to the door, but a look from her ladyship sent him back. "It's--
it's--doosed hard. I shall have to go to little Tryphie again. He, he,
he! her ladyship don't know," he chuckled, "I've--I've left her five
thousand in my will, bless her. I wish she'd buy me some more Bath
buns."
He crossed to where the bright little girl was standing, and she
advanced to him directly.
"Can you lend me another five shillings, Tryphie?" he whispered.
"Yes, uncle," she replied, nodding and smiling. "I'll get it and put it
under the china dog on the right hand cabinet."
"That's right, my dear; it's--it's--it's so doosed awkward to be so
short, and I don't like to ask her ladyship."
"Well, I must go," said the doctor loudly. "Good-bye all. Good-bye, my
dear," he continued to Maude. Then he pinched Tryphie's cheek, shook
hands with the old man and was gone.
"So clever," sighed her ladyship, "that we look over his rough,
eccentric ways. I believe that I should not have been here now if it
had not been for his skill."
"Then damn the doctor," said Tom to himself, for he was in a very
unfilial mood.
"Oh, by the way," said the gentleman spoken of, as he came hurriedly
back, sending the door open so that it banged upon a chair, "Lady Maude,
my dear, you are only to take that medicine when you feel low."
As he spoke he hitched on his light overcoat that he had partly donned
in the hall, and then, fishing in one of the pockets for his gloves, he
brought out a piece of tongue.
"Oh, bless my soul!" muttered his lordship; and he toddled towards the
window.
"What the dickens is this?" cried the doctor, holding out his find, and
putting up his double eye-glass. "Tongue, by jingo! Is this one of
your tricks, my Lord Tom?"
"No," roared Tom, as he burst out laughing, and followed his father to
the window, where the old gentleman was nervously gazing forth.
"I'm so sorry," said her ladyship, quivering with indignation. "It must
have been one of the servants, or the cat."
"Well," said the doctor, solemnly, "I'll swear I didn't steal it. I
might perhaps have pocketed something good, but I hadn't got this coat
on."
"Pray say no more, doctor," said her ladyship. "Robbins, bring a plate
and take this away."
"Yes, my lady," said the butler, who was waiting in the hall to show the
doctor out; and he made matters worse by advancing with a stately march,
taking a plate and silver fork from the sideboard, removed the piece of
tongue from the doctor's fingers with the fork; and then deftly
thrusting it off with his thumb on to the plate, he marched out with it,
the ladies all bursting into busy conversation to cover his retreat.
Then the doctor went, and a general ascent towards the drawing-room was
commenced, his lordship hanging back, and Tom stopping to try and avert
the storm.
"Such idiotic--such disgraceful proceedings, Barmouth," exclaimed her
ladyship, closing the dining-room door.
"There, that will do, mother," said Tom, quietly. "Lookers-on see most
of the game."
"What do you mean, sir?" said her ladyship.
"Why this," said Tom, savagely. "There, don't faint; because if you do
I shan't stop and attend you."
"If I only dared to face her like my son Tom," said his lordship to
himself; "damme, he's as brave as a little lion, my son Tom."
"Sir, your language is most disgraceful," said her ladyship, haughtily.
"That's what all people think when something is said that they don't
like. Now look here, mother; I don't mean to stand by any more and see
the old man bullied."
"Bless him, I am proud of that boy," thought his lordship. "Damme, he's
little, but he's a man."
"Diphoos!" cried her ladyship.
"I don't say it was not stupid of the gov'nor to go and take that piece
of tongue, and put it in the wrong pocket."
"But, my dear boy, I--"
"Hold your tongue, gov'nor," cried Tom. "It was stupid and idiotic of
him perhaps, but not one half so stupid and idiotic as some things I see
done here."
"Tom, I do not know what you mean," cried her ladyship.
"Well, I mean this. It was idiotic to marry Di to liver-pill Goole, as
they call him; and ten times more idiotic to encourage that racing cad,
Captain Bellman, here; while it was madness to cut Charley Melton
adrift, and try to bring things to an understanding between Maude and
that hospital dummy, Wilters."
"Your language, sir, is frightful," cried her ladyship, whose voice was
rising in spite of herself. "Hospital dummy!"
"So he is; I could drive my fist right through his tottering carcase.
He's only fit to stuff and put in a glass case as a warning to young
men."
"I wish--I wish--I wish I could pat him on the back," muttered Lord
Barmouth. "He's brave as a lion."
"Sir Grantley Wilters has my consent to pay his addresses to your
sister," said her ladyship with dignity; "and as for your disgusting
remarks about Captain Bellman, he comes here with my consent to see your
cousin Tryphie, for whom he will be an excellent _parti_."
"_Parti_--funeral party. An excellent corpse," cried Tom in a rage,
"for, damme, I'll shoot him on his wedding morning before he shall have
her."
"You will have to leave home, sir, and live in chambers," said her
ladyship. "You grow too low for society."
"What, and let you have your own way here, mother! No, hang it, that
you shan't. You may stop my allowance, but I stop here; so don't look
blank, dad."
"Don't speak angrily to your mamma, my dear boy," said Lord Barmouth.
"All right, gov'nor."
"As to your friend and companion, whom you brought to this house, and
who pretended, like an impostor as he is, to have good expectations--"
"He never did anything of the kind," said Tom. "He always said he
hadn't a rap."
"Such a person ought never to have been brought near your sweet,
pure-minded sisters," continued her ladyship; "I found out that he was
an impostor, and now I hear that he gambles and is in debt."
"Who told you that?" roared Tom.
"Never mind."
"But I insist on knowing."
"Hush, hush, my boy," said his lordship, twitching Tom's coat.
"Be quiet, gov'nor. Who told you that, mamma?" cried Tom.
"I heard it from good authority," said her ladyship as Lord Barmouth
beat a retreat.
"Then good authority is a confounded liar," cried Tom, as her ladyship
sailed out of the room, and after he had cooled down a little and looked
round, he found his lordship had gone.
Tom went into the cloak-room, where he came upon his father sitting on a
box, busily spreading a biscuit with some mysterious condiment which he
dug out of a pot with a paper-knife.
"Poor old Charley," said Tom, not heeding his father's occupation, "he's
the soul of honour--a regular trump. Look here, gov'nor," he cried,
turning sharply on the old gentleman and making him jump.
"Don't you bully me too, my dear boy," said the old man, trembling. "I
can't bear it!"
"I'm not going to bully you, gov'nor," cried Tom, laying his hands on
the old man's shoulders affectionately; "but are you going to stand up
for your rights or are you not? Look here--that tongue!"
"Yes, my boy, I did take it--I own it. I thought I might be hungry
to-morrow, I have such a dreadful appetite, my boy."
"Then why not ring and order that pompous old fizzle Robbins to bring
you up something to eat?"
"I daren't, my dear boy, I daren't. Her ladyship has given such strict
orders to the servants, and I feel so humiliated when they refuse me."
"Of course you do, gov'nor. Then why don't you go down to the club?"
"I can't Tom, my boy. There's no credit there, and her ladyship keeps
me so horribly short of money."
"It's too bad; but come, gov'nor. I'm not afraid of mamma, and I'm not
nearly so big as you are."
"But, my boy," whimpered the old man? with a piteous look upon his face,
"I look bigger than I am, but it isn't all real: there's a deal of
padding, Tom, and that's no good. That tailor fellow said I must have a
lot of filling out."
He drew out his pocket-handkerchief to wipe away a weak tear, while Tom
looked at him, half sorry, half amused, laughing at length outright as
the poor old man smeared something brown and sticky across his face.
"Why, gov'nor!" he cried reproachfully, as something round and brown and
flat fell upon the carpet.
"It's only a veal cutlet, my son," said the old man, piteously, as he
stooped and picked it up before wiping his face. "You see I didn't know
then that I should get the piece of tongue."
"Oh, gov'nor, gov'nor!" cried Tom.
"Don't scold me, my dear boy," pleaded the old man. "I am so padded
out. There's much less of me when my coat's off. But I'm nothing to
what your dear mamma is. Really the way she makes up is a gross
imposture. If you only knew what I know, Tom, you'd be astonished."
"I know quite enough," growled Tom, "and wouldn't care if she were not
so false inside."
"Don't say that, Tom, my boy. She's a wonderful woman, and means all
for the best."
"But, my dear old gov'nor," said Tom, "this is all so very weak of you."
"Well, it is, my boy."
"You must pluck up, or we shall be ruined," continued Tom, taking up a
napkin and removing a little tomato sauce from his parent's brow.
"No, my boy--no, my boy, don't say that; but I can't bear to ask her
ladyship for money. It does make her so cross."
"It isn't pleasant," said Tom; "but there, you go up in the
drawing-room, and watch over Maude like a lion; I don't want to see her
made miserable."
"I will, Tom, my boy, I will."
"And I say, gov'nor, you will stick up?"
"Yes, Tom, my boy, yes," said the old man. "There, you shall see.
Going out?"
"Yes, gov'nor, I want to hunt out Charley Melton. I haven't see him for
an age. He's always away somewhere."
"Give my kind regards, Tom. He's a fine fellow--Damme, I like Charley.
But I'm afraid he thinks me very weak."
"Nonsense, dad," cried Tom; "but, I say, what's that in your pocket?"
"Oh, nothing, my son, nothing," said the old man, in a confused way, as
Tom pounced upon his pocket and dragged out something in a handkerchief.
"Why bless my soul," he cried, in a surprised tone of voice, as he
raised his glasses to his eyes, "if it isn't a patty."
"Yes, gov'nor, and you've been sitting on it. Now, I say, old fellow,
that is weak. Pah! why it smells of eau-de-Cologne from your
handkerchief. You couldn't eat that."
"I'm afraid I couldn't, my dear boy," said the old gentleman, wrinkling
up his forehead.
"Gov'nor, you're incorrigible," cried Tom. "Only this morning Joseph
told me in confidence that you had borrowed five shillings of him, and I
had to give it him back, leaving myself without a shilling. Hang me, if
you do such things as this again, if I don't tell the old lady."
"No, no, my boy, pray don't," said the old gentleman, anxiously, "and
I'll never do so any more."
"Till the very next time," said Tom, sharply. "Gov'nor, you're afraid
of the servants, and you are always stealing something."
"I--I--I am a little afraid of Robbins," faltered the old man gently;
"and that big footman Joseph rather looks at me; but, Tom, my boy, it
ought not to be stealing for me to take my own things."
"Well, I suppose not, gov'nor; but it really is absurd to see you send a
chicken bone flying across a drawing-room when you take out your
handkerchief and your coat-tails stiff with gravy."
"It is, my son," said the old man, hastily; "but about Charley Melton.
I like him, Tom."
"And so do I, father.--He's my friend, and I'll stick to him too."
He said the latter words in the hall, as he put on his hat and took his
cane, paused to light a very strong cigar of the kind her ladyship
detested to smell in the house, and then, with his hat cocked defiantly
on one side, sallied out, looking so small in Great Portland Place that
he seemed lost.
As the door closed upon him, Lord Barmouth came out of the lavatory, and
met Robbins the butler and a footman coming to clear away the lunch
things.
Lord Barmouth looked up and down, and then took the pompous butler by
the button.
"Robbins," he said, "if her ladyship does not object, I shall not wear
my second dress suit any more."
"Thank you, my lord," said the butler with solemn dignity.
"And, Robbins," added his lordship, in a hurried whisper, "what did you
do with that piece of tongue?"
"Took it down into the kitchen, my lord."
"Ask Mrs Downes to give it back to you, Robbins--for me."
"Yes, my lord."
"Wrap it up in paper, Robbins."
"Yes, my lord."
"And by the way, Robbins," continued the old gentleman, after a sharp
look round, like a sparrow in fear of cats, "could you oblige me with
five pounds?"
"Well really, my lord--you see you owe me--"
"Sixty-five, Robbins."
"And interest, my lord."
"Of course, Robbins, of course; and you shall have it all back; but you
see, Robbins, it is not always easy to lay one's hands on a few pounds
to give to my son. You know it is quite safe."
"Oh, of course, my lord."
"I don't like to be so situated that I cannot oblige him with a
sovereign now and then."
"Of course not, my lord. Will your lordship be good enough to write me
an I.O.U.?"
"Certainly, Robbins, certainly. There--there--that's it. I.O.U. five
pounds--Barmouth. Thank you, Robbins; you are a most valuable servant."
"Thank you, my lord."
"I've put you down for something handsome in my will, Robbins, so that
if I should die some day, as I probably shall, you'll burn these
I.O.U.s, Robbins, and pay yourself out of what I've left."
"Certainly, my lord; but suppose--"
"The will is disputed? Oh no, Robbins, I can do what I like with my
money then, and I shall not be ungrateful."
The old man took the five pounds and went off, chuckling with delight at
being able to supply Tom with a little hard cash next time that
gentleman was short, which would be next day; while the butler said
something to himself which sounded like--
"Poor old magpie. Well, he ain't a bad sort, and that's more than you
can say of the dragon."