"You have heard of doubles, of course, Professor?" said Chichester,
leaning his arms on the table and putting his hands one against the
other, as if making a physical effort to be very calm.
"Of course. There was an account of one in that sermon of yours."
"Have you ever seen a double?"
"No; not to my knowledge."
"I suppose you disbelieve in them?"
"I have no reason to believe in them. I have not collected enough
evidence to convince me that there are such manifestations."
"You know a double at this moment."
"Do I, indeed? And may I ask the manifestation's name?"
"Marcus Harding."
"Marcus Harding is a double, you say. Whose?"
"Mine," said Chichester in a low voice.
He clasped and unclasped his hands.
"I don't understand you," said Stepton, rather disdainfully.
"I will try to make you." And Chichester began to speak, at first in a
low, level voice. "That sermon of mine," he said, "was a sort of shadow
of a truth that I wanted to reveal,--that I dared not fully reveal.
Already I had tried to tell Evelyn Malling something of it. I had failed.
When the moment came, when Malling was actually before me, I could not
speak out. His mind was trying to track the truth that was in me. He
got, as it were, upon the trail. Once he even struck into the truth. Then
he went away to Marcus Harding. I remained in London. When I knew that
those two were together I felt a sort of jealous fear of Malling. For
there was pity in him. Despite his intense curiosity he had a capacity
for pity. I realized that it might possibly interfere with--with
something that I was doing. And I recalled Marcus Harding to London.
From that moment I have avoided Malling. I could never tell him. But you,
hard searcher after truth as you are--you could never find it in you to
drag away another from the contemplation of truth. Could you? Could you?"
"Probably not," said Stepton. "I usually let folks alone even when
they're glaring at falsehood. Ha!"
He settled himself in his chair, looking sidewise toward Chichester.
"You, like every one else, have noticed the tremendous change in Marcus
Harding," Chichester went on. "That change, the whole of that change, is
solely owing to me."
"Very glad to have your explanation of that."
"I am going to give it you. The beginning of that change came about
through the action of Marcus Harding. He wished for facts that are,
perhaps,--indeed, probably,--withheld deliberately from the cognizance
of man. You have sneered at those who live by faith, you have sneered at
priests. Well, you can let that Marcus Harding go free of your sarcasm.
Although a clergyman he was not a faithful man. And he wanted facts to
convince him that there was a life beyond the grave. Henry Chichester--"
"You! You!" interjected Stepton, harshly.
"I, then, came into his life. He thought he would use me to further his
purpose. He constrained me to sittings such as you have often taken part
in, with a view to sending me into a trance and employing me, when in
that condition, as a means of communication with the other world--if
there was one. We sat secretly in this room, at this table."
"You need not give me ordinary details of your sittings," said the
professor. "I am familiar with them, of course."
"Henry Chichester--"
"You! You! Don't complicate matters!"
"I never was entranced; but presently I felt myself changing subtly."
"People very often imagine they are developing into something wonderful
at séances. Nothing new in that."
"Please try to realize the facts of my case without assuming that it
resembles a thousand others. I believe, I feel sure, that it resembles no
other case that has come under your observation. To grasp it you must
grasp the characters of two men, Marcus Harding as he was--and myself,
as I was."
"Put them before me, then."
"That Marcus Harding you knew. He was the type of the man who, sublimely
self-confident, imposes his view of himself upon other men and especially
upon women. He had strength--strength of body and strength of mind. And
he had the strength which a devouring ambition sheds through a man. A
fine type of the worldly clergyman he was, of the ardent climber up
the ladder of preferment. To him the church was a career, and he meant
to succeed in it. If he had to begin as a curate he meant to end as a
bishop, perhaps as an archbishop. And he had will to help him, and
vitality to help him, and the sort of talent that brings quick notice
on a man. And he had also a woman to help him, his wife, Lady Sophia.
He chose well when he chose her for his helpmate, though he may not think
so now. He should have been content with what he had. But he wanted more,
and he thought he might perhaps get what he wanted through me. Marcus
Harding was a full-blooded type of the clerical autocrat. I once was an
equally complete type of the clerical slave--slave to conscience, slave
to humble-mindedness, slave to my rector as soon as I knew him.
"St. Francis of Assisi was the character I worshiped. I strove after
simple goodness. I desired no glories of this world, no praises of men.
I did not wish to be clever or to shine, but only to do my duty to my
fellow-men, and so toward God. When I was first to make the acquaintance
of Marcus Harding, with a view to becoming his senior curate if he
thought fit, I felt some alarm. I had heard so much of his great energy
and his remarkable talents. The day came. I paid my visit to Onslow
Gardens. For the first time I saw--" Chichester paused. His face became
distorted. He turned toward the window as if anxious to hide his face
from the professor's small, keen eyes. "I saw--that man," he continued,
in a withdrawn and husky voice, and still looking away.
Stepton sat motionless and silent, sidewise, with his arms hanging.
Chichester, after another long pause, again faced him.
"My very first impression was unfavorable. I attributed this to his
great size, which had startled me. I now know I was wrong in thinking
I took that impression from the outer man. It was the inner man who in
that moment announced himself to me. But almost instantly he had surely
withdrawn himself very far away, and I, then, had no means of following
him. So he escaped from me, and I fell under the influence that Marcus
Harding was able to exert at will.
"I was dominated. Buoyancy, life, energy, self-confidence, radiated from
that man. He steeped me in his vigor. He seemed kind, cordial. He won my
heart. My intellect, of course, was dazzled. But--he won my heart. And I
felt not only, 'Here is a man far greater than myself to whom I can look
up,' but also, 'Here is a man to whom I must look up, because he is far
better than myself.' At that interview it was settled that I should
become senior curate at St. Joseph's.
"As you know, I became, and still am, senior curate. As I grew to know
Marcus Harding better I admired him more. In fact, my feeling for him
was something greater than admiration. I almost worshiped him. His will
was law to me in everything. His slightest wish I regarded as a behest.
His talents amazed me. But I thought him not only the cleverest, but the
best of men. It seemed to me right that such a man should be autocratic.
A beneficent autocracy became my ideal of government. That my rector's
will should be law to his wife, his servants, his curates, his organist,
his choir, to those attached to his schools, to those who benefited by
the charities he organized, seemed to me more than right and proper. I
could have wished to see it law to all the world. If any one ventured
to question any decision of his, or to speak a word against him, I felt
almost hot with anger. In a word, I was at his feet, as the small and
humble-minded man often is at the feet of the man who has talents and
who is gifted with ambition and supreme self-confidence.
"For a long time this condition of things continued, and I was happy in
it. Probably it might have continued till now, if--if that accursed idea
had not come to Marcus Harding."
Again Chichester paused. In speaking he had evidently become gradually
less aware of his companion's presence and personality. His subject
had gripped him. Memory had grown warm within him. He lived in the days
that were past.
"That accursed idea," he repeated slowly, "to use me as his tool in an
endeavor to break down the barrier which divides men from the other
world.
"As I told you, we began to sit secretly. Marcus Harding wished me to
fall into the entranced condition. I did not know this at first, so at
first I did not consciously resist his desire. He had told me a lie. He
had told me that he desired only one thing in our sittings, to give to
me something of the will power that made him a force in the world. He had
declared that this was possible. I believed him unquestioningly. I
thought he was trying to send some of his power into me. Soon I felt that
he was succeeding in this supposed endeavor. Soon I felt that a strange
new power was filtering into me."
Chichester fixed his eyes on Stepton as he said the last words, and
seemed to emerge from his former condition of self-absorption.
"You have sat often. Have you ever felt such a sensation? It is like
growth," he said.
"When one first begins to sit at séances, one is apt to imagine all sorts
of things in the darkness," returned Stepton. "I dare say I did, like
other folk."
"I understand," said Chichester, with a sort of strange condescension.
"You think I was merely the victim of absurdity. The sense of this coming
of power grew slowly, but steadily, within me. And presently it was
complicated by another development, which involved--or began to involve,
let me say at this point--my companion, Marcus Harding. I think I ought
to tell you that in beginning the sittings I had had certain doubts,
which were swept away by my admiration of, and faith in, my rector.
Hitherto I had always thought that our human knowledge was deliberately
limited by God, and that it was very wrong to strive to know too much.
The man of science no doubt believes that it is impossible to know too
much; but I have thought that many great truths are kept from us because
we are not yet in a condition properly to understand them. I had,
therefore, begun these practices with a certain tremor, and possibly a
certain feeling of resistance, in the depths of my soul. As I felt the
power coming to me I had put away my fears. They did not return. Yet
surely the new development within me, of which I now became aware, was
connected with those fears, however subtly. It was a sensation almost of
hostility directed against Marcus Harding."
"Ah, now!" ejaculated the professor, as if in despite of himself. "And
where's the connection you speak of?"
"Marcus Harding had constrained me to do a thing that in my soul I had
believed to be wrong and that had roused my fear. As power dawned in me,
directing itself upon everything about me, it was instinctively hostile
to him who had dominated me before I had any power, and who, by
dominating me, had for a moment made me afraid."
"Retrospective enmity! Very well!" muttered the professor. "I understand
you. Keep on!"
"This hostility--if I may call a feeling at first not very definite by
so definite a name--induced in me a critical attitude of mind. I found
myself, to my surprise, secretly criticizing the man whom till now I had
regarded as altogether beyond the reach of criticism. I felt that Marcus
Harding was giving me power. I was grateful to him for doing so; yet I
began to see him in a new, and at moments an unpleasant light. Presently,
after trying in vain to combat this novel sensation, which seemed to me
almost treacherous, almost disloyal, I sought about for a reason, to give
myself at least some justification for it. I sought, and one night it
seemed to me that I found.
"On that night I was more than ever aware that strength of some kind was
pouring into me. I had an almost heady sensation, such as one who drinks
a generous wine may experience. When we rose from the table I told my
rector so. He stared at me very strangely. Then he said: 'Good! Good!
Didn't I tell you I would give you some of my power?' He paused. Then he
added: 'It will come! It must come!' As he spoke the last words he
frowned, and all his face seemed to harden, as if he were making a
violent mental effort to which the body was obliged to respond. And at
that instant I was aware that the reason Marcus Harding had given to me
to persuade me to these sittings was not the true one, that his purpose
was quite other than that which I had hitherto supposed it to be. I was
suddenly aware of this, and I thought: 'I must already have been aware of
it subconsciously, and that accounts for my sensation of hostility toward
the rector.' A lie had been told to me. My new self-confidence resented
this; and I said to myself, 'If Marcus Harding can tell a lie to me, who
almost worshiped him, he must be an arrant hypocrite.'
"We sat again, and again I knew that there was something in the mind
of my companion which he concealed from me, something to which I should
strongly object if I knew what it was, something which troubled the
atmosphere, the mental atmosphere, of the sitting. Instead of being
in accord, we were engaged in a silent, but violent, struggle. I was
determined not to be overcome. A sort of fierce desire for tyranny
sprang up in me. I longed to see Marcus Harding at my feet.
"Again and again we sat. My hostile feeling grew. My critical feeling
grew. My longing to tyrannize increased, till I was almost afraid of it,
so cruel did I feel it to be. 'Down! Down under my feet!' That was what
my soul was secretly saying now to the man whose will had been as law to
me. And one night, as if he heard that ugly voice of my soul, he abruptly
got up from the table and said: 'It seems to me that you and I are not
_en rapport_. It seems to me that no more good can come of these
sittings. We had better not sit again."
"We must sit again," I replied.
"Marcus Harding turned scarlet with anger. He looked at me. He opened his
lips to speak. I let him speak. I even argued the question with him. I
pointed out to him that his only design--the only design acknowledged by
him, at any rate, in beginning these practices--had been to give me
strength such as, he had declared to me, he himself had drawn while at
Oxford from a Hindu comrade. In carrying out this design, I now told him,
he was being successful. I felt that I was growing in power of will, in
self-confidence. How, then, could he refuse to continue when success was
already in sight? 'Unless,' I concluded, 'you had some other design in
persuading me to sit, which I did in the first instance against my
secret desire, and you feel that there is now no probability of carrying
that design into effect.'
"He gave in. I had him beaten. Hastily he muttered a good-night and left
me. I let him out into the night. As soon as the street door had shut on
him I ran upstairs. I went to that window,--" Chichester flung out his
hand--"pushed it up, leaned out, and watched him down the street. I saw
him pass under a gas-lamp and I said to myself: 'You have submitted to my
will, and you shall submit again. I am the master now.'
"In that moment all the domination which I had so joyously endured, which
I had even surely reveled in,--for there are those who can revel in their
slavery,--abruptly became in my mind a reason for revenge. Marcus Harding
disappeared in the night; but still I leaned out, staring down the way he
had gone, and thinking, 'You shall pay me back for it. You shall pay me
back.'
"From that night I made no effort to check the critical faculty, the
exercise of which at first had seemed to me a sort of treachery. And as
I let myself criticize, I saw more clearly. The scales fell from my eyes.
I realized that I had been nothing less than blind in regard to Marcus
Harding. I saw him now as he was, a victim of egomania, a worldling,
tyrannical, falsely sentimental, and unfaithful steward, a liar--perhaps
even an unbeliever. His whole desire--I knew it now--was not to be good,
but to be successful. His charity, his pity for the poor, his generosity,
his care for his church, for his schools--all was pretence. I saw Marcus
Harding as he was. And what followed?"
Chichester leaned forward to the professor.
"Fear followed," he said in a withdrawn voice.
"Fear!" said Stepton, clearing his throat with a loud, rasping noise.
"Whenever I was with Marcus Harding in any public place I was now
companioned by fear. I dreaded unspeakably lest others should begin to
see what I saw. When he preached, I could hardly sit to listen: I felt
as if any shame falling upon him would overwhelm me also. I strove in
vain to combat this strange, this, then, inexplicable sensation. With
every sitting this terror grew upon me. It tortured me. It obsessed me.
It drove me into action. When I was with my rector, I tried perpetually
to prevent him from exposing his true self to the world, by changing
the conversation, by attenuating his remarks, by covering up his actions
with my own, sometimes even by a brusque interruption. But in the pulpit
he escaped from me. I was forced to sit silent and to listen while he
preached doctrine in which he had no belief, and put forward theories
of salvation, redemption by faith, and the like, which meant less than
nothing to him. Finding this presently unendurable by me, I strove to
govern him mentally when he was in the pulpit, to track him, as it were,
with my mind, to head him off with my mind when he was beginning to take
the wrong path."
"Did you succeed in that effort?" interrupted the professor.
"I made an impression, a terrible impression, upon him. I almost broke
him down. I sapped his self-confidence. His power as a preacher deserted
him, as his power outside the pulpit deserted him. With every day I felt
that I saw more clearly into every recess, every cranny, of his mind and
nature. Just at first this frightfully clear sight was mine only when we
were sitting; but presently it was mine whenever I was with him. And he
knew it, and went in fear of me. Gradually, very gradually, it came about
that our former positions were reversed; for as he sank down in the human
scale, I mounted. As he lost in power, I gained. And especially in the
pulpit I felt that now I had force, that I could grip my hearers, could
make a mighty impression upon those with whom I was brought into contact.
"But I must tell you that now I gained no satisfaction from my own
improvement, if so it may be called. My whole life was vitiated by my
secret terror lest Marcus Harding should be found out, should ever be
known for what he was. His actions, and even his thoughts, affected me
with an intimacy that was inexplicable."
"You were in telepathic communication with him!" interjected Stepton.
"Call it so if you like. Often I felt what he was thinking, almost as if
each thought of his were a hand laid upon me--a hand from which I shrank
with an almost trembling repugnance. Sometimes when he thought something
contemptible or evil, I shrank as if from a blow.
"There was a link between us. Presently, soon, I knew it. We seemed in
some dreadful way to belong to each other, so that whatever was thought,
said, done by him, whatever happened to him, reacted upon me.
"At this time Lady Sophia Harding hated me with a deadly hatred. Formerly
she had been indifferent to me. Concentrated upon her husband, adoring
him, vain of him, greedily ambitious for his advancement, she had had no
time to bestow on a clerical nonentity. But as I grew to understand
what her husband really was she grew to hate me. She was almost rude to
me. She spoke ill of me behind my back. She even tried to oust me from my
position as senior curate of St. Joseph's. Why did not she succeed? Are
you thinking that?"
"Well, what if I was?" snapped the professor, moving in his chair.
"Marcus Harding could not make a move to get rid of me. There was a link
between us which he could not even try to break.
"One night--one night--I discovered what that link was."
It was growing dark in the room. The Rossetti Madonna, thin, anemic,
with hanging hair, seemed fading away on the somber, green wall. The
window-panes looked spectral and white. The faint murmur of the city
sounded a little deeper and much sadder than in the light of day.
Stepton was aware of a furtive but strong desire for artificial light in
the room, but he did not choose to mention it. And Chichester, whose
voice--so it seemed to his hearer--began to have that peculiar almost
alarming timbre which belongs to a voice speaking not for the ears of
another, but for the satisfaction only of the soul which it expresses,
continued his narrative, or confession, as if unaware of the dying of
day.
"During the day which preceded it I had been haunted by the thought of
myself doing what Marcus Harding could not do. Why should not I of my own
will leave St. Joseph's, get away from this dreadful contemplation which
obsessed me, from this continual anxiety--almost amounting to terror at
moments--which gnawed me? Why should not I break this mysterious link,
impalpable yet strong? If I did, should I not again find peace? But my
sittings with Marcus Harding would be at an end. Could I give them up?
I asked myself that, and I felt as if I could not. Through them, by means
of them, I felt as if I might attain to something wonderful--terrible
perhaps, but wonderful. I felt as if I were approaching the threshold of
absolute truth. A voice within me whispered, 'Go no further.' Was it the
voice of conscience? I did not heed it. Something irresistible urged me
forward. I thrust away from me with a sort of crude mental violence the
haunting thought. And when the darkness came I greeted it.
"For he came with the darkness."
On the wall opposite to the professor the thin Madonna faded away.
"As I heard his heavy step on the stairs that night I said to myself, 'At
all hazards I will see, I will know, more. I will see, I will know--all.'
When he entered at that door"--a thin darkness moved in the darkness as
Chichester pointed--"he was dreadfully white and looked sad, almost
terrified. He suggested that we should break through our plan and not
sit. I refused. He then said he wished to sit in light. I refused. He was
become my creature. He dared not disobey my desires! We placed our hands
on this table, not touching. I could no longer endure the touch of his
hand. We remained motionless. A long time passed. There were no rappings.
A strange deadness seemed to prevail in the room. Presently it faded
away, and I had the sensation that I was sitting quite alone.
"At first it seemed to me that my companion must have crept out of the
room silently, leaving me by myself in the darkness. I shuddered at the
thought that I was alone. But then I said to myself that Marcus Harding
must be there in the blackness opposite to me, and I moved my hands
furtively on the table, thinking to prove his presence to myself by
touch. I did not prove it. Suddenly I had no need to touch him in order
to know that he was there."
"Why not?" said the professor, and started at the sound of his own voice
in the little room.
"Something made me realize that he was still within the room.
Nevertheless, I felt that I was alone. How could that be? I asked myself
that question. This answer came as it were sluggishly into my mind, 'You
are alone not because Marcus Harding is away, but because Henry
Chichester is away.' For a long while I sat there stagnantly dwelling on
this knowledge which had come to me in the blackness. It was as if I knew
without understanding, as a man may know he is involved in a catastrophe
without realizing how it has affected his own fate. And then slowly there
came to me, or grew in me, an understanding of how I was alone. I was
alone with Marcus Harding at that moment because I was Marcus Harding. A
shutter seemed to slide back softly, and for the first time I, Marcus
Harding, stared upon myself out of the body of another man, of Henry
Chichester. I was alone with my soul double. Motionless, silent, I gazed
upon it. Now I understood why I had been tortured with anxiety lest
the world should learn to comprehend Marcus Harding as I comprehended
him. Now I understood why neither he nor I had been able to break that
mysterious link which our sittings had forged between us. I had been
trying ignorantly to protect myself, to conceal my own shortcomings, to
cover my own nakedness. I had sweated with fear lest my own truth should
be discovered by all those to whom for so many years I had been
presenting a lie. Yes, I had sweated with fear; but even then how little
I had known! A voice cried out suddenly, 'Turn on the light!' It was
the voice of my double. It seemed to awake, or to recall perhaps,--how
can I say?--Henry Chichester. I was aware of a shock; it seemed strongly
physical. I got up at once and turned the light on. Marcus Harding was
before me, trembling, ashen. 'What is it? What has happened?' he said in
a broken voice. I made no reply. He left me. I heard his step in the
street--out there!"
Chichester was silent. The professor said nothing for a moment, but
passed his tongue twice over his lips and swallowed, sighing immediately
afterward.
"Transferred personality!" he muttered--"transferred personality. Is that
what you'd have me believe?"
"I'll tell you the rest. When Marcus Harding's steps died away down the
street I remained here. Since that shock I have spoken of, I felt that I
was again Henry Chichester, changed, as I had long been changed--charged
with new force, new knowledge, new discrimination, new power over others,
gifted with a penetrating vision into the very soul of the man I had
worshiped, yet Henry Chichester. And as Henry Chichester I suffered; I
condemned myself. This I said to myself that night, 'I was determined to
see. I disregarded the voice within me which warned me that I was
treading a forbidden path. God has punished me. He has allowed me to see.
But this shall be the end. I will never sit again. I will give up my
curacy. I will leave St. Joseph's at once. Never more will I set eyes on
Marcus Harding.' I was in a condition of fierce excitement--"
"Ah, exactly," muttered the professor, almost as if consoled--"fierce
excitement!"
"I could not think of sleep. For a long time I remained in here,
sitting, standing, pacing, opening books; I scarcely know what I did
or did not do. At last a sensation of terrible exhaustion crept over me.
I undressed. I threw myself on my bed. I tried to sleep. I turned,
shifted, got up, let in more air, again lay down, lay resolutely still
in the dark, tried not to think. But always my mind dwelt on that matter.
In those few frightful moments what had become of myself, of Henry
Chichester? Had the powerful personality of that man whom once I had
almost worshiped thrust him away, submerged him, stricken him down in a
sort of deathlike trance? What I had seen I remembered now as Henry
Chichester. What I had known in those moments I still knew now as Henry
Chichester. In vain I revolved this matter in my feverish mind. It was
too much for me. I was in deep waters.
"I closed my eyes. The fatigue wrapped me more closely. Sleep at last was
surely drawing near. But suddenly I knew--how I cannot exactly say--that
once more the shutter was to be drawn back for me. This knowledge
resembled a horrible physical sensation. The entry of it into my mind, or
indeed into my very soul, was as the dawning of a dreadful and unnatural
pain in the body. This pain increased till it became agony. Although I
still lay motionless, I felt like one involved in a furious struggle in
which the whole sum of me took violent part. And there came to me the
simile of a man seized by tremendous hands, and held before a window
opening into a room in which something frightful was about to take place.
And the shutter slipped back from the window.
"Again I looked upon myself. That was my exact sensation. The shutter
drawn back, I assisted at the spectacle of Marcus Harding's life. And it
was my life. I knew with such frightful intimacy that my knowledge was as
vision. Therefore, I say, I saw. Not only my spirit seemed to be gazing,
but also my bodily eyes.
"I saw myself in the night slowly approaching my house in Onslow Gardens,
ashen pale, shaken, terrified. At a corner I passed a policeman. He knew
me and saluted me with respect. I made no gesture in response. He stared
at me in surprise. Then a smile came into his face--the smile of a man
who is suddenly able to think much less of another than he thought
before. I left him smiling thus, reached my house, and stood before it.
"Now I must tell you, and I rely absolutely on your regarding this as
said in the strictest, most inviolable confidence--"
"Certainly. Word of honor, and so forth!" said the professor, quickly and
sharply.
"I must tell you that Marcus Harding is a sinner, and not merely in the
sense in which all men are sinners. There have been recurring moments in
his life when he has committed actions which, if publicly known, would
ruin him in the eyes of the world and put an end to his career. As I
looked at myself standing before my house, I saw that I was hesitating
whether to go in with my misery, or whether to seek for it the hideous
alleviation of my beloved sin.
"Professor,"--it seemed to Stepton at this moment as if Chichester's
voice loomed upon him out of the darkness by which they were now
enshrouded,--"it has been said that nothing shocks a man so terribly as
the sight of his body-double; that to see what appears to be himself,
even if only standing at a window or sitting before a fire, causes
in a man a physical horror which seems to strike to the very roots of his
physical being. I looked now upon my soul-double, piercing the fleshly
envelop and it was my very soul that sweated and turned cold. For I
perceived the dreadful action which, if known, would certainly ruin me,
being committed by the spirit. The slavish body had not yet bowed down
and done its part; but it was about to obey the impulse of the spirit.
Slowly the body turned away from its home. The spirit was driving it. The
demon with the whip was at work in the night. I looked till the dawn
came. And only when at last my double crept, like a thief, into its
house, did sleep take me for a little while--sleep that was alive with
nightmare."
Chichester was silent. The professor heard him breathing quickly, saw
him, almost as a shadow just shown by the faint light that entered from
the street through the two small windows, clasp and unclasp his hands,
touch his forehead, his eyelids, move in his chair, like a man profoundly
stirred and unable to be at ease.
"When I woke," he continued, after a long pause, which the professor did
not break by a word or a movement, "I woke to combat. As I told you, I
had resolved at once to resign my curacy, and never to see that man
again. In the light of the morning I sat down to write my letter of
resignation; but I could not do it. A fearful compulsion to remain was
upon me. I wrote a few words. I stopped, tore the note up, began again.
But writing was impossible. Then I resolved to visit Marcus Harding and
to tell him that I must go. I went to his house. He was at home. When I
saw him I told him that I wished him to sit again that night. He strove
to refuse. He did not understand the truth, but he was terrified. I
ordered him to come to my rooms that night, and left him. As I was going
away I met Lady Sophia. To my amazement, she stopped me, spoke to me
kindly, even more than kindly, looked at me with an expression in her
eyes that almost frightened me. I said to myself, 'But those are a
slave's eyes!' as I left her. Never before had any woman looked at me
like that. In that moment, I think, she began to turn from him toward
me, to forsake weakness for strength. Yes, I say strength. I was rent by
the tumult within me, but I had strength. I have it now. For, despite
his hypocrisy, his unbelief, his active sinning, Marcus Harding had been
a strong man. And even Henry Chichester, with all his humbleness, his
readiness to yield to others, to think nothing of himself, had had the
strength that belongs to purity of soul. And then there is the strength
the soul draws from looking upon truth. There was strength, there is now,
for the woman to follow. And instinct has surely guided her. She does
not, she cannot know. And yet instinct sends her in search of the
strength."
"What do you mean by that? What do you claim?"
"You read that sermon?"
"I did."
"Don't you understand? I am that man at the window. He did not flee
away. He could not. He was, he is, compelled to remain. He watches that
dreadful life. And the other within the room is fading. The strength,
the authority, the power, are coming to me. Every sitting broadens that
bridge across which the deserters are passing. When I preached that
sermon my congregation sat as if numbed by terror. And he in the choir
listened, never moving. I saw his spirit, dazed, stretching out to grasp
the truth, slipping back powerless to do it. It was like a thing moving
through the gloom of deep waters--of deep, deep waters."
Again Chichester's voice died away. In the silence that followed the
professor heard the faint ticking of a clock. He had not noticed it
before. He could not tell now whether it came from within the room or
from the room behind the folding-doors. It seemed to him as if this
ticking destroyed his power to think clearly, as if it threw his brain
into an unwonted confusion which made him feel strangely powerless. He
was aware of a great uneasiness approaching, if not actually amounting to
fear. This uneasiness made him long for light. Yet he knew that he
dreaded light; for he was aware of an almost unconquerable reluctance to
look upon the face of his companion. Beset by conflicting desires,
therefore, and the prey of unwonted emotion, he sat like one paralyzed,
listening always to the faint ticking of the clock, and striving to
reduce what was almost like chaos to order in his brain.
"Why have you selected me to be the hearer of this--this very
extraordinary statement?" he forced himself at length to say prosaically.
The sound of his own dry voice somewhat reassured him, and he added:
"Though there is nothing very extraordinary in the facts you have
related. Telepathic communication between one mind and another is a
commonplace of to-day, an old story. Every one of course accepts it as
possible. What novelty do you claim to present to startle science?"
"I say that telepathy does not explain the link between Marcus Harding
and myself."
The professor struck his hand on the table. It seemed to him that if only
he could get into an argument this strange confusion and fear might leave
him. He would be on familiar ground.
"What you call vision might be merely mind-reading, what you call
perceiving the action of the spirit, mind-reading. Your terror lest
others should find out bad truths about Marcus Harding would spring
naturally enough from your lingering regard for him. Your acute anxiety
when he is preaching arises of course from the fact that, owing to bodily
causes, no doubt, his mental powers are failing him, and he is no longer
able to do himself justice."
"You don't understand. What I desired in our sittings was to draw into
myself strength, power, will from--him. What have I done? I have drawn
into myself the very man. That night when the shutter slipped back he
looked out from the body of Henry Chichester. His mind worked, his soul
was alive, within the cage of another man. And meanwhile Henry Chichester
lay as if submerged, but presently stirred, and, however feebly, lived
again. He lives now. But not from him comes my frightful comprehension of
Marcus Harding. Not him does Marcus Harding fear. Not to him does she,
the woman, look with the eyes of a slave. It is not he who dominates the
crowds in St. Joseph's. It is not he who conceived that sermon of the man
and his double. It is not he who has sometimes been terribly afraid."
"Afraid! Afraid!"
"There have been moments when I have been moved to snatch my double out
of the sight of men. That day when we met Evelyn Malling I feared as I
left them alone together; and when I found Malling intimately there in
that house, I felt like one coming upon an ambush which might be
destructive of his safety. My instinct was to detach Malling from my
double, to attach him to myself. My conduct startled him. I saw that
plainly. Yet I tried to win him over, as it were, to my side. He came to
me. I strove to tell him, but something secret prevented me. And
how could he assist me?"
Chichester got up from the table. The professor saw a darkness moving as
he went to stand by the empty fireplace.
"I must look on truth," he continued; "I have to. The fascination of
staring upon the truth of oneself is deadly, but it surpasses all other
fascination. He sins more often now. I watch him sin. Sometimes under
my contemplation I see him writhing like a thing in a trap--the semblance
of myself. How the woman despises him now! Sometimes I feel deeply sad
at my own ruthlessness. It is frightful to contemplate the physical wreck
of a being whom, in some strange and hideous way, one always feels to
be oneself. When I look at him it is as if his fallen face, his hanging
nerveless hands, his down-drooping figure and eyes lit with despair were
mine. His poses, his gestures, his physical tricks, they are all mine.
I watch them with a cold, enveloping disgust, frozen in criticism of
everything he does, anticipating every movement, every look, hating
it when it comes, because it is bred out of the remnant of a spirit
I despise as no man surely has ever despised before. Henry Chichester
would pity, but he is overborne. He is in me as a drop may be in the
ocean. I am most aware of him when my double sins. Only last night we
sat"--Chichester came back to the table, and stood there, very faintly
relieved against the darkness by the dim light which penetrated through
the windows--"we sat in the darkness, and more deeply than ever before
I went down into the darkness. I felt as if I were penetrating into the
last recesses of a ruined temple. And there, in the ultimate chamber
crouched all that was left of the inmate, terrified, helpless, and
ignorant. As I looked upon him I understood why man is never permitted
really to know himself unless, in an access of mad folly and overweening
pride, he succeeds in crossing the boundary which to pass is sheer
wickedness. And I tried to turn away, but I could not--I could not.
I made a supreme effort. It was in vain.
"I saw him go home. At last he was sick of his sin. There rose within him
that strange longing for goodness, for purity and rest, that terrible,
aching desire to be what those who once loved him for long had thought
him to be, which perhaps never dies in the soul of a human being. Is it
the instinct of the Creator burning like an undying spark in the created?
And, as he drew near to his house, there came to him the resolve to
speak, to acknowledge, to say, 'This is what I am. Know me as I am! Care
for me still, in spite of what I am!' He went in, and sought her--the
woman. She was alone. Sleep had not come to her. Perhaps some instinct
had told her she must wake and be ready for something. Then he gathered
together the little that was left to him of courage, and he strove to
tell her, to make her understand some of the truth, to obtain from her
the greatest of human gifts--the love of one from whom a man has no
secrets that he can tell.
"She listened for a moment, then she thrust out her hands as if to push
the truth of him out of her life. And last night she left him--going in
fear of him."
The professor shook his narrow shoulders, and sprang abruptly to his
feet. The ticking of the clock now sounded almost like a hammer beating
in his ears.
"It's time we had some light," he said in rather a loud voice.
The darkness that was Chichester moved. A gleam of light shone in the
little room, revealing the thin Madonna, "The Light of the World," the
piano, the neatly bound books of the curate of St. Joseph's; revealing
Chichester, who now stood facing the professor, white, drawn, lined, but
with eyes full of almost hideous resolution and power.
"I advise," said the professor--"I advise you from this time forward--"
He stared into the eyes of the man opposite to him, and his voice died
away in his throat.
When, immediately afterward, he found himself walking hurriedly toward
Kensington High Street the sweat was pouring down his face.