In which I learn the History of Old Nanny.
The next day, as soon as I had finished a letter to Bessy, in which I
gave her a detail of what had passed, I went to old Nanny's to persuade
her, if possible, to tell me her history. She was not at home, the door
of her house was locked and the shutters of the shop fastened. I was
about to return to Fisher's Alley, when I perceived her hobbling down
the street. I thought it better to make it appear as if I met her by
accident; so I crossed over the way and walked toward her. "Well,
mother," said I, "are you out so early?"
"Ah, Jack, is it you? Yes, it is through you that I have had to take so
long a walk."
"Through me?"
"Yes, those presents you brought me. I'm almost dead. Why do you bring
such things? But I did not do badly, that's the truth."
I knew from this admission that old Nanny had sold them for more than
she expected; indeed, she proved it by saying, as she arrived at her
house, "Well, Jack, it's very troublesome to have to walk so far; but as
you cannot get me bottles or those kind of things, you must bring me
what you can, and I must make the best of them. I don't mind trouble
for your sake, Jack. Now take the key, unlock the door, and then take
down the shutters; and mind how you walk about, Jack, or you'll break
half the things in my shop." I did as she requested, and then we sat
down together at the door as usual.
"I think I shall go away to-morrow, or early the next morning, mother,"
said I, "for Bramble is here, and he never stays long from his work"
"That's all right, he sets a good example; and, Jack, if you do go, see
if you can't beg a few more shells for me. I like shells."
"Yes, mother, I will not forget; but, as this is the last day I shall
see you for some time, will you not keep your promise to me, and tell me
your history?"
"Jack, Jack, you are the most persevering creature I ever did see. I'm
sure I shall be worried out of my life until I tell you, and so I may as
well tell you at once, and there'll be an end of it; but I wish you had
not asked me. Jack, I do indeed. I thought of it last night when I was
in bed, and at one time I made up my mind that I would not tell you, and
then I thought again that I would; for, Jack, as I said yesterday,
there's a lesson in every life, and a warning in too many, and maybe
mine will prove a warning to you, so far as to make you prevent a mother
from being so foolish as I have been.
[Illustration: NANNY RELATING HER STORY.--Marryat, Vol. X., p. 275.]
"Now, Jack, listen to me: mine is an old story, but in most cases the
consequences have not been so fatal. I shall not tell you my name; it
was once a fair one, but now tarnished. I was the only daughter of a
merchant and ship-owner, a rich man, and the first person in consequence
in the seaport town where I was born and brought up. I never knew my
mother, who died a year after I was born. I was brought up as most girls
are who have no mother or brothers; in short, I was much indulged by my
father and flattered by other people. I was well educated, as you may
suppose; and, moreover, what you may not credit quite so easily, I was
very handsome. In short, I was a beauty and a fortune, at the head of
the society of the place, caressed, indulged, and flattered by all.
This, if it did not spoil me, at least made me willful. I had many
offers, and many intended offers, which I nipped in the bud, and I was
twenty-three before I saw any one who pleased me. At last a vessel came
in consigned to the house, and the captain was invited to dinner. He was
a handsome careless young man, constantly talking about the qualities of
his ship, and, to my surprise, paying me little or none of that
attention which I now considered as my due. This piqued me, and in the
end I set my affections on him; either he did not or would not perceive
it, and he sailed without showing me any preference. In six months he
returned, and whether it was that he was told of by others, or at last
perceived, my feelings toward him, he joined the crowd of suitors, made
a proposal in his offhand manner, as if he was indifferent as to my
reply, and was accepted. My father, to whom he communicated the
intelligence as carelessly as if he were talking about freight, did not
approve of the match. 'Very well,' replied he, 'I shall say no more; as
long as a man has a ship he does not want a wife.' He returned and
stated what had passed, and my father also spoke to me. I was
self-willed and determined, and my father yielded. We were married, and
I certainly had no reason to complain of my husband, who was very kind
to me. But I was jealous of--what do you think? Of his ship! For he
cared more for it than he did for me; and three months after our
marriage, notwithstanding all my tears and entreaties, and the
expostulations of my father, he would sail again. He offered to take me
with him, and I would gladly have gone, but my father would not listen
to it. He sailed, and I never saw him again; his vessel, with all hands,
foundered, with many others, in a heavy gale. The news did not arrive
until many months afterward, and I had not been a mother more than six
weeks when I found that I was a widow. I have passed all this over
quickly, Jack, because it is of less moment--my trials had not
commenced.
"The loss of my husband, as may be supposed, only endeared my child the
more to me, and I wept over him as he smiled upon me in his cradle. My
father had reverses in his business, but those I cared little for. He
did, however: he had been the richest man in the town, he was now
comparatively poor; his pride was crushed, it broke his heart, and he
died; the whole of his assets at the winding up of his affairs not
exceeding ten thousand pounds. This was, however, quite enough, and more
than enough, for me. I thought but of one object--it was my darling boy;
he represented to me all I had lost; in him I saw my husband, father,
and everything. I lived but for him. He was my idolatry, Jack. I
worshiped the creature instead of the Creator.
"As he grew up I indulged him in everything; he never was checked; I
worried myself day and night to please him, and yet he never was
pleased. He was so spoiled that he did not know what he wanted. He was a
misery to himself and all about him, except to me, who was so blinded by
my love. As he advanced to manhood his temper showed itself to be
violent and uncontrollable; he was the terror of others, and prudent
people would shake their heads and prophesy. He would not submit to any
profession; the only wish that he had was to go to sea, and that was my
terror. I implored him on my knees not to think of it, but in vain; at
first he used to threaten when he wanted money for his extravagances,
and it was a sure way to obtain it; but one day I discovered that he had
quitted the port without saying farewell, and that he had sailed in a
vessel bound to the coast of Africa. A short letter and a heavy bill was
received from Portsmouth, and I did not hear of him for two years. I was
heartbroken, but not weaned from him; I counted the days for his return.
At last he came--browned by the climate, full of oaths, savage in his
bearing, and occasionally referring to scenes which made me shudder; but
he was my son, my only son, and I loved him as much as ever. He was now
but seldom at home, for he lived almost at the gaming-tables; if he came
to me, it was to extort money, and he never failed. I sold out my
property to support his extravagance, and by degrees it was rapidly
diminishing. I begged him, I entreated him, to be more prudent, but he
laughed, and promised to return me all the first lucky hit he should
make; but that lucky hit never came, and at last I had but two thousand
pounds left. This I positively refused to part with: the interest of it
was barely sufficient for my wants; I asked no more, but I expostulated
and I reasoned with him in vain. He only begged me for five hundred
pounds; if I sold the money out, he would tell me where I might have as
good interest for the fifteen hundred pounds as I now received for the
two thousand pounds. He begged and entreated me, he kissed, and he even
wept. I could not withstand his importunities: I sold out the money, and
gave him the sum he wanted; the fifteen hundred pounds I put by in my
desk, to invest as he had pointed out. That very night he forced the
lock, took out the money, and left me without a sixpence in the world."
"What a villain!" exclaimed I.
"Yes, you may so. Jack; but who made him such a villain but his foolish
doting mother? Had I done him justice, had I checked him when young, had
I brought him up as I ought to have done, he might now have been a
happiness and a blessing to his mother. I was the person to blame, not
he; and many years of anguish have I lamented my folly and my
wretchedness."
"You loved him too much, mother, but it was a fault on the right side."
"No, Jack, that is an error of yours; it was a fault on the wrong side.
There is no credit to a mother in loving her children, for she cannot
help it. It is a natural instinct implanted in the mother's heart by the
Almighty, and in following this instinct we do no more than the beasts
of the field. The duty of a mother is to check that feeling as far as it
interferes with the happiness and well-doing of her children, and it is
her duty to do so, and to punish herself in correcting her children.
Jack, it is a selfish feeling which induces mothers to spoil their
children."
"At all events my mother has never spoiled me," replied I.
"No, Jack, she has not; but observe the consequence. You said just now
that excessive tenderness was a fault on the right side; now, how
completely have you proved the contrary! I do not intend to defend your
mother's conduct toward you; she has been unkind to you in your
childhood, and has never shown the affection that a mother ought; but is
not her fault a fault on the right side? Jack, you recollect my saying
'what a difference,' when you told me what you had done for your mother;
I then referred to my son and to you. I indulged him in everything,
sacrificed everything, and he robbed me and left me a beggar. Your
mother has been severe upon you, and yet the first time you have the
means of showing your duty you give her all the money you have in the
world. You mother may not be right, Jack, but I was dreadfully wrong,
and the result has proved it."
"Well, mother, go on, pray."
"My story is now soon told. I struggled on how I could for more than two
years by selling my furniture and a few ornaments, then the blow came.
When I heard it I would not remain in the town; I left for London,
picked up my living how I could and where I could, till at last I came
down here. Time was as a dream; reflection was too painful. I felt that
it was all my fault, all my own doing. My heart became hardened, and
continued so till I loved you, Jack; and now I have better feelings, at
least I think so."
"But, mother, what was the blow? Is he dead?"
"Yes, Jack, dead--dead on the gibbet. He was hanged for piracy at Port
Royal, Jamaica. Jack," said Nanny, seizing my hand, and pressing it in
her long fingers, "this is a secret; recollect, a secret deep as the
grave; promise me, as you hope for heaven!"
"I do, mother, as I hope for heaven."
"Now, Jack, leave me. Good-by. You will come and see me when you return,
and never bring this subject up again. Bless you, my child! bless you!"
I left poor old Nanny with her face buried in her apron; and it was in a
very melancholy mood that I returned home. I could not help thinking of
the picture in the spelling-book, where the young man at the gallows is
biting off the ear of his mother, who, by her indulgence, had brought
him to that disgrace.