In his _Grace Abounding_, John Bunyan tells us that there was a period
in his spiritual history when his soul was like a pair of scales. It
partook of three phases. At one time the right-hand balance was down and
the left-hand empty and high; then for awhile they were exactly and
evenly poised; and, at the last, the left-hand balance dropped and that
on the right-hand was swinging in the air.
At the _first_ of these stages he was being tormented about the
unpardonable sin. He reminded himself that, for Esau, there was no place
for repentance; and he felt that there was none for him. The scale in
which he laid his despair was heavily weighted; the scale in which he
placed his hope was empty!
And the _second_ stage--the stage that leveled the balances? 'One
morning,' he says, 'as I was at prayer, and trembling with fear, lest
there should be no word of God to help me, that piece of a sentence
darted in upon me: _My grace is sufficient!_ At this I felt some stay as
if there might yet be hope. About a fortnight before, I had been looking
at this very scripture, but I then thought that it could bring me no
comfort, and I threw down the book in a pet. I thought that the grace
was not large enough for me! no, not large enough! But now it was as if
the arms of grace were so wide that they could enclose not only me but
many more besides. And so _this_ about the sufficiency of grace and
_that_ about Esau finding no place for repentance would be like a pair
of scales within my mind. Sometimes one end would be uppermost and
sometimes again the other; according to which would be my peace or
trouble.'
And the _third_ stage--the triumphant stage? Bunyan felt that the scales
were merely level because, in the balance that contained the hope, he
had thrown only four of the six words that make up the text. '_My grace
is sufficient_'; he had no doubt about that, and it gave him
encouragement. But '_for thee_'; he felt that, if only he could add
those words to the others, it would turn the scales completely. 'I had
hope,' he says, 'yet because the "_for thee_" was left out, I was not
contented, but prayed to God for _that_ also. Wherefore, one day, when I
was in a meeting of God's people, full of sadness and terror, these
words did with great power suddenly break in upon me; _My grace is
sufficient for thee, My grace is sufficient for thee, My grace is
sufficient for thee_, three times together. And oh! methought that every
word was a mighty word unto me; as _My_ and _grace_, and _sufficient_,
and _for thee_; they were then, and sometimes are still, far bigger than
all others. Then, at last, that about Esau finding no place for
repentance began to wax weak and withdraw and vanish, and this about the
sufficiency of grace prevailed with peace and joy.' And so the issue was
reversed; the scale that held the hope overweighed completely the scale
that held the despair.
If it were not that others have passed through an identically similar
experience, we should feel inclined to marvel at Bunyan's reluctance to
cast into the balances the tail of the text: _My grace is
sufficient--for thee!_ It seems strange, I say, that Bunyan should have
grasped with such confidence the _four_ words and then boggled at the
other _two_. And yet it is always easier to believe that there is a
Saviour for the world than to believe that there is a Saviour _for me_.
It is easy to believe that
There is grace enough for thousands
Of new worlds as great as this;
There is room for fresh creations
In that upper home of bliss;
but it is much harder to believe that there is grace and room _for me_.
Martin Luther believed implicitly and preached confidently that Christ
died for all mankind, long before he could persuade himself that Christ
died for Martin Luther. John Wesley crossed the Atlantic that he might
proclaim the forgiveness of sins to the Indians; but it was not until he
was verging upon middle life that he realized the possibility of the
forgiveness of his own.
It is all very illogical, of course, and very absurd. If we can accept
the _four_ words, why not accept all _six_? If we credit the head of the
text, why cavil at the tail? Sometimes the absurdity of such irrational
behavior will break upon a man and set him laughing at his own
stupidity. Mr. Spurgeon had some such experience. 'Gentlemen,' he said,
one Friday afternoon, in an address to his students, 'Gentlemen, there
are many passages of Scripture which you will never understand until
some trying or singular experience shall interpret them to you. The
other evening I was riding home after a heavy day's work; I was very
wearied and sore depressed; and, swiftly and suddenly as a lightning
flash, that text laid hold on me: _My grace is sufficient for thee!_ On
reaching home, I looked it up in the original, and at last it came to me
in this way. _MY grace is sufficient for THEE_! "Why," I said to myself,
"I should think it is!" and I burst out laughing. I never fully
understood what the holy laughter of Abraham was like until then. It
seemed to make unbelief so absurd. It was as though some little fish,
being very thirsty, was troubled about drinking the river dry; and
Father Thames said: "Drink away, little fish, my stream is sufficient
for thee!" Or as if a little mouse in the granaries of Egypt, after
seven years of plenty, feared lest it should die of famine, and Joseph
said: "Cheer up, little mouse, my granaries are sufficient for thee!"
Again I imagined a man away up yonder on the mountain saying to himself:
"I fear I shall exhaust all the oxygen in the atmosphere." But the earth
cries: "Breathe away, O man, and fill thy lungs; my atmosphere is
sufficient for thee!"' John Bunyan enjoyed a moment's merriment of the
same kind when he threw the last two words into the scale and saw his
despair dwindle into insignificance on the instant.