'"One day during his sojourn there he mounted Indrayudha to hunt, and

as he roamed through the wood he beheld a pair of Kinnaras wandering

down at will from the mountains. Wondering at the strange sight,

and eager to take them, he brought up his horse respectfully near

them and approached them. But they hurried on, fearing the unknown

sight of a man, and fleeing from him, while he pursued them, doubling

Indrayudha's speed by frequent pats on his neck, and went on alone,

leaving his army far behind. Led on by the idea that he was just

catching them, he was borne in an instant fifteen leagues from his

own quarters by Indrayudha's speed as it were at one bound, and was

left companionless. (240) The pair of Kinnaras he was pursuing were

climbing a steep hill in front of him. He at length turned away his

glance, which was following their progress, and, checked by the

steepness of the ascent, reined in Indrayudha. Then, seeing that

both his horse and himself were tired and heated by their toils,

he considered for a moment, and laughed at himself as he thought:

'Why have I thus wearied myself for nothing, like a child? What

matters it whether I catch the pair of Kinnaras or not? If caught,

what is the good? if missed, what is the harm? What a folly this is

of mine! What a love of busying myself in any trifle! What a passion

for aimless toil! What a clinging to childish pleasure! The good

work I was doing has been begun in vain. The needful rite I had begun

has been rendered fruitless. The duty of friendship I undertook has

not been performed. The royal office I was employed in has not been

fulfilled. The great task I had entered on has not been completed. My

earnest labour in a worthy ambition has been brought to nought. Why

have I been so mad as to leave my followers behind and come so

far? (241) and why have I earned for myself the ridicule I should

bestow on another, when I think how aimlessly I have followed these

monsters with their horses' heads? I know not how far off is the army

that follows me. For the swiftness of Indrayudha traverses a vast

space in a moment, and his speed prevented my noticing as I came by

what path I should turn back, for my eyes were fixed on the Kinnaras;

and now I am in a great forest, spread underfoot with dry leaves,

with a dense growth of creepers, underwood, and branching trees. Roam

as I may here I cannot light on any mortal who can show me the way

to Suvarnapura. I have often heard that Suvarnapura is the farthest

bound of earth to the north, and that beyond it lies a supernatural

forest, and beyond that again is Kailasa. This then is Kailasa; so

I must turn back now, and resolutely seek to make my way unaided to

the south. For a man must bear the fruit of his own faults.'

'"With this purpose he shook the reins in his left hand, and turned

the horse's head. Then he again reflected: (242) 'The blessed sun

with glowing light now adorns the south, as if he were the zone-gem

of the glory of day. Indrayudha is tired; I will just let him eat

a few mouthfuls of grass, and then let him bathe and drink in some

mountain rill or river; and when he is refreshed I will myself drink

some water, and after resting a short time under the shade of a tree,

I will set out again.'

'"So thinking, constantly turning his eyes on every side for water, he

wandered till at length he saw a track wet with masses of mud raised

by the feet of a large troop of mountain elephants, who had lately

come up from bathing in a lotus-pool. (243) Inferring thence that

there was water near, he went straight on along the slope of Kailasa,

the trees of which, closely crowded as they were, seemed, from their

lack of boughs, to be far apart, for they were mostly pines, çal, and

gum olibanum trees, and were lofty, and like a circle of umbrellas,

to be gazed at with upraised head. There was thick yellow sand,

and by reason of the stony soil the grass and shrubs were but scanty.

(244) '"At length he beheld, on the north-east of Kailasa, a very

lofty clump of trees, rising like a mass of clouds, heavy with its

weight of rain, and massed as if with the darkness of a night in the

dark fortnight.

'"The wind from the waves, soft as sandal, dewy, cool from passing

over the water, aromatic with flowers, met him, and seemed to woo him;

and the cries of kalahamsas drunk with lotus-honey, charming his ear,

summoned him to enter. So he went into that clump, and in its midst

beheld the Acchoda Lake, as if it were the mirror of the Lakshmi of the

three worlds, the crystal chamber of the goddess of earth, the path

by which the waters of ocean escape, the oozing of the quarters, the

avatar of part of the sky, Kailasa taught to flow, Himavat liquefied,

moonlight melted, Çiva's smile turned to water, (245) the merit of

the three worlds abiding in the shape of a lake, a range of hills of

lapis lazuli changed into water, or a mass of autumn clouds poured

down in one spot. From its clearness it might be Varuna's mirror;

it seemed to be fashioned of the hearts of ascetics, the virtues of

good men, the bright eyes of deer, or the rays of pearls.

(247) '"Like the person of a great man, it showed clearly the

signs of fish, crocodile, tortoise, and cakra; [249] like the

story of Kartikeya, the lamentations of the wives of Krauñca [250]

resounded in it; it was shaken by the wings of white Dhartarashtras,

as the Mahabharata by the rivalry of Pandavas and Dhartarashtras;

and the drinking of poison by Çiva was represented by the drinking

of its water by peacocks, as if it were the time of the churning of

ocean. It was fair, like a god, with a gaze that never wavers. (248)

Like a futile argument, it seemed to have no end; and was a lake most

fair and gladdening to the eyes.

'"The very sight of it seemed to remove Candrapida's weariness,

and as he gazed he thought:

'"'Though my pursuit of the horse-faced pair was fruitless, yet now

that I see this lake it has gained its reward. My eyes' reward in

beholding all that is to be seen has now been won, the furthest point

of all fair things seen, the limit of all that gladdens us gazed upon,

the boundary line of all that charms us descried, the perfection of all

that causes joy made manifest, and the vanishing-point of all worthy

of sight beheld. (249) By creating this lake water, sweet as nectar,

the Creator has made his own labour of creation superfluous. For this,

too, like the nectar that gladdens all the senses, produces joy to

the eye by its purity, offers the pleasure of touch by its coolness,

gladdens the sense of smell by the fragrance of its lotuses, pleases

the ear with the ceaseless murmur of its hamsas, and delights the

taste with its sweetness. Truly it is from eagerness to behold this

that Çiva leaves not his infatuation for dwelling on Kailasa. Surely

Krishna no longer follows his own natural desire as to a watery couch,

for he sleeps on the ocean, with its water bitter with salt, and leaves

this water sweet as nectar! Nor is this, in sooth, the primæval lake;

for the earth, when fearing the blows of the tusks of the boar of

destruction, entered the ocean, all the waters of which were designed

but to be a draught for Agastya; whereas, if it had plunged into this

mighty lake, deep as many deep hells, it could not have been reached,

I say not by one, but not even by a thousand boars. (250) Verily it

is from this lake that the clouds of doom at the seasons of final

destruction draw little by little their water when they overwhelm the

interstices of the universe, and darken all the quarters with their

destroying storm. And methinks that the world, Brahma's egg, which in

the beginning of creation was made of water, was massed together and

placed here under the guise of a lake.' So thinking, he reached the

south bank, dismounted and took off Indrayudha's harness; (251) and

the latter rolled on the ground, arose, ate some mouthfuls of grass,

and then the prince took him down to the lake, and let him drink and

bathe at will. After that, the prince took off his bridle, bound two

of his feet by a golden chain to the lower bough of a tree hard by,

and, cutting off with his dagger some durva grass from the bank of

the lake, threw it before the horse, and went back himself to the

water. He washed his hands, and feasted, like the cataka, on water;

like the cakravaka, he tasted pieces of lotus-fibre; like the moon

with its beams, he touched the moon-lotuses with his finger-tips;

like a snake, he welcomed the breeze of the waves; [251] like one

wounded with Love's arrows, he placed a covering of lotus-leaves on

his breast; like a mountain elephant, when the tip of his trunk is wet

with spray, he adorned his hands with spray-washed lotuses. Then with

dewy lotus-leaves, with freshly-broken fibres, he made a couch on a

rock embowered in creepers, and rolling up his cloak for a pillow,

lay down to sleep. After a short rest, he heard on the north bank

of the lake a sweet sound of unearthly music, borne on the ear, and

blent with the chords of the vina. (252) Indrayudha heard it first,

and letting fall the grass he was eating, with ears fixed and neck

arched, turned towards the voice. The prince, as he heard it, rose

from his lotus-couch in curiosity to see whence this song could arise

in a place deserted by men, and cast his glance towards the region;

but, from the great distance, he was unable, though he strained his

eyes to the utmost, to discern anything, although he ceaselessly

heard the sound. Desiring in his eagerness to know its source,

he determined to depart, and saddling and mounting Indrayudha, he

set forth by the western forest path, making the song his goal; the

deer, albeit unasked, were his guides, as they rushed on in front,

delighting in the music. [252]

(253-256 condensed) '"Welcomed by the breezes of Kailasa, he went

towards that spot, which was surrounded by trees on all sides, and

at the foot of the slope of Kailasa, on the left bank of the lake,

called Candraprabha, which whitened the whole region with a splendour

as of moonlight, he beheld an empty temple of Çiva.

(257) '"As he entered the temple he was whitened by the falling on

him of ketaki pollen, tossed by the wind, as if for the sake of seeing

Çiva he had been forcibly made to perform a vow of putting on ashes,

or as if he were robed in the pure merits of entering the temple;

and, in a crystal shrine resting on four pillars, he beheld Çiva, the

four-faced, teacher of the world, the god whose feet are honoured by

the universe, with his emblem, the linga, made of pure pearl. Homage

had been paid to the deity by shining lotuses of the heavenly Ganges,

that might be mistaken for crests of pearls, freshly-plucked and wet,

with drops falling from the ends of their leaves, like fragments of

the moon's disc split and set upright, or like parts of Çiva's own

smile, or scraps of Çesha's hood, or brothers of Krishna's conch,

or the heart of the Milky Ocean.

(258) '"But, seated in a posture of meditation, to the right of the

god, facing him, Candrapida beheld a maiden vowed to the service of

Çiva, who turned the region with its mountains and woods to ivory by

the brightness of her beauty. For its lustre shone far, spreading

through space, white as the tide of the Milky Ocean, overwhelming

all things at the day of doom, or like a store of penance gathered

in long years and flowing out, streaming forth massed together

like Ganges between the trees, giving a fresh whiteness to Kailasa,

and purifying the gazer's soul, though it but entered his eye. The

exceeding whiteness of her form concealed her limbs as though she had

entered a crystal shrine, or had plunged into a sea of milk, or were

hidden in spotless silk, or were caught on the surface of a mirror,

or were veiled in autumn clouds. She seemed to be fashioned from the

quintessence of whiteness, without the bevy of helps for the creation

of the body that consist of matter formed of the five gross elements.

(259) She was like sacrifice impersonate, come to worship Çiva, in

fear of being seized by the unworthy; or Rati, undertaking a rite

of propitiation to conciliate him, for the sake of Kama's body;

or Lakshmi, goddess of the Milky Ocean, longing for a digit of

Çiva's moon, her familiar friend of yore when they dwelt together

in the deep; or the embodied moon seeking Çiva's protection from

Rahu; or the beauty of Airavata, [253] come to fulfil Çiva's wish

to wear an elephant's skin; or the brightness of the smile on the

right face of Çiva become manifest and taking a separate abode; or

the white ash with which Çiva besprinkles himself, in bodily shape;

or moonlight made manifest to dispel the darkness of Çiva's neck;

or the embodied purity of Gauri's mind; or the impersonate chastity

of Kartikeya; or the brightness of Çiva's bull, dwelling apart from

his body; (260) or the wealth of flowers on the temple trees come of

themselves to worship Çiva; or the fulness of Brahma's penance come

down to earth; or the glory of the Prajapatis of the Golden Age,

resting after the fatigue of wandering through the seven worlds;

or the Three Vedas, dwelling in the woods in grief at the overthrow

of righteousness in the Kali Age; or the germ of a future Golden Age,

in the form of a maiden; or the fulness of a muni's contemplation, in

human shape; or a troop of heavenly elephants, falling into confusion

on reaching the heavenly Ganges; or the beauty of Kailasa, fallen in

dread of being uprooted by Ravana; or the Lakshmi of the Çvetadvipa

[254] come to behold another continent; or the grace of an opening

kaça-blossom looking for the autumn; or the brightness of Çesha's

body leaving hell and come to earth; or the brilliance of Balarama,

which had left him in weariness of his intoxication; or a succession

of bright fortnights massed together.

'"She seemed from her whiteness to have taken a share from all the

hamsas; (261) or to have come from the heart of righteousness; or to

have been fashioned from a shell; or drawn from a pearl; or formed

from lotus-fibres; or made of flakes of ivory; or purified by brushes

of moonbeams; or inlaid with lime; or whitened with foam-balls of

ambrosia; or laved in streams of quicksilver; or rubbed with melted

silver; or dug out from the moon's orb; or decked with the hues of

kutaja, jasmine, and sinduvara flowers. She seemed, in truth, to be

the very furthest bound of whiteness. Her head was bright with matted

locks hanging on her shoulders, made, as it were, of the brightness of

morning rays taken from the sun on the Eastern Mountain, tawny like

the quivering splendour of flashing lightning, and, being wet from

recent bathing, marked with the dust of Çiva's feet clasped in her

devotion; she bore Çiva's feet marked with his name in jewels on her

head, fastened with a band of hair; (262) and her brow had a sectarial

mark of ashes pure as the dust of stars ground by the heels of the

sun's horses. (266) She was a goddess, and her age could not be known

by earthly reckoning, but she resembled a maiden of eighteen summers.

'"Having beheld her, Candrapida dismounted, tied his horse to a

bough, and then, reverently bowing before the blessed Çiva, gazed

again on that heavenly maiden with a steady unswerving glance. And

as her beauty, grace, and serenity stirred his wonder, the thought

arose in him: 'How in this world each matter in its turn becomes of

no value! For when I was pursuing the pair of Kinnaras wantonly and

vainly I beheld this most beautiful place, inaccessible to men, and

haunted by the immortals. (267) Then in my search for water I saw

this delightful lake sought by the Siddhas. While I rested on its

bank I heard a divine song; and as I followed the sound, this divine

maiden, too fair for mortal sight, met my eyes. For I cannot doubt

her divinity. Her very beauty proclaims her a goddess. And whence

in the world of men could there arise such harmonies of heavenly

minstrelsy? If, therefore, she vanishes not from my sight, nor mounts

the summit of Kailasa, nor flies to the sky, I will draw near and ask

her, "Who art thou, and what is thy name, and why hast thou in the

dawn of life undertaken this vow?" This is all full of wonder.' With

this resolve he approached another pillar of the crystal shrine,

and sat there, awaiting the end of the song.

'"Then when she had stilled her lute, like a moon-lotus bed when

the pleasant hum of the bees is silenced, (268) the maiden rose,

made a sunwise turn and an obeisance to Çiva, and then turning round,

with a glance by nature clear, and by the power of penance confident,

she, as it were, gave courage to Candrapida, as if thereby she were

sprinkling him with merits, laving him with holy water, purifying him

with penance, freeing him from stain, giving him his heart's desire,

and leading him to purity.

'"'Hail to my guest!' said she. 'How has my lord reached this

place? Rise, draw near, and receive a guest's due welcome.' So she

spake; and he, deeming himself honoured even by her deigning to speak

with him, reverently arose and bowed before her. 'As thou biddest,

lady,' he replied, and showed his courtesy by following in her steps

like a pupil. And on the way he thought: 'Lo, even when she beheld me

she did not vanish! Truly a hope of asking her questions has taken hold

of my heart. And when I see the courteous welcome, rich in kindness,

of this maiden, fair though she be with a beauty rare in ascetics,

I surely trust that at my petition she will tell me all her story.'

(269) '"Having gone about a hundred paces, he beheld a cave, with

its entrance veiled by dense tamalas, showing even by day a night of

their own; its edge was vocal with the glad bees' deep murmur on the

bowers of creepers with their opening blossoms; it was bedewed with

torrents that in their sheer descent fell in foam, dashing against

the white rock, and cleft by the axe-like points of the jagged

cliff, with a shrill crash as the cold spray rose up and broke;

it was like a mass of waving cowries hanging from a door, from the

cascades streaming down on either side, white as Çiva's smile, or as

pearly frost. Within was a circle of jewelled pitchers; on one side

hung a veil worn in sacred meditation; a clean pair of shoes made of

cocoanut matting hung on a peg; one corner held a bark bed gray with

dust scattered by the ashes the maiden wore; the place of honour was

filled by a bowl of shell carved with a chisel, like the orb of the

moon; and close by there stood a gourd of ashes.

'"On the rock at the entrance Candrapida took his seat, and when the

maiden, having laid her lute on the pillow of the bark bed, took in

a leafy cup some water from the cascade to offer to her guest, and he

said as she approached (270): 'Enough of these thy great toils. Cease

this excess of grace. Be persuaded, lady. Let this too great honour

be abandoned. The very sight of thee, like the aghamarshana hymn,

stills all evil and sufficeth for purification. Deign to take thy

seat!' Yet being urged by her, he reverently, with head bent low,

accepted all the homage she gave to her guest. When her cares for

her guest were over, she sat down on another rock, and after a short

silence he told, at her request, the whole story of his coming in

pursuit of the pair of Kinnaras, beginning with his expedition of

conquest. The maiden then rose, and, taking a begging bowl, wandered

among the trees round the temple; and ere long her bowl was filled

with fruits that had fallen of their own accord. As she invited

Candrapida to the enjoyment of them, the thought arose in his heart:

'Of a truth, there is nought beyond the power of penance. For it is

a great marvel how the lords of the forest, albeit devoid of sense,

yet, like beings endowed with sense, gain honour for themselves by

casting down their fruits for this maiden. A wondrous sight is this,

and one never seen before.'

'"So, marvelling yet more, he brought Indrayudha to that spot,

unsaddled him, and tied him up hard by. (271) Then, having bathed in

the torrent, he partook of the fruits, sweet as ambrosia, and drank

the cool water of the cascade, and having rinsed his mouth, he waited

apart while the maiden enjoyed her repast of water, roots, and fruit.

'"When her meal was ended and she had said her evening prayer, and

taken her seat fearlessly on the rock, the Prince quietly approached

her, and sitting down near her, paused awhile and then respectfully

said:

'"'Lady, the folly that besets mankind impels me even against my

will to question thee, for I am bewildered by a curiosity that has

taken courage from thy kindness. For even the slightest grace of

a lord emboldens a weak nature: even a short time spent together

creates intimacy. Even a slight acceptance of homage produces

affection. Therefore, if it weary thee not, I pray thee to honour me

with thy story. For from my first sight of thee a great eagerness has

possessed me as to this matter. Is the race honoured by thy birth,

lady, that of the Maruts, or Rishis, or Gandharvas, or Guhyakas,

or Apsarases? And wherefore in thy fresh youth, tender as a flower,

has this vow been taken? (272) For how far apart would seem thy youth,

thy beauty, and thine exceeding grace, from this thy peace from all

thoughts of earth! This is marvellous in mine eyes! And wherefore

hast thou left the heavenly hermitages that gods may win, and that

hold all things needful for the highest saints, to dwell alone in

this deserted wood? And whereby hath thy body, though formed of the

five gross elements, put on this pure whiteness? Never have I heard

or seen aught such as this. I pray thee dispel my curiosity, and tell

me all I ask.'

'"For a little time she pondered his request in silence, and then she

began to weep noiselessly, and her eyes were blinded by tears which

fell in large drops, carrying with them the purity of her heart,

showering down the innocence of her senses, distilling the essence

of asceticism, dropping in a liquid form the brightness of her eyes,

most pure, falling on her white cheeks like a broken string of pearls,

unceasing, splashing on her bosom covered by the bark robe.

(273) '"And as he beheld her weeping Candrapida reflected: 'How hardly

can misfortune be warded off, if it takes for its own a beauty like

this, which one might have deemed beyond its might! Of a truth there

is none whom the sorrows of life in the body leave untouched. Strong

indeed is the working of the opposed powers of pleasure and pain. [255]

These her tears have created in me a further curiosity, even greater

than before. It is no slight grief that can take its abode in a

form like hers. For it is not a feeble blow that causes the earth

to tremble.'

'"While his curiosity was thus increased he felt himself guilty of

recalling her grief, and rising, brought in his folded hand from the

torrent some water to bathe her face. But she, though the torrent of

her tears was in nowise checked by his gentleness, yet bathed her

reddened eyes, and drying her face with the edge of her bark robe,

slowly said with a long and bitter sigh:

(274) '"'Wherefore, Prince, wilt thou hear the story of my ascetic

life, all unfit for thy ears? for cruel has been my heart, hard my

destiny, and evil my condition, even from my birth. Still, if thy

desire to know be great, hearken. It has come within the range of

our hearing, usually directed to auspicious knowledge, that there

are in the abode of the gods maidens called Apsarases. Of these

there are fourteen families: one sprung from the mind of Brahma,

another from the Vedas, another from fire, another from the wind,

another from nectar when it was churned, another from water, another

from the sun's rays, another from the moon's beams, another from

earth, and another from lightning; one was fashioned by Death, and

another created by Love; besides, Daksha, father of all, had among

his many daughters two, Muni and Arishta, and from their union with

the Gandharvas were sprung the other two families. These are, in sum,

the fourteen races. But from the Gandharvas and the daughters of

Daksha sprang these two families. Here Muni bore a sixteenth son, by

name Citraratha, who excelled in virtues Sena and all the rest of his

fifteen brothers. For his heroism was famed through the three worlds;

his dignity was increased by the name of Friend, bestowed by Indra,

whose lotus feet are caressed by the crests of the gods cast down

before him; and even in childhood he gained the sovereignty of all the

Gandharvas by a right arm tinged with the flashing of his sword. (275)

Not far hence, north of the land of Bharata, is his dwelling, Hemakuta,

a boundary mountain in the Kimpurusha country. There, protected by

his arm, dwell innumerable Gandharvas. By him this pleasant wood,

Caitraratha, was made, this great lake Acchoda was dug out, and this

image of Çiva was fashioned. But the son of Arishta, in the second

Gandharva family, was as a child anointed king by Citraratha, lord of

the Gandharvas, and now holds royal rank, and with a countless retinue

of Gandharvas dwells likewise on this mountain. Now, from that family

of Apsarases which sprang from the moon's nectar was born a maiden,

fashioned as though by the grace of all the moon's digits poured in

one stream, gladdening the eyes of the universe, moonbeam-fair, in

name and nature a second Gauri. [256] (276) Her Hamsa, lord of the

second family, wooed, as the Milky Ocean the Ganges; with him she

was united, as Rati with Kama, or the lotus-bed with the autumn;

and enjoying the great happiness of such a union she became the

queen of his zenana. To this noble pair I was born as only daughter,

ill-omened, a prey for grief, and a vessel for countless sorrows;

my father, however, having no other child, greeted my birth with a

great festival, surpassing that for a son, and on the tenth day, with

the customary rites he gave me the fitting name of Mahaçveta. In his

palace I spent my childhood, passed from lap to lap of the Gandharva

dames, like a lute, as I murmured the prattle of babyhood, ignorant as

yet of the sorrows of love; but in time fresh youth came to me as the

honey-month to the spring, fresh shoots to the honey-month, flowers

to the fresh shoots, bees to the flowers, and honey to the bees.

'"' [257]And one day in the month of honey I went down with my mother

to the Acchoda lake to bathe, when its beauties were spread wide in

the spring, and all its lotuses were in flower.

(278) '"'I worshipped the pictures of Çiva, attended by Bringiriti,

which were carved on the rocks of the bank by Parvati when she came

down to bathe, and which had the reverential attendance of ascetics

portrayed by the thin footprints left in the dust. "How beautiful!" I

cried, "is this bower of creepers, with its clusters of flowers of

which the bees' weight has broken the centre and bowed the filaments;

this mango is fully in flower, and the honey pours through the holes in

the stalks of its buds, which the cuckoo's sharp claws have pierced;

how cool this sandal avenue, which the serpents, terrified at the

murmur of hosts of wild peacocks, have deserted; how delightful the

waving creepers, which betray by their fallen blossoms the swinging of

the wood-nymphs upon them; how pleasant the foot of the trees on the

bank where the kalahamsas have left the line of their steps imprinted

in the pollen of many a flower!" Drawn on thus by the ever-growing

charms of the wood, I wandered with my companions. (279) And at a

certain spot I smelt the fragrance of a flower strongly borne on the

wind, overpowering that of all the rest, though the wood was in full

blossom; it drew near, and by its great sweetness seemed to anoint, to

delight, and to fill the sense of smell. Bees followed it, seeking to

make it their own: it was truly a perfume unknown heretofore, and fit

for the gods. I, too, eager to learn whence it came, with eyes turned

into buds, and drawn on like a bee by that scent, and attracting to

me the kalahamsas of the lake by the jangling of my anklets loudly

clashed in the tremulous speed of my curiosity, advanced a few steps

and beheld a graceful youthful ascetic coming down to bathe. He was

like Spring doing penance in grief for Love made the fuel of Çiva's

fire, or the crescent on Çiva's brow performing a vow to win a full

orb, or Love restrained in his eagerness to conquer Çiva: by his great

splendour he appeared to be girt by a cage of quivering lightning,

embosomed in the globe of the summer sun, or encircled in the flames

of a furnace: (280) by the brightness of his form, flashing forth ever

more and more, yellow as lamplight, he made the grove a tawny gold;

his locks were yellow and soft like an amulet dyed in gorocana. The

line of ashes on his brow made him like Ganges with the line of a

fresh sandbank, as though it were a sandal-mark to win Sarasvati,

[258] and played the part of a banner of holiness; his eyebrows were

an arch rising high over the abode of men's curses; his eyes were

so long that he seemed to wear them as a chaplet; he shared with

the deer the beauty of their glance; his nose was long and aquiline;

the citron of his lower lip was rosy as with the glow of youth, which

was refused an entrance to his heart; with his beardless cheek he was

like a fresh lotus, the filaments of which have not yet been tossed

by the bees in their sport; he was adorned with a sacrificial thread

like the bent string of Love's bow, or a filament from the lotus grove

of the pool of penance; in one hand he bore a pitcher like a kesara

fruit with its stalk; in the other a crystal rosary, strung as it were

with the tears of Rati wailing in grief for Love's death. (281) His

loins were girt with a muñja-grass girdle, as though he had assumed

a halo, having outvied the sun by his innate splendour; the office

of vesture was performed by the bark of the heavenly coral-tree,

[259] bright as the pink eyelid of an old partridge, and washed in

the waves of the heavenly Ganges; he was the ornament of ascetic

life, the youthful grace of holiness, the delight of Sarasvati, the

chosen lord of all the sciences, and the meeting-place of all divine

tradition. He had, like the summer season, [260] his ashadha [261];

he had, like a winter wood, the brightness of opening millet, and he

had like the month of honey, a face adorned with white tilaka. [262]

With him there was a youthful ascetic gathering flowers to worship

the gods, his equal in age and a friend worthy of himself.

(282) '"'Then I saw a wondrous spray of flowers which decked his ear,

like the bright smile of woodland Çri joying in the sight of spring,

or the grain-offering of the honey-month welcoming the Malaya winds, or

the youth of the Lakshmi of flowers, or the cowrie that adorns Love's

elephant; it was wooed by the bees; the Pleiads lent it their grace;

and its honey was nectar. "Surely," I decided, "this is the fragrance

which makes all other flowers scentless," and gazing at the youthful

ascetic, the thought arose in my mind: "Ah, how lavish is the Creator

who has skill [263] to produce the highest perfection of form, for he

has compounded Kama of all miraculous beauty, excelling the universe,

and yet has created this ascetic even more fair, surpassing him, like a

second love-god, born of enchantment. (283) Methinks that when Brahma

[264] made the moon's orb to gladden the world, and the lotuses to be

Lakshmi's palace of delight, he was but practising to gain skill for

the creation of this ascetic's face; why else should such things be

created? Surely it is false that the sun with its ray Sushumna [265]

drinks all the digits of the moon as it wanes in the dark fortnight,

for their beams are cast down to enter this fair form. How otherwise

could there be such grace in one who lives in weary penance, beauty's

destroyer?" As I thus thought, Love, beauty's firm adherent, who knows

not good from ill, and who is ever at hand to the young, enthralled

me, together with my sighs, as the madness of spring takes captive

the bee. Then with a right eye gazing steadily, the eyelashes half

closed, the iris darkened by the pupil's tremulous sidelong glance,

I looked long on him. With this glance I, as it were, drank him in,

besought him, told him I was wholly his, offered my heart, tried

to enter into him with my whole soul, sought to be absorbed in him,

implored his protection to save Love's victim, showed my suppliant

state that asked for a place in his heart; (284) and though I asked

myself, "What is this shameful feeling that has arisen in me, unseemly

and unworthy a noble maiden?" yet knowing this, I could not master

myself, but with great difficulty stood firm, gazing at him. For

I seemed to be paralyzed, or in a picture, or scattered abroad, or

bound, or in a trance, and yet in wondrous wise upheld, as though

when my limbs were failing, support was at the same moment given;

for I know not how one can be certain in a matter that can neither

be told nor taught, and that is not capable of being told, for it

is only learnt from within. Can it be ascertained as presented by

his beauty, or by my own mind, or by love, or by youth or affection,

or by any other causes? I cannot tell. Lifted up and dragged towards

him by my senses, led forward by my heart, urged from behind by Love,

I yet by a strong effort restrained my impulse. (285) Straightway

a storm of sighs went forth unceasingly, prompted by Love as he

strove to find a place within me; and my bosom heaved as longing to

speak earnestly to my heart, and then I thought to myself: "What an

unworthy action is this of vile Kama, who surrenders me to this cold

ascetic free from all thoughts of love! Truly, the heart of woman

is foolish exceedingly, since it cannot weigh the fitness of that

which it loves. For what has this bright home of glory and penance

to do with the stirrings of love that meaner men welcome? Surely

in his heart he scorns me for being thus deceived by Kama! Strange

it is that I who know this cannot restrain my feeling! (286) Other

maidens, indeed, laying shame aside, have of their own accord gone

to their lords; others have been maddened by that reckless love-god;

but not as I am here alone! How in that one moment has my heart been

thrown into turmoil by the mere sight of his form, and passed from my

control! for time for knowledge and good qualities always make Love

invincible. It is best for me to leave this place while I yet have

my senses, and while he does not clearly see this my hateful folly

of love. Perchance if he sees in me the effects of a love he cannot

approve, he will in wrath make me feel his curse. For ascetics are

ever prone to wrath." Thus having resolved, I was eager to depart,

but, remembering that holy men should be reverenced by all, I made an

obeisance to him with eyes turned to his face, eyelashes motionless,

not glancing downwards, my cheek uncaressed by the flowers dancing

in my ears, my garland tossing on my waving hair, and my jewelled

earrings swinging on my shoulders.

'"'As I thus bent, the irresistible command of love, the inspiration

of the spring, the charm of the place, the frowardness of youth, the

unsteadiness of the senses, (287) the impatient longing for earthly

goods, the fickleness of the mind, the destiny that rules events--in

a word, my own cruel fate, and the fact that all my trouble was

caused by him, were the means by which Love destroyed his firmness

by the sight of my feeling, and made him waver towards me like a

flame in the wind. He too was visibly thrilled, as if to welcome the

newly-entering Love; his sighs went before him to show the way to his

mind which was hastening towards me; the rosary in his hand trembled

and shook, fearing the breaking of his vow; drops rose on his cheek,

like a second garland hanging from his ear; his eyes, as his pupils

dilated and his glance widened in the joy of beholding me, turned

the spot to a very lotus-grove, so that the ten regions were filled

by the long rays coming forth like masses of open lotuses that had

of their own accord left the Acchoda lake and were rising to the sky.

'"'By the manifest change in him my love was redoubled, and I fell

that moment into a state I cannot describe, all unworthy of my

caste. "Surely," I reflected, "Kama himself teaches this play of the

eye, though generally after a long happy love, else whence comes this

ascetic's gaze? (288) For his mind is unversed in the mingled feelings

of earthly joys, and yet his eyes, though they have never learnt the

art, pour forth the stream of love's sweetness, rain nectar, are half

closed by joy, are slow with distress, heavy with sleep, roaming with

pupils tremulous and languid with the weight of gladness, and yet

bright with the play of his eyebrows. Whence comes this exceeding

skill that tells the heart's longing wordlessly by a glance alone?"

'"'Impelled by these thoughts I advanced, and bowing to the second

young ascetic, his companion, I asked: "What is the name of his

Reverence? Of what ascetic is he the son? From what tree is this

garland woven? For its scent, hitherto unknown, and of rare sweetness,

kindles great curiosity in me."

'"'With a slight smile, he replied: "Maiden, what needs this

question? But I will enlighten thy curiosity. Listen!

'"'"There dwells in the world of gods a great sage, Çvetaketu; his

noble character is famed through the universe; his feet are honoured by

bands of siddhas, gods, and demons; (289) his beauty, exceeding that

of Nalakubara, [266] is dear to the three worlds, and gladdens the

hearts of goddesses. Once upon a time, when seeking lotuses for the

worship of the gods, he went down to the Heavenly Ganges, which lay

white as Çiva's smile, while its water was studded as with peacocks'

eyes by the ichor of Airavata. Straightway Lakshmi, enthroned on

a thousand-petalled white lotus close by, beheld him coming down

among the flowers, and looking on him, she drank in his beauty with

eyes half closed by love, and quivering with weight of joyous tears,

and with her slender fingers laid on her softly-opening lips; and

her heart was disturbed by Love; by her glance alone she won his

affection. A son was born, and taking him in her arms with the words,

'Take him, for he is thine,' she gave him to Çvetaketu, who performed

all the rites of a son's birth, and called him Pundarika, because he

was born in a pundarika lotus. Moreover, after initiation, he led him

through the whole circle of the arts. (290) This is Pundarika whom you

see. And this spray comes from the parijata tree, [267] which rose

when the Milky Ocean was churned by gods and demons. How it gained

a place in his ear contrary to his vow, I will now tell. This being

the fourteenth day of the month, he started with me from heaven to

worship Çiva, who had gone to Kailasa. On the way, near the Nandana

Wood, a nymph, drunk with the juice of flowers, wearing fresh mango

shoots in her ear, veiled completely by garlands falling to the knees,

girt with kesara flowers, and resting on the fair hand lent her by the

Lakshmi of spring, took this spray of parijata, and bending low, thus

addressed Pundarika: 'Sir, let, I pray, this thy form, that gladdens

the eyes of the universe, have this spray as its fitting adornment;

let it be placed on the tip of thy ear, for it has but the playfulness

that belongs to a garland; let the birth of the parijata now reap

its full blessing!' At her words, his eyes were cast down in modesty

at the praise he so well deserved, and he turned to depart without

regarding her; but as I saw her following us, I said, 'What is the

harm, friend. Let her courteous gift be accepted!' and so by force,

against his will, the spray adorns his ear. Now all has been told:

who he is, whose son, and what this flower is, and how it has been

raised to his ear." (291) When he had thus spoken, Pundarika said to

me with a slight smile: "Ah, curious maiden, why didst thou take the

trouble to ask this? If the flower, with its sweet scent, please thee,

do thou accept it," and advancing, he took it from his own ear and

placed it in mine, as though, with the soft murmur of the bees on it,

it were a prayer for love. At once, in my eagerness to touch his hand,

a thrill arose in me, like a second parijata flower, where the garland

lay; while he, in the pleasure of touching my cheek, did not see that

from his tremulous fingers he had dropped his rosary at the same time

as his timidity; but before it reached the ground I seized it, and

playfully placed it on my neck, where it wore the grace of a necklace

unlike all others, while I learnt the joy of having my neck clasped,

as it were, by his arm.

'"'As our hearts were thus occupied with each other, my umbrella-bearer

addressed me: "Princess, the Queen has bathed. It is nearly time

to go home. Do thou, therefore, also bathe." At her words, like a

newly-caught elephant, rebellious at the first touch of the new hook,

I was unwillingly dragged away, and as I went down to bathe, I could

hardly withdraw my eyes, for they seemed to be drowned in the ambrosial

beauty of his face, or caught in the thicket of my thrilling cheek,

or pinned down by Love's shafts, or sewn fast by the cords [268]

of his charms.

(292) '"'Meanwhile, the second young ascetic, seeing that he was

losing his self-control, gently upbraided him: "Dear Pundarika, this

is unworthy of thee. This is the way trodden by common men. For the

good are rich in self-control. Why dost thou, like a man of low caste,

fail to restrain the turmoil of thy soul? Whence comes this hitherto

unknown assault of the senses, which so transforms thee? Where is

thine old firmness? Where thy conquest of the senses? Where thy

self-control? Where thy calm of mind, thine inherited holiness,

thy carelessness of earthly things? Where the teaching of thy guru,

thy learning of the Vedas, thy resolves of asceticism, thy hatred of

pleasure, thine aversion to vain delights, thy passion for penance, thy

distaste for enjoyments, thy rule over the impulses of youth? Verily

all knowledge is fruitless, study of holy books is useless, initiation

has lost its meaning, pondering the teaching of gurus avails not,

proficiency is worthless, learning leads to nought, since even men like

thee are stained by the touch of passion, and overcome by folly. (293)

Thou dost not even see that thy rosary has fallen from thy hand,

and has been carried away. Alas! how good sense fails in men thus

struck down. Hold back this heart of thine, for this worthless girl

is seeking to carry it away."

'"'To these words he replied, with some shame: "Dear Kapiñjala,

why dost thou thus misunderstand me? I am not one to endure this

reckless girl's offence in taking my rosary!" and with his moonlike

face beautiful in its feigned wrath, and adorned the more by the dread

frown he tried to assume, while his lip trembled with longing to kiss

me, he said to me, "Playful maiden, thou shalt not move a step from

this place without giving back my rosary." Thereupon I loosed from

my neck a single row of pearls as the flower-offering that begins

a dance in Kama's honour, and placed it in his outstretched hand,

while his eyes were fixed on my face, and his mind was far away. I

started to bathe, but how I started I know not, for my mother and my

companions could hardly lead me away by force, like a river driven

backwards, and I went home thinking only of him.

(294) '"'And entering the maidens' dwelling, I began straightway to ask

myself in my grief at his loss: "Am I really back, or still there? Am

I alone, or with my maidens? Am I silent, or beginning to speak? Am

I awake or asleep? Do I weep or hold back my tears? Is this joy or

sorrow, longing or despair, misfortune or gladness, day or night? Are

these things pleasures or pains?" All this I understood not. In my

ignorance of Love's course, I knew not whither to go, what to do,

hear, see, or speak, whom to tell, nor what remedy to seek. Entering

the maidens' palace, I dismissed my friends at the door, and shut

out my attendants, and then, putting aside all my occupations, I

stood alone with my face against the jewelled window. I gazed at the

region which, in its possession of him, was richly decked, endowed

with great treasure, overflowed by the ocean of nectar, adorned with

the rising of the full moon, and most fair to behold, I longed to ask

his doings even of the breeze wafted from thence, or of the scent of

the woodland flowers, or of the song of the birds. (295) I envied even

the toils of penance for his devotion to them. For his sake, in the

blind adherence of love, I took a vow of silence. I attributed grace

to the ascetic garb, because he accepted it, beauty to youth because

he owned it, charm to the parijata flower because it touched his ear,

delight to heaven because he dwelt there, and invincible power to

love because he was so fair. Though far away, I turned towards him

as the lotus-bed to the sun, the tide to the moon, or the peacock

to the cloud. I bore on my neck his rosary, like a charm against the

loss of the life stricken by his absence. I stood motionless, though

a thrill made the down on my cheek like a kadamba flower ear-ring,

as it rose from the joy of being touched by his hand, and from the

parijata spray in my ear, which spoke sweetly to me of him.

'"'Now my betel-bearer, Taralika, had been with me to bathe; she came

back after me rather late, and softly addressed me in my sadness:

"Princess, one of those godlike ascetics we saw on the bank of Lake

Acchoda--(296) he by whom this spray of the heavenly tree was placed

in thy ear--as I was following thee, eluded the glance of his other

self, and approaching me with soft steps between the branches of a

flowering creeper, asked me concerning thee, saying, 'Damsel, who is

this maiden? Whose daughter is she? What is her name? And whither goes

she?' I replied: 'She is sprung from Gauri, an Apsaras of the moon

race, and her father Hamsa is king of all the Gandharvas; the nails of

his feet are burnished by the tips of the jewelled aigrettes on the

turbans of all the Gandharvas; his tree-like arms are marked by the

cosmetics on the cheeks of his Gandharva wives, and the lotus-hand of

Lakshmi forms his footstool. The princess is named Mahaçveta, and she

has set out now for the hill of Hemakuta, the abode of the Gandharvas.'

'"'"When this tale had been told by me, he thought silently for a

moment, and then looking long at me with a steady gaze, as if gently

entreating me, he said: 'Damsel, thy form, young as thou art, is of

fair promise, and augurs truth and steadfastness. Grant me, therefore,

one request.' Courteously raising my hands, I reverently replied:

(297) 'Wherefore say this? Who am I? When great-souled men such as

thou, meet for the honour of the whole universe, deign to cast even

their sin-removing glance on one like me, their act wins merit--much

more if they give a command. Say, therefore, freely what is to be

done. Let me be honoured by thy bidding.'

'"'"Thus addressed, he saluted me with a kindly glance, as a friend,

a helper, or a giver of life; and taking a shoot from a tamala-tree

hard by, he crushed it on the stones of the bank, broke off a piece

from his upper bark garment as a tablet, and with the tamala-juice,

sweet as the ichor of a gandha elephant, wrote with the nail of the

little finger of his lotus-hand, and placed it in my hand, saying, 'Let

this letter be secretly given by thee to that maiden when alone.'" With

these words she drew it from the betel-box and showed it to me.

'"'As I took from her hand that bark letter, I was filled with this

talk about him, which, though but a sound, produced the joy of contact,

and though for the ears alone, had its pervading presence in all my

limbs manifested by a thrill, as if it were a spell to invoke Love;

and in his letter I beheld these lines: [269]

A hamsa on the Manas lake, lured by a creeper's treacherous shine,

My heart is led a weary chase, lured by that pearly wreath of

thine. [270]

(298) '"'By the reading of this, an even greater change for the worse

was wrought in my lovesick mind, as in one who has lost his way,

by also losing his bearings; as in a blind man, by a night of the

dark fortnight; as in a dumb man, by cutting out the tongue; as in an

ignorant man, by a conjuror's waving fan; as in a confused talker,

by the delirium of fever; as in one poisoned, by the fatal sleep;

as in a wicked man, by atheistic philosophy; as in one distraught, by

strong drink; or as in one possessed, by the action of the possessing

demon; so that in the turmoil it created in me, I was tossed like a

river in flood. I honoured Taralika for having seen him again, as one

who had acquired great merit, or who had tasted the joys of heaven,

or had been visited by a god, or had her highest boon granted, or

had drunk nectar, or had been anointed queen of the three worlds. I

spoke to her reverently, as if, though always by me, she were a

rare visitant, and though my familiar friend, she were hitherto

unknown. I looked on her, though behind me, as above the world;

I tenderly caressed the curls on her cheek, and entirely set at

nought the condition of mistress and maid, again and again asking,

(299) "How was he seen by thee? What did he say to thee? How long

wert thou there? How far did he follow us?" And shutting out all my

attendants, I spent the whole day with her in the palace, listening to

that tale. The sun's orb hanging in the sky became crimson, sharing

my heart's glow; the Lakshmi of sunlight longing for the sight of

the flushed sun, and preparing her lotus-couch, turned pale as though

faint with love; the sunbeams, rosy as they fell on waters dyed with

red chalk, rose from the lotus-beds clustering like herds of woodland

elephants; the day, with an echo of the joyous neighing of the steeds

of the sun's chariot longing to rest after their descent of the sky,

entered the caves of Mount Meru; the lotus-beds, as the bees entered

the folded leaves of the red lilies, seemed to close their eyes as

though their hearts were darkened by a swoon at the sun's departure;

the pairs of cakravakas, each taking the other's heart, safely hidden

in the hollow lotus-stalks whereof they had eaten together, were

now parted; and my umbrella-bearer approaching me, said as follows:

(300) "Princess, one of those youthful hermits is at the door, and

says he has come to beg for a rosary." At the hermit's name, though

motionless, I seemed to approach the door, and suspecting the reason of

his coming, I summoned another chamberlain, whom I sent, saying, "Go

and admit him." A moment later I beheld the young ascetic Kapiñjala,

who is to Pundarika as youth to beauty, love to youth, spring to love,

southern breezes to spring, and who is indeed a friend worthy of him;

he followed the hoary chamberlain as sunlight after moonlight. As he

drew near his appearance betrayed to me trouble, sadness, distraction,

entreaty, and a yearning unfulfilled. With a reverence I rose and

respectfully brought him a seat; and when he was reluctantly forced

to accept it, I washed his feet and dried them on the silken edge of

my upper robe; and then sat by him on the bare ground. For a moment

he waited, as if eager to speak, when he cast his eyes on Taralika

close by. Knowing his desire at a glance, I said, "Sir, she is one

with me. (301) Speak fearlessly." At my words Kapiñjala replied:

"Princess, what can I say? for through shame my voice does not reach

the sphere of utterance. How far is the passionless ascetic who

lives on roots in the woods from the illusion of passion that finds

its home in restless souls, and is stained with longing for earthly

pleasures, and filled with the manifold sports of the Love God. See how

unseemly all this is! What has fate begun? God easily turns us into

a laughing-stock! I know not if this be fitting with bark garments,

or seemly for matted locks, or meet for penance, or consonant with the

teaching of holiness! Such a mockery was never known! I needs must

tell you the story. No other course is visible; no other remedy is

perceived; no other refuge is at hand; no other way is before me. If

it remains untold, even greater trouble will arise. A friend's life

must be saved even at the loss of our own; so I will tell the tale:

'"'"It was in thy presence that I sternly rebuked Pundarika, and after

that speech I left him in anger and went to another place, leaving

my task of gathering flowers. After thy departure, I remained apart a

short time, (302) and then, becoming anxious as to what he was doing,

I turned back and examined the spot from behind a tree. As I did not

see him there, the thought arose within me, 'His mind was enslaved

by love, and perchance he followed her; and now that she is gone,

he has regained his senses, and is ashamed to come within my sight;

or he has gone from me in wrath, or departed hence to another place

in search of me.' Thus thinking, I waited some time, but, troubled by

an absence I had never since my birth suffered for a moment, I again

thought, 'It may be that, in shame at his failure in firmness, he will

come to some harm; for shame makes everything possible; he must not,

then, be left alone.' With this resolve, I earnestly made search for

him. But as I could not see him, though I sought on all sides, made

anxious by love for my friend, I pictured this or that misfortune,

and wandered long, examining glades of trees, creeper bowers among the

sandal avenues, and the banks of lakes, carefully glancing on every

side. (303) At length I beheld him in a thicket of creepers near

a lake, a very birthplace for spring, most fair, and in its close

growth appearing to be made wholly of flowers, of bees, of cuckoos,

and of peacocks. From his entire absence of employment, he was as one

painted, or engraved, or paralyzed, or dead, or asleep, or in a trance

of meditation; he was motionless, yet wandering from his right course;

alone, yet possessed by Love; all aglow, yet raising a pallid face;

absent-minded, yet giving his love a place within him; silent, and yet

telling a tale of Love's great woe; seated on a stone, yet standing

in face of death. He was tormented by Kama, who yet, in fear of many

a curse, remained unseen. By his great stillness he appeared to be

deserted by the senses which had entered into him to behold the love

that dwelt in his heart, and had fainted in fear at its unbearable

heat, or had left him in wrath at the tossing of his mind. From eyes

steadily closed, and dimmed within by the smoke of Love's keen fire,

he ceaselessly poured forth a storm of tears trickling down through

his eyelashes. (304) The filaments of the creepers near trembled in

the sighs which rushed out, bearing the redness of his lips like the

upstarting ruddy flame of Kama burning his heart. As his hand rested

on his left cheek, his brow, from the clear rays of his nails rising

upwards, seemed to have a fresh mark of sandal very pure; from the late

removal of his earring, the parijata flower, his ear was endowed with

a tamala shoot or a blue lotus by the bees that murmured a charm to

bewitch love, under the guise of their soft hum as they crept up in

longing for what remained of that fragrance. Under the guise of his

hair rising in a passionate thrill he seemed to bear on his limbs a

mass of broken points of the flowery darts of Love's arrows discharged

into his pores. With his right hand he bore on his breast a string of

pearls that, by being interlaced with the flashing rays of his nails,

seemed bristling in joy at the pleasure of touching his palm, and that

was, as it were, a banner of recklessness. He was pelted by the trees

with pollen, like a powder to subdue Love; he was caressed by açoka

shoots tossed by the wind, and transferring to him their rosy glow;

he was besprinkled by woodland Lakshmi with honey-dew from clusters

of fresh flowers, like waters to crown Love; he was struck by Love

with campak buds, which, as their fragrance was drunk in by bees, were

like fiery barbs all smoking; (305) he was rebuked by the south wind,

as if by the hum of the bees maddened by the many scents of the wood;

he was bewildered by the honey-month, as by cries of 'All hail!' to

Spring raised by the cuckoos in their melodious ecstasy. Like the

risen moon, he was robed in paleness; like the stream of Ganges in

summer, he had dwindled to meagreness; like a sandal-tree with a

fire at its heart, he was fading away. He seemed to have entered

on another birth, and was as another man, strange and unfamiliar;

he was changed into another shape. As one entered by an evil spirit,

ruled by a great demon, possessed by a strong devil, drunk, deluded,

blind, deaf, dumb, all merged in joy and love, he had reached the

climax of the mind's slavery when possessed by Love, and his old self

could no longer be known.

'"'"As with a steady glance I long examined his sad state, I became

despondent, and thought in my trembling heart: 'This is of a truth

that Love whose force none can resist; for by him Pundarika has

been in a moment brought to a state for which there is no cure. For

how else could such a storehouse of learning become straightway

unavailing? (306) It is, alas! a miracle in him who from childhood has

been firm of nature and unswerving in conduct, and whose life was the

envy of myself and the other young ascetics. Here, like a mean man,

despising knowledge, contemning the power of penance, he has rooted

up his deep steadfastness, and is paralyzed by Love. A youth which has

never swerved is indeed rare!' I went forward, and sitting down by him

on the same stone, with my hand resting on his shoulder, I asked him,

though his eyes were still closed: 'Dear Pundarika, tell me what this

means.' Then with great difficulty and effort he opened his eyes,

which seemed fastened together by their long closing, and which were

red from incessant weeping and overflowing with tears as if shaken

and in pain, while their colour was that of a red lotus-bed veiled in

white silk. He looked at me long with a very languid glance, and then,

deeply sighing, in accents broken by shame, he slowly and with pain

murmured: 'Dear Kapiñjala, why ask me what thou knowest?' Hearing this,

and thinking that Pundarika was suffering in this way a cureless ill,

but that still, as far as possible, a friend who is entering a wrong

course should be held back to the utmost by those who love him,

I replied: 'Dear Pundarika, I know it well. (307) I will only ask

this question: Is this course you have begun taught by your gurus,

or read in the holy books? or is this a way of winning holiness,

or a fresh form of penance, or a path to heaven, or a mystic vow,

or a means of salvation, or any other kind of discipline? Is this

fitting for thee even to imagine, much less to see or tell? Like a

fool, thou seest not that thou art made a laughing-stock by that

miscreant Love. For it is the fool who is tormented by Love. For

what is thy hope of happiness in such things as are honoured by the

base, but blamed by the good? He truly waters a poison tree under

the idea of duty, or embraces the sword plant for a lotus-wreath, or

lays hold on a black snake, taking it for a line of smoke of black

aloes, or touches a burning coal for a jewel, or tries to pull out

the club-like tusk of a wild elephant, thinking it a lotus-fibre; he

is a fool who places happiness in the pleasures of sense which end

in sorrow. And thou, though knowing the real nature of the senses,

why dost thou carry thy knowledge as the firefly his light, [271]

only to be concealed, in that thou restrainest not thy senses when they

start out of their course like streams turbid [272] in their passionate

onrush? Nor dost thou curb thy tossing mind. (308) Who, forsooth, is

this Love-god? Relying on thy firmness, do thou revile this miscreant.'

'"'"As I thus spoke he wiped with his hand his eyes streaming with

tears poured through his eyelashes, and while he yet leant on me,

replied, rebuking my speech: 'Friend, what need of many words? Thou

at least art untouched! Thou hast not fallen within the range of

Love's shafts, cruel with the poison of snakes! It is easy to teach

another! and when that other has his senses and his mind, and sees,

hears, and knows what he has heard, and can discern good and evil,

he is then fit for advice. But all this is far from me; all talk of

stability, judgment, firmness, reflection, has come to an end. How

do I even breathe but by strong effort? The time for advice is long

past. The opportunity for firmness has been let slip; the hour for

reflection is gone; the season for stability and judgment has passed

away. Who but thee could give advice at this time, or could attempt

to restrain my wandering? To whom but thee should I listen? or who

else in the world is a friend like thee? What ails me that I cannot

restrain myself? Thou sawest in a moment my wretched plight. The

time, then, for advice is now past. (309) While I breathe, I long

for some cure for the fever of love, violent as the rays of twelve

suns [273] at the end of the world. My limbs are baked, my heart is

seething, my eyes are burning, and my body on fire. Do, therefore,

what the time demands.' He then became silent, and after this speech

I tried again and again to rouse him; but as he did not listen even

when tenderly and affectionately exhorted in the words of the pure

teaching of the çastras full of cases like his own, together with

the legendary histories, I thought, 'He is gone too far; he cannot

be turned back. Advice is now useless, so I will make an effort

just to preserve his life.' With this resolve I rose and went, and

tore up some juicy lotus-fibres from the lake; then, taking some

lotus-petals marked by water, I plucked lotuses of all kinds, sweet

with the fragrance of the aromatic pollen within, and prepared a

couch on that same rock in the bower. And as he rested there at ease

(310), I crushed soft twigs of the sandal-trees hard by, and with

its juice, naturally sweet and cold as ice, made a mark on his brow,

and anointed him from head to foot. I allayed the perspiration by

camphor-dust powdered in my hand, broken from the interstices of the

split bark of the trees near, and fanned him with a plantain-leaf

dripping with pure water, while the bark robe he wore was moist with

the sandal placed on his breast; and as I again and again strewed

fresh lotus couches, and anointed him with sandal, and removed the

perspiration, and constantly fanned him, the thought arose in my mind,

'Surely nothing is too hard for Love! For how far apart would seem

Pundarika, by nature simple and content with his woodland home, like

a fawn, and Mahaçveta, the Gandharva princess, a galaxy of graces:

surely there is nothing for Love in the world hard, or difficult, or

unsubdued, or impossible. He scornfully attempts the hardest tasks,

nor can any resist him. For why speak of beings endowed with sense

when, if it so please him, he can bring together even things without

sense? For the night lotus-bed falls in love with the sun's ray,

and the day-lotus leaves her hatred of the moon, and night is joined

to day, (311) and moonlight waits on darkness, and shade stands in

the face of light, and lightning stays firm in the cloud, and old age

accompanies youth; and what more difficult thing can there be than that

one like Pundarika, who is an ocean of unfathomable depth, should thus

be brought to the lightness of grass? Where is his former penance, and

where his present state? Truly it is a cureless ill that has befallen

him! What must I now do or attempt, or whither go, or what refuge or

resource, or help or remedy, or plan, or recourse, is there by which

his life may be sustained? Or by what skill, or device, or means,

or support, or thought, or solace, may he yet live?' These and other

such thoughts arose in my downcast heart. But again I thought, 'What

avails dwelling on this useless thought? His life must be preserved

by any means, good or bad, (312) and there is no other way to save it

but by her union with him; and as he is timid by reason of his youth,

and moreover thinks the affairs of love contrary to his vow, unseemly,

and a mockery in himself, he certainly, even at his last breath, will

not gratify his longing by himself approaching her. This his disease

of love admits no delay. Good men always hold that a friend's life

must be saved even by a blameworthy deed; so that though this is a

shameful and wrong action, it has yet become imperative for me. What

else can be done? What other course is there? I will certainly go to

her. I will tell her his state.' Thus thinking, I left the place on

some pretext, and came hither without telling him, lest perchance

he should feel that I was engaged in an unseemly employment, and

should in shame hold me back. This being the state of affairs,

thou, lady, art the judge of what action is needful for the time,

worthy of so great a love, fitting for my coming, and right for

thyself." With these words he became silent, fixing his eyes on my

face to see what I should say. But I, having heard him, was plunged,

as it were, into a lake of ambrosial joy, or immersed in an ocean

of the sweets of love, floating above all joys, mounting to the

pinnacle of all desires, resting at the utmost bound of gladness. I

showed my happiness by joyful tears pouring clear, large, and heavy,

because my eyelashes were not closed, strung like a garland by their

unceasing succession, and not touching my cheek, because my face was

somewhat bent in sudden shame; (313) and I thought at once: "0 joy,

that Love entangles him as well as me, so that even while tormenting

me, he has in part showed me kindness; and if Pundarika is indeed in

such a plight, what help has not Love given me, or what has he not

done for me, or what friend is like him, or how could a false tale,

even in sleep, pass the lips of the calm-souled Kapiñjala? And if this

be so, what must I do, and what must I say in his presence?" While

I was thus deliberating, a portress hastily entered, and said to me:

"Princess, the Queen has learnt from her attendants that thou art ill,

and is now coming." On hearing this, Kapiñjala, fearing the contact

of a great throng, quickly rose, saying: "Princess, a cause of great

delay has arisen. The sun, the crest-jewel of the three worlds, is

now sinking, so I will depart. But I raise my hands in salutation as

a slight offering for the saving of my dear friend's life; that is

my greatest treasure." (314) Then, without awaiting my reply, he with

difficulty departed, for the door was blocked by the entrance of the

attendants that heralded my Lady Mother. There were the portresses

bearing golden staves; the chamberlains with unguents, cosmetics,

flowers, and betel, holding waving cowries; and in their train were

humpbacks, barbarians, deaf men, eunuchs, dwarfs, and deaf mutes.

'"'Then the Queen came to me, and after a long visit, went home;

but I observed nothing of what she did, said, or attempted while

with me, for my heart was far away. When she went the sun, with his

steeds bright as haritala pigeons, lord of life to the lotuses, and

friend of the cakravakas, had sunk to rest, and the face of the West

was growing crimson, and the lotus-beds were turning green, and the

East was darkening to blue; and the world of mortals was overcome

by a blackness like a wave of the ocean of final destruction turbid

with the mud of hell. I knew not what to do, and asked Taralika,

"Seest thou not, Taralika, how confused is my mind? My senses are

bewildered with uncertainty, and I am unable myself to see in the

least what I should do. (315) Do thou tell me what is right to do, for

Kapiñjala is now gone, and he told his tale in thy presence. What if,

like a base-born maiden, I cast away shame, relinquish self-control,

desert modesty, contemn the reproach of men, transgress good behaviour,

trample on conduct, despise noble birth, accept the disgrace of a

course blinded by love, and without my father's leave, or my mother's

approval, I were to go to him myself and offer him my hand? This

transgression against my parents would be a great wrong. But if,

taking the other alternative, I follow duty, I shall in the first

place accept death, and even so I shall break the heart of his

reverence Kapiñjala, who loved him first, and who came hither of

his own accord. And again, if perchance that man's death is brought

about by my deed in destroying his hopes, then causing the death of

an ascetic would be a grave sin." While I thus considered, the East

became gray with the glimmering light of moonrise, like a line of

woods in spring with the pollen of flowers. And in the moonlight the

eastern quarter showed white as if with the powdered pearls from the

frontal bone of the elephant of darkness torn open by the lion-moon,

(316) or pale with sandal-dust falling from the breast of the nymphs

of the eastern mountain, or light with the rising of sand in an

island left by the tide, stirred by the wind on the waves of the

ever-moving ocean. Slowly the moonlight glided down, and made bright

the face of night, as if it were the flash of her teeth as she softly

smiled at the sight of the moon; then evening shone with the moon's

orb, as if it were the circle of Çesha's hoods breaking through the

earth as it rose from hell; after that, night became fair with the

moon, the gladdener of the world of mortals, the delight of lovers,

now leaving its childhood behind and becoming the ally of Love,

with a youthful glow arising within it, the only fitting light for

the enjoyment of Love's pleasures, ambrosial, climbing the sky like

youth impersonate. Then I beheld the risen moon as if flushed with

the coral of the ocean it had just left, crimsoned with the blood

of its deer struck by the paw of the lion of the Eastern Mountain,

marked with the lac of Rohini's [274] feet, as she spurned her lord

in a love quarrel, (317) and ruddy with his newly-kindled glow. And

I, though the fire of Love burnt within me, had my heart darkened;

though my body rested on the lap of Taralika, I was a captive in the

hands of Love; though my eyes were fixed on the moon, I was looking

on death, and I straightway thought, "There are the honey-month, the

Malaya winds, and all other such things brought together, and in the

same place to have this evil miscreant moon cannot be endured. My

heart cannot bear it. Its rising now is like a shower of coals to

one consumed by fever, or a fall of snow to one ill from cold, or the

bite of a black snake to one faint with the swelling of poison." And

as I thus thought, a swoon closed my eyes, like the sleep brought

by moonlight that withers the lotuses of the day. Soon, however, I

regained consciousness by means of the fanning and sandal unguents

of the bewildered Taralika, and I saw her weeping, her face dimmed

with ceaseless tears, pressing the point of a moist moonstone to my

brow, and seeming possessed by despair impersonate. As I opened my

eyes, she fell at my feet, and said, raising hands yet wet with the

thick sandal ointment: "Princess, why think of shame or disrespect to

parents? Be kind; send me, and I will fetch the beloved of thy heart;

(318) rise, or go thither thyself. Henceforth thou canst not bear

this Love that is an ocean whose manifold passionate waves [275]

are swelling at the rise of a strong moon." To this speech I replied:

"Mad girl, what is love to me? The moon it is, even the lord of the

night lotuses, who removes all scruples, undermines all search for

means of escape, conceals all difficulties, takes away all doubts,

contemns all fears, roots out all shame, veils the sinful levity of

going myself to my lover, avoids all delay, and has come merely to

lead me either to Pundarika or to death. Rise, therefore; for while I

have life I will follow him and honour him who, dear as he is, tortures

my heart." Thus saying, I rose, leaning on her, for my limbs were yet

unsteady with the weakness of the swoon caused by Love, and as I rose

my right eye throbbed, presaging ill, and in sudden terror I thought:

"What new thing is this threatened by Destiny?"

(319) '"'The firmament was now flooded with moonlight, as if the

moon's orb, which had not yet risen far, was, like the waterpipe

of the temple of the universe, discharging a thousand streams of

the heavenly Ganges, pouring forth the waves of an ambrosial ocean,

shedding many a cascade of sandal-juice, and bearing floods of nectar;

the world seemed to learn what life was in the White Continent,

and the pleasures of seeing the land of Soma; the round earth was

being poured out from the depths of a Milky Ocean by the moon, which

was like the rounded tusk of the Great Boar; the moonrise offerings

were being presented in every house by the women with sandal-water

fragrant with open lotuses; the highways were crowded with thousands

of women-messengers sent by fair ladies; girls going to meet their

lovers ran hither and thither, veiled in blue silk and fluttered

by the dread of the bright moonlight as if they were the nymphs of

the white day lotus groves concealed in the splendours of the blue

lotuses; the sky became an alluvial island in the river of night, with

its centre whitened by the thick pollen of the groves of open night

lotuses; while the night lotus-beds in the house-tanks were waking,

encircled by bees which clung to every blossom; (320) the world of

mortals was, like the ocean, unable to contain the joy of moonrise,

and seemed made of love, of festivity, of mirth, and of tenderness:

evening was pleasant with the murmur of peacocks garrulous in gladness

at the cascade that fell from the waterpipes of moonstone.

'"'Taralika accompanied me, holding powders, perfumes, unguents,

betel, and various flowers, and I had also that napkin, wet with

the sandal ointment which had been applied in my swoon, and which

had its nap slightly disordered and gray with the partly-dried

mark of sandalwood clinging to it; the rosary was on my neck; the

parijata spray was kissing the tip of my ear; veiled in red silk

that seemed fashioned from rays of rubies, I went down from the top

of that palace, unseen by any of my devoted attendants. On my way I

was pursued by a swarm of bees, which hastened, leaving lotus-beds

and deserting gardens, drawn by the scent of the parijata spray,

sportively forming a blue veil round me. I departed through the door

of the pleasure-grove and set out to meet Pundarika. (321) As I went,

I thought, seeing myself attended by Taralika only: "What needs pomp

of retinue when we seek our dearest! Surely our servants then but

play a mockery of attendance, for Love follows me with shaft fitted

to the strung bow; the moon, stretching out a long ray, [276] draws

me on like a hand; passion supports me at every step from fear of

a fall; my heart rushes on with the senses, leaving shame behind;

longing has gained certainty, and leads me on." Aloud I said: "Oh,

Taralika, would that this miscreant moon would with its beams seize

him by the hair and draw him forward like myself!" As I thus spoke,

she smilingly replied: "Thou art foolish, my princess! What does

the moon want with Pundarika? Nay, rather, he himself, as though

wounded by Love, does all these things for thee; for under the guise

of his image he kisses thy cheeks marked with drops of perspiration;

with trembling ray he falls on thy fair breast; he touches the gems

of thy girdle; entangled in thy bright nails, he falls at thy feet;

moreover, the form of this lovesick moon wears the pallor of a sandal

unguent dried by fever; (322) he stretches out his rays [277] white

as lotus-fibres; under the guise of his reflection he falls on crystal

pavements; with rays [278] gray as the dust from the filaments inside

the ketaki, he plunges into lotus-pools; he touches with his beams

[279] the moonstones wet with spray; he hates the day lotus-groves

with their pairs of cakravakas once severed." With such discourse

fitting for the time I approached that spot in her company. I then

bathed my feet, gray with pollen from the creeper flowers on our path,

in a spot near Kapiñjala's abode which had a stream of moonstone,

liquefied by moonrise, flowing from Kailasa's slope; and there,

on the left bank of the lake, I heard the sound of a man's weeping,

softened by distance. Some fear had arisen within me at first, from

the quivering of my right eye, and now that my heart was yet more

torn by this cry, as if my downcast mind were telling some dreadful

tidings within, I cried in terror: "Taralika, what means this?" And

with trembling limbs I breathlessly hastened on.

'"'Then I heard afar a bitter cry, clear in the calm of night: "Alas,

I am undone! I am consumed! I am deceived! What is this that has

befallen me? What has happened? I am uprooted! (323) Cruel demon Love,

evil and pitiless, what shameful deed hast thou brought to pass? Ah,

wicked, evil, wanton Mahaçveta, how had he harmed thee? Ah, evil,

wanton, monstrous [280] moon, thou hast gained thy desire. Cruel

soft breeze of the South, thy softness is gone, and thy will is

fulfilled. That which was to be done is done. Go now as thou wilt! Ah,

venerable Çvetaketu, tender to thy son, thou knowest not that thy

life is stolen from thee! Dharma, thou art dispossessed! Penance,

thou art protectorless! Eloquence, thou art widowed! Truth, thou art

lordless! Heaven, thou art void! Friend, protect me! Yet I will follow

thee! I cannot remain even a moment without thee, alone! How canst thou

now suddenly leave me, and go thy way like a stranger on whom my eyes

had never rested? Whence comes this thy great hardness? Say, whither,

without thee, shall I go? Whom shall I implore? What refuge shall I

seek? I am blinded! For me space is empty! Life is aimless, penance

vain, the world void of joy! With whom shall I wander, to whom speak,

with whom hold converse? Do thou arise! Grant me an answer. Friend,

where is thine old love to me? Where that smiling welcome that never

failed me?"

(324) '"'Such were the words I heard Kapiñjala utter; and as I heard

them I uttered a loud cry, while yet far off, as if my life had fallen;

and with my silk cloak torn as it clung to the creepers by the lake's

bank, and my feet placed on the ground regardless of its being rough

or even, and as hastily as I could, I went on to that place, stumbling

at every step, and yet as if led on by one who lifted me up again.

'"'There I beheld Pundarika lying on a couch made on a slab of

moonstone wet with showers of cool spray, close to the lake; it

was made of lotus-fibres like a garland of tender flowers from

all lilies, and seemed to be formed wholly of the points of Love's

arrows. Pundarika seemed from his great stillness to be listening for

the sound of my step. He seemed to have gained a moment's happiness in

sleep, as if Love's pain had been quenched by inward wrath; he seemed

engaged in a yoga penance of holding his breath, as an atonement

for his breach of ascetic duty; he seemed to murmur, with bright yet

trembling lip: "By thy deed am I come to this pass." He seemed pierced

by the moonbeams which, under the guise of his bright finger-nails

placed on a heart throbbing with Love's fire, fell on his back as he

lay averted in hatred of the moon. (325) He bore a mark on his brow

of a line of sandal, which, by its being pale from dryness, was like

a digit of Love's waning moon portending his own destruction. Life

seemed to leave him in anger, saying: "Fool, another is dearer to thee

than I!" His eyes were not wholly closed; their pupils were slightly

turned to look; they were red with ceaseless weeping; they seemed to

drop blood, since by failure of breath his tears were exhausted; and

they were partly curved in pain at Love's darts. He now experienced

the pain of unconsciousness, as if together with the torment of love he

were also yielding life itself; he seemed to meditate a new version of

Love's mystery, and to practise an unwonted retention of breath. His

life seemed to be carried off as a prize [281] by Love, who had in

kindness arranged my coming. On his brow was a sandal tripundraka mark;

he wore a sacrificial thread of juicy lotus-fibre; his dress clung

to his shoulder beautiful as the leaf that ensheathes a plantain;

his rosary had only the thickness of a single row; [282] the ashes on

his brow were of abundant white camphor-powder; he was fair with the

string of lotus-fibre, bound on his arm as an amulet; he seemed to wear

the garb of Love's vow, as if completing a charm for my coming. With

his eye he tenderly uttered the reproach: "Hard-hearted! I was but

followed by one glance, and never again received thy favour." (326)

His lips were slightly open, so that his form gleamed white in the

rays of his teeth, which came forth as if they were moonbeams that

had entered him to take away his life; with his left hand placed on

a heart breaking with the pain of love, he seemed to say: "Be kind,

depart not with my life, thou that art dear as life!" and so to hold

me firmly in his heart; his right hand, which from the uneven rays

of his nails jutting forth seemed to drop sandal, was raised as if to

ward off the moonlight; near him stood his pitcher, the friend of his

penance, with neck upright, as if it gazed at the path by which his

life was just rising; the garland of lotus-fibres which adorned his

neck bound him as if with a rope of moonbeams to lead him to another

world; and when, at the sight of me, Kapiñjala, with a cry of "Help,

help!" raised his hands, and crying aloud with redoubled tears, fell

on his neck, at that very moment I, wicked and ill-fated as I was,

beheld that noble youth yield up his life. The darkness of a swoon came

upon me, and I descended into hell; nor knew I anything of whither

I then went, or what I did or said. Neither knew I why my life did

not at that moment leave me; (327) whether from the utter hardness

of my stupefied heart, or from the callousness to bear thousands

of troubles of my wretched body, or from being fated to endure a

long grief, or from being a vessel of evil earned in another birth,

or from the skill of my cruel destiny in bestowing sorrow, or from

the singular perversity of malign accursed love. Only this I know:

that when at length in my misery I regained consciousness, I found

myself writhing on the ground, tortured, as if I had fallen on a fire,

by a grief too hard to bear. I could not believe aught so impossible

as that he should die and I yet live, and rising with a bitter cry of

"Alas, what is this--mother, father, friends?" I exclaimed: "Ah, my

Lord, thou who upholdest my life, speak to me! Whither goest thou,

pitilessly leaving me alone and protectorless? Ask Taralika what I

have suffered for thy sake. Hardly have I been able to pass the day,

drawn out into a thousand ages. Be gracious! Utter but one word! Show

tenderness to her that loves thee! Look but a little on me! Fulfil

my longing! I am wretched! I am loyal! I am thine in heart! I am

lordless! I am young! I am helpless! I am unhappy! I am bereft of

other refuge! I am vanquished by Love! Why showest thou no pity? Say

what I have done or left undone, what command I have neglected,

or in what thing pleasing to thee I have not shown affection, that

thou art wroth. (328) Fearest thou not the reproach of men in that

thou goest, deserting me, thy handmaid, without cause? Yet why think

of me, perverse and wicked, and skilled to deceive by false shows of

love! Alas, I yet live! Alas, I am accursed and undone! For why? I

have neither thee, nor honour, nor kinsfolk, nor heaven. Shame on

me, a worker of evil deeds, for whose sake this fate hath befallen

thee. There is none of so murderous a heart as I who went home,

leaving one so peerless as thou. What to me were home, mother,

father, kinsfolk, followers? Alas, to what refuge shall I flee? Fate,

show pity to me! I entreat thee. Lady of destiny, give me a boon of

mercy! Show compassion! Protect a lordless lady! Ye woodland goddesses,

be kind! Give back his life! Help, Earth, that bringest favours to

all! Night, showest thou no mercy? Father Kailasa, thy protection

I implore. Show thy wonted pity!" Such were my laments, so far as

I remember, and I murmured incoherently as one held by a demon,

or possessed or mad, or struck down by an evil spirit. In the tears

that fell in torrents upon me I was turned to water, I melted away,

I took upon me a shape of water; my laments, followed by the sharp

rays of my teeth, fell as if with showers of tears; (329) my hair,

with its flowers ever falling, seemed to shed teardrops, and my

very ornaments by the tears of pure gemlight that sprang from them

seemed to raise their lament. I longed for my own death as for his

life; I yearned to enter his heart with my whole soul, dead though

he were; with my hand I touched his cheeks, and his brow with the

roots of his hair, white with dry sandal, and his shoulders with the

lotus-fibres on them, and his heart covered with lotus-leaves and

flecks of sandal-juice. With the tender reproach, "Thou art cruel,

Pundarika! Thou carest nought that I am thus wretched!" I again

sought to win him back. I again embraced him, I again clasped his

neck, and wept aloud. Then I rebuked that string of pearls, saying:

"Ah, wicked one, couldst not even thou have preserved his life till

my coming?" Then again I fell at Kapiñjala's feet with the prayer,

"Be kind, my lord; restore him to life!" and again, clinging to

Taralika's neck, I wept. Even now, when I think of it, I know

not how these piteous, tender words came forth from my ill-fated

heart--words all unthought, unlearnt, untaught, unseen before;

nor whence these utterances arose; nor whence these heart-rending

cries of despair. My whole being was changed. (330) For there rose a

deluge wave of inward tears, the springs of weeping were set loose,

the buds of wailing came forth, the peaks of sorrow grew lofty and

a long line of madness was begun.' And so, as she thus told her own

tale, she seemed again to taste the bitterness of that former plight,

so cruel, and so hardly endured, and a swoon bereft her of sense. In

the force of her swoon she fell on the rock, and Candrapida hastily

stretched out his hand, like her servant, and supported her, full of

sorrow. At length he brought her back to consciousness by fanning

her with the edge of her own bark garment, wet with tears. Filled

with pity, and with his cheeks bathed in tears, he said to her,

as she came to life: 'Lady, it is by my fault that thy grief has

been brought back to its first freshness, and that thou hast come to

this pass. Therefore no more of this tale. Let it be ended. Even I

cannot bear to hear it. For the story even of past sorrow endured by

a friend pains us as if we ourselves were living through it. [283]

Thou wilt not therefore surely place on the fire of grief that life

so precious and so hardly preserved?' (331) Thus addressed, with a

long, hot sigh and eyes dissolved in tears, she despairingly replied:

'Prince, even in that dreadful night my hated life did not desert me;

[284] it is not likely that it will leave me now. Even blessed Death

turns away his eyes from one so ill-fated and wicked. Whence could

one so hard-hearted feel grief? all this can be but feigned in a

nature so vile. But be that as it may, that shameless heart has

made me chief among the shameless. For to one so adamantine as to

have seen love in all his power, and yet to have lived through this,

what can mere speaking of it matter?

'"'Or what could there be harder to tell than this very thing, which

is supposed to be impossible to hear or say? I will at least briefly

tell the marvel that followed on that thunderbolt, and I will tell,

too, what came as a tiny dim cause of my prolonging my life, which by

its mirage so deludes me that I bear about a hated body, almost dead,

alien to me, burdensome, unfitted to my needs, and thankless for my

care. That shall suffice. Afterwards, in a sudden change [285] of

feeling, with resolve firmly set on death, lamenting bitterly, I cried

to Taralika: "Rise, cruel-hearted girl; how long wilt thou weep? Bring

together wood and make a pile. I will follow the lord of my life."

(332) '"'Straightway a being swiftly left the moon's orb and descended

from the sky. Behind him he trailed a silken vesture hanging from

his crest, white as the foam of nectar, and waving in the wind;

his cheeks were reddened with the bright gems that swayed in his

ears; on his breast he bore a radiant necklace, from the size of its

pearls like a cluster of stars; his turban was tied with strips of

white silk; his head was thick with curling locks, and dark as bees;

his earring was an open moon lotus; on his shoulder was the impress

of the saffron lines that adorned his wives; he was white as a moon

lotus, lofty in stature, endowed with all the marks of greatness, and

godlike in form; he seemed to purify space by the light shed round him

clear as pure water, and to anoint it as by a thick frost with a dewy

ambrosial shower that created a chill as he shed it from his limbs,

cool and fragrant, and to besprinkle it with a rich store of goçirsha

[286] sandal-juice.

'"'With arms sturdy as the trunk of Airavata, and fingers white as

lotus-fibres and cool to the touch, he lifted my dead lord, (333)

and, in a voice deep as a drum, he said to me: "Mahaçveta, my child,

thou must not die; for thou shalt again be united with him!" And with

these words, tender as a father's, he flew into the sky with Pundarika.

'"'But this sudden event filled me with fear, dismay, and eager

anxiety, and with upraised face I asked Kapiñjala what it might

mean. He, however, started up hastily without replying, and with the

cry, "Monster, whither goest thou with my friend?" with uplifted eyes

and sudden wrath he hastily girt up his loins, and following him in

his flight, in hot pursuit he rose into the sky; and while I yet gazed

they all entered amongst the stars. But the departure of Kapiñjala was

to me like a second death of my beloved, and it redoubled my grief,

so that my heart was rent asunder. Bewildered what to do, I cried

to Taralika: "Knowest thou not? Tell me what this means!" But she,

with all a woman's timidity at the sight, was at that very moment

trembling in all her limbs, overcome by a fear stronger than her grief,

and was frightened, moreover, by the dread of my death; and so with

downcast heart she piteously replied: "Princess, wretch that I am,

I know not! Yet this is a great miracle. The man is of no mortal

mould, and thou wert pityingly comforted by him in his flight as by a

father. Such godlike beings are not wont to deceive us, even in sleep,

much less face to face; and when I think it over I cannot see the

least cause for his speaking falsely. (334) It is meet, therefore,

that thou shouldst weigh it, and restrain thy longing for death. In

thy present state it is in truth a great ground for comfort. Moreover,

Kapiñjala has gone in pursuit of Pundarika. From him thou canst learn

whence and who this being is, and why Pundarika on his death was by

him raised and carried off, and whither he is carried, and wherefore

thou wert consoled by him with the boon of a hope of reunion that

exceeds thought; then thou canst devote thyself either to life or

death. For when death is resolved upon, it is easy to compass. But

this can wait; for Kapiñjala, if he lives, will certainly not rest

without seeing thee; therefore let thy life be preserved till his

return." Thus saying, she fell at my feet. And I, from the thirst

for life that mortals find so hard to overcome, and from the weakness

of woman's nature, and from the illusion his words had created, and

from my anxiety for Kapiñjala's return, thought that that plan was

best for the time, and did not die. For what will not hope achieve?

'"'That night I spent in Taralika's company on the bank of the lake. To

my wretchedness it was like a night of doom, [287] drawn out to a

thousand years, all torment, all grief, all hell, all fire. (335)

Sleep was rooted out, and I tossed on the ground; my face was hidden

by the loosened and dishevelled tresses that clung to my cheeks,

wet with tears and gray with dust, and my throat was weak, for my

voice failed, broken with piteous weeping.

'"'At dawn I arose and bathed in the lake, and having formed my

resolve, I took, for love of Pundarika, his pitcher and his bark

garments and his rosary; for I clearly knew the worthlessness of the

world. I perceived my own lack of merit; I pictured to myself the

remediless cruelty of the blows of fate; I pondered the inevitableness

of grief; I beheld the harshness of destiny; I meditated the course

of love, rich in sorrow; I learnt the inconstancy of earthly things;

I considered the frailness of all joys. Father and mother were

disregarded; kinsfolk and followers abandoned; the joys of earth were

banished from my mind; the senses held in firm restraint.

'"'I took the ascetic vow, and sought the protection of Çiva, lord

of the three worlds and helper of the helpless. Next day my father

came, having somehow learnt my story, bringing with him my mother and

kinsfolk. Long he wept, and strove with all his might and by every

means--prayers, admonitions, and tender words of every kind--to lead

me home. (336) And when he understood my firm resolve, and knew that I

could not be turned from that infatuation, he could not, even though

without hope, part with his love for his child; and though I often

bade him go, he stayed for some days, and went home at length full

of grief, and with his heart hot within him.

'"'After his going, it was only by empty tears that I could show

my gratitude to my lord; by many a penance I wasted my hated body,

worn away by love of him, rich in ill, devoid of shame, ill-omened,

and the home of a thousand tortures of grief; I lived but on water

and the roots and fruits of the wood; under the guise of telling

my beads I counted his virtues; thrice a day I bathed in the lake;

I daily worshipped Çiva, and in this cell I dwelt with Taralika,

tasting the bitterness of a long grief. Such am I, evil, ill-omened,

shameless, cruel, cold, murderous, contemptible, useless, fruitless,

helpless, and joyless. (337) Why should one so noble as thou deign

to look on or speak with me, the doer of that monstrous crime, the

slaughter of a Brahman?' Thus saying, she covered her face with the

white edge of her bark garment, as if veiling the moon with a fleck

of autumn cloud, and, unable to quell the irresistible torrent of

her tears, she gave way to her sobs, and began to weep loud and long.