(Samantha’s parlor, books, easy chairs, pictures, a high backed rocker
covered with cretonne, placed so its occupant can see through the open
door into the kitchen. Samantha is dressed in dark gingham with white
collar and cuffs and white bib apron, she is arranging some books on
the table and talking to herself.)
SAMANTHA. Josiah wants the Rose Act and he shall have it, I don’t know
exactly how to perform it without rules. I know roses blow out, but
it can’t be men want that, they’re deadly opposed to their pardners
talkin’ on duty, which they call “blowin’ round.” (She steps forward
in front of rocker and looks thoughtful). I guess it means to keep
still and look pretty. (Looks up satisfied). I will try faithful to do
it right, I’m always very thorough in anything I undertake. I believe
that to allure and charm I must be in a settin’ poster. (Sits down
in rocker). I believe I ort to clasp my hands in a easy, graceful
attitude. (Clasps her hands across her waist). And to look winsome I
must smile some. (Smiles a good deal).
(Josiah enters kitchen with his basin of wagon grease in his hand. He
glances at the churn and says). Gracious heavens! hain’t that butter
finished? Nor the tea-kettle on at half-past leven! (Glances into
the parlor). What is the matter? (Steps inside of door). What is the
matter, Samantha?
SAMANTHA. (Smiles sweetly. Josiah yells). Why in the name of the
gracious Peter hain’t dinner under way?
(Samantha smiles).
JOSIAH. (Steps close to her). What are you tryin’ to do anyway,
Samantha?
SAMANTHA. (Calmly and firmly). I’m bein’ winsome, Josiah, and tryin’ to
allure and charm.
JOSIAH. You’re bein’ a gol-darned fool, that’s what you’re a-bein’!
SAMANTHA. (Smiling, murmurs gently). Sweet pet!
JOSIAH. (Stamps his feet in anger and yells). Sweet pet! Dum
foolishness! I shall lose the chance to sell that butter! And I’m
starved!!! (Flings himself around). Twenty-four hours since I eat a
mouful!
SAMANTHA. (Sweetly). Men are made to work for wimmen, dearest one. Them
angels hain’t made for work, or votin’, or any other hardship. (Sweetly
and smilingly). The cream is all ready for you to finish churnin’. The
chicken to brile is in the store-room, the potatoes and vegetables in
the suller. (Stops talking to give him three or four full smiles). The
mop is hangin’ up behind the back door, the stove brush and blackin’
in the suller-way, and the lamp-chimney cleaner is hangin’ over the
kitchen sink.
(Josiah had stood as if dumb foundered, now he yelled as he
straightened up.) Dum it all! What are _you_ goin’ to do?
SAMANTHA. I’m goin’ to charm and allure you, dear Josiah; wimmen are
made to charm men, they should do nothin’ important.
(Josiah drops into a chair, his arms hanging down at his side in a
despairing way and stares at her.)
SAMANTHA. A clean house is important, therefore I will not clean.
Eatin’ is important therefore I will not cook, I will emulate the
rose in its wisdom, I will charm and be silent. (She leans back in a
luxurious attitude and smiles a good deal at him).
JOSIAH. (Rising). Are you a consarned lunatick? Or what duz ail you?
(Puts on his glasses and looks closely at her. His angry looks changes
to one of deep anxiety and alarm. With his eye on her all the time
he edges off and reaches for the camphor bottle on a mantle in the
kitchen, takes it in one hand and then reaches for the soap stone on
the kitchen stove and carries it back in a scared fashion. He asks low
and appealingly). Don’t you want your back rubbed, Samantha? Where is
your worst pain? (He lays down the soap stun within easy reach on the
table and steps cautiously near). Won’t camfire relieve you? Shall I go
after Miss Gowdey or the doctor? (Steps to one side and looks round as
if uncertain what to do). Don’t you want your feet soaked? (Glancin’
towards the kitchen).
SAMANTHA. (Straightens up). Josiah Allen, I don’t want soap stuns or
camfire, I want reason and common sense in a pardner, that’s what I
want to relieve me. I have tried faithful to foller the rules you read
this mornin’. You said you loved the man that wrote ’em and if I would
only foller ’em you would be the happiest man in Jonesville or the
world. I have follered ’em for about twenty minutes and it has reduced
you to the condition of a lunatick. If twenty minutes has brung you to
this state, what would hours and days of it do and years? Now it has
made you lose your morals, tear round, use wicked language, break your
word to your grocer, and _act_. Now if you have had enough of allurin’
and charmin’ say so and I’ll stop it.
JOSIAH. (Moved uneasily around while she was speaking and then said).
Oh dum the piece! and dum the feller that wrote it!
SAMANTHA. (Leans back, clasps her hands and smiles, Josiah stamps on
the floor and kicks, Samantha smiles sweetly and murmurs). Sweet,
darling he-angel!
(Josiah runs his fingers through his hair till it stands on end,
stamps, kicks the boot-jack across the floor and loosens a panel in the
clothes press door. His anger seems to have spent itself in this, for
he turns to her and says mournfully). I haven’t had a mouful to eat for
forty-eight hours. (Putting his hand to his head as if in despair for a
minute or two, then lifting his head he says). Dear Samantha, I’ve had
enough of the Rose Act, and I’m willin’ to have you vote, I want you
to, I’ll carry you to the pole myself and swear you in if I go to jail
the next minute.
SAMANTHA. (Getting up and going towards the kitchen). Be megum, Josiah,
don’t go too fast.
JOSIAH. I tell you Samantha, I’ve had enough allurin’ and charmin’ to
last me through a long life, now I want some meat vittles, and I want
’em quick!