TRIED AS BY FIRE.
There are moments in one's career when one knows as clearly as if
written in letters of fire that one's whole future may depend on an
action or a word. Both may appear insignificant enough in themselves,
and yet that one little action, that one little word, may be
all-sufficient to make or mar a life.
Pearl was fully aware of this fact as she saw Lord Martinworth with
outstretched hands, his face and eyes all aglow, coming towards her. The
moment was portentous! Her first instinct was to greet him with all the
pent-up feelings of years, and to throw herself into his arms; but
realizing how greatly everything depended on her self-control, she took
refuge in silence and inaction, and shrinking back behind her chair, she
waited with down-cast eyes for him to speak.
Lord Martinworth did not appear to resent her silence, or to notice the
fear and unrest of her movement. The chair acted as no barrier to his
impetuosity, and brushing it aside he seized her two hands and kept them
within his own.
"At last, Pearl," he said in a low voice, "at last I have found you."
She did not reply, but slowly raising her eyes to his, gazed long and
steadily into his face.
What she saw was a man approaching middle age, with lined face and
saddened eyes, and _not_ the Martinworth whom she had known.
She had left behind her a man with dark hair, frank and laughing blue
eyes, and a mobile and expressive mouth. He whom she saw before her now
had hair thickly sprinkled with grey, his eyes, blue as in days of yore,
laughed no longer, but gleamed mournfully and somewhat wildly from
beneath the finely marked eyebrows, while the beauty of the well shaped
mouth was marred by certain hard and scornful lines that surrounded the
slightly parted lips. His very figure seemed altered. He was a tall man,
and had formerly been remarkable for his erect carriage. Now there was a
stoop in the shoulders, and in spite of the well-cut frock coat, his
stature seemed to Pearl to have decreased.
All these outward examples of change, these slight signs of
degeneration, struck Pearl with a sudden chill. She let her eyes rest on
the man before her, feeling as if she were in the presence of a
stranger.
"Why do you not speak to me?" he asked at last. "Have you no word of
welcome for me, Pearl?"
"I do not seem to know you," answered Pearl sadly, as she withdrew her
hands from his. "You are changed, very changed. You are not the Dick
Martinworth I remember."
"You find me changed? Doubtless I am. Well! I will credit you with
believing that it does not give you much pleasure to look at a wretched,
a broken-hearted man. To gaze at your own handiwork," he answered
bitterly.
"My handiwork?" faltered Pearl.
"Yes, your handiwork. Listen, Pearl! God knows I did not come here with
the intention of reproaching you, but nevertheless I must tell you a
little of the harm that you have done. The man who loved his occupations
and enjoyed all that life had to give him, now has taste for none of
these things, but on the contrary is possessed,--poor soul,--with the
demon of perpetual unrest. The man who had a certain faith in purity and
truth, and was not otherwise than happy in that faith, now doubts
whether such things really exist. And yet, Pearl, I did believe in
goodness and in truth, for I believed in _you_. You left me, after years
of waiting and of longing, left me at the moment I thought my dearest
hopes were to be realised. You threw me a letter and left me,--and in so
doing you have ruined my life. Yes, you have ruined my future and my
life."
As Martinworth was speaking, his eyes grew larger and wilder, and Pearl
shrank back further behind the chair.
"I did it for the best," she murmured in a smothered voice, "Dick, I did
it for your sake."
He took a step towards her, and clasped her by the wrist.
"Oh, Pearl! You dare to stand there and to tell me that lie. You tell me
you did it for my sake, when you know it was only of yourself, it was
only of your own reputation, your own good name, you were thinking. I'm
not a fool, Pearl, whatever you may think me, and it was easy enough to
read through the falseness, the hypocrisy of that letter you wrote me.
Why, during all those years we knew and loved each other, were you not
always considering, always fearful of what the world--your little mean
world--would say? And it was just because you drew your own conclusions
as to what would be the verdict of that world if you married me, that
without one word of warning, you left me. And you tell me now you did it
for the best, that you did it for my sake. May God forgive you!" and
walking to the chimney-piece Martinworth buried his face in his hands.
Pearl was very pale as she came and stood before him.
"And you believe _that_," she said--"you believe that of _me_? You are
actually capable of believing that I, whom you loved all those years,
and who, despite your present accusations, in spite of that overwhelming
fear of the world's opinion you speak of, you well know, braved that
world many and many a time for your sake. You are capable of believing
that I, who already had sacrificed so much for you, could lie to
you--lie to you at such a supreme moment? If such is the case, Lord
Martinworth, I feel, that whatever may have been the motive at the time,
the mean, interested one that you lay to my charge, or the
single-hearted one of self-sacrifice, which before God I swear it was,
whatever I repeat, may have been the motive--I bless Heaven for the
instinct that prompted me to leave you. The man who can harbour such a
thought of the woman he professes to love, is only worthy to be despised
and scorned, as I despise and scorn you now!"
Martinworth had evidently not expected this furious onslaught. His face
expressed the utmost astonishment, the utmost dismay.
"Pearl--Pearl," he cried, "calm yourself, I pray you. What are you
calling me? What are you saying? If I have wronged you----"
"Wronged me," she interrupted, as she cast the hand away that he had
stretched towards her, "you have not only wronged me, but you have
insulted me with the injustice of such mean, such paltry thoughts. Oh,
leave me. Why have you come here to disturb me? I have been happy enough
these last three forgetting years. Leave me, I implore you. You are
married. Go back to your wife, to the wife who loves you, and leave me
in peace."
Martinworth looked up with a strange light in his eyes. "My wife?" he
said, "what has _she_ got to do in this matter? Have you seen her?"
"Yes, she has been here. Go back to her. Go back and leave me. This
interview is most distressing to me. It is painful to us both. It were
surely best to end it? Perhaps later on we may be calmer, and able to
meet without mutual reproaches, mutual regrets. Now we are both of us
angry and bitter. Oh! how could you say those things of me? I beg you to
go. I can never, never forget what you have just said. Go, Dick--go!"
Tears stood in her eyes, as she held out her hand as a token of
farewell. Martinworth took it and kept it within his own. His face had
become softer as she was speaking, and Pearl at last realised, as he
gazed fixedly at her, with the well-known devoted look of old, that
standing before her was indeed the Dick Martinworth she had always
loved. The colour flew into her cheeks, and her heart beat as once again
she felt his touch, the contact of his hand, and her thoughts went back
to scenes and days gone-by. He was looking at her with those beautiful
eyes of his. They had lost their wildness now, and were gazing down into
hers, with a world of regret, of tenderness, and of sorrow in their
depths.
"Sit down," he said, quietly, "I wish to speak to you, Pearl, before I
go. You must listen to me dear."
She let him press her gently back into a low chair, and he knelt down
beside her, taking her two hands in his. He heard her heart throbbing,
and before she knew what he was premeditating, he leant forward and
kissed her lips. Pearl closed her eyes, as for one brief moment her head
rested on his shoulder, and his lips clung to hers. Then she pushed him
from her, and rose from her chair.
"Ah, leave me, Dick!" she cried. "What are you premeditating? What are
you doing? Do not take hold of me any more. Do not kiss me again. Do not
touch me--but leave me--leave me."
He had sprung to his feet.
"I cannot leave you," he said. "I have loved you so long, Pearl. I lost
you, I have found you, and do you think I can leave you now? I can live
no longer without you."
"Oh, no, no, no!" she cried, "you must not love me now. I cannot forfeit
my salvation even for you, Dick. Leave me--and never come back. I
implore you, never come back again!"
"You tell me to go, Pearl, but you still care for me. I see it in your
face, your eyes. I know you love me, as much as you have always loved
me, and tell me what is salvation compared with our love? Our great
absorbing love. Oh, come to me, my Pearl. I have waited for you so long,
so very long, and have found you again after all these years. Though
many and many a time I have railed against you, and even cursed you,
Pearl, I have never ceased to love you, dear, to dream of you as mine.
And now, once more we are together, and we must never be parted again,
Pearl, my Pearl!"
He ceased, but the words still rang in her ears--We must never be parted
again, Pearl, my Pearl! The sound intoxicated her. With beating heart,
and eyes shining like stars, she went towards him. "Dick," she cried
breathlessly, "I shall lose my soul for all eternity--I shall lose it
now in spite of all my many years of fighting and of striving. But,
after all, I am but a woman, and I love you. Yes! I love you. I long for
you as much--ah! more--ah! more--than you have ever longed for me. I am
only a woman, a poor, weak, tempted woman. What can I do against you,
who are so strong? Therefore I come to you, my love--I come!"
She flew to his arms and he folded her within them. This time she gave
him back kiss for kiss.
"Wait," she said a minute later, unclasping his arms from her neck,
"wait a moment, and let me think."
"No, no, no," he cried, "you must not think; you must not wait to think.
Come with me now. Come away from this place. Come with me, darling,
where we can live forgotten and unknown."
She did not seem to hear him. She had walked towards the window, and was
gazing out into the garden, where, round the shrubs and flowers, the
twilight was quickly gathering. She stood there motionless for many
minutes, it seemed to him, then she turned and faced him. Round the lips
there was a look of great and stern resolve, though the eyes were
softened by unshed tears.
"No," she said, "I have changed my mind. I will not--I will never go
with you! My resolution must not--cannot--be altered. Dear Dick, I
implore you to go, to leave me now, for I will not come between your
wife and you. I have promised her."
"My wife!--my wife!--why drag in my wife again?" he cried. "What is she
to you? What is she to me? I tell you, Pearl, she is nothing to me, and
I am less than nothing to her. She goes her way and I go mine. She has
her friends, I have mine. She is my wife only in name. And you compare
this--this arrangement to the perfect love that you and I have for each
other,--to the devotion of years? You will let this wretched, this
unnatural state of things stand between us? No, you shall not do so,
Pearl! God knows I am accustomed enough to your--to women's moods. But a
minute ago you said you would come with me, you were even willing to
sacrifice your salvation for my sake. Why change now? You shall not
change now. You are bound to me by your flight--by your word, by our
love, by--by--everything, and, by God! you _shall_ come."
And he caught her once more in his arms, kissing her hands and face.
She wrenched herself free.
"Dick," she said, with eyes large with fear, and warding him off with
her hands, "listen to me, I pray you. You are wrong about your wife,
totally, entirely wrong. You may not love her, but she loves you,
deeply, truly. Indeed she does. She wept to-day when she mentioned your
name. I promised her, recklessly perhaps, that I would be her friend. It
was a foolish, a rash promise, I know, but while I have breath in my
body I intend to keep it. So go back to her, Dick. She loves you. Oh,
Dick, in the old days you always listened to me. You always did what I
desired. Once more I beg, I implore you to do so now, and to leave me."
"But to-day is not yesterday, and I will listen no longer. You have
fooled me too often, Pearl. You are free now, and you shall be mine for
ever and ever. Do you hear? For ever and ever," and once again he was
going towards her with outstretched arms, when he stopped abruptly in
his approach.
The varied trials and excitements of the day had resulted in one
termination, and that a natural one. Pearl's overstrained nerves at
length gave way. With a cry like a wounded animal she threw herself on
the sofa, her head buried in the cushions, sobbing in all the
abandonment of grief and fear, while Lord Martinworth,--standing
perfectly still,--watched her.
In the many years he had known and loved Pearl he had never seen her
weep before. No, not even that time years ago, when she had bared her
arm and shown him the bruises caused by her husband's blow. As he
watched her now in bitter silence, he perceived perhaps for the first
time, the terrible struggle between right and wrong that he had aroused,
and a hitherto unknown feeling of utter contempt, complete abhorrence of
self welled up within him. He knew now that he had conquered in the
fight, that he had but to take her within his arms and she would be his,
body and soul--his for ever. But the certainty of this knowledge brought
him no triumph, no joy. For once he saw himself as he was, and the
inequality of the contest, the self-acknowledged cowardice of his
present conduct, brought a flush of humiliation and of shame to his
cheeks. He stood for a moment hesitating as he watched the quivering
form and listened to the stifled sobs. He took one step towards her. He
gently touched her hair. Then he paused, and with a parting glance
revealing both grief and remorse, without a word he turned and fled.
And Pearl, lying there with her head buried in the cushions, heard the
door close, the retreating footsteps, and the noise of the carriage
driving away, and then, but only then, she understood that she had
banished him for all eternity. She rushed to the open window, and cried
to him in a voice sharp with agony; but the occupant of the carriage was
far beyond the sound of her call, and once more she threw herself on the
sofa and hid her face in her hands.
"What have I done?" she cried aloud. "I have sent him away--I have sent
him away. Oh! what made me do it? How could I do this thing? What do I
care for duty and honour? And his wife--what is she to me? What right
had she to exact such a promise from me? Why should I be her friend? She
is my enemy, not my friend. And her husband, my love, my only love, I
have sent away, I have sent away."
Thus Pearl raved while the night closed in upon her. And yet that
evening as she knelt by her bedside this prayer was uttered in all
sincerity from the depths of her heart:--
"Oh God," she prayed, "keep him away from me, for I am very weak and he
is strong. Keep him from me--keep him from me."
For two days, morning, noon, and night, that prayer was offered up to
the throne of Heaven. The third day and the fourth it passed her lips
haltingly but once. The fifth, sixth, and seventh days it was uttered no
more.
Hardly a week had gone by, when one morning, with a racking head and
trembling fingers, Pearl sat herself down by her writing table. She did
not hesitate as she took the pen and wrote these words:--
"My heart's darling:
"I know now what I have done. I have sent you away. You whom I
love and have ever loved. Come back to me. Come to me after
dinner to-night, and I will teach you what a woman's sacrifice,
a woman's love can be."
"PEARL."