On a certain day a fair and a gathering were held at Bineadar, by the
seven ordinary and seven extraordinary battalions of the Fenians of
Erinn. In the course of the day, on casting a look over the broad expanse
of the sea, they beheld a large, smooth-sided, and proud-looking ship
ploughing the waves from the east, and approaching them under full sail.
When the capacious vessel touched the shore and lowered her sails, the
Fenians of Erinn counted upon seeing a host of men disembark from her;
and great was their surprise when one warrior, and no more, came out
of the ship and landed on the beach. He was a hero of the largest make
of body, the strongest of champions, and the finest of the human race;
and in this wise was the kingly warrior equipped:--an impenetrable
helmet of polished steel encased his ample and beautiful head; a
deep-furrowed, thick-backed, sharp-edged sword hung at his left side; and
a purple bossed shield was slung over his shoulder. Such were his chief
accoutrements; and armed in this fashion and manner did the stranger come
into the presence of Finn Mac Coole and the Fenians of Erinn.
It was then that Finn, the King of the Fenians, addressed the heroic
champion, and questioned him, saying, “From what quarter of the globe
hast thou come unto us, O goodly youth? or from which of the noble or
ignoble races of the universe art thou sprung? Who art thou?”
“I am,” answered the stranger, “Ironbones, the son of the King of
Thessaly; and so far as I have travelled on this globe, since the day
that I left my own land, I have laid every country, peninsula, and
island, under contribution to my sword and my arm: this I have done even
to the present hour; and my desire is to obtain the crown and tribute of
this country in like manner: for if I obtain them not, I purpose to bring
slaughter of men and deficiency of heroes and youthful warriors on the
seven ordinary and seven extraordinary battalions of the Fenian host.
Such, O king, is the object of my visit to this country, and such is my
design in landing here.”
Hereupon uprose Conán the Bald, and said, “Of a truth, my friend, it
seems to me that you have come upon a foolish enterprise, and that to
the end of your life, and the close of your days, you will not be able
to accomplish your purpose; because from the beginning of ages until
now, no man ever heard of a hero or ever saw a champion coming with any
such mighty design to Ireland, who did not find his match in that same
country.”
But Ironbones replied: “I make but very little account of your speech,
Conán,” said he: “for if all the Fenian heroes who have died within the
last seven years were now in the world, and were joined by those who
are now living, I would visit all of them with the sorrow of death and
show all of them the shortness of life in one day; nevertheless I will
make your warriors a more peaceable proposal. I challenge you then, O
warriors, to find me a man among you who can vanquish me in running,
in fighting, or in wrestling; if you can do this, I shall give you no
further trouble, but return to my own country without loitering here any
longer.”
“And pray,” inquired Finn, “which of those three manly exercises that you
have named will it please you to select for the first trial of prowess?”
To this Ironbones answered, “If you can find for me any one champion of
your number who can run faster than I can, I will give you no further
annoyance, but depart at once to my own country.”
“It so happens,” said Finn, “that our Man of Swiftness, Keelte Mac Ronan,
is not here at present to try his powers of running with you; and as he
is not, it were better, O hero, that you should sojourn here a season
with the Fenians, that you and they may mutually make and appreciate each
other’s acquaintance by means of conversation and amusements, as is our
wont. In the meanwhile I will repair to Tara of the Kings in quest of
Keelte Mac Ronan; and if I have not the good fortune to find him there, I
shall certainly meet with him at Ceis-Corann of the Fenii, from whence I
shall without delay bring him hither to meet you.”
To this Ironbones agreed, saying that he was well satisfied with what
Finn proposed; and thereupon Finn proceeded on his way towards Tara of
the Kings, in search of Keelte. Now, it fell out that as he journeyed
along he missed his way, so that he came to a dense, wide, and gloomy
wood, divided in the midst by a broad and miry road or pathway. Before he
had advanced more than a very little distance on this road, he perceived
coming directly towards him an ugly, detestable looking giant, who wore
a grey frize coat, the skirts of which reached down to the calves of
his legs, and were bespattered with yellow mud to the depth of a hero’s
hand; so that every step he made, the lower part of that coat struck
with such violence against his legs as to produce a sound that could be
distinctly heard a full mile of ground off. Each of the two legs that
sustained the unwieldy carcase of this horrible hideous monster was like
the mast of a great ship, and each of the two shoes that were under his
shapeless, horny, long-nailed hoofs, resembled a roomy long-sided boat;
and every time that he lifted his foot, and at every step that he walked,
he splashed up from each shoe a good barrelful of mire and water on the
lower part of his body. Finn gazed in amazement at the colossal man, for
he had never before seen any one so big and bulky; yet he would have
passed onward and continued his route, but the giant stopped and accosted
him, and Finn was under the necessity of stopping also, and exchanging a
few words with the giant.
The giant began in this manner:--“What, ho! Finn Mac Coole,” said he,
“what desire for travelling is this that has seized on you, and how far
do you mean to go upon this journey?”
“Oh,” said Finn, “as to that, my trouble and anxiety are so great that I
cannot describe them to you now, and indeed small is the use,” added he,
“it would be of to me to attempt doing so; and I think it would be better
for you to let me go on my way without asking any more questions of me.”
But the giant was not so easily put off. “O Finn,” said he, “you may keep
your secret if you like, but all the loss and the misfortune attending
your silence will be your own; and when you think well upon that, maybe
you would not boggle any longer about disclosing to me the nature of your
errand.”
So Finn, seeing the huge size of the giant, and thinking it advisable
not to provoke him, began to tell him all that had taken place among the
Fenians of Erinn so short a time before. “You must know,” said he, “that
at the meridian hour of this very day the great Ironbones, the son of
the King of Thessaly, landed at the harbour of Bineadar, with the view
of taking the crown and sovereignty of Ireland into his own hands; and
if he does not obtain them with the free and good will of the Irish, he
threatens to distribute death and destruction impartially among the young
and old of our heroes; howbeit he has challenged us to find a man able to
surpass him in running, fighting, or wrestling, and if we can find such a
man, then he agrees to forego his pretensions, and to return to his own
country without giving us further trouble; and that,” said Finn, “is the
history that I have for you.”
“And how do you intend to oppose the royal warrior?” asked the giant; “I
know him well, and I know he has the vigour in his hand and the strength
in his arm to carry every threat he makes into effect.”
“Why, then,” said Finn, in answer to this, “I intend to go to Tara of
the Kings for Keelte Mac Ronan, and if I do not find him there, I will
go to look for him at Ceis-Corann of the Fenii; and it is he,” said he,
“whom I mean to bring with me for the purpose of vanquishing this hero in
running.”
“Alas!” said the giant, “weak is your dependence and feeble your champion
for propping and preserving the monarchy of Ireland; and if Keelte
Mac Ronan be your _Tree of Defiance_, you are already a man without a
country.”
“It is I, then,” said Finn, “who am sorry you should say so; and what to
do in this extremity I cannot tell.”
“I will show you,” replied the gigantic man: “just do you say nothing at
all but accept of me as the opponent of this champion; and it may happen
that I shall be able to get you out of your difficulty.”
“O,” said Finn, “for the matter of that, it is my own notion that you
have enough to do if you can carry your big coat and drag your shoes with
you one half mile of ground in a day, without trying to rival such a hero
as Ironbones in valour or agility.”
“You may have what notions you like,” returned the giant, “but I tell you
that if I am not able to give battle to this fighting hero, there never
has been and there is not now a man in Ireland able to cope with him. But
never mind, Finn Mac Coole, let not your spirits be cast down, for I will
take it on myself to deliver you from the danger that presses on you.”
“What is your name?” demanded Finn.
“Bodach-an-Chota-Lachtna (the Churl with the Grey Coat) is my name,” the
giant answered.
“Well, then,” said Finn, “you will do well to come along with me.” So
Finn turned back, and the Bodach went with him; but we have no account of
their travels till they reached Bineadar. There, when the Fians beheld
the Bodach attired in such a fashion and trim, they were all very much
surprised, for they had never before seen the like of him; and they were
greatly overjoyed that he should make his appearance among them at such a
critical moment.
As for Ironbones, he came before Finn, and asked him if he had got the
man who was to contend with him in running. Finn made answer that he
had, and that he was present among them; and thereupon he pointed out
the Bodach to him. But as soon as Ironbones saw the Bodach, he was
seized with astonishment, and his courage was damped at the sight of
the gigantic proportions of the mighty man, but he pretended to be only
very indignant, and exclaimed, “What! do you expect me to demean myself
by engaging in a contest with such an ugly, greasy, hateful-looking
Bodach as that? It is myself that will do no such thing!” said he; and he
stepped back and would not go near the Bodach.
When the Bodach saw and heard this, he burst into a loud, hoarse,
thunderous laugh, and said, “Come, Ironbones, this will not do; I am not
the sort of person you affect to think me; and it is you that shall have
proof of my assertion before to-morrow evening; so now, let me know,”
said he, “what is to be the length of the course you propose to run over,
for over the same course it is my own intention to run along with you;
and if I do not succeed in running that distance with you, it is a fair
conclusion that you win the race, and in like manner if I do succeed in
outstripping you, then it stands to reason that you lose the race.”
“There is sense and rationality in your language,” replied Ironbones, for
he saw that he must submit, “and I agree to what you say, but it is my
wish not to have the course shorter or longer than three score miles.”
“Well,” said the Bodach, “that will answer me too, for it is just three
score miles from Mount Loocra in Munster to Bineadar; and it will be a
pleasant run for the pair of us; but if you find that I am not able to
finish it before you, of course the victory is yours.”
Ironbones replied that he would not contradict so evident a proposition,
whereupon the Bodach resumed: “What it is proper for you to do now,” said
he, “is to come along with me southward to Mount Loocra this evening, in
order that we may make ourselves acquainted with the ground we are to
go over to-morrow on our return; and we can stop for the night on the
Mount, so that we may be able to start with the break of day.” To this
also Ironbones acceded, saying it was a judicious speech, and that he had
nothing to object to it.
Upon this the two competitors commenced their journey, and little was the
delay they made until they arrived at Mount Loocra in Munster. As soon as
they had got thither, the Bodach again addressed Ironbones, and told him
that he thought their best plan would be to build a hut in the adjoining
wood, that so they might be protected from the inclemency of the night:
“for it seems to me, O son of the King of Thessaly,” said he, “that if
we do not, we are likely to have a hard couch and cold quarters on this
exposed hill.”
To this Ironbones made reply as thus: “You may do so, if you please, O
Bodach of the Big Coat, but as for me, I am Ironbones, and care not for
dainty lodging; and I am mightily disinclined to give myself the trouble
of building a house hereabouts only to sleep in it one night and never
see it again; howbeit, if you are desirous of employing your hands there
is nobody to cross you; you may build, and I shall stay here until you
have finished.”
“Very good,” said the Bodach, “and build I will; but I shall take good
care that a certain person who refuses to assist me shall have no share
in my sleeping-room, should I succeed in making it as comfortable as I
hope to do;” and with this he betook himself into the wood, and began
cutting down and shaping pieces of timber with the greatest expedition,
never ceasing until he had got together six pair of stakes and as many of
rafters, which with a sufficient quantity of brushwood and green rushes
for thatch, he carried, bound in one load, to a convenient spot, and
there set them up at once in regular order; and this part of his work
being finished, he again entered the wood, and carried from thence a good
load of dry green sticks, which he kindled into a fire that reached from
the back of the hut to the door.
While the fire was blazing merrily he left the hut, and again addressing
his companion, said to him, “O son of the King of Thessaly, called by men
Ironbones, are you provided with provisions for the night, and have you
eatables and drinkables to keep you from hunger and thirst?”
“No, I have not,” said Ironbones proudly; “it is myself that used never
to be without people to provide victuals for me when I wanted them,” said
he.
“Well, but,” said the Bodach, “you have not your people near you now, and
so the best thing you can do is to come and hunt with me in the wood, and
my hand to you, we shall soon have enough of victuals for both of us.”
“I never practised pedestrian hunting,” said Ironbones; “and with the
like of you I never hunted at all; and I don’t think I shall begin now,”
said he, in a very dignified sort of way.
“Then I must try my luck by myself,” said the Bodach; and off again he
bounded into the wood, and after he had gone a little way he roused a
herd of wild swine and pursued them into the recesses of the wood, and
there he succeeded in separating from the rest the biggest and fattest
hog of the herd, which he soon ran down and carried to his hut, where he
slaughtered it, and cut it into two halves, one of which he placed at
each side of the fire on a self-moving holly-spit. He then darted out
once more, and stopped not until he reached the mansion of the Baron of
Inchiquin, which was thirty miles distant, from whence he carried off a
table and a chair, two barrels of wine, and all the bread fit for eating
he could lay his hands on, all of which he brought to Mount Loocra in one
load. When he again entered his hut, he found his hog entirely roasted
and in nice order for mastication; so he laid half the meat and bread on
the table, and sitting down, disposed of them with wonderful celerity,
drinking at the same time precisely one barrel of the wine, and no more,
for he reserved the other, as well as the rest of the solids, for his
breakfast in the morning. Having thus finished his supper, he shook a
large bundle of green rushes over the floor, and laying himself down,
soon fell into a comfortable sleep, which lasted until the rising of the
sun next morning.
As soon as the morning was come, Ironbones, who had got neither food nor
sleep the whole night, came down from the mountain’s side and awoke the
Bodach, telling him that it was time to commence their contest. The
Bodach raised his head, rubbed his eyes, and replied, “I have another
hour to sleep yet, and when I get up I have to eat half a hog and drink a
barrel of wine; but as you seem to be in a hurry, you have my consent to
proceed on your way before me: and you may be sure I will follow you.” So
saying, he laid his head down and fell again a-snoring; and upon seeing
this, Ironbones began the race by himself, but he moved along heavily and
dispiritedly, for he began to have great dread and many misgivings, by
reason of the indifference with which the Bodach appeared to regard the
issue of the contest.
When the Bodach had slept his fill he got up, washed his hands and face,
and having placed his bread and meat on the table, he proceeded to devour
them with great expedition, and then washed them down with his barrel of
wine; after which he collected together all the bones of the hog and put
them into a pocket in the skirt of his coat. Then setting out on his race
in company with a pure and cool breeze of wind, he trotted on and on, nor
did he ever halt on his rapid course until he had overtaken Ironbones,
who with a dejected air and drooping head was wending his way before him.
The Bodach threw down the bare bones of the hog in his path, and told
him he was quite welcome to them, and that if he could find any pickings
on them he might eat them, “for,” said he, “you must surely be hungry by
this time, and myself can wait until you finish your breakfast.”
But Ironbones got into a great passion on hearing this, and he cried,
“You ugly Bodach with the Big Coat, you greasy, lubberly, uncouth tub of
a man, I would see you hanged, so I would, before you should catch me
picking such dirty common bones as these--hogs’ bones, that have no meat
on them at all, and have moreover been gnawed by your own long, ugly,
boarish tusks.”
“O, very well,” replied the Bodach, “then we will not have any more words
about them for bones; but let me recommend to you to adopt some more
rapid mode of locomotion, if you desire to gain the crown, sovereignty,
and tributes of the kingdom of Ireland this turn, for if you go on at
your present rate, it is second best that you will be after coming off,
I’m thinking.” And having so spoken, off he darted as swift as a swallow,
or a roebuck, or a blast of wind rushing down a mountain declivity on a
March day, Ironbones in the meantime being about as much able to keep
pace with him as he was to scale the firmament; nor did he check his own
speed until he had proceeded thirty miles on the course. He then stopped
for a while to eat of the blackberries which grew in great abundance on
the way, and while he was thus employed, Ironbones came up with him and
spoke to him. “Bodach,” said he, “ten miles behind us I saw one skirt of
your grey coat, and ten miles farther back again I saw another skirt; and
it is my persuasion, and I am clearly of the opinion, that you ought to
return for these two skirts without more to do, and pick them up.”
“Is it the skirts of this big coat that I have on me you mean?” asked the
Bodach, looking down at his legs.
“Why, to be sure it is them that I mean,” answered Ironbones.
“Well,” said the Bodach, “I certainly must get my coat skirts again;
and so I will run back for them if you consent to stop here eating
blackberries until I return.”
“What nonsense you talk!” cried Ironbones. “I tell you I am decidedly
resolved not to loiter on the race; and my fixed determination is not to
eat any blackberries.”
“Then move on before me,” said the Bodach, upon which Ironbones pushed
onward, while the Bodach retraced his steps to the different spots where
the skirts of his coat were lying, and having found them and tacked
them to the body of the coat, he resumed his route and again overtook
Ironbones, whom he thus addressed: “It is needful and necessary that I
should acquaint you of one thing, O Ironbones, and that is, that you
must run at a faster rate than you have hitherto used, and keep pace
with me on the rest of the course, or else there is much likelihood and
considerable probability that the victory will go against you, because
I will not again have to go back either for my coat-skirts or anything
else;” and having given his companion this warning, he set off once
more in his usual manner, nor did he stop until he reached the side of
a hill, within ten miles of Bineadar, where he again fell a-plucking
blackberries, and ate an extraordinary number of them. When he could eat
no more, his jaws being tired and his stomach stuffed, he took off his
great coat, and handling his needle and thread, he sewed it into the
form of a capacious sack, which he filled with blackberries; this he
slung over his shoulders, and then off he scampered for Bineadar, greatly
refreshed, and with the speed of a young buck.
In the meantime Finn and his troops were awaiting in great doubt and
dread the result of the race, though, without knowing who the Bodach was,
they had a certain degree of confidence in him; and there was a champion
of the Fenians on the top of the Hill of Howth, who had been sent thither
by Finn, and had been there from an early hour of the morning to see
which of the competitors would make his appearance first in view. When
this man saw the Bodach coming over the nearest eminence, with his heavy
burden on his back, he thought that to a certainty it was Ironbones
whom he beheld, and fled back quite terrified to Finn and the troops,
telling them Ironbones was coming up, carrying the Bodach dead over his
shoulders. This news at first depressed Finn and the troops; but Finn by
and bye exclaimed, “I will give a suit of armour and arms to the man who
brings me better news than that!” whereupon one of the heroes went forth,
and he had not proceeded far when he espied the Bodach advancing towards
the outposts of the troops, and knowing him at a glance, he flew back to
Finn and announced to him the glad tidings.
Finn thereupon went joyfully out to meet the Bodach, who speedily came
up and threw down his burden, crying out aloud, “I have good and famous
news for all of you; but,” added he, “my hunger is great, and my desire
for food pressing; and I cannot tell you what has occurred until I have
eaten a very large quantity of oatmeal and blackberries. Now, as for the
latter, that is, the blackberries, I have got them myself in this big
sack, but the oatmeal I expect to be provided for me by you; and I hope
that you will lose no time in getting it, and laying it before me, for I
am weak for the want of nutriment, and my corporeal powers are beginning
to be exhausted.” Upon hearing this Finn replied that his request should
be at once attended to, and in a little space of time, accordingly, there
was spread under the Bodach a cloth of great length and breadth, with a
vast heap of oatmeal in the middle of it, into which the Bodach emptied
out all the blackberries in his bag; and having stirred the entire mess
about for some time with a long pole, he commenced eating and swallowing
with much vigour and determination.
He had not been long occupied in this way before he descried Ironbones
coming towards the troops with his hand on the hilt of his sword,
his eyes flaming like red coals in his head, and ready to commence
slaughtering all before him because he had been vanquished in the
contest. But he was not fated to put his designs into execution, for when
the Bodach saw what wickedness he had in his mind, he took up a handful
of the oatmeal and blackberries, and dashing it towards Ironbones with
an unerring aim, it struck him so violently on the face that it sent his
head spinning through the air half a mile from his body, which fell to
the ground and there remained writhing in all the agonies of its recent
separation, until the Bodach had concluded his meal. The Bodach then rose
up and went in quest of the head, which after a little searching about
he found; and casting it from his hands with an unerring aim, he sent
it bowling along the ground all the half mile back again, until coming
to the body it stopped and fastened itself on as well as ever, the only
difference being that the face was now turned completely round to the
back of the neck, while the back of the head was in front.
The Bodach having accomplished this feat much to his satisfaction,
now grasped Ironbones firmly by the middle, threw him to the ground,
tied him hand and foot so that he could not stir, and addressed him in
these words: “O Ironbones, justice has overtaken you: the sentence your
own vain mind had passed on others is about to be pronounced against
yourself; and all the liberty that I feel disposed to leave you is the
liberty of choosing what kind of death you think it most agreeable to
die of. What a silly notion you did get into your noddle, surely, when
you fancied that you, single-handed, could make yourself master of the
crown, sovereignty, and tributes of Ireland, even though there had been
nobody to thwart your arrogant designs but myself! But take comfort and
be consoled, for it shall never be said of the Fians of Ireland that
they took mortal vengeance on a single foe without any warriors to back
him; and if you be a person to whom life is a desirable possession, I am
willing to allow you to live, on condition that you will solemnly swear
by the sun and moon that you will send the chief tributes of Thessaly
every year to Finn Mac Coole here in Ireland.”
With many wry faces did Ironbones at length agree to take this oath; upon
which the Bodach loosed his shackles and gave him liberty to stand up;
then having conducted him towards the sea-shore, he made him go into the
ship, to which, after turning its prow from the shore, he administered
a kick in the stern, which sent it seven miles over the waters at once.
And such was the manner in which Ironbones executed his vain-glorious
project, and in this way it was that he was sent off from the shores of
Ireland, without victory, honour, or glory, and deprived of the power of
ever again boasting himself to be the first man on the earth in battle or
combat.
But on the return of the Bodach to the troops, the sun and the wind
lighted up one side of his face and his head in such a way that Finn
and the Fians at once recognised him as Manannan Mac Lir, the Tutelary
Fairy of Cruachan, who had come to afford them his assistance in their
exigency. They welcomed him accordingly with all the honour that was due
to him, and feasted him sumptuously for a year and a day. And these are
the adventures of the Bodach an Chota-Lachtna.