Respected Sir: Acting upon your suggestion that, despite the repugnance
with which the truly artistic mind must ever view it, Commerce was a
rising institution, and that amongst the thousands of the refined and
haughty who read PUNCHINELLO with feelings of astonishment and awe,
there were some misguided men whose energies had been perverted to the
pursuit of filthy lucre, your contributor yesterday descended into the
purlieus of the city in quest of information wherewith to pander to the
tastes of the debased few.
It would be useless to point out to you that 10 A.M. is not the hour at
which it is the custom of Y.C. to tear himself from his luxurious conch.
His conception of the exalted has always been associated with late
breakfasts. On this memorable occasion, however, duty and a bell-boy
called him; and at the extraordinary hour to which he has referred he
arose and set about his investigations.
A party of distinguished and sorrowing friends accompanied him as far as
BANG'S. The regard which he cherishes for poetry and art had hitherto
marked out this pleasant hostelrie as the utmost limit of his down-town
perambulations. The conversation of his distinguished friends was
elevating: the potations in which they drank their good wishes were
equally, if not more so. Having deposited $2.35 for safe-keeping with a
trusted friend, your contributor hailed a Wall Street stage and sped
fearlessly to his destination. He has gone through the ordeal safely.
Annexed are the result of his labors, in the shape of bulletins which
were forwarded to but never acknowledged by a frivolous and unfeeling
editor.
WALL STREET, 10-1/2 A.M.--The market opened briskly with a tendency
towards DELMONICO'S for early refreshments. Eye-openers in active
demand. Brokers have undergone an improvement.
11 A.M.--On the strength of a rumor that a gold dollar had been seen in
an up-town jewelry store, gold declined 1.105.
11.15 A.M.--In consequence of a report that Col. JAS. FISK, JR., has
secured a lease of Plymouth Church, and is already engaged in
negotiations with several popular preachers, Eries advanced one-half per
cent.
HALF-PAST ELEVEN A.M.--A reaction has commenced in Eries, it being given
out that Madame KATHI LANNER had sustained an injury which would
necessitate her withdrawal from the Grand Opera House.
TWELVE O'CLOCK.--Just heard some fellow saying, "St. Paul preferred."
Couldn't catch the rest. It seems important. What did St. Paul prefer.
Look it up, and send me word.
HALF-PAST TWELVE.--Market excited over a dog-fight. How about St. Paul?
ONE.--Police on the scene. Market relapsed. Anything of St. Paul yet?
Send me what's-his-name's Commentaries on the Scriptures.
HALF-PAST ONE.--News has been received here that Commodore VANDERBILT
was recently seen in the neighborhood of the Croton reservoir. In view
of the anticipated watering process, N.Y.C. securities are buoyant.
Many, however, would prefer their stock straight. But what was it St.
Paul preferred? Do tell.
TWO O'CLOCK.--Immense excitement has been created on 'Change by a report
that JAY GOULD had been observed discussing Corn with a prominent
Government official. A second panic is predicted.
QUARTER PAST TWO.--Later advices confirm the above report. The place of
their meeting is said to have been the Erie Restaurant. Great anxiety is
felt among heavy speculators.
HALT-PAST TWO.--It is now ascertained that the Corn they were discussing
was Hot Corn at lunch. A feeling of greater security prevails.
THREE O'CLOCK.--Intelligence has just reached here that a dime-piece was
received in change this morning at a Broadway drinking saloon. Gold has
receded one per cent, in consequence. Eries quiet, Judge BARNARD being
out of town.
P.S. I haven't found out what St. Paul preferred. What's-his-name don't
mention it in his Commentaries.
HALF-PAST THREE.--Sudden demand for New York Amusement Co.'s Stock.
HARRY PALMER to reopen Tammany with a grand scalping scene in which the
TWEED tribe of Indians will appear in aboriginal costume. NORTON, GENET,
and _confrères_ have kindly consented to perform their original _rôles_
of _The Victims_.
P.S. Unless I receive some definite information concerning that
preference of St. Paul's, I shall feel it incumbent on me to vacate my
post of Financial Editor.
FOUR O'CLOCK.--On receipt of reassuring news from Europe, the market has
advanced to DELMONICO'S, where wet goods are quoted from 10 cents
upwards. Champagne brisk, with large sales. Counter-sales (sandwiches,
etc.,) extensive. Change in greenbacks greasy.
P.S. Asked a fellow what St. Paul preferred. He said, "St. Paul
Preferred Dividends, you Know." Perhaps St. Paul did. A great many
stockholders do. But what stock did St. Paul hold? Was it Mariposa
or--"Only just taken one, but, as you observe, the weather _is_
confounded hot--so I don't mind if I--"