_Derrick_.--There is a superstition afloat that, if you see a ladder
hoisted against a house, and, instead of passing outside the ladder you
pass under it, some accident or affliction will befall you. What about
this?
_Answer._.--It all depends upon circumstances. If, while passing under
the ladder, a hod of bricks should fall through it and strike you on the
head, then an "accident or affliction" shall have befallen you:
otherwise not.
_Nincompoop_.--I hear a great deal about the "log" of the _Cambria._ Can
you tell me how it is likely to be disposed of?
_Answer_.--It is to be manufactured into snuff-boxes for the officers
and crew of the _Dauntless_, as a delicate admission that they are up to
snuff and not to be sneezed at.
_Nick of the Pick_.--What is the best way of securing one's self from
the bodily damages to which all persons who attend pic-nic parties now
seem to be liable?
_Answer_.--Don't go to pic-nic parties. Rough it at home.
_John Brown_.--We cannot insert jokes on the number of SMITHS in the
world--except as advertisements. For lowest rates see terms on the
cover.
_Hircus_.--We are sorry to say that your remarks on Baby Farming are not
based upon facts. In nine cases out of ten it has nothing whatever to do
with Husbandry.
_Acorn_.--As this is the seventh time you have written to us, asking
whether corns can be cured by cutting, so it must be the last. The thing
palls, and we must now try whether ACORN cannot be got rid of by
cutting.
_Horseman_.--No; we never remember to have met a man who did not "know
all about a horse." If such a man can be found, his fortune and that of
the finder are assured.
_Seeker_.--It may be true that man changes once in every seven years but
that will hardly excuse you from paying your tailor's bill contracted in
1862, on the ground that you are not the same man.
_Fond Mother_.--None but a brutal bachelor would object to a "sweet
little baby," merely because it was bald-headed.
_Sempronius_.--Would you advise me to commit suicide by hanging?
_Answer_.--No. If you are really bound to hang, we would advise you to
hang about some nice young female person's neck instead of by your own:
it's pleasanter.
_Wacks_.--Yes, the Alaska seal contracts will undoubtedly include the
great Seal of the United States.
_"Talented" Author_.--We do not pay for rejected communications.
_Many Inquiriers_.--We can furnish back numbers to a limited extent;
future ones by the cargo, or steamboat.
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