“Not going hunting? Then what were you doing with the dog and the gun?”
“Going down to the river to shoot the dog.”
* * * * *
Rubbing It In
“My dear,” remarked Smith as they were absorbing the beauties of the
Grand Canyon. “Nature is marvelous! Stupendous! When I gaze at this vast
expanse it makes me think how puerile, how insignificant man is.” “Huh!”
sniffed his better half. “I knew that before we ever came here.”
* * * * *
Men are like kerosene lamps; they are not over bright, usually turned
down, most always smoke, and generally go out at night.
* * * * *
Then Maw Used the Rolling Pin
Little Johnny—“Maw, what did Paw mean when he said to that man: ‘You’ve
got a good figure?’”
Mama Hopkins—“I suppose he meant that he got a good price for some land
he sold.”
Johnny—“Say, Maw, does Paw’s stenographer sell land, too?”
* * * * *
Good Yarn
“Darn sox!” exclaimed the young married lady as she threw the yarn in the
work basket.
* * * * *
Proficiency
(From Langsford (Pa.) Leader.)
On Thursday and Friday evenings of next week, “The Busy Liar,” a comedy
from start to finish, will be given. The local members have been
practicing for a long time.
* * * * *
Insurance Bull
We knew a man with an automobile, who said he was a careful driver—
AND HE WAS!
He said he would never injure anyone—
AND HE DIDN’T!
He said if anything happened, it would be the other fellow’s fault—
AND IT WAS!
That didn’t prevent the other fellow from demanding damages—
AND HE DID!
Our man said it was not his fault and that he would not pay anything—
AND HE DIDN’T!
The other chap said: “I’ll sue you!”—
AND HE DID!
Our friend’s lawyer said: “We can beat him in court”—
AND THEY DID!
Whereupon our friend said: “Ha, Ha, I win!”—
AND THEN
He paid his lawyer a fee of $100, plus expenses, and ran his car the rest
of the year at his own risk.
FOOLISH—WASN’T HE?
* * * * *
The Meat Boy’s Love
I never sausage eyes as thine,
And if you’ll butcher hand in mine,
And liver round me ever day
We’d seek some ham-let far away,
We’d meat life’s frown with life’s caress,
And cleaver road to happiness.
* * * * *
Men admire women for their beauty; respect them for their virtue; adore
them for their intelligence and love them because they can’t help it.
* * * * *
_Hives rhyme with wives,_
_In sound and letter match—_
_If I had both of these at once,_
_Ye Gods! I’d have to scratch._
Our Rural Mail Box
=_Ina Ficks_=—The father always holds the gun while brother gives the
bride away.
* * * * *
=_Shilliday_=—Sorry, we can’t use your story entitled “I am onions for
you, kid.” It’s too strong.
* * * * *
=_Willet Hert_=—Gyp, the fortune teller, can get you in touch with
departed spirits.
* * * * *
=_Lonely Wifie_=—Don’t worry about your husband while you are away. The
chances are he isn’t having a good time alone.
* * * * *
=_Will E. Koppitt_=—When you are sitting in an apartment and see a pretty
ship go by it is either time to clear the deck or pull in your periscope.
* * * * *
=_Helen Butte_=—You win, Helen. Your sweetheart should get a job at
herding sheep this summer.
_Pedigreed Follies of 1921-22_
256 pages of fun. The gems of 25 early editions of Capt. Billy’s Whiz
Bang. Stories, toasts, poems, drippings and pot pourri comprise this
greatest Whiz Bang book.
_Only a Few Left_
If your newsdealer’s supply is exhausted, pin a dollar bill, or your
check, money order or stamps to the coupon below and receive this peppy
collection.
Whiz Bang,
Robbinsdale, Minnesota.
Gentlemen:
Enclosed is dollar bill, check, money order or stamps for $1.00
for which please send me the Winter Annual of Captain Billy’s
Whiz Bang, “Pedigreed Follies of 1921-22.”
Name..............................................
Address...........................................
_Everywhere!_
_Whiz Bang_ is on sale at all leading hotels, news stands, 25 cents
single copies; on trains 30 cents, or may be ordered direct from the
publisher at 25 cents single copies; two-fifty a year.
One dollar for the WINTER ANNUAL.
[Illustration]