I now began to find that all my long and painful lectures upon
temperance, simplicity, and contentment were entirely disregarded. The
distinctions lately paid us by our betters awakened that pride which I
had laid asleep, but not removed. Our windows again, as formerly, were
filled with washes for the neck and face. The sun was dreaded as an
enemy to the skin without doors, and the fire as a spoiler of the
complexion within. My wife observed that rising too early would hurt
her daughters' eyes, that working after dinner would redden their
noses, and she convinced me that the hands never looked so white as
when they did nothing. Instead therefore of finishing George's shirts,
we now had them new-modeling their old gauzes, or flourishing upon
catgut. The poor Miss Flamboroughs, their former gay companions, were
cast off as mean acquaintance, and the whole conversation ran upon
high life and high-lived company, with pictures, taste, Shakespeare,
and the musical glasses.
But we could have borne all this, had not a fortune-telling gipsy come
to raise us into perfect sublimity. The tawny sibyl no sooner appeared
than my girls came running to me for a shilling apiece, to cross her
hand with silver. To say the truth, I was tired of being always wise,
and could not help gratifying their request, because I loved to see
them happy. I gave each of them a shilling, tho for the honor of the
family it must be observed that they never went without money
themselves, as my wife always generously let them have a guinea each
to keep in their pockets, but with strict injunctions never to change
it. After they had been closeted up with the fortune-teller for some
time, I knew by their looks upon their returning that they had been
promised something great. "Well, my girls, how have you sped? Tell me,
Livy, has the fortune-teller given thee a pennyworth?" "I protest,
papa," says the girl, "I believe she deals with somebody that is not
right, for she positively declared that I am to be married to a squire
in less than a twelvemonth!" "Well now, Sophy, my child," said I, "and
what sort of a husband are you to have?" "Sir," replied she, "I am to
have a lord soon after my sister has married the squire." "How," cried
I, "is that all you are to have for your two shillings? Only a lord
and a squire for two shillings! You fools, I could have promised you a
prince and a nabob for half the money!"
This curiosity of theirs, however, was attended with very serious
effects: we now began to think ourselves designed by the stars to
something exalted, and already anticipated our future grandeur....
It has been a thousand times observed, and I must observe it once
more, that the hours we pass with happy prospects in view are more
pleasing than those crowned with fruition. In the first case we cook
the dish to our own appetite; in the latter, nature cooks it for us.
It is impossible to repeat the train of agreeable reveries we called
up for our entertainment. We looked upon our fortunes as once more
rising; and as the whole parish asserted that the Squire was in love
with my daughter, she was actually so with him, for they persuaded her
into the passion. In this agreeable interval my wife had the most
lucky dreams in the world, which she took care to tell us every
morning with great solemnity and exactness. It was one night a coffin
and crossbones, the sign of an approaching wedding; at another time
she imagined her daughter's pockets filled with farthings, a certain
sign of their being shortly stuffed with gold. The girls themselves
had their omens. They felt strange kisses on their lips; they saw
rings in the candle; purses bounced from the fire, and true-love knots
lurked in the bottom of every teacup.
Toward the end of the week we received a card from the town ladies, in
which, with their compliments, they hoped to see all our family at
church the Sunday following. All Saturday morning I could perceive, in
consequence of this, my wife and daughters in close conference
together, and now and then glancing at me with looks that betrayed a
latent plot. To be sincere, I had strong suspicions that some absurd
proposal was preparing for appearing with splendor the next day. In
the evening they began their operations in a very regular manner, and
my wife undertook to conduct the siege.
After tea, when I seemed in spirits, she began thus: "I fancy, Charles
my dear, we shall have a great deal of good company at our church
tomorrow." "Perhaps we may, my dear," returned I; "tho you need be
under no uneasiness about that; you shall have a sermon whether there
be or not." "That is what I expect," returned she; "but I think, my
dear, we ought to appear there as decently as possible, for who knows
what may happen?" "Your precautions," replied I, "are highly
commendable. A decent behavior and appearance in church is what charms
me. We should be devout and humble, cheerful and serene." "Yes," cried
she, "I know that; but I mean we should go there in as proper a manner
as possible; not altogether like the scrubs about us." "You are quite
right, my dear," returned I; "and I was going to make the very same
proposal. The proper manner of going is to go there as early as
possible, to have time for meditation before the service begins."
"Phoo, Charles!" interrupted she; "all that is very true, but not what
I would be at. I mean we should go there genteelly. You know the
church is two miles off, and I protest I don't like to see my
daughters trudging up to their pew all blowzed and red with walking,
and looking for all the world as if they had been winners at a
smock-race. Now, my dear, my proposal is this: there are our two
plow-horses, the colt that has been in our family these nine years,
and his companion Blackberry that has scarcely done an earthly thing
this month past. They are both grown fat and lazy. Why should not they
do something as well as we? And let me tell you, when Moses has
trimmed them a little they will cut a very tolerable figure."
To this proposal I objected that walking would be twenty times more
genteel than such a paltry conveyance, as Blackberry was wall-eyed and
the colt wanted a tail; that they had never been broke to the rein,
but had a hundred vicious tricks; and that we had but one saddle and
pillion in the whole house. All these objections, however, were
overruled; so that I was obliged to comply. The next morning I
perceived them not a little busy in collecting such materials as might
be necessary for the expedition, but as I found it would be a business
of time, I walked on to the church before, and they promised speedily
to follow. I waited near an hour in the reading-desk for their
arrival, but not finding them come as I expected, I was obliged to
begin, and went through the service, not without some uneasiness at
finding them absent. This was increased when all was finished, and no
appearance of the family.
I therefore walked back to the horse-way, which was five miles around,
tho the foot-way was but two, and when I got about half-way home,
perceived the procession marching slowly forward toward the church; my
son, my wife, and the two little ones exalted upon one horse, and my
two daughters upon the other. I demanded the cause of their delay; but
I soon found by their looks they had met with a thousand misfortunes
on the road. The horses had at first refused to move from the door,
till Mr. Burchell was kind enough to beat them forward for about two
hundred yards with his cudgel. Next, the straps of my wife's pillion
broke down, and they were obliged to stop to repair them before they
could proceed. After that, one of the horses took it into his head to
stand still, and neither blows nor entreaties could prevail with him
to proceed. They were just recovering from this dismal situation when
I found them; but perceiving everything safe, I own their present
mortification did not much displease me, as it would give me many
opportunities of future triumph, and teach my daughters more humility.