A LADY IN THE CASE.

Well, no, sir, I can't complain, I've risen well in the force, and I'm

very well satisfied with my position, but then there's a great deal of

responsibility attached to one's office, and, I can assure you, police

inspectors have something else to do besides sitting still and growing

fat. Many a smart young fellow would rise and get to be sergeant,

inspector, or super in his turn, but for some little failings that creep

out--I have my failings, too, of course, but still somehow I've crept up

till here I am on the shady side of fifty and busy as ever.

Now you want me to give you an anecdote to put into print, that's what

you want, eh? Well, of course it was easy enough to tell that, and I

don't mind obliging you, for, as you very reasonably say, truth is

stranger than fiction. But that disposition to tattle or talk about

their business has been the ruin of more than one promising young

officer. Now just think for a moment and suppose us to be always ready

to talk of the cases we had in hand, where should we be? Marked men

would slip us, planned jobs would be stopped, and many a gaol bird,

whose tail we want to salt, would be off and escape. Ah, thirty years

in the force have shown me some strange sights, and laid bare some

curious tricks, all planned for the purpose of getting hold of

somebody's money. I've seen and had to do with robbery, and murder, and

garrotting, and burking, and suicide, and swindling, and embezzlement,

and every kind of felony or larceny you can find a name for.

You know, our part is decidedly, I think, more lively than the city, for

with the exception of a good bold robbery now and then at a bank or big

gentleman's, there's seldom anything much there, while in our part we're

always busy. For somehow or another there's always so many really

clever rascals laying their heads together and making schemes, and then

you have something new coming out all at once, like a clap of thunder

over the town, and people are very much disgusted because the police

have not bad more foresight, when all the while it's like a game of

chess, and though we who play with the white pieces can to a certain

extent see through the manoeuvres of black, yet we cannot see through

everything as a matter of course.

Now I'm going to tell you of a little affair that happened one

Christmas-night about twenty years ago, when I was only number so and

so. It was a bright, clear, frosty night; no moon, but plenty of snow

had fallen, quite late in the evening, so that the streets were

regularly muffled; and in spite of feeling a bit ill-tempered at having

to be on duty while other people were enjoying themselves, I could not

help thinking of what a seasonable night it was, and how jovial and

pleasant every place seemed to look. There were the bright lights and

glowing fires, shining ruddy and warm through the drawn curtains; music

and laughing might be heard every here and there, and more than once I

stopped to hear a sweet voice singing, and felt envious like of the

comforts other people enjoyed. Everywhere there seemed jollity and

festivity, but in the midst of my growling I could not help recollecting

that my beat that night was all in the better part, while down in the

slums there was plenty of misery, enough to make even a policeman's

heart sore.

Well, I felt better then, and I went on quietly through the deep snow,

now making a little noise where it was a bit trampled, and now stealing

along as quietly as could be. Once I caught myself humming a bit of a

song I had just heard some one singing, then I whistled a bit, and still

I kept on, buttoned up and gloved, thinking how pleasant it would have

been spending Christmas at some jolly farm-house in the country, far

away from the noise and worry of London.

All at once I came upon a merry party of some half-dozen ladies and

gentlemen, just going in at a large house, when one of the gentlemen

stopped and gave me quite a cheerer.

"How long are you on for, my man?" he says.

"Six o'clock to-morrow morning, sir."

"Hum; long hours on a bitter night like this. Bring a glass, John."

And then I heard him rattle his keys as he says, "stop a minute," and

directly after he came back into the large, handsome hall with a

decanter in his hand, while just about the same time the servant brought

a wine glass on a little silver tray.

"There, my man," says the jolly-looking old gentleman, filling me up a

glass of wine. "You take care of us, so it's only fair that we should

take care of you. Thank you, my man, I hope I may have good health.

There tip it down and have another glass. That's twenty port, that is,

and a couple of glasses of that won't hurt you. Here, take hold of this

lump of cake."

I didn't know anything then about twenty port, but I thought I should

like twenty glasses of the rich red wine, which trickled down your

throat like molten sunshine, and made you feel as if it was a jolly

thing to be out on a cold Christmas-night; so I drank my second glass,

wishing the pleasant, smiling old chap a merry Christmas, and then next

minute, feeling like a new man, I was slowly tramping down the long

street.

As I told you, in places I went along as quiet as a mouse, when I

suppose it was about one o'clock that, in the middle of one street, I

came all at once upon a tall, well-dressed young fellow inside some area

railings, same as you may have seen, sometimes, where, beside the rails,

the top of the area is all covered with iron bars, which make it like

the top of a cage; while, as a matter of course, you can walk up to the

dining-room windows.

Well, that's what this young fellow had done; and, as I went quietly up,

there he was, close up, resting one foot on a ledge of the stucco, while

one hand was on the sill of the open parlour window.

"Hallo!" I said quietly, for I had taken my gentleman quite by

surprise; and I felt very good-tempered and comfortable from the effects

of those two glasses of sunshine; so "Hallo!" I said, "what is it?"

knowing all the while that I must have my gentleman, for he was

regularly caged, and looking at me through the bars.

"Hush!" he said, not in the least taken aback; "Hush! hold your tongue:

there's a lady in the case. Here, catch hold, and be off, there's a

good fellow;" and then he gave me half-a-crown.

Now, seeing that it was light enough for me to make out that he was a

well-dressed, smart-looking young chap, I took the half-crown, and as it

didn't seem to be part of my work to interfere with a bit of billing and

cooing, I went on, leaving my friend whispering to some one inside.

"All right, my fine fellow," I said to myself, turning it over in my

mind; "All right, but I don't mean to be done if there's anything else

on the way." So I went slowly on, and turned the corner; and then,

knowing that my steps couldn't be heard, I slipped into a doorway, and

made myself as small as I could.

Well, I hadn't been there a minute before I fancied I heard a sound like

somebody sneezing, and trying to smother it down; and then my heart beat

a little heavier, for I knew there was something more than a lady in the

case; while, as I stood squeezed up there, I could make out my friend

coming along by the shadow sent forward by the gas-lamp just round the

corner. At last, very slowly he peeped round to look along the street

where I was, but he could make nothing out, for I kept very snug in my

doorway; though, if he had only come down half-a-dozen yards, he must

have seen me, for there was a light burning over the door.

But the very openness of the place concealed me, and I breathed easier

again as I made out by the shadow that he was going back.

"My turn now," I said; and then, going down on hands and knees, I

crawled quietly and quickly over the snow, and had my peep round the

corner after him, when there he was, slipping along as fast as he could

go. "Stop a minute, my boy," I said, and then I runs as hard as I could

down two streets to where I knew I must meet our sergeant and another

man; for, you see, we all have our points to cross one another at

certain times of the night, so that one man acts as a check on another;

and the sergeant soon knows that, if a man's not at his place, there's

either something wrong or the constable's neglecting his duty.

Just as I thought, there were the sergeant and the man, and the next

minute we were going over my ground again, so as to pass along the

street and come up to the open window, as I did at first. They were

close behind me when I reached the street, and down on my knees I went

again, held my hat behind me, crept to the end of the railings, and

peeped like a boy playing "whoop."

"All right," I whispered back to the sergeant, for there was my friend

at the other corner down on his hands and knees peeping round too, and

watching for me to come back again.

Well, we sent our man back through the mews behind the houses to try and

catch the watcher, while the sergeant and I crawled very quietly along

close to the railings towards the open-windowed house, and next moment

we were safe in the doorway, when I saw a head pop back from the open

window as we came up; and so did the sergeant--by the way he nipped my

arm. But there, we waited quiet and still for our other man to do his

work and take number one, as I'll call the generous half-crown

gentleman, when we meant to take proceedings against the one or two

inside.

About five minutes slipped away very slowly when the sergeant whispered,

"He's a very long time!" But the words were hardly out of his mouth

before we heard some one coming down the street as hard as he could run,

with another in full chase. So we let the first come on without our

showing ourselves, when, as he came near the open window, he gave a low,

peculiar whistle--one which was replied to from inside by a sort of

warning chirrup. But, if meant for a warning, it was of no use, for,

stooping in the shadow of the railings, we darted out just at the right

moment, tripped my amorous friend up; and, though he tried to jump

clear, it was of no use, for down he went, over and over in the snow,

our other man a-top of him, and then we had the "darbies" on him in a

moment.

"I hope we shan't alarm that lady that's in the case," I said to my

friend, as we hauled him up into the doorway; and then with another pair

of bracelets we fastened him tight to the scraper, where he was quite

safe till we liked to take him off.

"Hum," said the sergeant; then, looking at me and chuckling, as he stood

brushing the snow off the knees of his trousers; "Hum, that's the cock

bird, Jones, but I'm afraid the hen will prove rather tough."

"Yes," I says, "and I'm afraid there'll be one or two awkward chicks as

well."

The next thing the sergeant did was to ring well at the door after

sending another man, who now came up, round to the mews at the back to

be on the look-out for escaping in that direction; and then, as he

climbed over the railings to get at the parlour window, we heard a most

tremendous screaming.

"Come now, there is a lady in the case after all," said the sergeant;

and then, telling our other man to mind the prisoner, he made ready to

get in at the window, where all looked very uncomfortably dark and

treacherous.

"Shall I go first?" I said, all in a fidget at the same time lest he

should say "Yes," for I don't mind owning that it looked uncommonly like

putting one's head in a trap to go in at that window; and I felt a bit

nervous, if not frightened.

The next moment I was over the railings too; and, holding my bull's-eye

so as to throw all the light into the room I could, when in went the

sergeant, and directly after, almost before you could say "Jack

Robinson," there was a bit of a scuffle and the sound of a heavy blow,

and some one went down with a crash; while, as I leaned forward and held

in my light, I just caught a glimpse of some one, and at the same moment

a heavy, numbing blow came down on my hand, and the lanthorn was knocked

out, and fell with a clang under my feet in the area, while the silence

which followed showed me plainly enough that it was not the lady in the

case who had been knocked down, but the sergeant.

"Now, my lad," I said to the other policeman, as I stood rubbing and

shaking my hand, "one of us must go in; sergeant's down, safe."

"Well," he said, "you've been longest in the force, you'd best go."

"Wrong," I said; "you were in before me."

"Well, but," he said, "I'm a married man, and you ain't."

"Wrong again," I said; "I'm married, and have two little ones."

Well, perhaps, you'll say it was cowardly not to have dashed in at once

to help the sergeant. Perhaps it was; but, mind you, all this didn't

take many seconds, as we whispered together; and, besides, I knew well

enough that I should be taken at a disadvantage; for, though I couldn't

see him, I was sure enough that there was a fellow armed with a

life-preserver or a poker just behind the large window-curtain, so I

wanted to plan a bit. And, mind you, I didn't want to go; but, as my

fellow-constable did not seem disposed, and I stood close to the window,

there was nothing for it, but to take off my great coat and jump in. So

I drew out my staff, when my fingers were so numbed that I could hardly

hold it; and then I said to myself, "Now for it, my boy;" when, making

plenty of noise, I tried a very stale old trick--one that I didn't for a

moment expect would take; and I tell you what I did. I got my

fellow-constable's bull's-eye, opened it, and set it on the window-sill,

so that the light was shining into the room, and then in went one leg,

and I made believe to be jumping in with a rush; but, instead of doing

so, I pushed in my hat as far as I could reach on the end of my staff,

when "bang, crash," down came something right on the hat, beating my

staff out of my hand, and making my fingers tingle again, it came so

hard.

That was my time, though, and I leaped in so quickly that, before there

was time for another cut, I had tight hold of somebody, and there I was

engaged in the fiercest struggle I ever had. There were the chairs

knocking here, there, and everywhere, while I could feel somebody's hot

breath against my neck as, locked together, we swayed backwards and

forwards. Once I was forced right back upon the dining-room table, but

I sprang up again, and the next moment, whoever it was I struggled with

had his head through the glass; while, as to the darkness, it was

something fearful, for the lanthorn was knocked over, and only shone

just in one corner by the floor. Jangle went a piano once as I was

forced back on to it, and then the noise grew louder, for I could hear

above the wild beast, worrying noise we made, the people upstairs

screaming worse than ever.

"Well, there must be help come soon," I thought, as now down, now up, we

struggled on. I wanted to shout to my fellow-constable to come in, as

he was not wanted outside, but I suppose he did not like the job of

getting in, for he did not attempt to come, while as to calling him, I

could just as soon have flown, for my adversary seemed quite satisfied

with my company, and held on by my throat so tightly, that I was almost

choked.

All at once, for about the sixth time, I tumbled over the sergeant, and

this time down I went undermost, while my head came against one of those

tin-plate warmers, and made the most outrageous noise you ever heard in

your life. Well, this rather shook the sense out of me, tin being

rather a hard metal to catch your head against--so hard, that it seemed

to me to quite strike fire, and then taking advantage of my being a

little beaten down, this fellow got his hand inside my stock, when what

with the blow and the pressure of his knuckles in my throat, lights

began to dance before my eyes, and I felt about done. However, it

seemed to me to be now not a struggle for capture or escape, but for

life and death, and in the last despair of the moment, I got hold of the

fellow's hand between my teeth, and hung on like a bull terrier.

How long this lasted I can't say; but I remember hearing a crash, and

seeing the flashed light of a bull's-eye, when my lord rolled off me,

and then through a sort of mist I could just see the sergeant's face

looking all bloody, while directly after the light of the lanthorn was

thrown two or three times upon my face.

"How are you, my lad?" said the sergeant.

But I didn't tell him, for the simple reason that I could not just then,

but lay as still as could be, feeling afraid of tumbling, for the room

appeared to be spinning round as fast as possible.

"How are you, my lad?" said the sergeant again directly after, but this

time a little way off, and then I heard the "click, click" of the

handcuffs, as he made them fast round my dear friend's wrists.

But I did not answer then; for though the room had left off spinning so

hard, my tongue seemed to have turned sulky, and would not speak, though

it was not my fault a bit. One feeling, however, did seem to come upon

me now strong, and that was that I should like to have a look at the man

on the floor, though not an inch could I move right or left.

Well, seeing that I could not answer, the sergeant called in the outside

man, and then after a look round the room, he went and opened the

dining-room door, and called out:--

"Come down, and bring a light. We are the police."

But before he had well said the words, there came a bang like thunder,

and I could hear shot go rattling down the passage.

"Here, I say! confound you; what are you doing?" shouted the sergeant.

"Don't you hear? We're the police." When, bad as I was, I could not

help laughing to see the way our poor sergeant jumped. Though certainly

it was enough to make him, you'll say.

After a few minutes a miserable looking old gentleman, in a dressing

gown, came shivering down with one of those great brass blunderbusses in

one hand, and a candlestick in the other.

"Keep back," the old gentleman cried; "it's loaded again."

"Then the sooner you uncock it the better," said our sergeant; "or else,

perhaps, you'll be making another mistake. But now, if you'll go with

me, we will just let the other man in," and then he went and shut down

the window, and drew the curtains across.

But the old gentleman seemed so scared, that he could hardly tell

friends from enemies, and he did not appear to like the idea of the

front door being opened, for nearly all the sense seemed frightened out

of him. However, he followed the sergeant, and they unlocked the door,

let down the chain, and slipped back the bolts, and then after unlocking

the darby, they lugged in my friend who said there was a lady in the

case, brought him into the dining-room, and set him in an easy-chair in

the corner. The sergeant then set light to a pair of candles on the

chimney-piece, when I could see all that went on, for I could neither

move nor speak yet.

"Slip round to the station for more help, and the stretcher," said the

sergeant; and my fellow-constable went, though the old gentleman didn't

seem to like it, and asked if it was safe to be left with the two

burglars.

Then the sergeant came and stooped over me again, and asked me how I

was; but all I could do was to look hard in his face, and wink both my

eyes.

Just then he asked the old gentleman if he had a drop of brandy in the

house, when a decanter was brought out, and a glass held to my lips, and

a few drops seemed to revive me so, that I was able to sit up, when the

sergeant and the old gentleman between them got me upon a sofa, where I

lay quite still and felt better.

"Dear me, dear me," said the old gentleman: "I don't like my house being

turned into a hospital."

"P'raps not," said the sergeant; "but if it hadn't been for that poor

fellow, you might have looked queer."

Hearing the old fellow grumble seemed to rouse me, and I still went on

listening.

"It's been a stiff fight, sir," said the sergeant; "and that young

fellow--"

"And you, sergeant," I said feebly.

"Oh, come; that's cheering," said he with a pleasant look, which went

right over his shining face.

You can't tell how pleased I felt to be able to use my tongue once more,

but there was no work in me, and there I lay watching the sergeant give

a look at the two prisoners, and examine the handcuffs to see that all

was right, when all at once the fellow I had such a struggle with,

sprang up and fetched the sergeant the most savage of kicks in the

knee--one which sent him staggering back--when, in spite of all that has

been said about the police using their staves, I'm sure no one could

have blamed that sergeant for bringing his staff down on the fellow's

head, and striking him to the ground, where, as he lay, I had a good

look at him.

And a nice specimen of humanity he looked--a great six-foot fellow,

strong as a horse, while my impression is that, if the sergeant had not

come so opportunely to my aid, you would not have heard this story. But

the fellow was tolerably knocked about. Ah! and so was the sergeant,

while, no doubt, I should have been stunned at first if the chap had not

been taken in by my shallow trick.

A nice little affair that was, and I saw that I had only just got up in

time, for there were two carpet-bags on the floor crammed full of

plate--silver dishes and tea and coffee pots, while all the small parts

were filled out with forks and spoons.

All at once the old gentleman, who had been shivering about as far off

the burglars as he could, seemed to catch sight of my half-crown

gentleman's face--a face that he had not appeared so far to be very

proud of, for he had kept it hung down over his waistcoat the greater

part of the time--when all at once the old gentleman stood still and

exclaimed:--

"Why, you scoundrel, it's you, is it?" and the fellow only shrunk down

more of a heap, while the old gentleman was so enraged, that he made

believe to shoot the rascal with his blunderbuss, when the sergeant made

no more ado, but went and took it away from him.

"Come, you know," said the sergeant; "I see you won't be happy till

you've done some one a mischief with that pretty little plaything. Oh,

he was your footman, was he, and you discharged him for drunkenness, did

you, a month ago? Well, I'm not surprised a bit."

Just then three of our men came in, and they walked off our two

gaol-birds at once, and then I got hold of the sergeant's arm, and found

I could walk.

"Take a little more brandy," said the old gentleman, and he poured out

with a shaking hand about half a wine-glassful, when after I had drunk

it he said again:

"You're a brave fellow, and there's something to drink my health with."

I thanked him, and then we two walked out together, and stood on the

pavement amongst the snow, listening to the old gentleman and the

servants locking and bolting the door after us.

"Well," said the sergeant; "I think, my lad, we've done our night's

work, and after reporting at the station, we'll go off duty for a day or

two; for my head is in a queer state," and then he lifted his hat,

pressed his hand upon it, and looked at the blood-smeared palm under the

lamp. "But what did the old fellow give you?"

I opened my hand and looked, for I had not cared to look before; in

fact, I was so stupid then, and dizzy, that I felt no interest in the

money.

"Just what I expected," exclaimed the sergeant; "Sixpence! Well, some

men have consciences."

It was a week before the sergeant was pronounced fit for duty, but it

took me a fortnight to get right; while our friends had fourteen years

each. I've often thought of the way I spent that Christmas-night--the

roughest I ever did pass; but then you see, there was a Lady in the

Case.