"You must fetch the doctor," says Dick, as I stood over him looking at
his poor worn face, all drawed with pain and hollow-looking, although
he'd got his paint on and the band and spangles were round his head,
though his black hair was all rough with him a-tossing about.
There was the bit of candle flaring away and guttering down, the wind
flapping the canvas backwards and forwards and coming in fierce through
the holes, while the rain was dripping from the top because the canvas
hadn't got well soaked and tight, and I couldn't help thinking about
what a miserable place it was for a sick man. There was the drum
a-going and the clarinet squeaking, while another of the company was
rattling away at a pair o' pot-lid cymbals; the grease-pots were flaring
in front of the stage, and them all a dancing and one thing and another
over and over again, while Balchin's voice, husky and bad with his cold,
could be heard telling people to walk up for the last time that night;
but they wouldn't, for it was wet and miserable and spiritless as could
be.
Poor Dick had been out ever so long in his tights and fleshings doing
his summersets and bits o' posturing, till his thin things were wet
through, when he comes in at last to me, where I was nursing little
Totty, hard at work to keep her quiet, and he says with a bit of a
groan--
"I'm knocked over, lass. It's like a knife in my chest," and I could
hear his breath rattling hard, as he looked that ill I couldn't keep the
tears back. You see he'd been bad for days and taking medicine for his
cough; but then what good was that with us, going from place to place in
wet weather and him obliged to take his turn with the rest, and we
always sleeping under the canvas. Why, he ought to have been in a house
and with a doctor to him, though he wouldn't hear of it when I talked
about it.
"Can't afford it, Sally," he'd say, and then, poor fellow, he'd sit up
in bed and cough till he'd fall back worn out, when as soon as he was
laid down, back came the cough again worse than ever, and I've lain
quiet and still, crying because I couldn't help him. Don't know
anything more sad and wearying than to hear some one cough--cough--cough
the whole long night through, with it resting a little when sitting up,
and then coming on again worse and worse as soon as you lie down.
And that's how it was with poor Dick, but he had a heart like a lion and
would never give up. All the others used to lodge about at the
public-houses, 'cept Balchin, who lived in the van, but Dick said he
liked being under the canvas best, for you were like in your own place,
and there was no noise and bother with the landlords, besides sleeping
in all sorts of dirty places after other people, so we always kept to
the corner of the tent and under the stage, making use of a bit of
charcoal fire in a stand.
And Dick wouldn't have the doctor till that night, when he says at last,
"you must fetch him." I'd been watching him lying there hardly able to
breathe, and sometimes, when his eyes were nearly shut, you could only
see the whites, while his hands tore like at the covering, he seemed in
such pain.
Just then in came Balchin, looking very cross and out of humour, for
there was the ground to pay for, and he'd taken next to nothing that
night.
"What did you sneak off like that for, Dick Parker?" he says, and then
Dick started up, but he fell back with a bit of a groan, when Balchin
grumbled out something, and turned round and went off.
"Could you mind little Totty?" I says to Dick, for I didn't like to
take the child out in the wet.
He didn't speak, but made a place aside him for the little thing, and
the next minute the poor little mite had nestled up close to him, and I
turned to put on my shawl, when who should lift up the canvas and come
in but Balchin, with a steaming hot glass of whisky and water in his
hand?
"Here we are, my boy," he says, in his rough cheery way, that he could
put on when he liked. "Now is the sun of summer turned to glorious
winter, so away with discontent and a merry Christmas and a happy noo
year to you, my boy. You're a bit outer sorts you are, and so was I
just now, but I'm what you're going to be directly, so tip some of this
up."
But Dick only shook his head and smiled, and then whispering him to
please stop till I got back, I slipped out to fetch the doctor.
It isn't hard to find the doctor's place in a town, and I was soon there
standing, ring, ring, ring, while the rain, now half sleet and snow,
began to come down so, that I shivered again. But I hardly thought
about it, for my mind was all upon poor Dick, for a terrible thought had
come into my head, and that was, that my poor boy was going to leave me.
Everything now seemed to tell me of it: the cold howling wind seemed to
shriek as it tore away through the long street, the clock at the big
church seemed to be tolling instead of striking twelve, while the very
air seemed alive with terrible whispers of something dreadful going to
happen.
At last a window upstairs was opened, and I asked if the doctor was at
home.
"Who wants him?" said a voice.
"I want him to come to my poor husband, for he's--" I couldn't finish
the word for a sob that seemed to choke me.
"Where do you live?" said the same voice.
"At the show in the market-place," I said, feeling all the while half
ashamed.
"You'd better go to Mr Smith, he's the parish doctor," said the voice,
and then the window was shut. And I stood half blind with the tears
that would come, as I dragged my shawl closer round me, and stood
shivering and wondering which way to turn so as to find the parish
doctor. The wind was sweeping and howling along; the snow came in heavy
squalls which whitened me in a few moments, while the cold seemed to
chill one's very marrow; but I hardly thought of it, for I was all the
time seeing poor Dick lying in our miserable bit of a bed by the light
of the flaring candle, while above the howling of the wind I seemed to
be hearing his low hacking cough.
Oh! it was pitiful, pitiful, standing out there on that bitter night,
close to Christmas-time, when people's hearts are said to be more
charitably disposed; but now, though bright lights shone in windows here
and there, I was alone, alone, in the bitter storm, without a soul to
direct me or teach me where to go for a doctor. I hurried to the end of
the street--then back along the other side, up one street and down
another, eagerly looking for a lighted lamp over a door, or for some one
to tell me; but not a soul was to be seen, and every public-house was
shut.
On I went again, growing almost frantic, for the howling wind seemed to
form itself into cries--wild, appealing cries to me for help for my boy,
who lay suffering in our wretched wandering home; and at last I ran up
to a door and rang the bell, but no one answered. Then I heard the
muffled sound of wheels, and stood listening. Yes, they were coming
nearer and nearer--they were in the street, and I ran into the road to
try and stay the driver, as I shrieked for help, for I was most mad with
anxiety; but there was the sharp stinging cut of a whip across my cheek,
and half-blinded and smarting, I started back, and the next minute the
round of the wheels had died away.
"Oh, oh, oh!" I moaned piteously, wringing my hands; what shall I do,
what shall I do? But the next moment my heart leaped, for by the light
of one of the street lamps I saw a man approaching and hurried up to
him.
"Sir, sir," I cried; "the doctor--the--" But an oath and a rude push,
which sent me staggering off the pavement to fall in the mud and snow of
the road, was my answer, and then, as half bewildered I slowly got up, I
heard a harsh laugh and the man began whistling.
I could not sob now, but felt as if something was clutching at my heart
and tearing it, but again I hurried along half blind with the heavy
snow, and now once more I saw a man in front, but dimly seen through the
heavy fall.
"Help, help," I cried hoarsely, with my hands clasped together.
"Eh! what?" he said.
"Oh, sir, a doctor, for God's sake--for pity's sake--my poor boy!"
"Who, who?" he said, taking hold of my arm.
"My poor husband," I said, "he's dying."
The next moment he was walking beside me, as I thought to show me where
the doctor lived, and it was nearer the market-place where the show
stood.
"Come in here," he said, opening a door with a key, when feeling
trembling and suspicious, I hung back, but the light falling upon my new
companion, showed me a pleasant faced old man, and I followed him into a
surgery, where he put something into a bottle, and five minutes after we
were standing in the booth where Balchin and his wife and a couple more
of the company were standing about the bed where poor Dick lay,
breathing so heavily that it was pitiful to hear him, and me not daring
to wake him for fear of his cough.
"God bless my soul," muttered the doctor I had so fortunately met; "what
a place and what a night! Can't you move him to a house?"
"No," said Dick, suddenly sitting up. "I'll die here. This is good
enough for a rogue and a vagabond of a strolling player. But doctor,"
he said, with his eyes almost blazing, "can you cure my complaint?"
"Well, well! we'll see," said the doctor, laying his hand upon poor
Dick's chest.
"No, no; not there, sir," said Dick. "It's here--here--in my heart, and
it's sore about that poor girl and this little one: that's my complaint,
not this cough. What are they to do? Where are they to go? Who's to
keep them when I'm gone? Not that I've done much for them, poor
things."
"Dick, Dick," I said, reproachfully.
"My girl!" he says, so softly and tenderly and with such a look, that I
was down next moment upon my knees beside him, when he threw one arm
round my neck and rested his head again my cheek so loving, so tender,
while his other arm was round the little one now fast asleep.
And there we all stayed for a bit; no one speaking, for the doctor stood
with his head bent down and his hat off, while the light of the candle
shone amongst his silver-looking hair. Two or three times over I saw
Balchin and his wife and the others look hard at him, and once Balchin
touched him on the sleeve, but he stood still looking on, while poor
Dick lay there with his head upon my shoulder, and me, not crying but
confused and struck down, and dazed like with sorrow.
At last every one seemed so still and quiet, that I looked up wondering
to see the doctor hold up his hand to the others to be silent, when,
whispering to me that he would be back in a few minutes, he hurried
away. And still no one moved for perhaps a quarter of an hour, when
through being half blind now with the tears that began to come, I could
not see the doctor come back; and this time he had something in his hand
which he made as though he would give to Dick, but he shrunk back next
moment shaking his head, gave the glass to Balchin to hold, and then as
Mrs Balchin began sobbing loudly, the doctor knelt down beside the bed
and said some words in a low tone at first, but getting more earnest and
loud as he went on and then he was silent, and Dick seemed to give a
deep drawn sigh.
Then I waited to hear the next sigh, for all was still and quiet;
Balchin and his wife stood with their heads bent down, and Mrs Balchin
had left off sobbing; the others stood about, one here and one there,
and the good doctor was still upon his knees, and I couldn't help
thinking how calm and easy poor Dick's laboured breathing had become,
when all at once little Totty began to say some prattling words in her
sleep, and then as if some bright little dream was hers she began to
laugh out loud in her little merry way, and nestled closer to her
father.
All at once I started, for a horrible thought came into my mind, and
turning my face I looked as well as I could at poor Dick's eyes. The
light was very dim and I could only see that they were half open, while
there was a quiet happy smile upon his lip. Then I eagerly held the
back of my hand to his mouth to feel his breath, but there was nothing.
I felt his heart--it was still. I whispered to him--
"Dick! Dick! speak to me," and I fancied there was just another faint
sigh, but no answer--no reply--for with his arms round all he loved and
who loved him on this earth, he had gone from us--gone without me
fancying for a moment it was so near. And then again for a moment I
could not believe it, but looked first at the doctor, and then at first
one and then another, till they all turned their heads away, when with a
bitter cry I clasped him to me, for I knew poor Dick was dead.