THE RIGHT SIDE OF THE LEDGER.
Ruth got up rather earlier than usual on that Saturday morning. She had
a dull, stunned kind of feeling round her heart. She was glad of that;
she was glad that she was not acutely sorry, or acutely glad, or acutely
anxious about anything.
"If I could always be like this, nothing would matter," she said to
herself.
She dressed with her usual scrupulous neatness, and after hesitating for
a moment, put on her best Sunday serge dress. It was a dark-blue serge,
very neatly made. She combed back her luxurious hair and tied it with a
ribbon to match the dress. She then ran downstairs.
"Why, Ruth?" said her grandmother, who was pouring some porridge into
bowls, "what are you wearing that frock for?"
"I thought I would like to, granny."
"Well, to be sure. I trust to goodness you are not getting extravagant.
It will be doomsday before we can get you another like it. You must
remember that I saved up for it sixpence by sixpence, and it took me all
my time and my best endeavors to get it."
"I know it, granny; and when I wear it I feel that you were very kind to
give it me. A girl who wears a dress like this ought to be very, very
good, oughtn't she, granny?"
"Well, to be sure, little woman; and so you are. There never was a
better child. Sit down now and sup your porridge. It is extra good this
morning, and there's a drop of cream in that jug which will give it a
flavor."
Ruth sat down to the table and drew her bowl of porridge towards her.
The warm, nourishing food seemed to choke her; but, all the same, she
ate it with resolution."
"That's right, dear," said her grandmother. "'It's putting a bit of
color into your cheeks. You are too white altogether, Ruth. I hope, my
dear, you are not working too hard."
"Oh, that's all right," said Ruth, keeping back a groan.
"It's a fine thing your getting into that school," continued Mrs.
Craven; "it gives you a chance. Do you know, now, when I look at you and
see the pretty little girl you are turning into, and observe your
lady-like ways, which every one remarks on, I think of the time when
your father was your age."
"Yes, granny," said Ruth, brightening up and looking earnestly at the
old lady; "you never care to talk about father, but I should greatly
like to hear about him this morning."
"Well, child, I don't talk of him because it hurts me too much. He was
the only child I ever had, and if I live to be a hundred I sha'n't get
over his death. But he was like you--very neat in his person, and very
particular, and always keen over his books. And do you know what he said
to his father? It was when he was fifteen years old, just for all the
world about the age you are now. I mind the time as well as if it was
yesterday. Her father and I were sitting by the hearth, and the boy came
and stood near us. Your grandfather looked up at him, and his blue eyes
seemed to melt with love and pride, and he said:
"'What will you be, my boy? Will you let me teach you the business, and
save up all the money I can for you to sell groceries on a bigger scale?
There's many a small business like mine which, when built up, means a
great big business and much wealth. If you have a turn that way I could
set you on your legs; I am certain of it. I'd like to do it. Would you
like that best, or would you rather have a profession and be made a
gentleman?'
"'The gentleman part doesn't matter,' said our boy in reply to that;
'but I think, father, if you can give me my choice, I'd like best to be
that which, if necessary, would oblige me to give my life,'
"'What do you mean?' asked his father, and the lad explained with his
eyes shining.
"'I have only got one life,' he said, 'and I'd like to give it if
necessary.'"
"To tell the truth, Ruth, I could not understand him."
"But I can," said Ruth. She hastily put down her porridge spoon and
jumped to her feet. "I can understand," she continued; "and I am proud
of him."
"So he went into the army. I wish you could have seen him in his
uniform; and his father paid for every scrap of the whole thing, and
educated him and all. Oh, dear! it was a proud moment. But we weren't
proud afterwards when we heard that he was killed. His father reminded
me of his words: 'I'd like to be that for which I could give my life if
necessary,'"
There was quite a pink color in each of Ruth's cheeks now, and her eyes
were very bright.
"I will go and see grandfather," she said, "and then I must be off to
school."
She left the kitchen and went into the tiny parlor where the old man
was seated. It was his fashion to get up early and go straight to the
parlor and read or talk softly to himself. For a couple of months now he
had never sat in the kitchen; he said it caused a buzzing in his head.
Mrs. Craven brought him his meals into the little parlor. He had
finished his breakfast when Ruth, in her neat Sunday dress, entered the
room. There was an exalted feeling in her heart, caused by the narrative
which her grandmother had told her of her father.
"Well, little woman," said the old man, "and you are off to school? Or
is it school? Perhaps it is Sunday morning and you are off to church."
"No, grandfather; it is Saturday morning--quite a different thing."
"Well, my love, I am as pleased as Punch about that school. I can't tell
you how I think about it, and love to feel that my own little lass is
doing so well there. And if you get the scholarship, why, we will be
made; we won't have another care nor anxiety; we won't have another
wrinkle of trouble as long as we remain in the world."
Ruth went straight over to the old man, knelt down by his side, and
looked into his face.
"Stroke my hair, granddad," she said.
He raised his trembling hand and placed it on her head.
"That is nice," she said, and caught his hand as it went backwards and
forwards over her silky black hair, and kissed it.
"Granddad," she said after a pause, "is it the best thing--quite the
best thing--always to come out on the right side of the ledger?"
"Eh? Listen to the little woman," said the old man, much pleased and
interested by her words. "Why, of course, Ruth; it is the only thing."
"But does it mean sometimes, grandfather--dishonor?"
"No, it never means that," said Mr. Craven gravely and thoughtfully.
"But I will tell you what, Ruthie. It does mean sometimes all you have
got."
"Yes," said Ruth, "I understand." She rose to her feet. Do you think my
father would have come out on the right side of the ledger?"
"Ah, child! when he lay dead on the field of battle he came very much
out on the right side, to my thinking. But why that melancholy note in
your voice, Ruth? And why are your cheeks so flushed? Is anything the
matter?"
"Kiss me," said Ruth. "I am glad you have said what you did about
father. I am more glad than sorry, on the whole, this morning. Good-bye,
grandfather."
She kissed him; then she raised her flower-like head and walked out of
the room with a gentle dignity all her own.
"What has come to the little woman?" thought the old man.
But in a minute or two he forgot her, and called to his wife to bring
him the account-books.
"Why do you bother yourself about them?" she asked.
"It has come over me," he replied, "that I have counted things wrong,
and that I'll come out on the right side if I am a bit more careful. Put
the books on this little table, and leave me for an hour or two. That's
right, old woman."
"Very well, old man," she replied, and she pushed the table towards him,
put the account-books thereon, and left the room.
Meanwhile Ruth went slowly to school. She was in good time. There was
no need to hurry. The morning was fresh and beautiful; there was a
gentle breeze which fanned her face. It seemed to her that if she let
her soul go it would mount on that breeze and get up high above the
clouds and the temptations of earth.
"I am glad," she said to herself, "the right side of the ledger means
giving up all, and the best of life is to be able to lose it if
necessary. I will cling to these two thoughts, and I don't believe if
the worst comes that anything can really hurt me."
When she got near the school she was met by Mrs. Hopkins. She was amazed
to see that good woman, as at that hour she was usually busily engaged
in her shop. But Mrs. Hopkins took the bull by the horns and said
quietly:
"I came out on purpose to see you, Ruth Craven."
"Well, and what do you want?" asked Ruth.
"My dear, you are not looking too well."
"Please do not mind my looks."
"It is just this, dear. There will be no end of a fuss in the school
to-day."
Ruth did not reply.
"And they will press you hard."
Still Ruth made no answer.
"You know what it will mean if you tell?"
Ruth's grave eyes were fixed on Mrs. Hopkins's face.
"Child, I don't want to doubt you--nobody who knows you could do
that--but it will mean ruin to poor Susy and to many and many a girl at
the Great Shirley School. It isn't so much Miss O'Hara we mean. Miss
O'Hara has gone into this with her eyes open; and she is rich, and what
is disgrace to her in this little part of England, when she herself
lives in a great big castle in Ireland, and is a queen, lady, and all
the rest? But it means--oh, such a frightful lot to so many! Now, Susy,
for instance. I meant to apprentice her to a good trade when she had
gone through her course of work at the Great Shirley; but she will have
to be a servant--a little maid-of-all-work--and I think that it would
break my heart if she was expelled."
"And what do you want me to do, Mrs. Hopkins?"
"Oh, my dear, not to think of yourself, but of the many who will be
ruined--not to tell, Ruth Craven."
Ruth gave a gentle smile; then she put out her small slim hand and
touched Mrs. Hopkins, and then turned and continued her walk to the
school.
There were a group of foundationers standing round the entrance. Ruth
longed to avoid them, but they saw her and clustered round her, and each
and all began to whisper in her ears:
"You will be faithful, Ruth; nothing will induce you to tell. It will be
hard on you, but you won't ruin so many of us. It is better for one to
suffer than for all to suffer. You won't tell, will you, Ruth?"
Ruth made no reply in words. The great bell rang, the doors of the
school were flung wide, and the girls, Ruth amongst them, entered.