My second brother, who was called Backbarah the Toothless, going
one day through the city, met an old woman in an out-street, who
came to him presently, and said, I want one word with you, pray
stop one moment. He did so, and asked her what she would have. If
you will come along with me, said she, I will bring you into a
stately palace, where you shall see a lady as fair as the day.
She will receive you with abundance of pleasure, and give you a
treat with excellent wine. I need say no more to you. But is what
you say true? replied my brother. I am no lying hussy, replied
the old woman; I say nothing to you but what is true. But hark, I
have something to ask of you. You must be wise, you must speak
but little, and you must be mighty complaisant. Backbarah agreed
to all this. The old woman went before, and he followed after.
They came to the gate of a great palace, where there was a great
number of officers and domestics. Some of them would have stopped
my brother, but no sooner did the old woman speak to them, than
they let him pass. Then turning to my brother, she said to him,
You must remember that the young lady I bring you to loves
good-nature and modesty, and cannot endure to be contradicted; if
you please her in that, you may be sure to obtain of her what you
wish. Backbarah thanked her for this advice, and promised to
follow it.
She brought him into a fine apartment, which was a great square
building, answerable to the magnificence of the palace. There was
a gallery round it, and a very fine garden in the middle. The old
woman made him sit down upon a sofa very well trimmed, and bid
him stay a moment, till she went to tell the young lady of his
being come.
My brother, who had never been before in such a stately palace,
gazed upon the fine things that he saw; and, judging of his good
fortune by the magnificence of the palace, he was scarcely able
to contain himself for joy. By and by he heard a great noise,
occasioned by a troop of merry slaves, who came towards him with
loud fits of laughter, and in the middle of them he perceived a
young lady of extraordinary beauty, who was easily known to be
their mistress by the respect they paid her. Backbarah, who
expected private conversation with the lady, was extremely
surprised when he saw so much company with her. In the mean time,
the slaves put on a grave countenance when they drew near; and
when the young lady came up to the sofa, my brother rose up and
made her a low bow. She took the upper-hand, prayed him to sit
down, and with a smiling countenance, said to him, I am mighty
glad to see you, and wish you all the happiness you can desire.
Madam, replied Backbarah, I cannot desire a greater happiness
than to be in your company. You seem to be of a good-humour, said
she, and to have a mind that we should pass the time pleasantly
together.
She forthwith commanded a collation to be brought; and
immediately a table was covered with several baskets of fruit and
confections. The lady sat down at the table with the slaves and
my brother, and he being placed just over against her, when he
opened his mouth to eat, she perceived he had no teeth; and
taking notice of it to her slaves, she and they laughed at him
heartily. Backbarah, from time to time, lifted up his head to
look at her, and perceiving her laugh, thought it was for joy of
his company, and flattered himself that she would speedily send
away her slaves, and be with him alone. She judged what was his
mind; and, pleasing herself to flatter him in his mistake, she
gave him abundance of sweet words, and presented him the best of
every thing with her own hand. The treat being done, they rose
from the table, when ten slaves took musical instruments, and
began to play and sing, and others went to dance. My brother, to
make them sport, did likewise dance, and the lady danced with
them. After they had danced some time, they sat down to take
breath; and the young lady, calling for a glass of wine, looked
upon my brother with a smiling countenance, to signify that she
was going to drink his health. He rose up, and stood while she
drank. When she had done, instead of giving back the glass, she
ordered it to be filled, and presented it to my brother, that he
might pledge her. My brother took the glass from the young lady's
hand, which he at the same time kissed, and stood and drank to
her, in acknowledgment of the favour she had done him. Then the
young lady made him sit down by her, and began to caress him. She
put her hand behind his head, and gave him some tips from time to
time with her fingers: ravished with those favours, he thought
himself the happiest man in the world, and had a great mind to
toy also with the charming lady, but durst not take that liberty
before so many slaves, who had their eyes upon him, and laughed
at their lady's wanton tricks. The young lady continued to tip
him with her fingers, but at last gave him such a sound box on
the ear, that he grew angry at it; the colour came in his face,
and he rose up to sit at a greater distance from such a rude
play-fellow. Then the old woman who brought him thither gave him
a look, to let him know he was in the wrong, and that he had
forgot the advice she gave him to be very complaisant. He owned
his fault; and, in order to make amends, he went near the young
lady again, pretending that he did not go away out of any bad
humour. She drew him by the arm, made him sit down by her again,
and gave him a thousand malicious hugs. Her slaves came in for a
part of the diversion: one gave poor Backbarah a fillip on the
nose with all her strength; another pulled him by the ears, as if
she would have plucked them off; and others boxed him so, as
might show they were not in jest. My brother suffered all this
with admirable patience, affected a gay air, and, looking to the
old woman, said to her, with a forced smile, You told me, indeed,
that I should find the lady very good, very pleasant, and very
charming; I must own I am mightily obliged to you! All this is
nothing, replied the old woman: let her go on; you will see
another thing by and by. Then the young lady said to him,
Brother, you are a brave man, I am glad to find you are of so
good an humour, and so complaisant, as to bear with my little
caprices; your humour is exactly like mine. Madam, replied
Backbarah, who was charmed with this discourse, I am no more my
own man, I am wholly yours; you may dipose of me as you please.
Oh, how you oblige me! said the lady, by so much submission! I am
very well satisfied with you, and will have you to be so with me.
Bring him perfume, said she, and rose-water. Upon this, two
slaves went out, and returned speedily; one with a silver
perfume-box, with the best wood-aloes, with which she perfumed
him; and the other with rose-water, which she threw on his hands
and face. My brother was quite beside himself at this honourable
treatment. After this ceremony, the young lady commanded the
slaves, who had already played on their instruments and sung, to
renew their concerts. They obeyed; and, in the mean time, the
lady called another slave, and ordered her to carry my brother
with her, and do what she knew, and bring him back to her again.
Backbarah, who heard this order, got up quickly, and going to the
old woman, who also rose up to go along with him and the slave,
prayed her to tell him what they were to do with him. My mistress
is only curious, replied the old woman softly; she has a mind to
see how you look in a woman's dress; and this slave who has
orders to carry you with her, is instructed to paint your
eye-brows, to cut off your whiskers, and to dress you like a
woman. You may paint my brows as much as you please, said my
brother; I agree to that, because I can wash it off again: but to
shave me, you know I must not allow that. How can I appear abroad
again without mustachos? Beware of refusing what is asked of you,
said the old woman: you will spoil your affairs, which go on now
as well as heart can wish. The lady loves you, and has a mind to
make you happy: and will you, for a nasty whisker, renounce the
most delicious favour that man can obtain. Backbarah listened to
the old woman, and without saying one word, went to a chamber
with the slave, where they painted his eye-brows with red, cut
off his whisker, and went to do the like with his beard. My
brother's patience began to wear out; O! said he, I will never
part with my beard. The slave told him, that it was to no purpose
to have parted with his whiskers, if he would not also part with
his beard, which could never agree with a woman's dress; and she
wondered that a man, who was on the point of enjoying the finest
lady in Bagdad, should have any regard to his beard. The old
woman threatened him with the loss of the young lady's favour, so
that at last he let them do what they would. When he was dressed
like a woman, they brought him before the young lady, who laughed
so heartily when she saw him, that she fell backward on the sofa
where she sat. The slaves laughed and clapped their hands, so
that my brother was quite out of countenance. The young lady got
up, and still laughing, said to him, After so much complaisance
for me, I should be very much in the wrong not to love you with
all my heart: but there is one thing more you must do for me; and
that is, to dance as we do. He obeyed; and the young lady and her
slaves danced with him, laughing as if they had been mad. After
they had danced some time with him, they all fell upon the poor
wretch, and did so box and kick him, that he fell down like one
out of his senses. The old woman helped him up again; and that he
might not have time to think of his ill treatment, she bid him
take courage, and whispered in his ear that all his sufferings
were at an end, and that he was just about to receive his reward.
You have only one thing more to do, and that is but a small one.
You must know that my mistress has a custom, when she has drank a
little, as you see she has done to-day, to let nobody that she
loves come near her, except they are stripped to their shirt; and
when they have done so, she takes a little advantage of them, and
sets a running before them through the gallery, and from chamber
to chamber, till they catch her. This is one more of her humours:
what advantage soever she takes of you, considering your
nimbleness, and inclination to the work, you will soon overtake
her; strip yourself, then, to the shirt, and undress yourself
without delay.
My silly brother, said the barber, had done too much to stick at
any thing now. He undressed himself; and, in the mean time, the
young lady was stripped to her shift and under-petticoat, that
she might run the more nimbly. When they were ready to run, the
young lady took the advantage of twenty paces, and then fell a
running with surprising swiftness: my brother followed her as
fast as he could, the slaves in the mean time laughing aloud and
clapping their hands. The young lady, instead of losing ground,
gained upon my brother: she made him run three or four times
round the gallery, and then running into a long dark entry, got
away by a passage which she knew. Backbarah, who still followed
her, having lost sight of her in the entry, was obliged to
slacken his pace, because of the darkness of the place: at last
perceiving a light, he ran towards it, and went out at a door,
which was immediately shut upon him. You may imagine he was
mightily surprised to find himself in a street inhabited by
curriers, and they were no less surprised to see him in his
shirt, his eye-brows painted red, and without beard or mustachos;
they began to clap their hands and shout at him, some of them
even ran after him, and lashed his buttocks with pieces of
leather. Then they stopped, and set him upon an ass, which they
met by chance, and carried him through the town exposed to the
laughter of the people.
To complete his misfortune, as he went by the house of a justice
of peace, he would needs know the cause of the tumult. The
curriers told him, that they saw him come out in that condition
at the gate of the apartment of the grand vizier's lady, which
opened into their street; upon which the justice ordered
unfortunate Backbarah to have an hundred blows with a cane on the
soles of his feet, and sent him out of the town, with orders
never to return again.
Thus, commander of the faithful, said I to the caliph Monstancer
Billah, I have given an account of the adventure of my second
brother, who did not know that our greatest ladies divert
themselves sometimes by putting such tricks upon young people
that are foolish enough to be caught in their snares.