A citizen of this city did me the honour, two days ago, to invite
me to a treat, which he was to give to his friends yesterday
morning. Accordingly, I went pretty early, and found twenty
persons waiting.
The master of the house was gone out upon some business, but in a
very little time came home, and brought with him a young man, a
stranger, well dressed, and very handsome, but lame. When he came
in, we all rose, and, out of respect to the master of the house,
invited the young gentleman to sit down with us upon the sofa. He
was going to sit down; but all on a sudden, spying a barber in
our company, he flew backwards, and made towards the door. The
master of the house being surprised, stopped him: Where are you
going? said he; I brought you along with me to do me the honour
of being my guest, and you are no sooner got into my house than
you run away again. Sir, said the young man, for God's sake do
not stop me, let me go; I cannot, without horror, look upon that
abominable barber; though he was born in a country where all the
natives are whites, he resembles an Ethiopian; and when all is
come to all, his soul is yet blacker, and yet more horrible than
his face.
We were, continued the tailor, surprised to hear the young man
speak so, and began to have a very bad opinion of the barber,
without knowing what ground the young man had for what he said.
Nay, we protested we would not suffer any one to remain in our
company who bore so horrid a character. The master of the house
entreated the stranger to tell us what reason he had for hating
the barber. Gentlemen, said the young man, you must know that
this cursed barber is the cause of my being lame, and of the most
cruel accident that any one can imagine: for this reason, I have
made an oath to avoid every place where he dwells. It was for
this reason that I left Bagdad, where he then was, and travelled
so far to settle in this city, in the heart of Great Tartary, a
place where I flattered myself I should never see him; and now,
after all, contrary to my expectations, I find him here. This
obliges me, gentlemen, against my will, to deprive myself of the
honour of being merry with you. This very day I take leave of
your town, and will go, if possible, to hide me from him. This
said, he would have left us, but the master entreated him to
stop, and tell the cause of his aversion to the barber, who all
this while looked down, and said nothing. We joined with the
master of the house in requesting him to stay; and at last the
young man, yielding to our instances, sat down upon the sofa;
and, after turning his back to the barber, that he might not see
him, gave us the following account.
My father's quality might have entitled him to the highest posts
in the city of Bagdad, but he always preferred a quiet life to
any honours he might deserve. I was his only child; and, when he
died, I was already educated, and of age to dispose of the
plentiful fortune he had left me, which I did not squander away
foolishly, but applied to such uses, that every body respected
me. I had never been in love, and was so far from being sensible
of that passion, that I acknowledge, perhaps to my shame, that I
cautiously avoided the conversation of women. One day, walking in
the streets, I saw a great company of ladies before me, and, that
I might not meet them, turned down a narrow lane just by, and sat
down upon a bench by a door. I sat over against a window, where
stood a pot with pretty flowers; and I had my eyes fixed upon
this, when, all on a sudden, the window opened, and a young lady
appeared, whose beauty was dazzling. Immediately she cast her
eyes upon me; and, in watering the flower-pot with a hand whiter
than alabaster, looked upon me with a smile that inspired me with
as much love for her as I had formerly an aversion for all women.
After having watered all her flowers, and darting upon me a
glance full of charms that quite pierced my heart, she shut up
the window again, and so left me in inconceivable trouble and
disorder.
I had dwelt upon these thoughts long enough, had not a noise in
the streets brought me to myself: alarmed thus, I turned my head
in a rising posture, and saw it was the upper cadi of the city,
mounted on a mule, and attended by five or six servants. He
alighted at the door of the house where the young lady had opened
the window, and went in there; so I concluded he was the young
lady's father.
I went home in a different sort of humour from that in which I
came, with a passion which was the mere violent as I had never
felt before its assaults. In fine, I went to bed in a violent
fever, at which all the family was greatly concerned. My
relations, who had a great love for me, were so alarmed and moved
at my sudden disorder, that they came about me, and importuned me
to know the cause, which I took care not to reveal to them. My
silence created an uneasiness which the physicians could not
dispel, because they knew nothing of my distemper, and rather
inflamed than repaired it, by the medicines they exhibited. My
relations began to despair of my life, when a certain old lady of
our acquaintance, learning my illness, came to see me. She
considered and examined every thing with great attention, and
dived, I do not know how, into the real cause of my illness. Then
she took my relations aside, and desired they would retire from
the room. When the room was clear, she sat down on the side of my
bed: My child, said she, you are very obstinate in concealing
hitherto the cause of your illness; but you have no occasion to
reveal it to me, I have experience enough to penetrate into a
secret; you will not surely disown that it is love that makes you
sick. I can find a way to cure you, if you but let me know who
the happy lady is that could move a heart so insensible as yours;
for you have the name of a woman-hater, and I was not the last
that perceived you to be of that temper; but, in short, what I
foresaw has just come to pass, and am now glad of the opportunity
to employ my talents in bringing you out of pain.
The old lady, having talked to me in this fashion, paused,
expecting my answer; but, though what she had said made a strong
impression upon me, I durst not lay open to her the bottom of my
heart; I only turned to her, and fetched a deep sigh without
saying any thing. Is it bashfulness, said she, that keeps you
from speaking? or is it want of confidence in me? Do not doubt
the effect of my promise. I could mention to you an infinite
number of young men of your acquaintance, that have been in the
same condition with you, and have received relief from me. In
fine, the good lady told me so many things more, that I broke
silence, declared to her my evil, pointed out to her the place
where I had seen the object which caused it, and unravelled all
the circumstances of my adventure. If you succeed, said I, and
procure me the felicity of seeing that charming beauty, and
revealing to her the passion with which I burn for her, you may
depend upon it I will be grateful. My son, said the old woman, I
know the lady you speak of; she is, as you judged right, the
daughter of the first cadi of the city: I think it no wonder that
you are in love with her; she is the handsomest, comeliest lady
in Bagdad; but what I most boggle at is, that she is very proud
and of difficult access. You see how strict our judges are in
enjoining the punctual observance of the severe laws that lay
women under such a burdensome constraint; and they are yet more
strict in the observation of their own families: nay, the cadi
you saw is more rigid than all the other magistrates put
together. They are always preaching to their daughters what a
heinous crime it is to show themselves to men; and by this means
the girls themselves are so prepossessed with the notion, that
they make no other use of their own eyes than to conduct them
along the streets when necessity obliges them to go abroad. I do
not say absolutely that the cadi's daughter is of that humour;
but I still fear to meet with as great obstacles on her side as
on her father's. Would to God you had loved some other lady, then
I had not had so many difficulties to surmount. However, I shall
employ all my wits to compass the thing; but time is required. In
the mean time, take heart, and trust to me.
The old woman took leave; and as I weighed within myself all the
obstacles she had been talking of, the fear of her not succeeding
inflamed my illness. Next day she came again, and I read in her
countenance that she had no favourable news to impart. She spoke
thus: My child, I was not mistaken in the matter; I have somewhat
else to conquer besides the vigilance of a father; you love an
indifferent, insensible girl, who takes pleasure in making those
to burn with love that suffer themselves to be charmed by her;
when she has once gained that point, she will not deign them the
least comfort. She heard me with pleasure, when I spoke of
nothing but the torment she had made you undergo; but I had no
sooner requested her to allow you to see, and converse with her,
than, with a terrible look, You are very bold, said she, to make
such a proposal to me; I discharge you ever to see me again with
such discourse in your mouth.
Do not let this cast you down, continued she, I am not easily
disheartened; and if your patience does but hold out, I am
hopeful I shall compass my end. To shorten my story, said the
young man, this good procuress made several attempts on my behalf
with the proud enemy of my rest. The fret I thereby underwent
inflamed my distemper to that degree that my physicians gave me
quite over; so that I was looked on as a dead man, when the old
woman came to give me life.
That nobody might hear what was said, she whispered in my ear,
Remember now you owe me a present for the good news I bring you.
These words produced a marvellous effect; I raised myself to sit
up in the bed, and with transports made answer, You shall not be
without a present: but what are the news you bring me? Dear sir,
said she, you shall not die yet: I shall speedily have the
pleasure to see you in perfect health, and very well satisfied
with me. Yesterday being Monday, I went to see the lady you love,
and found her in very good humour. I put on a sad countenance,
and fetched many deep sighs, and began to squeeze out some tears:
My good mother, said she, what is the matter with you? Why are
you so cast down? Alas, my dear and honourable lady, said I, I
have been just now with the young gentleman I spoke to you of the
other day; his business is done; he is giving up his life for the
love of you; it is a great injury, I assure you, and there is a
great deal of cruelty on your side. I am at a loss to know,
replied she, how you suppose me to be the cause of his death. How
can I have contributed to it? How, replied I, did not you tell me
the other day that he sat down before your window when you opened
it to water your flower-pot? He then saw that prodigy of beauty,
those charms that your looking-glass represents to you every day.
From that moment he languished, and his disease is risen to that
height, that he is reduced to the deplorable condition I have
mentioned.
You remember well, added I, how rigorously you treated me the
last time I was here, when I was offering to speak to you of his
illness, and to propose means to rescue him from the danger he
was in; when I took leave of you, I went straight to his house,
and he no sooner knew by my countenance that I had brought him no
favourable answer than his distemper increased. From that time,
madam, he is ready to die, and I do not know whether you can save
his life now, though you should take pity on him. This is just
what I said to her, continued the old woman. The fear of your
death shaked her, and I saw her face change colour. Is it true
what you say? said she. Has he actually no other disease than
what is occasioned by the love of me? Ah, madam, said I, that is
too true; would to God it were false! Do you believe, said she,
that the hope of seeing me would contribute any thing to rescue
him from the danger he is in? Perhaps it may, said I, and if you
will give me orders, I will try the remedy. Well, said she,
sighing, make him hope to see me; but he can pretend to no other
favours from me, unless he aspires to marry me, and my father
gives his consent to it. Madam, replied I, your goodness
overcomes me: I will go and see for the young gentleman, and tell
him he is to have the pleasure of an interview with you: the most
proper time I can think of, said she, for granting him that
favour, is next Friday, at the time of noon-prayers. Let him take
care to observe when my father goes out, and then come and plant
himself over against the house, if so be his health permits him
to come abroad. When he comes, I shall see him through my window,
and shall come down and open the door to him; we shall then
converse together during prayer-time, but he must be gone before
my father returns.
It is now Tuesday, continued the old gentlewoman, you have till
Friday to recruit your strength, and make the necessary
dispositions for the interview. While the good old gentlewoman
was telling her story, I felt my illness decrease, or rather, by
the time she had done, I found myself perfectly well. Here, take
this, said I, reaching out to her my purse, which was full, it is
to you alone that I owe my cure. I reckon this money better
employed than what I gave to the physicians, who have done
nothing but tormented me during the whole course of my illness.
When the lady was gone, I found I had strength enough to get up;
and my relations, finding me so well, complimented me and went
home.
On Friday morning the old woman came just when I was dressing
myself, and laying out the finest clothes I had; I do not ask
you, says she, how you do; what you are about is intimation
enough of your health; but will you not bathe before you go to
the first cadi's house? That will take up too much time, said I;
I will content myself with calling a barber to get my head and
beard shaved. Presently I ordered one of my slaves to call a
barber that could do his business cleverly and expeditiously. The
slave brought me this wretch you see here, who came in, and after
saluting me, Sir, said he, you look as if you were not very well.
I told him I was just recovered from a fit of sickness: I wish,
said he, God may deliver you from all mischance; may his grace
always go along with you. I hope, said I, he will grant your
wish, for which I am very much obliged to you. Since you are
recovering, said he, I pray God preserve your health; but now
pray let us know what service I am to do; I have brought my
razors and my lancets; do you desire to be shaved or to be bled?
I replied, I am just recovered of a fit of sickness, and so you
may readily judge I only want to be shaved: come, make haste, do
not lose time in prattling, for I am in haste, and precisely at
noon must be at a certain place.
The barber spent much time in opening his case, and preparing his
razors: instead of putting water into the bason, he took a very
handsome astrolabe out of his budget, and went very gravely out
of my room to the middle of the yard to take the height of the
sun; then he returned with the same grave pace, and, entering my
room, Sir, said he, you will be pleased to know this day is
Friday the 18th of the month Saffar, in the year 653, [Footnote:
This year 653 is one of the Hegira, the common epocha of the
Mahometans, and answers to the year 1255, from the nativity of
Christ; from whence we may conjecture that these computations
were made in Arabia about that time.] from the retreat of our
great prophet from Mecca to Medina, and in the year 7320
[Footnote: As for the year 7320, the author is mistaken in that
computation. The year 653 of the Hegira, and the 1255 of Christ,
coincide only with the 1557 of the aera or the epocha of the
Selucides, which is the same with that of Alexander the Great,
who is called Iskender with two horns, according to the
expression of the Arabians.] of the epocha of the great Iskender
with two horns; and that the conjunction of Mars and Mercury
signifies you cannot choose a better time than this very day for
being shaved. But, on the other hand, the same conjunction is a
bad presage to you. I learn from thence, that this day you run a
great risk, not indeed of losing your life, but of an
inconvenience which will attend you while you live. You are
obliged to me for the advice I now give you to take care to avoid
it; I should be sorry if it befel you.
You may guess, gentlemen, how sorry I was for having fallen into
the hands of such a prattling impertinent barber; what an
unseasonable adventure it was for a lover preparing for an
interview! I was quite angry. I do not trouble my head, said I,
in anger, with your advice and predictions, nor did I call you to
consult your astrology; you came here to shave me, so pray do it,
or be gone, and I will call another barber. Sir, said he, with a
dulness that put me out of all patience, what reason have you to
be angry with me? You do not know that all barbers are not like
me, and that you could scarcely find such another, if you made it
your business to search. You only sent for a barber: but here, in
my person, you have the best barber in Bagdad; an experienced
physician, a very profound chemist, an infallible astrologer, a
finished grammarian, a complete orator, a subtle logician, a
mathematician perfectly conversant in geometry, arithmetic,
astronomy, and all the divisions of algebra; an historian fully
master of the histories of all the kingdoms of the universe;
besides, I know all parts of philosophy, and have all the
traditions upon my finger ends. I am a poet, an architect, nay,
what is it I am not? there is nothing in nature hidden from me.
Your deceased father, to whose memory I pay a tribute of tears
every time I think of him, was fully convinced of my merit; he
was fond of me, and spoke of me in all companies as the greatest
man in the world. Out of gratitude and friendship for him, I am
willing to take you into my protection, and guard you from all
the evils that your stars may threaten.
At hearing this stuff, I could not forbear laughing,
notwithstanding my anger. You impertinent prattler, said I, will
you have done, and begin to shave me?
Sir, replied the barber to me, you affront me in calling me a
prattler; on the contrary, all the world gives me the honourable
title of Silent. I had six brothers that you might justly have
called prattlers; and that you may know them the better, the name
of the first was Bacbouc, of the second Backbarah of the third
Backback, of the fourth Barbarak, of the fifth Alnaschar, of the
sixth Schacabac. These indeed were impertinent noisy fellows; but
as for me, who am a younger brother, I am grave and concise in my
discourses.
For God's sake, gentlemen, do but suppose you had been in my
place. What could I say when I felt myself so cruelly tortured?
Give him three pieces of gold, said I to the slave that was my
housekeeper, and send him away, that he may disturb me no more; I
will not be shaved this day. Sir, said the barber, what do you
mean by that? I did not come to seek for you, it was you that
sent for me; and since it is so, I swear by the faith of a
Mussulman, I will not stir out of these doors till I have shaved
you: if you do not know my value, that is not my fault. Your
deceased father did me more justice. Every time he sent for me to
let blood, he made me sit down by him, and was charmed to hear
the fine things I talked of. I kept him in a continual strain of
admiration, and ravished him; when I had finished my discourses,
My God, would he cry, you are an inexhaustible source of
sciences; no man can reach the depth of your knowledge. My dear
sir, said I again, you do me more honour than I deserve: If I say
any thing that is fine, it is owing to the favourable audience
you vouchsafe me; it is your liberality that inspires me with the
sublime thoughts that have the happiness to please you. One day,
when he was charmed with an admirable discourse I had made, Give
him, says he, an hundred pieces of gold, and invest him with one
of my richest robes. I received the present upon the spot, and
presently I drew his horoscope, and found it the happiest in the
world. Nay, I was grateful still, and bled him with cupping
glasses.
This was not all: The barber spinned out, besides, another
harangue that was a half hour long. Fatigued with hearing him,
and fretted at the time which was spent before I was half ready,
I did not know what to say. No, said I, it is impossible there
should be such another man in the world, that takes pleasure, as
you do, in making people mad.
I thought that I should succeed better if I dealt mildly with my
barber. In the name of God, said I, leave off all your fine
discourses, and despatch me presently; I am called to attend an
affair of the last importance, as I have told you already. Then
he fell a laughing: It would be a laudable thing, said he, if our
minds were always in the same strain; if we were wise and
prudent: however, I am willing to believe, that if you are angry
with me, it is your distemper which has caused that change in
your humour; and, for that reason, you stand in need of some
instructions, and you cannot do better than follow the example of
your father and grandfather. They came and consulted me upon all
occasions; and I can say, without vanity, that they always
extolled my council. Pray, recollect, sir, men never succeed in
their enterprises without having recourse to the advice of
quick-sightedmen. The proverb tells you, a man cannot be wise
without receiving advice from the wise. I am entirely at your
service, and you have nothing to do but command me.
What! cannot I prevail with you then? said I, interrupting him.
Leave off these long discourses which tend to nothing but to
split my head to pieces, and to detain me from the place where my
business lies. Shave me, I say, or be gone; with that I started
up in a huff, stamping my foot against the ground.
When he saw I was angry in earnest; Sir, said he, do not be
angry, we are going to begin soon. He washed my head, and fell a
shaving me; but he had not given me four sweeps of his razor,
when he stopped, saying, Sir, you are hasty, you should avoid
these transports that come only from the devil. Besides, my merit
speaks that you ought to have some more consideration for me,
with respect to my age, my knowledge, and my shining virtues.
Go on and shave me, said I, interrupting him again, and do not
speak. That is to say, replies he, you have some urgent business
to go about; I will lay you a wager I guess right. Why, I told
you so these two hours, said I, you ought to have done before
now. Moderate your passion, replied he, perhaps you have not
maturely weighed what you are going about: when things are done
precipitately, they are generally repented of. I wish you would
tell me what mighty business this is you are so earnest upon: I
would tell you my opinion of it: besides, you have time enough,
since your appointment is not till noon, and it wants three hours
of that yet. I do not mind that, said I; persons of honour, and
of their word, are rather before their time than after. But I
forget that, in amusing myself by reasoning with you, I give into
the faults of you prattling barbers: have done, have done, shave
me.
The more haste I was in, the less haste he made: he laid down the
razor, and took up his astrolabe; this done, he even laid down
the astrolabe, and took up his razor again. The barber quitted
his razor again, and took up his astrolabe, a second time; and so
left me, half shaved, to go and see precisely what o'clock it
was. Back he came, and then, Sir, said he, I knew I was not
mistaken, it wants three hours of noon, I am sure of it, or else
all the rules of astronomy are false. Just Heaven! cried I, my
patience is at an end, I can forbear no longer. You cursed
barber, you barber of mischief, I do not know what holds me from
falling upon you, and strangling you. Softly, sir, said he, very
calmly, without being moved by my passion: you are not afraid of
a relapse: do not be in a passion, I am going to serve you this
minute. On speaking these words, he clapped his astrolabe in his
case, took up his razor, which he had fixed to his belt, and fell
a shaving again: but, all the while he shaved me, the dog could
not forbear prattling. If you please, sir, said he, to tell me
what business it is you are going about, I could give you some
advice that may be of use to you. To satisfy the fellow, I told
him I was going to meet some friends who were to regale me at
noon, and make merry with me upon the recovery of my health.
When the barber heard me talk of regaling, God bless you this day
as well as all other days, cried he: you put me in mind that
yesterday I invited four or five friends to come and eat with me
this day: indeed I had forgot it, and I have as yet made no
preparation for them. Do not let that trouble you. said I; though
I dine abroad, my house is always well provided. I make you a
present of what is in it; nay, besides, I will order you as much
wine as you may have occasion for, for I have excellent wine in
my cellar; only despatch the shaving of me presently, and pray do
not mind it; whereas my father made you presents to encourage you
to speak, I give you mine to make you hold your peace.
He was not satisfied with the promise I made him: God reward you,
sir, said he, for your kindness; but pray show me these
provisions now, that I may see if there will be enough to
entertain my friends: I would have them satisfied with the good
fare I make them. I have, said I, a lamb, six capons, a dozen of
pullets, and enough to make four services of. I ordered a slave
to bring them all before him, with four great pitchers of wine.
It is very well, said the barber, but we shall want fruit, and
sauce for the meat: that I ordered likewise; but then he gave
over shaving to look over every thing one after another; and this
survey lasted almost half an hour. I raged, and stormed, and went
mad, but it signified nothing, the coxcomb never troubled
himself. He, however, took up his razor again, and shaved me for
some moments; then stopping all on a sudden, I could not have
believed, sir, that you would have been so liberal; I begin to
perceive that your deceased father lives again in you: most
certainly I do not deserve the favours with which you have loaded
me; and I assure you I shall have them in perpetual remembrance:
for, sir, to let you know it, I have nothing but what comes from
the generosity of honest gentlemen, such as you; in which point I
am like to Zantout that rubs the people in bathing; to Sali that
cries boiled pease in the streets: to Salout that sells beans; to
Akerscha that sells greens; to Amboumecarez that sprinkles the
streets to lay the dust, and to Cassem the caliph's life-guard
man. Of all these persons, not one is apt to be made melancholy;
they are neither peevish nor quarrelsome; they are more contented
with their lot than the caliph in the midst of his court; they
are always gay, ready to dance and to sing, and have each of them
their peculiar song and dance, with which they divert the city of
Bagdad: but what I esteem most in them is, that they are no great
talkers, no more than your slave that has now the honour to speak
to you. Here, sir, that is the song and dance of Zantout, who
rubs the people in baths: mind me, pray, and see if I do not
imitate it exactly.
The barber sung the song and danced the dance of Zantout; and
though I did what I could to make an end to his buffoonery, he
did not give over till he had imitated, in like manner, the songs
and dances of the other people he had named. After that,
addressing himself to me, I am going, says he, to invite all
these honest persons to my house: if you take my advice, you will
join with us, and balk your friends yonder, who perhaps are noisy
prattlers, that will only teaze you to death with their nauseous
discourses, and make you fall into a distemper worse than that
you so lately recovered of; whereas, at my house, you shall have
nothing but pleasure.
Notwithstanding my anger, I could not forbear laughing at the
fellow's impertinence. I wish I had no business upon my hands,
said I; if I had not, I would accept of the proposal you make me;
I would go with all my heart to be merry with you, but I beg to
be excused, I am too much engaged this day; another day I shall
be more at leisure, and then we shall make up that company. Come,
have done shaving me, and make haste to return home; perhaps your
friends are already come to your house. Sir, said he, do not
refuse me the favour I ask of you; come and be merry with the
good company I am to have; if you were but once in our company,
you would be so well pleased with it, you would forsake your
friends to come to us: let us talk no more of that, said I, I
cannot be your guest.
I found I gained no ground upon him by mild terms. Since you will
not come to my house, replied the barber, then pray let me go
along with you; I will go and carry these things to my house,
where my friends may eat of them if they like them, and I will
return immediately; I would not be so uncivil as to leave you
alone; you deserve this complaisance at my hands. Heavens! cried
I, then I shall not get clear of this troublesome man this day.
In the name of the living God, said I, leave off your
unreasonable jargon: go to your friends, drink, eat, and be merry
with them, and leave me at liberty to go to mine. I have a mind
to go alone, I have no occasion for company: besides, I must
needs tell you, the place to which I go is not a place where you
can be received; nobody must come there but me. You jest, sir,
said he; if your friends have invited you to a feast, why should
you hinder me to accompany you? You will please them, I am sure,
by carrying thither a man that can speak comically like me, and
knows how to divert company agreeably: but, say what you will,
the thing is resolved upon; I will go along with you in spite of
your teeth.
These words, gentlemen, made me very uneasy. How shall I get rid
of this cursed barber? thought I to myself. If I do not snub him
roundly, we shall never have done contesting. Besides, I heard
then the first call to noon-prayers, and it was time for me to
go. In fine, I resolved to say nothing at all, and to make as if
I consented to his proposal. By that time he had done shaving me;
then said I to him, Take some of my servants to carry these
provisions along with you, and return hither; I will stay for
you, and shall not go without you. At last he went, and I dressed
myself nimbly. I heard the last call to prayers; and made haste
to set out: but the malicious barber, jealous of my intention,
went with my servants only within sight of the house, and stood
there till he saw them enter his house; having hid himself upon
the turning of a street, with intent to observe and follow me. In
fine, when I arrived at the cadi's door, I looked back and saw
him at the head of the street, which fretted me to the last
degree.
The cadi's door was half open, and as I went in, I saw an old
woman waiting for me, who, after she had shut the door, conducted
me to the chamber of the young lady I was in love with: but we
had scarcely begun our interview, when we heard a noise in the
street. The young lady put her head to the window, and saw
through the grate that it was the cadi, her father, returning
already from prayers. At the same time, I looked through the
window, and saw the barber sitting over against the house in the
same place where I had before seen the young lady.
I had then two things to fear, the arrival of the cadi, and the
presence of the barber. The young lady mitigated my fear of the
first, by assuring me the cadi came but very seldom to her
chamber; and, as she had foreseen that this misadventure might
happen, she had contrived a way to convey me out safe; but the
indiscretion of the accursed barber made me very uneasy; and you
shall hear that this my uneasiness was not without ground.
As soon as the cadi came in, he caned one of his slaves that
deserved it. The slave made horrid shouts, which were heard in
the streets; the barber thought it was I that cried out, and that
I was maltreated. Prepossessed with this thought, he screamed out
most fearfully, rent his clothes, threw dust upon his head, and
called the neighbourhood to his assistance. The neighbourhood
came, and asked what ailed him, and what relief he wanted that
they could give? Alas! cried he, they are assassinating my
master, my dear patron: and, without saying any other thing, he
ran all the way to my house with the very same cry in his mouth.
From thence he returned, followed by all my domestics, armed with
batoons. They knocked with inconceivable fury at the cadi's door,
and the cadi sent a slave to see what was the matter; but the
slave being frightened, returned to his master, crying, Sir,
above ten thousand men are going to break into your house by
force.
Immediately the cadi ran himself, opened the door, and asked what
they wanted? His venerable presence could not inspire them with
respect: they insolently said to him, You cursed cadi, you dog of
a cadi, what reason have you to assassinate our master? What has
he done to you? Good people, replied the cadi, for what should I
assassinate your master, whom I do not know, and who has done no
offence? My house is open to you, come see and search. You
bastinadoed him, said the barber; I heard his cries not above a
minute ago. But pray, replies the cadi, what offence could your
master do to me, to oblige me to use him after that rate? Is he
in my house? If he is, how came he in, or who could have
introduced him? Ah! wretched cadi cried the barber, you and your
long beard shall never make me believe what you say. What I say I
know to be true; your daughter is in love with our master, and
gave him a meeting during the time of noon-prayers; you, without
doubt, have had notice of it; you returned home, and surprised
him, and made your slave bastinado him: but this your wicked
action shall not pass with impunity; the caliph shall be
acquainted with it, and he shall give true and brief justice. Let
him come out; deliver him to us immediately: or if you do not, we
will go in and take him from you, to your shame. There is no
occasion for so many words, replied the cadi, nor to make so
great a noise: if what you say is true, go in and find him out, I
give you free liberty. Thereupon the barber and my domestics
rushed into the house like furies, and looked for me all about.
When I heard all that the barber said to the cadi, I sought for a
place to hide myself, and could find nothing but a great empty
trunk, in which I lay down, and shut it upon me. The barber,
after he had searched every where, came into the chamber where I
was, and opening the trunk, as soon as he saw me, he took it upon
his head, and carried it away. He came down a high stair-case
into a court, which he went through very speedily, and got to the
street. While he carried me, the trunk unhappily opened, and I,
not being able to endure to be exposed to the view and shouts of
the mob that followed us, leaped out into the street with so much
haste that I hurt my leg, so as I have been lame ever since. I
was not sensible how bad it was at first, and therefore got up
quickly to get away from the people, who laughed at me; nay, I
threw handfuls of gold and silver among them, and, whilst they
were gathering it up, I made my escape by cross streets and
alleys. But the cursed barber, improving the stratagem that I
made use of to get away from the mob, followed me close, crying,
Stay, sir, why do you run so fast? If you knew how much I am
afflicted at the ill treatment you received from the cadi, you
who are so generous a person, and to whom I and my friends are so
much obliged! Did not I tell you truly that you would expose your
life by your obstinate refusal to let me go with you? See now
what has happened to you by your own fault; and if I had not
resolutely followed you to see whither you went, what would have
become of you? Whither do you go then, sir? stay for me.
Thus the wretched barber cried aloud in the streets; it was not
enough for him to have occasioned so great a scandal in the
quarter of the cadi, but he would have it be known through the
whole town. I was in such a rage that I had a great mind to have
staid and cut his throat; but considering that would have
perplexed me further, I chose another course; for perceiving that
his calling after me exposed me to vast numbers of people, who
crowded to the doors or windows, or stopped in the streets, to
gaze on me, I entered into a khan or inn, the chamberlain of
which knew me; and finding him at the gate, whither the noise had
brought him, I prayed him, for the sake of Heaven, to hinder that
madman from coming in after me. He promised to do so, and was as
good as his word, but not without a great deal of trouble, for
the obstinate barber would go in, in spite of him, and did not
retire without calling him a thousand ill names; and after the
chamberlain shut the gate, the barber continued telling the mob
what great service he had done me. Thus I rid myself of that
troublesome fellow.
After that, the chamberlain prayed me to tell him my adventure,
which I did, and then desired him to let me have an apartment
until I was cured: But, sir, says he, would it not be more
convenient for you to go home? I will not return thither, said I;
for the detestable barber will continue plaguing me there, and I
shall die of vexation to be continually teazed with him. Besides,
after what has befallen me to-day, I cannot think of staying any
longer in this town; I must go whither my ill fortune leads me.
And actually, when I was cured, I took all the money I thought
necessary for my travels, and divided the remainder of my estate
among my kindred.
Thus, gentlemen, I left Bagdad, and came hither. I had ground to
hope that I should not meet this pernicious barber in a country
so far from my own, and yet I found him amongst you. Do not be
surprised, then, at my haste to be gone; you may easily judge how
disgusting to me the sight of a man is who was the occasion of my
lameness, and of my being reduced to the melancholy necessity of
living at so great a distance from my kindred, friends, and
country.
When the lame young man had spoken these words, he rose, and went
out: the master of the house conducted him to the gate, and told
him he was sorry that he had given him, though innocently, so
great a subject of mortification.
When the young man was gone, continued the tailor, we were all
astonished at the story; and turning to the barber, told him he
was very much in the wrong, if what we had just now heard was
true. Gentlemen, answered he, raising up his head, which till
then he had held down, my silence during the young man's
discourse is enough to testify that he advanced nothing but what
was really true; but, notwithstanding all that he has said to
you, I maintain that I ought to have done what I did; I leave
yourselves to be judges of it. Did not he throw himself into
danger, and could he have come off so well without my assistance?
He was too happy to escape with a lame leg. Did not I expose
myself to a greater danger in getting him out of a house where I
thought he was ill-treated? Has he any reason to complain of me,
and to give me so many bad words? This is what one gets by
serving unthankful people. He accuses me of being a prattling
fellow, which is a mere slander. Of seven brothers, I am he who
speaks the least, and have most wit for my share; and, to
convince you of it, gentlemen, I need only tell my own story and
theirs. Honour me, I beseech you, with your attention.