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THE BOOK OF THREE HUNDRED ANECDOTES.
HISTORICAL, LITERARY, AND HUMOROUS.
A NEW SELECTION.
BURNS & OATES.
LONDON: GRANVILLE MANSIONS.
NEW YORK: BARCLAY STREET.
INDEX.
Abernethy, 26
Abon Hannifah, 39
ACTORS, 27-33
Adam, Dr., and the Schoolboy, 106
AFFECTION, 1-5
Aguesseau, D', Chancellor of France, 115
Alban's, Duchess of, and the Sailor, 28
Algerine Captain, 119
Alphonsus, King of Naples, 39
American Heroines, 135
Amour, St., General, 1
André, St., Marquis de, 90
ARTISTS, 5-9
Astley Cooper, 26
Atterbury, in the House of Peers, 113
Bakers, The, of Lyons, 18
Bailly, Miss--Escape of the Pretender, 94
Bannister, 19
Bautru and the Spanish Librarian, 77
Bayard, The Chevalier, 80
Beauvais, Ladies of, 118
BEGGING, 10
Belmont, Countess de, 45
Benbow and the Wounded Sailor, 101
BENEVOLENCE, 11-13
Ben Jonson at Dinner, 21
Bernard, Father, 88
Bishop and Clerks, 104
BOOKS, 13-16
Boufflers, Marshal, 120
Bouille, Marquis de, 121
Boutteville, Count de, and the Soldier, 81
Boutibonne, M., Imaginary Accident, 58
Breton Peasants, 48
Brougham, Lord--Examination of a Witness, 70
Budæus, 76
Buffon and his Servant, 115
Busby, Dr., and the Scholar, 106
Cajeta, Siege of, 51
Camden, Lord, in the Stocks, 73
Camerons and Christians, 117
Campo, Marquess del, and George III., 93
Candle Light, War by, 120
Canning and the Preacher, 125
Carteret, Lady, and Dean Swift, 132
Carving Accident, 90
Catalogue Making, 15
Chamillart the French Lawyer, 70
Chantrey--First sculpture, 9
CHARITY, 18
Charles II. and Killigrew, 63
Charles V. of France, 64
Charles VI. of Austria, 122
Charles XII. and his Secretary, 119
Charlotte, Princess, 54
Chatillon, Admiral, and the Beggar, 10
Cherin, General, 109
Child and Goat, 103
China Ware, 129
Christmas Pudding Extraordinary, 20
Clerambault and La Fontaine, 126
Cobbler of Leyden, The, 114
Cochrane, Sir John, 46
Cochrane, Lord, 56
Coleridge's "Watchman", 107
Coleridge and his Dinner Companion, 126
Conjugal Affection--French Troops in Italy, 4
Cornwallis, Admiral, and the Mutineers, 105
Crimean Captain, 111
Curran
and Dr. Boyse, 40
and the Jockey, 67
and the Farmer, 69
his Witty Replies, 70
Cuvier and his Visitors, 116
Day, Thomas, and Sir W. Jones, 72
Deaf and Dumb Mother, 1
Denon and Defoe, 16
Dey of Algiers and Admiral Keppel, 104
Dickens--Origin of "Boz", 15
Dictionaries, 14
Dieppe Pilot, 43
DINNERS, 19-22
DOCTORS, 22-27
Domat, Judge, and the Poor Widow, 11
Douglas, The, 47
DRAMA, The, 27-33
Dreaming, 129
Drummond, Provost, 52
Duke of Newcastle and Mr. Pitt--a Dispute in Bed, 86
Duncan, Admiral, 121
DUTY, 34
Duval, the Librarian, 77
Edinburgh--Spoiled Street, 130
Erskine and Lord Kellie, 126
Erskine, Legal Anecdotes of, 67-68
Eveillan, Archdeacon of Angers, 57
Faithful Depositary, 37
Faithful Domestic, 36
Falkland, Lord, and the House of Commons, 86
Family Sacrifice--French Revolution, 4
Fear of Death, 58
Fenelon, Archbishop--his Humanity, 56
FIDELITY, 35-37
Fielding, Sir J., and the Irishman, 71
Filial Affection--French Boy, 2
Fletcher, of Saltown, and his Footman, 113
Fontenelle, 37, 38
Fools, 38
Foote, the Actor, 33
FORGIVENESS, 39
Fouché and Napoleon, 91
Francis I. and his Fool, 38
Frederick the Great
and the Page, 61
and the Soldier, 62
and the Deserter, 62
his Arguments, 62
French
Curate--Forgiveness, 39
Peasant Girl, 45
Officer in Flanders, 77
Officer in Spain, 77
Servant
at Noyon, 95
of La Vendée, 91
FRIENDS, 40
Gainsborough--Picture of the Pigs, 6
Garrick and Rich, 33
Garrick and Sir J. Reynolds, 115
Gendarmes and Priest, 91
George
I. and the Lieutenant, 121
II.
and the Dutch-Innkeeper, 64
and the Court Martial, 122
III.
--Punctuality, 64
Carbonel the Wine Merchant, 65
The Horse Dealer, 66
Memorial to a Servant, 66
Treatment of a Caricature, 66
and Lord Lothian, 102
Ghosts, 42
Gibbet, Sight of a, 117
Gin _versus_ Drugs, 25
Glynn, Dr., and the Magpie, 12
Gonsalvo de Cordova, 119
Goldsmith's Marlow, 32
Gooch, Sir W., and the Negro, 90
GRATITUDE, 40
Gregory, Dr., a Militiaman, 38
Granby, Marquis of, and the Lord-in-Waiting, 108
Grancé, Count de, and the Cannon Ball, 112
Grenadier, French, 121
Grog, 103
Guise, Colonel, 24
H., Letter, Use of, 14
Haddock, Admiral, 102
Handel, 82
Hanging Judge, The, 73
Hanway, Jonas, and the Coachman, 107
Hawker, Colonel, and the French Officer, 77
Haydn, 84
Heavy Play, A, 28
Heber's Palestine, 14
Henderson and the Actor, 113
Henri IV. and D'Aubigné, 40
HEROISM, 43
Hill,
Sergeant, 75
Rowland, 101
Hogarth--Picture of the Red Sea, 9
Hood, Sir S., 57
HOSPITALITY, 48
Hough, Dr., and the Barometer, 114
Housemaid, Presence of mind of a, 92
Hulet, the Comedian, 31
HUMANITY, 51-57
Hume's Speeches, 86
Huntly, Marquis of, and James VI., 95
Ice, Custom-house doubt, 70
IMAGINATION, 58
James I.
and the Courtier, 38
in Westminster Hall, 60
and the Earl of Scarborough, 96
James IV. of Scotland and the Robbers, 92
John Gilpin, Origin of, 14
Johnson, Dr.,
and the Hare, 49
and Wilkes, 60
and Lord Elibank, 60
reply to Miller, 60
Judge, A Benevolent, 11
Kaimes, Lord, and the Sheepstealer, 75
Kean, Charles, 29
Kennedies, The, 36
Keppel, Admiral, at Algiers, 104
KINGS, 60
Kirwan, Dr., 20
Kosciusko, 19
Labat, Mons. of Bayonne, 47
Lady and Highwayman, 100
Lamb, Counsellor, 72
Lamb, Charles, and the Farmer, 116
LAW AND LAWYERS, 66-75
Lely the Painter, and the Alderman, 6
Lessing, 130
Lettsom, Dr., and the Highwayman, 101
LIBRARIANS, 76
Lisieux, Bishop of, 53
Liston, 27
Long and Short Barristers, 74
Longueville, Duke of, 40
Louis,
St., 78
XII. and the Composer, 63
XIV. and the Comte de Grammont, 62
and Lord Stair, 63
and the Eddystone Workmen, 63
Lyndhurst, Lord,--Retirement from Office, 87
Mackenzie, General, 34
Maclaurin and his Pupils, 130
MAGNANIMITY, 77-81
Mariè Antoinette, 40
Maximilian I. and the Beggar, 11
Mayor,
An English, 89
A French, 89
Memory, Artificial, 127
Mimicry, 30
Miner, Swedish, 3
Molière and the Doctors, 23
Monkey, A Grenadier, 123
Montaigne on Doctors, 23
Montesquieu, M. de, 55
Morand and the Critics, 33
Morland the Painter, 6
Morvilliers and Charles IX., 34
Motte, M. de la, and the Critics, 28
Mozart, 84
Mungo Park and the African Woman, 50
MUSICIANS, 82-85
Mysterious Benefactor, 19
Napoleon Bonaparte, 17, 18, 91, 110
Nash and the Doctor, 25
Navy Chaplains, 104
Neckar and the Corporation of Paris, 51
Nelson, Lord--Punctuality, 98
Nena Sahib and the Devil, 107
Nevailles, Marshal de, 48
Norton, Sir F. and Lord Mansfield, 72
O'Brien, Lieutenant, 102
Old Age secured--the Irish Beggar, 11
Old Ambrose, 35
O'Neil, Sir Phelim, 78
Orkney, Countess of, 1
Orleans, Duke of, 39
Ossuna, Duke of, and the Felon, 100
Parisian Stockbroker, 128
Parisian Ragman, 127
PARLIAMENT, 86-88
PATIENCE, 88
Pepusch, Dr., 116
Peterborough, Lord, and the Mob, 91
Peter the Great, 71, 113
Philadelphian Lady, 128
Philip II. of Spain, 88
Physicians in China, 23
Pitt, and the Duke of Newcastle, 86
Pius IX., and the Attorney, 12
POETS, 89
Polignac, Compte de, 17
Politeness, 89
Poor-man-of-mutton, 21
Pope the Poet, 125
Presence of Mind, 90-95
Prideaux--Life of Mahomet, 13
PUNCTUALITY, 98
Quartering upon the Enemy, 111
Quick the Actor, 32
Racine and his Family, 3
Ragged Regiment, 118
RANK AND ANCESTRY, 95
Reclaimed Robbers, 101
Rejected Addresses, The, 125
Reynolds, Sir Joshua, 5
Richardson--opinion of a Picture, 5
Rivardes and the Wooden Leg, 111
ROBBERS, 100
Robert, King of France, 114
Ross, Lord, 124
SAILORS, 101-105
Savage Dr., and the Pope, 132
Savoie, Magdeline De, 110
Schaumbourg, Count, 117
SCHOOLS, 105
Scott, Sir W.
--Punctuality, 99
and the Beggar, 11
and the Inn-keeper, 109
Scott, Mr., of Exeter, 98
Selwyn, G., and the Traveller, 116
Senesino and Farinelli, 30
Sentinel on the Stage, 31
SERVANTS, 107
Shaving a Queen, 27
Sheridan, Dr., and the Scholar, 105
Sheridan, 88, 132, 133
Sidney, Sir Philip, 53
Signboards, 109
Sion College, and George III., 131
Sir and Sire, 17
Sisters of Charity, 129
Smith, Sydney, Charity Sermon, 125
Smiths, The Two, 126
SOLDIERS, 109-112
Sporting, 134
Stackelberg, Baron Von, 54
Steele and Addison, 124
Sterne and the Old Woman, 134
Strasburgh Lawyer, A, 68
Suwarrow, Marshall, 110
Swift, Dean, 10, 21, 22, 109, 131
Talleyrand, Madame de, 16
Tantara, and the Landscape, 9
TEMPER, 113
Tenterden, Lord, 74
Thelwall and Erskine, 71
"They're all Out", 87
Thomson the Poet, and Quin, 15
Thurot, Admiral, 79
TIME, Value of, 115
TRAVELLING, 116
Turenne, Marshal, 112
Turner, The Painter, 6
Tyrolese Heroine, 136
Van Dyke, 40
Vendean Servant, 91
Vernet--Picture of St. Jerome, 8
Villars, Marshal, 110
Villecerf, Madame de, 22
Voisin, Chancellor of Louis XIX., 34
Wager, Sir C., and the Doctors, 25
WAR, 117-124
Wardlaw, Archbishop of St. Andrew's, 49
Weeping at a Play, 31
Welch Dispute, A, 97
West, the Painter, 7
William III., and St. Evremond, 131
Willie Law, 22
Wise, Dr., and the Parliament, 131
Ximenes, Cardinal, 123
"Yellow Cabriolet," The, 28
York, Duke of, and the Housekeeper, 108
Zimmerman, 23
ANECDOTES.
AFFECTION.
General St. Amour.--This officer, who distinguished himself in the Imperial
service, was the son of a poor Piedmontese peasant, but he never forgot his
humble extraction. While the army was in Piedmont, he invited his principal
officers to an entertainment, when his father happened to arrive just as
they were sitting down to table. This being announced to the general, he
immediately rose, and stated to his guests his father's arrival. He said he
knew the respect he owed to them, but at the same time he hoped they would
excuse him if he withdrew, and dined with his father in another room. The
guests begged that the father might be introduced, assuring him that they
should be happy to see one so nearly related to him; but he replied, "Ah,
no, gentlemen; my father would find himself so embarrassed in company so
unsuited to his rank, that it would deprive us both of the only pleasure of
the interview--the unrestrained intercourse of a parent and his son." He
then retired, and passed the evening with his father.
The Deaf and Dumb Mother.--The late Countess of Orkney, who died at an
advanced age, was deaf and dumb, and was married in 1753 by signs. She
resided with her husband at his seat, Rostellan, near Cork. Shortly after
the birth of her first child, the nurse saw the mother cautiously approach
the cradle in which the infant lay asleep, evidently full of some deep
design. The Countess, having first assured herself that her babe was fast
asleep, took from under her shawl a large stone, which had purposely been
concealed there, and, to the utter horror of the nurse, who largely shared
the popular notion that all dumb persons are possessed of peculiar cunning
and malignity, raised it up, as if to enable her to dash it down with
greater force. Before the nurse could interpose to prevent what she
believed would bring certain death to the sleeping and unconscious child,
the dreadful stone was flung, not at the cradle, however, but upon the
ground, and fell with great violence. The noise awakened the child. The
Countess was overjoyed, and, in the fulness of a mother's heart, she fell
upon her knees to express her thankfulness that her beloved infant
possessed a blessing denied to herself--the sense of hearing. This lady
often gave similar indications of superior intelligence, though we can
believe that few of them equalled the present in interest.
Filial Affection.--A veteran, worn out in the service of France, was left
without a pension, although he had a wife and three children to share his
wretchedness. His son was placed at _L'Ecole militaire_, where he might
have enjoyed every comfort, but the strongest persuasion could not induce
him to taste anything but coarse bread and water. The Duke de Choiseul
being informed of the circumstance, ordered the boy before him, and
enquired the reason of his abstemiousness. The boy, with a manly fortitude,
replied, "Sir, when I had the honour of being admitted to this royal
foundation, my father conducted me hither. We came on foot: on our journey
the demands of nature were relieved by bread and water. I was received. My
father blessed me, and returned to the protection of a helpless wife and
family. As long as I can remember, bread of the blackest kind, with water,
has been their daily subsistence, and even that is earned by every species
of labour that honour does not forbid. To this fare, sir, my father is
reduced; and while he, my mother, and my sisters, are compelled to endure
such wretchedness, is it possible that I can enjoy the plenty which my
sovereign has provided for me?" The duke felt this tale of nature, gave the
boy three louis d'ors for pocket-money, and promised to procure the father
a pension. The boy begged the louis d'ors might be sent to his father,
which, with the patent of his pension, was immediately done. The boy was
patronised by the duke, and became one of the best officers in the service
of France.
Racine.--The celebrated French poet, Racine, having one day returned from
Versailles, where he had been on a visit, was waited upon by a gentleman
with an invitation to dine at the Hotel de Condé. "I cannot possibly do
myself that honour," said the poet; "it is some time since I have been with
my family; they are overjoyed to see me again, and have provided a fine
carp; so that I must dine with my dear wife and children." "But my good
sir," replied the gentleman, "several of the most distinguished characters
in the kingdom expect your company, and will be anxious to see you." On
this, Racine brought out the carp and showed it to his visitor, saying,
"Here, sir, is our little meal; then say, having provided such a treat for
me, what apology could I make for not dining with my poor children? Neither
they nor my wife could have any pleasure in eating a bit of it without me;
then pray be so obliging as to mention my excuse to the Prince of Condé and
my other illustrious friends." The gentleman did so; and not only His
Serene Highness, but all the company present, professed themselves
infinitely more charmed with this proof of the poet's affection as a
husband and a father, than they possibly could have been with his
delightful conversation.
Touching Recognition.--Some years ago, in making a new communication
between two shafts of a mine at Fahkin, the capital of Delecarlia, the body
of a miner was discovered by the workmen in a state of perfect
preservation, and impregnated with vitriolic water. It was quite soft, but
hardened on being exposed to the air. No one could identify the body: it
was merely remembered that the accident, by which he had thus been buried
in the bosom of the earth, had taken place above fifty years ago. All
enquiries about the name of the sufferer had already ceased, when a
decrepid old woman, supported on crutches, slowly advanced towards the
corpse, and knew it to be that of a young man to whom she had been
promised in marriage more than half a century ago. She threw herself on the
corpse, which had all the appearance of a bronze statue, bathed it with her
tears, and fainted with joy at having once more beheld the object of her
affections. One can with difficulty realize the singular contrast afforded
by that couple--the one buried above fifty years ago, still retaining the
appearance of youth; while the other, weighed down by age, evinced all the
fervency of youthful affections.
Family Sacrifice.--During the French revolution, Madame Saintmaraule, with
her daughter, and a youth, her son, not yet of age, were confined in prison
and brought to trial. The mother and daughter behaved with resolution, and
were sentenced to die; but of the youth no notice was taken, and he was
remanded to prison. "What!" exclaimed the boy, "am I then to be separated
from my mother? It cannot be!" and immediately he cried out, "_Vive le
Roi!_" In consequence of this, he was condemned to death, and, with his
mother and his sister, was led out to execution.
Expedient of Conjugal Affection.--Napoleon used to relate an anecdote
shewing the conjugal affection of some women who accompanied his troops
when he was at Col de Tende. To enter this mountainous and difficult
country, it was necessary for the soldiers to pass over a narrow bridge,
and, as the enterprise was a hazardous one, Napoleon had given orders that
no women should be permitted to cross it with them. To enforce this order,
two captains were stationed on the bridge with instructions, on pain of
death, not to suffer a woman to pass. The passage was effected, and the
troops continued their march. When some miles beyond the bridge, the
Emperor was greatly astonished at the appearance of a considerable number
of women with the soldiers. He immediately ordered the two captains to be
put under arrest, intending to have them tried for a breach of duty. The
prisoners protested their innocence, and stoutly asserted that no women had
crossed the bridge. Napoleon, on hearing this, commanded that some of the
women should be brought before him, when he interrogated them on the
subject. To his utter surprise they readily acknowledged that the captains
had not betrayed their trust, but that a contrivance of their own had
brought them into their present situation. They informed Napoleon, that
having taken the provisions, which had been prepared for the support of the
army, out of some of the casks, they had concealed themselves in them, and
by this stratagem succeeded in passing the bridge without discovery.
ARTISTS.
Sir Joshua Reynolds.--"What do you ask for this sketch?" said Sir Joshua to
an old picture-dealer, whose portfolio he was looking over. "Twenty
guineas, your honour." "Twenty pence, I suppose you mean?" "No, sir; it is
true I would have taken twenty pence for it this morning, but if _you_
think it worth looking at, all the world will think it worth buying." Sir
Joshua ordered him to send the sketch home, and gave him the money.
Ditto.--Two gentlemen were at a coffee-house, when the discourse fell upon
Sir Joshua Reynold's painting; one of them said that "his tints were
admirable, but the colours _flew_." It happened that Sir Joshua was in the
next box, who taking up his hat, accosted them thus, with a low
bow--"Gentlemen, I return you many thanks for bringing me off with _flying
colours_."
Richardson, in his anecdotes of painting, says, a gentleman came to me to
invite me to his house: "I have," says he, "a picture of Rubens, and it is
a rare good one. There is little H. the other day came to see it, and says
it is _a copy_. If any one says so again, I'll _break his head_. Pray, Mr.
Richardson, will you do me the favour to come, and give me _your real
opinion of it?_"
Gainsborough.--A countryman was shown Gainsborough's celebrated picture of
"The Pigs." "To be sure," said he, "they be deadly like pigs; but there is
one fault; nobody ever saw three pigs feeding together but what one on 'em
had a foot in the trough."
Turner.--Once, at a dinner, where several artists, amateurs and literary
men were convened, a poet, by way of being facetious, proposed as a toast
the health of the _painters and glaziers_ of Great Britain. The toast was
drunk, and Turner, after returning thanks for it, proposed the health of
the British _paper-stainers_.
Lely and the Alderman.--Sir Peter Lely, a famous painter in the reign of
Charles I., agreed for the price of a full-length, which he was to draw for
a rich alderman of London, who was not indebted to nature either for shape
or face. When the picture was finished, the alderman endeavoured to beat
down the price; alleging that if he did not purchase it, it would lie on
the painter's hands. "That's a mistake," replied Sir Peter, "for I can sell
it at double the price I demand."--"How can that be?" says the alderman;
"for it is like nobody but myself."--"But I will draw a tail to it, and
then it will be an excellent monkey." The alderman, to prevent exposure,
paid the sum agreed for, and carried off the picture.
Morland.--It is well known that Morland the painter used to go on an
expedition with a companion sometimes without a guinea, or perhaps scarcely
a shilling, to defray the expenses of their journey; and thus they were
often reduced to an unpleasant and ludicrous dilemma. On one occasion the
painter was travelling in Kent, in company with a relative, and finding
their cash exhausted, while at a distance from their destination, they were
compelled to exert their wits, for the purpose of recruiting themselves
after a long and fatiguing march. As they approached Canterbury, a homely
village ale-house caught their eye; and the itinerant artists hailed, with
delight, the sign of the Black Bull, which indicated abundance of home-made
bread and generous ale. They entered, and soon made considerable havoc
among the good things of mine host, who, on reckoning up, found that they
had consumed as much bread, cheese and ale, as amounted to _12s. 6d._
Morland now candidly informed his host that they were two poor painters
going in search of employment, and that they had spent all their money. He,
however, added that, as the sign of the Bull was a disgraceful daub for so
respectable a house, he would have no objection to repaint it, as a set-off
for what he and his companion had received. The landlord, who had long been
wishing for a new sign (the one in question having passed through two
generations), gladly accepted his terms, and Morland immediately went to
work. The next day the Bull was sketched in such a masterly manner that the
landlord was enraptured; he supplied his guests with more provisions, and
generously gave them money for their subsequent expenses. About three
months after a gentleman well acquainted with Morland's works, accidentally
passing through the village, recognised it instantly to be the production
of that inimitable painter: he stopped, and was confirmed in his opinion,
by the history which the landlord gave of the transaction. In short, he
purchased the sign of him for twenty pounds; the landlord was struck with
admiration at his liberality; but this identical painting was some time
afterwards sold at a public auction for the sum of _one hundred guineas!_
When Benjamin West was seven years old, he was left, one summer day, with
the charge of an infant niece. As it lay in the cradle and he was engaged
in fanning away the flies, the motion of the fan pleased the child, and
caused it to smile. Attracted by the charms thus created, young West felt
his instinctive passion aroused; and seeing paper, pen and some red and
black ink on a table, he eagerly seized them and made his first attempt at
portrait painting. Just as he had finished his maiden task, his mother and
sister entered. He tried to conceal what he had done, but his confusion
arrested his mother's attention, and she asked him what he had been doing.
With reluctance and timidity, he handed her the paper, begging, at the same
time, that she would not be offended. Examining the drawing for a short
time, she turned to her daughter, and, with a smile, said, "I declare he
has made a likeness of Sally." She then gave him a fond kiss, which so
encouraged him that he promised her some drawings of the flowers which she
was then holding, if she wished to have them. The next year a cousin sent
him a box of colours and pencils, with large quantities of canvas prepared
for the easel, and half a dozen engravings. Early the next morning he took
his materials into the garret, and for several days forgot all about
school. His mother suspected that the box was the cause of his neglect of
his books, and going into the garret and finding him busy at a picture, she
was about to reprimand him; but her eye fell on some of his compositions,
and her anger cooled at once. She was so pleased with them that she loaded
him with kisses, and promised to secure his father's pardon for his neglect
of school. The world is much indebted to Mrs. West for her early and
constant encouragement of the talent of her son. He often used to say,
after his reputation was established, "_My mothers kiss made me a
painter!_"
Vernet relates, that he was once employed to paint a landscape, with a
cave, and St. Jerome in it; he accordingly painted the landscape with St.
Jerome at the entrance of the cave. When he delivered the picture, the
purchaser, who understood nothing of perspective, said, "the landscape and
the cave are well made, but St. Jerome is not _in_ the cave."--"I
understand you, sir," replied Vernet, "I will alter it." He therefore took
the painting, and made the shade darker, so that the saint seemed to sit
farther in. The gentleman took the painting; but it again appeared to him
that the saint was not actually in the cave. Vernet then wiped out the
figure, and gave it to the gentleman, who seemed perfectly satisfied.
Whenever he saw strangers to whom he showed the picture, he said, "Here you
see a picture by Vernet, with St. Jerome in the cave." "But we cannot see
the saint," replied the visitors. "Excuse me, gentlemen," answered the
possessor, "he is there; for I saw him standing at the entrance, and
afterwards farther back; and am therefore quite sure that he is in it."
Hogarth.--A nobleman, not remarkable for generosity, sent for Hogarth and
desired that he would represent on one of the compartments of his
staircase, Pharoah and his host drowned in the Red Sea. At the same time he
hinted that no great price would be given for the performance. Hogarth
however agreed. Soon afterwards he applied for payment to his employer, who
seeing that the space allotted for the picture had only been daubed over
with red, declared he had no idea of paying a painter when he had proceeded
no farther than to lay his ground. "Ground!" exclaimed Hogarth, "there is
no _ground_ in the case, my lord, it is all sea. The red you perceive is
the Red Sea. Pharoah and his host are drowned as you desired, and cannot be
made objects of sight, for the sea covers them all."
Tantara, the celebrated landscape painter, was a man of ready wit, but he
once met his match. An amateur had ordered a landscape for his gallery, in
which there was to be a church. Our painter did not know how to draw
figures well, so he put none in the landscape. The amateur was astonished
at the truthfulness and colouring of the picture, but he missed the
figures. "You have forgotten to put in any figures," said he, laughingly.
"Sir," replied the painter, "_the people are gone to mass_." "Oh, well,"
replied the amateur, "I will wait and take your picture _when they come
out_."
Chantrey's First Sculpture.--Chantrey, when a boy, used to take milk to
Sheffield on an ass. To those not used to seeing and observing such things,
it may be necessary to state that the boys generally carry a good thick
stick, with a hooked or knobbed end, with which they belabour their asses
sometimes unmercifully. On a certain day, when returning home, riding on
his ass, Chantrey was observed by a gentleman to be intently engaged in
cutting a stick with his penknife, and, excited by curiosity, he asked the
lad what he was doing, when, with great simplicity of manner, but with
courtesy, he replied, "I am cutting _old Fox's head_." Fox was the
schoolmaster of the village. On this, the gentleman asked to see what he
had done, pronounced it to be an excellent likeness, and presented the
youth with _sixpence_. This may, perhaps, be reckoned the first money
Chantry ever obtained in the way of his _art_.
BEGGING.
Admiral Chatillon had gone one day to hear mass in the Dominican Friars'
chapel; a poor fellow came and begged his charity. He was at the moment
occupied with his devotions, and he gave him several pieces of gold from
his pocket, without counting them, or thinking what they were. The large
amount astonished the beggar, and as M. Chatillon was going out of the
church-door, the poor man waited for him: "Sir," said he, showing him what
he had given him, "I cannot think that you intended to give me so large a
sum, and am very ready to return it." The admiral, admiring the honesty of
the man, said, "I did not, indeed, my good man, intend to have given you so
much; but, since you have the generosity to offer to return it, I will have
the generosity to desire you to keep it; and here are five pieces more for
you."
A Beggar's Wedding.--Dean Swift being in the country, on a visit to Dr.
Sheridan, they were informed that a beggar's wedding was about to be
celebrated. Sheridan played well upon the violin; Swift therefore proposed
that he should go to the place where the ceremony was to be performed,
disguised as a blind fiddler, while he attended him as his man. Thus
accoutred they set out, and were received by the jovial crew with great
acclamation. They had plenty of good cheer, and never was a more joyous
wedding seen. All was mirth and frolic; the beggars told stories, played
tricks, cracked jokes, sung and danced, in a manner which afforded high
amusement to the fiddler and his man, who were well rewarded when they
departed, which was not till late in the evening. The next day the Dean and
Sheridan walked out in their usual dress, and found many of their late
companions, hopping about upon crutches, or pretending to be blind, pouring
forth melancholy complaints and supplications for charity. Sheridan
distributed among them the money he had received; but the Dean, who hated
all mendicants, fell into a violent passion, telling them of his adventure
of the preceding day, and threatening to send every one of them to prison.
This had such an effect, that the blind opened their eyes, and the lame
threw away their crutches, running away as fast as their legs could carry
them.
Old Age Secured.--As Sir Walter Scott was riding once with a friend in the
neighbourhood of Abbotsford, he came to a field gate, which an Irish beggar
who happened to be near hastened to open for him. Sir Walter was desirous
of rewarding his civility by the present of sixpence, but found that he had
not so small a coin in his purse. "Here, my good fellow," said the baronet,
"here is a shilling for you; but mind, you owe me sixpence." "God bless
your honour!" exclaimed Pat: "may your honour live till I pay you."
Maximilian I.--A beggar once asked alms of the Emperor Maximilian I., who
bestowed upon him a small coin. The beggar appeared dissatisfied with the
smallness of the gift, and on being asked why, he replied that it was a
very little sum for an emperor, and that his highness should remember that
we were all descended from one father, and were therefore all _brothers_.
Maximilian smiled good-humouredly, and replied: "Go--go, my good man: if
each of your brothers gives you as much as I have done, you will very soon
be far richer than me."
BENEVOLENCE.
A Benevolent Judge.--The celebrated Anthony Domat, author of a treatise on
the civil laws, was promoted to the office of judge of the provincial court
of Clermont, in the territory of Auvergne, in the south of France. In this
court he presided, with general applause, for twenty-four years. One day a
poor widow brought an action against the Baron de Nairac, her landlord,
for turning her out of her mill, which was the poor creature's sole
dependence. M. Domat heard the cause, and finding by the evidence that she
had ignorantly broken a covenant in the lease which gave her landlord the
power of re-entry, he recommended mercy to the baron for a poor but honest
tenant, who had not wilfully transgressed, or done him any material injury.
Nairac being inexorable, the judge was compelled to pronounce an ejectment,
with the penalty mentioned in the lease and costs of suit; but he could not
pronounce the decree without tears. When an order of seizure, both of
person and effects was added, the poor widow exclaimed, "O merciful and
righteous God, be thou a friend to the widow and her helpless orphans!" and
immediately fainted away. The compassionate judge assisted in raising the
unfortunate woman, and after enquiring into her character, number of
children, and other circumstances, generously presented her with one
hundred louis d'ors, the amount of the damages and costs, which he
prevailed upon the baron to accept as a full compensation, and to let the
widow again enter upon her mill. The poor widow anxiously enquired of M.
Domat when he would require payment, that she might lay up accordingly.
"When my conscience (he replied) shall tell me that I have done an improper
act."
Pope Pius IX.--An advocate, the father of a large family, fell into ill
health, and soon afterwards into want. Pius IX., hearing of this, sent a
messenger with a letter to the advocate, but he was at first refused
admittance, on the ground that the physician had enjoined the utmost quiet.
On the messenger explaining from whom he came he was admitted, and, on the
letter being opened, what was the surprise of the family on finding within
300 scudi (£62), with the words, "For the advocate ...--Pius IX.," in the
pontiff's own handwriting.
Dr. Glynn was remarkable for many acts of kindness to poor persons. He had
attended a sick family in the fens near Cambridge for a considerable time,
and had never thought of any recompense for his skill and trouble but the
satisfaction of being able to do good. One day he heard a noise on the
college staircase, and his servant brought him word that the poor woman
from the fens waited upon him with a _magpie_, of which she begged his
acceptance. This at first a little discomposed the doctor. Of all presents,
a magpie was the least acceptable to him, as he had a hundred loose things
about his rooms, which the bird, if admitted, was likely to make free with.
However, his good nature soon returned: he considered the woman's
intention, and ordered her to be shown in. "I am obliged to you for
thinking of me, good woman," said he, "but you must excuse my not taking
your bird, as it would occasion me a great deal of trouble." "Pray,
doctor," answered the woman, "do, pray, be pleased to have it. My husband,
my son, and myself have been long consulting together in what way we could
show our thankfulness to you, and we could think of nothing better than to
give you our favourite bird. We would not part with it to any other person
upon earth. We shall be sadly hurt if you refuse our present." "Well, well,
my good woman," said Dr. Glynn, "if that is the case, I must have the bird;
but do you, as you say you are so fond of it, take it back again, and keep
it for me, and I will allow you eighteenpence a week for the care of it. I
shall have the pleasure of seeing it every time I come." This allowance Dr.
G. punctually paid as long as the bird lived.
BOOKS.
An Odd Fault.--It is said that when the learned Humphrey Prideaux offered
his Life of Mahomet to the bookseller, he was desired to leave the copy
with him for a few days, for his perusal. The bookseller said to the doctor
at his return, "Well, Mr. What's your Name, I have perused your manuscript;
I don't know what to say of it; I believe I shall venture to print it; the
thing is well enough; but I could wish there were a little more _humour_ in
it." This story is otherwise told in a note in Swift's works, where the
book is said to have been Prideaux's "Connexion of the History of the Old
and New Testament," in which, it must be confessed, the difficulty of
introducing _humour_ is more striking.
Dictionaries.--Dr. Johnson, while compiling his dictionary, sent a note to
the _Gentleman's Magazine_, to inquire the etymology of the word
CURMUDGEON. Having obtained the desired information, he thus recorded in
his work his obligation to an anonymous writer: "CURMUDGEON, _s._ a vicious
way of pronouncing _coeur mechant_. An unknown correspondent." Ash copied
the word into his dictionary, in the following manner: CURMUDGEON, from the
French, _coeur_, "unknown," and _mechant_, "correspondent!"
Heber's Palestine.--When Reginald Heber read his prize poem, "Palestine,"
to Sir Walter Scott, the latter observed that, in the verses on Solomon's
Temple, one striking circumstance had escaped him, namely, that no tools
were used in its erection. Reginald retired for a few minutes to the corner
of the room, and returned with the beautiful lines:--
"No hammer fell, no ponderous axes rung;
Like some tall palm, the mystic fabric sprung.
Majestic silence," &c.
Use of H.--"What has become of your famous General _Eel?_" said the Count
d'Erleon to Mr. Campbell. "Eel," said a bystander, "that is a military fish
I never heard of;" but another at once enlightened his mind by saying to
the count, "General Lord _Hill_ is now Commander-in-Chief of the British
forces!"
Cowper's "John Gilpin."--It happened one afternoon, in those years when
Cowper's accomplished friend, Lady Austen, made a part of his little
evening circle, that she observed him sinking into increased dejection. It
was her custom, on these occasions, to try all the resources of her
sprightly powers for his immediate relief, and at this time it occurred to
her to tell him the story of John Gilpin, (which had been treasured in her
memory from her childhood), in order to dissipate the gloom of the passing
hour. Its effects on the fancy of Cowper had the air of enchantment. He
informed her the next morning that convulsions of laughter, brought on by
his recollection of her story, had kept him waking during the greatest part
of the night! and that he had turned it into a ballad. So arose the
pleasant poem of "John Gilpin."
Catalogue Making.--Mr. Nichols, in the fourth vol. of his _Literary
Anecdotes_, mentions that Dr. Taylor, who was librarian at Cambridge, about
the year 1732, used to relate of himself that one day throwing books in
heaps for the purpose of classing and arranging them, he put one among
works on _Mensuration_, because his eye caught the word _height_ in the
title-page; and another which had the word _salt_ conspicuous, he threw
among books on Chemistry or Cookery. But when he began a regular
classification, it appeared that the former was "Longinus on the Sublime,"
and the other a "Theological Discourse on the _Salt_ of the World, that
good Christians ought to be seasoned with." Thus, too, in a catalogue
published about twenty years ago, the "Flowers of Ancient Literature" are
found among books on Gardening and Botany, and "Burton's Anatomy of
Melancholy" is placed among works on Medicine and Surgery.
Dickens' Origin of "Boz."--A fellow passenger with Mr. Dickens, in the
_Britannia_ steam-ship, across the Atlantic, inquired of the author the
origin of his signature "Boz." Mr. Dickens replied that he had a little
brother who resembled so much the Moses in the _Vicar of Wakefield_, that
he used to call him Moses also; but a younger girl, who could not then
articulate plainly, was in the habit of calling him Bozie or Boz. This
simple circumstance made him assume that name in the first article he
risked before the public, and as the first effort was approved of he
continued the name.
Thomson and Quin.--Thomson the poet, when he first came to London, was in
very narrow circumstances, and was many times put to shifts even for a
dinner. Upon the publication of his Seasons one of his creditors arrested
him, thinking that a proper opportunity to get his money. The report of
this misfortune reached the ears of Quin, who had read the Seasons, but
never seen their author; and he was told that Thompson was in a
spunging-house in Holborn. Thither Quin went, and being admitted into his
chamber, "Sir," said he, "you don't know me, but my name is Quin." Thomson
said, "That, though he could not boast of the honour of a personal
acquaintance, he was no stranger either to his name or his merit;" and
invited him to sit down. Quin then told him he was come to sup with him,
and that he had already ordered the cook to provide supper, which he hoped
he would excuse. When supper was over, and the glass had gone briskly
about, Mr. Quin told him, "It was now time to enter upon business." Thomson
declared he was ready to serve him as far as his capacity would reach, in
anything he should command, (thinking he was come about some affair
relating to the drama). "Sir," says Quin, "you mistake me. I am in your
debt. I owe you a hundred pounds, and I am come to pay you." Thomson, with
a disconsolate air, replied, that, as he was a gentleman whom he had never
offended, he wondered he should seek an opportunity to jest with his
misfortunes. "No," said Quin, raising his voice, "I say I owe you a hundred
pounds, and there it is," (laying a bank note of that value before him).
Thomson, astonished, begged he would explain himself. "Why," says Quin,
"I'll tell you; soon after I had read your Seasons, I took it into my head,
that as I had something to leave behind me when I died, I would make my
will; and among the rest of my legatees I set down the author of the
Seasons for a hundred pounds; and, this day hearing that you were in this
house, I thought I might as well have the pleasure of paying the money
myself, as order my executors to pay it, when, perhaps, you might have less
need of it; and this, Mr. Thomson, is my business." Of course Thomson left
the house in company with his benefactor.
Denon and De Foe.--M. de Talleyrand, having one day invited M. Denon, the
celebrated traveller, to dine with him, told his wife to read the work of
his guest, which she would find in the library, in order that she might be
the better able to converse with him. Madame Talleyrand, unluckily, got
hold, by mistake, of the "Adventures of Robinson Crusoe," by De Foe, which
she ran over in great haste; and, at dinner, she began to question Denon
about his shipwreck, his island, &c., and, finally, about his man Friday!
BONAPARTE.
Possibility.--Bonaparte was passing along the dreadful road across the
Echelles de Savoie, with his engineer, when he stopped, and pointing to the
mountain, said, "Is it not possible to cut a tunnel through yonder rock,
and to form a more safe and commodious route beneath it?" "It is
_possible_, certainly, sire," replied his scientific companion, "but"--"No
buts;--let it be done, and immediately," replied the Emperor.
Sir and Sire.--A petition from the English _deténus_ at Valenciennes was
left for signature at the house of the colonel of gendarmerie, addressed in
a fulsome manner to Bonaparte, under his title of Emperor of the French,
and beginning with "_Sire_." Some unlucky wag took an opportunity of
altering this word into "_Dear Sir_," and nearly caused the whole party to
be imprisoned.
Polignac.--Monsieur le Compte de Polignac had been raised to honour by
Bonaparte; but, from some unaccountable motive, betrayed the trust his
patron reposed in him. As soon as Bonaparte discovered the perfidy, he
ordered Polignac to be put under arrest. Next day he was to have been
tried, and in all probability would have been condemned, as his guilt was
undoubted. In the meantime, Madame Polignac solicited and obtained an
audience of the Emperor. "I am sorry, madam, for your sake," said he, "that
your husband has been implicated in an affair which is marked throughout
with such deep ingratitude." "He may not have been so guilty as your
majesty supposes," said the countess. "Do you know your husband's
signature?" asked the Emperor, as he took a letter from his pocket and
presented it to her. Madame de Polignac hastily glanced over the letter,
recognised the writing, and fainted. As soon as she recovered, Bonaparte,
offering her the letter, said, "Take it; it is the only legal evidence
against your husband: there is a fire beside you." Madame de P. eagerly
seized the important document, and in an instant committed it to the
flames. The life of Polignac was saved: his honour it was beyond the power
even of the generosity of an emperor to redeem.
CHARITY.
The Price of Bread.--Some years ago, the bakers of Lyons thought they could
prevail on M. Dugas, the provost of the merchants in that city, to befriend
them at the expense of the public. They waited upon him in a body, and
begged leave to raise the price of bread, which could not be done without
the sanction of the chief magistrate. M. Dugas told them that he would
examine their petition, and give them an early answer. The bakers retired,
having first left upon the table a purse of two hundred louis d'ors. In a
few days the bakers called upon the magistrate for an answer, not in the
least doubting but that the money had effectually pleaded their cause.
"Gentlemen," said M. Dugas, "I have weighed your reasons in the balance of
justice, and I find them light. I do not think that the people ought to
suffer under a pretence of the dearness of corn, which I know to be
unfounded; and as to the purse of money that you left with me, I am sure
that I have made such a generous and noble use of it as you yourself
intended. I have distributed it among the poor objects of charity in our
two hospitals. As you are opulent enough to make such large donations, I
cannot possibly think that you can incur any loss in your business; and I
shall, therefore, continue the price of bread as it was."
Kosciusko.--The hero of Poland once wished to send some bottles of good
wine to a clergyman at Solothurn; and as he hesitated to trust them by his
servant, lest he should smuggle a part, he gave the commission to a young
man of the name of Zeltner, and desired him to take the horse which he
himself usually rode. On his return, young Zeltner said that he never would
ride his horse again unless he gave him his purse at the same time.
Kosciusko enquiring what he meant, he answered, "As soon as a poor man on
the road takes off his hat and asks charity, the horse immediately stands
still, and will not stir till something is given to the petitioner; and as
I had no money about me, I was obliged to feign giving something, in order
to satisfy the horse."
Mysterious Benefactor.--In the year 1720, celebrated for the bursting of
the South Sea Bubble, a gentleman called late in the evening at the banking
house of Messrs. Hankey and Co. He was in a coach, but refused to get out,
and desired that one of the partners of the house would come to him, into
whose hands, when he appeared, he put a parcel, very carefully sealed up,
and desired that it might be taken care of till he should call again. A few
days passed away--a few weeks--a few months--but the stranger never
returned. At the end of the second or third year the partners agreed to
open this mysterious parcel, when they found it to contain £30,000, with a
letter, stating that it had been obtained by the South Sea speculation, and
directing that it should be vested in the hands of three trustees, whose
names were mentioned, and the interest appropriated to the relief of the
poor.
DINNERS.
Bannister.--Charles Bannister dining one day at the Turk's Head Tavern, was
much annoyed by a gentleman in the adjoining box, who had just ordered fish
for dinner, and was calling on the waiter for every species of fish sauce
known to the most refined epicure. "Waiter," said he, "bring me anchovy
sauce, and soy; and have you got Harvey's? and be sure you bring me
Burgess's;--and waiter--do you hear?--don't omit the sauce _epicurienne_."
How many more he would have enumerated it is difficult to say, had not
Bannister stepped up to him, and bowing very politely, said, "Sir, I beg
your pardon for thus interrupting you, but I see you are advertised for in
the newspaper of this morning." "Me, sir, advertised for!" exclaimed the
gentleman, half petrified with surprise; "pray, sir, what do you mean?"
Bannister, taking the paper, pointed to an advertisement addressed to "The
Curious in Fish Sauces." The gentleman felt the rebuke, sat down, and ate
his dinner without further ceremony.