STUDY.
It seemed to Hazel, that in these days there was no end to the
thinking she had to do; and if Mr. Rollo had only known, she
remarked to herself, he need not have been at the trouble to
point out new lines of study. The mere sight of him for two
hours had put her head in a tangle that it would take her a
month to clear away. Some of the questions indeed had started
up under the conversation of Mrs. Coles; but with them now
came others, all wrapped round and twisted in; and instead of
dreamily watching the fire in her twilight musings, she began
now to spend them with her cheek on her book, or her head
dropped on her hands, an impatient little sigh now and then
bearing witness to the depth of the difficulties in which she
was plunged. What was foremost among the subjects of her
musings?--perhaps this strange new talk of Mr. Rollo's, with
the whole new world of work and interest and consecration
which had opened before him. It made her sober,--it brought
back the old lonely feelings which of late (since she knew
herself to belong to somebody 'in idea') had somewhat passed
out of sight. He was beginning a new, glad life; growing wiser
and better than she; making himself a blessing, whereas she
was only a care. What could she do for him any more?--would he
even want her any more? given up now to these new ways of
which she knew nothing, and in which somebody else might suit
him better--say Primrose? But at that, Miss Wych started up and
stirred the fire energetically, and then came back to her
musings.
What did she care, anyhow? She passed that question, turned it
round, and took it up in another shape. How would she bear to
be all her life under orders? in 'closer' guardianship?--and
there the word 'sweeter' flashed in, confusingly. But that was
not business. Did she--that is, could she--like him well enough
to like to give up her own way? Answer, a prompt negative.
Never!--Not if she liked him ten times more than--but it is
awkward dealing with unknown quantities: Hazel sheered off.
Suppose she _didn't_ like it--could she do it? do it so that he
would never find out what it cost her? do it to give him
pleasure? do it because it was his right? Waiving her own
pleasure, pushing aside her own will? Could she do it?--Well,
there was not the least hope that she would wish to do it. She
should always like her own best: no doubt of that.
Then could she (perhaps) learn such trust in his judgment, as
would turn her own will round?--As hopeless as the other.
Sometimes, of course, he might be right,--by a great stretch of
leniency Miss Wych allowed so far,--sometimes, it was certain,
she would. Well: could she give his judgment as well as his
will the right of way? For unless she could, Wych hazel felt
quite sure of one thing: she should never be happy a minute in
such guardianship. She had not dared to give herself a
possible reason for liking it in the old times,--could she do
it, now that she dared? Was she willing to give up, sometimes
or always, to just that one person in all the world?--turning
her bonds into bracelets, and wearing them royally? And there
her thoughts went down to the real bracelet on her arm, and
its motto, so suddenly become his:
'In hope of eternal life.'--Would he care for her any more?
O how thoughts tired themselves, toiling round these points!
and slowly uprising from them came yet another, which filled
the air. What was she to say at the year's end?--or, if _this_
were the year's end, what would she say now?--supposing Mr.
Rollo still cared what she said. But that last question must
be studied by and by. Mr. Rollo would have been amused, may
be, and may be a little touched, if he had known the ogre-like
shapes in which the girl conjured him up, just to see if she
could endure him _so:_ putting herself to superhuman tests. But
her imagination played tricks, after all; for every Afrite
came up with a face and voice before which she yielded,
perforce; and even her favourite scene of standing still as
the bay and having him snap his fingers for her, ended one day
in a laugh, as she thought what she would say if he ever _did_.
Then finding she had got very far beyond limits, Hazel
coloured furiously and ran away from her thoughts. But they
hindered her new study, and interrupted it; and the study
brought up the new pain; only slowly through it all, one thing
gradually grew clear, helped on by her pain perhaps as much as
anything: she would rather belong to somebody than not--if
somebody wanted her! And there was only one somebody in the
world, of whom that was true.
Whereupon, with characteristic waywardness, Miss Wych at once
gave up her recluse life; accepted invitations, and pulled Mr.
Falkirk into a round of outdoor gaiety that nearly turned his
head. Trying, perhaps, to test her discoveries, or to get rid
of her thoughts; or to prove to herself conclusively that she
did not wish for any more visits from Chickaree.
And so Wych Hazel knew her own secret.
Typographical errors silently corrected :
Contents : =favors= silently corrected as =favours=
Chapter 3 : =This is Haydn's Dam= silently corrected as =This is
Hadyn's Dam=
Chapter 4 : =in to, for the sun= silently corrected as =in too,
for the sun=
Chapter 4 : =Sometime before= silently corrected as =Some time
before=
Chapter 5 : =has made you to day= silently corrected as =has made
you to-day=
Chapter 5 : =then he said. 'It is too= silently corrected as
=then he said, 'It is too=
Chapter 6 : =said Mr Falkirk= silently corrected as =said Mr.
Falkirk=
Chapter 6 : =Mr Kingsland at her feet= silently corrected as =Mr.
Kingsland at her feet=
Chapter 7 : =folly or ill-humor= silently corrected as =folly or
ill-humour=
Chapter 7 : =Rollo at the horse's heads= silently corrected as
=Rollo at the horses' heads=
Chapter 8 : =lady could eat;= silently corrected as =lady could
eat?=
Chapter 12 : =that whitehandkerchief= silently corrected as =that
white handkerchief=
Chapter 13 : =just a litle bit= silently corrected as =just a
little bit=
Chapter 14 : =translated from her.= silently corrected as
=translated from her--=
Chapter 15 : =then you, and I can= silently corrected as =then
you and I can=
Chapter 15 : =What did you say, my dear.= silently corrected as
=What did you say, my dear?=
Chapter 16 : =his post down the brook;= silently corrected as
=his post down the brook,=
Chapter 16 : ='contriving;' his own= silently corrected as
='contriving' his own=
Chapter 17 : =It is the pumpkin= silently corrected as =Is it the
pumpkin=
Chapter 18 : =brown fairies to day= silently corrected as =brown
fairies to-day=
Chapter 18 : =when I was a child;= silently corrected as =when I
was a child,=
Chapter 18 : =Two fair days= silently corrected as =two fair days=
Chapter 18 : =of several gentleman= silently corrected as =of
several gentlemen=
Chapter 19 : =until I bring you word.= silently corrected as
=until I bring you word?=
Chapter 19 : =softly endeavoring= silently corrected as =softly
endeavouring=
Chapter 19 : =Chickaree) ordered up= silently corrected as
=Chickaree), ordered up=
Chapter 19 : =However had he dared= silently corrected as =How
ever had he dared=
Chapter 20 : =Miss' Azel'll get= silently corrected as =Miss
'Azel'll get=
Chapter 20 : =h'it's 'ere, h'it's'ere= silently corrected as
=h'it's 'ere, h'it's 'ere==
Chapter 22 : =disturbing Mrs. Maryland= silently corrected as
=disturbing Miss Maryland=
Chapter 22 : =disagreeable,= silently corrected as d=isagreeable.=
Chapter 22 : =the other man about.= silently corrected as =the
other man about?=
Chapter 23 : =He said after= silently corrected as =he said after=
Chapter 23 : =favorite opera air= silently corrected as
=favourite opera air=
Chapter 23 : =we had a royal time?= silently corrected as =we had
a royal time!=
Chapter 23 : =they last beheld you?= silently corrected as =they
last beheld you!=
Chapter 26 : a=nd her voice was clear= silently corrected as =and
his voice was clear=
Chapter 27 : =I shall wear blue to night= silently corrected as
=I shall wear blue to-night=
Chapter 27 : =What's the matter!= silently corrected as W=hat's
the matter?=
Chapter 27 : =hospitality again to night= silently corrected as
=hospitality again to-night=
Chapter 28 : =you know that is a sort= silently corrected as =You
know that is a sort=
Chapter 28 : =till another time.= silently corrected as =till
another time?=
Chapter 29 : C=hickaree left behind.= silently corrected as
=Chickaree left behind!=
Chapter 29 : =näively= silently corrected as =naïvely=
Chapter 29 : =Rollo siezed= silently corrected as =Rollo seized=
Chapter 30 : =grave consideration,= silently corrected as =grave
consideration.=
Chapter 30 : =added Mrs. Cole= silently corrected as =added Mrs.
Coles=
Chapter 30 : =for insanity;= silently corrected as =for insanity.=
Chapter 32 : =must must here= silently corrected as =must here=
Chapter 32 : =lady and gentlemen= silently corrected as =lady and
gentleman=
Chapter 33 : =best of the neighborhood= silently corrected as
=best of the neighbourhood=
Chapter 34 : =the worst of is= silently corrected as =the worst
of it=
Chapter 34 : =The gentlemen looked= silently corrected as =The
gentleman looked=
Chapter 35 : =vis-a-vis= silently corrected as =vis-à-vis=
Chapter 35 : =hair'sbreadth= silently corrected as =hair's
breadth=
Chapter 35 : =mysterieuses= silently corrected as =mystérieuses=
Chapter 36 : =decolletée= silently corrected as =décolletée=
Chapter 36 : =clergymen's back= silently corrected as
=clergyman's back=
Chapter 37 : =better by and by,= silently corrected as =better by
and by.=
Chapter 38 : =But Hazel= silently corrected as =but Hazel=
Chapter 39 : =in the the abstract= silently corrected as =in the
abstract=
Chapter 39 : =laid head= silently corrected as =laid her head=
Chapter 40 : =neighborhood of Chickaree= silently corrected as
=neighbourhood of Chickaree=
Chapter 40 : =No, Sir= silently corrected as =No, sir=
Chapter 40 : =degagé air= silently corrected as =dégagé air=
Chapter 41 : =plunged into another,= silently corrected as
=plunged into another.=
Chapter 41 : =quick way as she= silently corrected as =quick way
as if she=
Chapter 42 : =became his= silently corrected as =become his=