I FIND MYSELF IN A FALSE POSITION
The rest of the week passed quickly, in one sense, though every
hour of it dragged for me. I was burning with impatience to hear
M. de Sarennes speak some word of his intended departure, and yet
could not bring myself to put the ungracious question, when I saw
the dear pleasure his stay meant to his mother. Never had I seen
more tender, respectful attention than that with which he surrounded
her. He would sit by her for hours listening to her tales of his
father, or relating his own adventures and successes against the
English.
"Have a care, my son," she would say, with an anxiety, not unmixed
with pride; "they will not forget these things. They may try to
work us evil for them some day."
"No fear, ma mere! not while I am by to defend you," he would
answer, with a protecting love that redeemed his confidence from
bravado.
He accompanied Angelique and me on all our walks, explaining to us
the simpler mysteries of his wonderful woodcraft, and keenly enjoying
our ready admiration. But my mind was uneasy. With the assuredness
of a man accustomed to facile conquest, he pressed his attentions
upon me in a manner to which I was unaccustomed, greatly to my
embarrassment.
No woman of my day could, in ordinary circumstances, be at a loss
to interpret any attentions she might receive. In our world,
gallantry was a science well understood; as exact as war, its every
move had its meaning; its rules were rigidly defined, and no one
ever thought of transgressing them; so there reigned a freedom
which made society a pleasure, and the intercourse with men was
exactly what one chose it should be.
But now, I was brought face to face with a man who, whatever might
be his birth, had neither breeding nor education; who was accustomed
to see his desire and attain it, if possible; who could not understand
that freedom was a compliment to his quality, not an acknowledgment
of his personality; and who, in consequence, misinterpreted mere
courtesies in a sense humiliating to the bestower.
Our life was necessarily so intimate, my need of his good-will so
great, and my regard for his mother and sister so warm, that I was
bound to conceal my annoyance; but at length he forced me to a
declaration, when, hoping that frankness might avail me better than
evasion, I spake so plainly that I left him in no doubt as to the
manner in which I received his attentions. He resented it with all
the bitterness of a man unaccustomed to rebuke, and my heart failed
me as I thought of the weeks I must pass in his company.
This made me the more anxious to push matters to a conclusion, and
my opportunity came one afternoon, when Angelique snapped the end
of her snow-shoe, and was forced to return, leaving us to finish
our walk together.
We moved on in silence for some time before I could summon up
courage to venture the question on which I felt so much depended.
"Have you decided on your return to Louisbourg, monsieur?"
"I must first go to Quebec and report to M. de Montcalm," he began,
in an ordinary voice, and then, to my surprise, he suddenly broke
into invective. "We have a new order here now; everything must be
reported in a quarter where nothing is known of the needs of the
country, or the character of the service. If those idiots in Paris
would only mind matters in their own country and leave Canada to
those who know it best, if they would send us troops and not
generals, if they would send us money and not priests, we should
do better. What can you expect of men who think of nothing but
parade and their own precious dignity? Who never speak of a Canadian
but with derision? But I forgot. Madame is too recently from Paris
herself to take an interest in such matters; to her, doubtless, we
are all 'colonists,' and M. de Montcalm is Pope and King."
He stopped and faced me at his last words, and though not unprepared
for some outburst, I was appalled at the fierceness of his tone
and the bitterness he threw into his charge. Before I could reply,
he went on:
"My sister has handed me the orders which M. le Marquis de Montcalm
et de St. Veran, has been pleased to lay on my mother and myself
concerning you, but she tells me nothing of your friends in
Louisbourg. May I ask whom you would join there?"
"M. de Sarennes, your mother and sister have treated me with a
consideration beyond words. They have subjected me to no questionings,
to no inquiries, beyond what I have chosen to reveal myself, and
surely I can look for the same courtesy from you."
"O, madame, madame--I am no courtier from Versailles. Your M. de
Montcalm will probably tell you I am a mere 'coureur de bois,' and,
if that be the case, you must lay it to my condition if I ask again:
Who is it you go to meet in Louisbourg? Is it, by chance, Mme. de
St. Julhien?"
I remembered the Chevalier de St. Julhien was Hugh's colonel, and
eagerly caught at the opening, for I had begun to be seriously
frightened.
"Yes, monsieur, since you must know, it is Mme. de St. Julhien."
"Oh, ho! ho! Nom de Ciel! But that is a good one!" He roared like
a peasant, and I almost screamed in terror. "That is a good one!
I have been in and out of Louisbourg for the last ten years and
more, and I have yet to hear of a Mme. de St. Julhien. Come, come,
ma belle! I'll wager my head you are no more Mme. de St. Just, than
I am. You have been playing a pretty comedy to these simple
spectators, who were too scrupulous to venture a question. It took
the barbarous coureur de bois to see through the paint! There!
There! Don't look so frightened. I can guess, readily enough, what
brings a pretty woman to the walls of a garrison town."
Oh, the shame, the miserable shame and degradation which overwhelmed
me at the brutal insinuations of this well-born clown! And, to
crown it all, he stepped close beside me, and before I had a
suspicion of his intent, he threw his arms about my waist and kissed
me.
"You wretch! you cowardly hound!" I cried, beside myself at this
last insult. "How dare you treat me thus? I will appeal to M. de
Montcalm, and you shall rue this day beyond any you have ever lived.
I will appeal to your mother--"
"O, la, la, la, my charming little Mme. Je-Ne-Sais-Quoi, you can
complain to M. de Montcalm when you see him. As for my mother, I
hardly imagine you will dare to tell her anything which will not
excuse my action. But come, madame, we are not getting on with
our conversation at all. Believe me, I am not a bad fellow at
bottom. Tell me who it is you are really going to meet in Louisbourg,
and we shall see if it be not possible to further your plans."
"Let me go, M. de Sarennes, let me go!" I implored.
"Now, madame, let us talk sensibly. Consider how awkward it may be
if I have to pursue these inquiries before others. In any event,
I can guess fairly well. Let us see: Madame is an Englishwoman;
is well born, wealthy, and, if she will not resent my saying so,
is of a certain age. Good! Monsieur is an Englishman; well born,
poor, and also of a suitable age. Good! Monsieur is unfortunate in
his present position; is practically in exile. Madame comes overseas
alone, save for a chance waiting-woman she picks up. Why? Surely
not for the delights of travel. Monsieur's name is Le Chevalier
Maxwell de Kirkconnel. Madame's name is--Ma foi! I haven't the
slightest idea what it is. There! madame, have I not drawn the
outline of the comedy cleverly enough, for a mere coureur de bois,
a mere Canadian?"
"Let me go, monsieur, let me go!"
"Tell me first, are you not Madame de Maxwell?"
"Yes, yes," I cried, in desperation, eager to seize any chance of
escape.
"Then, madame, believe me, you were very foolish not to say so at
once. I guessed it the very first night I saw you. Now I know the
Chevalier intimately; in fact, I am under obligation to him for
much good advice; but I will confess he has never seen fit to impart
to me the fact of his marriage, which will be a surprise to many."
"O, monsieur, I beg of you that you will never mention it," I cried,
in an agony of shame and self-reproach.
"Never, madame; believe me, it was too disappointing a piece of
news in my own case, for me to have any desire to place others in
the like unhappy position. But allow me first to apologise for
frightening you; pardon me that I cannot look upon it as an insult;
and now that I have made the amende honorable, I will go back and
answer your first question. I shall start for Quebec in two days;
I shall be back in a week, and then leave for Louisbourg at once,
if you feel you can trust yourself with me."
I was so completely in his power that I mastered up all my courage,
and replied, bravely enough: "M. de Sarennes, I cannot but believe
I am safe in the charge of one whom I know as so loving a son, so
fond a brother. I trust you, too, as the friend of M. de Maxwell;
and I trust you, most of all, because you have learned my secret,
and, being a gentleman, I believe you will not betray it."
"I don't know how far I accept the compliment, but at all events,
madame, I shall say nothing of your affairs. Remember, though, it
rests chiefly with you to prevent suspicion. You must keep the same
free intercourse with me, and never allow my mother or sister to
gather by word, or sign, that the nature of our conference to-day
has been otherwise than pleasant. Now that we have come to an
understanding, no doubt some news of Louisbourg will be welcome."
As he spake we turned back towards the manor; his whole bearing so
changed in a moment that it was hard to believe the bright,
pleasant-spoken man by my side was the same creature of rough,
brutal instincts and feelings who had tortured and alarmed me so
cruelly. Little by little I recovered my composure, as he told of
the life in the fortress, of the probable investment by the English
in the spring--if they could then muster a sufficient fleet--of M.
de Drucour, of M. Prevost, and, best of all, of Hugh, though he
tried to disturb my peace by hinting at some understanding between
him and Madame Prevost.
"It all depends on you now, madame," he said, significantly, as he
held the door open for me to enter, and fortunately I had firmness
enough to control myself through the long evening and until I could
gain my room.
There I broke down utterly, as I knelt beside my bed, unable to
rise, or to control the sobs which shook my whole body.
Lucy was beside me in a moment.
"Dear heart! Dear heart! Let me help you," she murmured, raising
me to my feet, and beginning to undress me like a child, crooning
over me and quieting me with tender touches and gentle words.
"Oh, Lucy, speak to me, say something to comfort me. I am the most
unhappy woman alive."
"My dear, dear mistress, no one can be so unhappy that our Father
cannot comfort her. This is the time of all others when He is
nearest to you. You have but to stretch forth your hand to touch
His robe; you have but to open your heart to have Him come in and
fill it with the Peace which passeth understanding. I am an ignorant
woman, but I have this knowledge. I went through a sorrow, and what
I believed to be a disgrace, helpless and alone, and knew of no
comfort till He sent me His.
"I do not know your sorrow, I might not understand it if you told
me, but beside this bed is standing One who knew what it was to be
alone more than any other, and He is saying to you, 'Come, and I
will give you rest.'"
"Dear Lucy, you are such a comfort to me. I do not understand these
things in the way you do. I have never heard them so spoken of;
but oh! I feel so safe while you speak!"
"Now, mistress, I will sing to you"--and she sang her sweet songs
of comfort in trouble, of deliverance in danger, of love awaiting
us, until my sorrow was stilled and I fell asleep.
M. de Sarennes kept his word in so far as further annoyance was
concerned, but he displayed a familiarity towards me which called
forth laughing comments from Angelique, and kept me constantly on
the rack. At the end of the week he left on his mission to Quebec,
promising to return within ten days, and charging us to prepare
for our long journey.
I was at my wits' end to know what to do. I could not refuse to go
with him, no matter what my distrust. I could not make any
explanation to his mother or sister which would not expose me to
a position I shuddered even to contemplate. Would Charles, their
idol, behave towards any woman worthy of respect as he had behaved
to me? I was completely in his power; no matter what he had done
or might do, he had but to appear and say, "Come!" and I must
follow, no matter how my heart might fail me.
All too late I realised what I had brought upon myself by my cowardly
evasion of le pere Jean's commands. I had deceived myself, or
rather, I had pretended to be led by outward chance, instead of
honestly following our compact, and now, I was reaping my reward.
That this man was in love with me I could not doubt, but it was a
love that made me sick to my very soul when I thought of it. Yet,
he was a gentleman, by birth at least; he was answerable to the
Marquis for my safe-keeping; and no matter what uneasiness or
unquiet I might suffer on the journey, he would not dare to offer
me any indignity with Lucy by me and Hugh awaiting me at its end.
With this I was forced to be content, and busied myself with
Angelique and Lucy in our preparations. Angelique chattered merrily,
regretting she could not take the journey with us; her brother knew
the woods as others knew the town; he could tell every track,
whether of bird or beast; he was so cunning that no storm surprised
him, and so tender he would care for us like children.
"No one is so good to women as Charles! He never gets out of patience
with me or maman. Let me tell you, you are a lucky girl,
'Mademoiselle' Marguerite, to have such a beau cavalier for your
escort. Really, I am jealous of your opportunity; my brother is
nearly as fine a man as I am, and I am sure any woman would be
proud of my attentions." Thus she ran on, while I listened, heart-sick
at the thought of being in the power of that brother, whom I knew
far, far better than she.
But my fortitude was not put to any test, for, on the very evening
of M. de Sarennes's return, Lucy fell ill of some violent fever,
and by the morning it was clear that our departure was an
impossibility.
"Never mind, madame," said M. de Sarennes, evidently not ill pleased;
"I can as well go to my post at Miramichi. I have business there
which will detain me about a month; no doubt by that time you will
be ready to start."
"Will you take a letter for Louisbourg?" I asked.
He laughed. "You are like all Paris-bred folk, madame! Miramichi
is a good hundred leagues from Louisbourg as the crow flies, and
more than twice that as a man can travel. No, no, madame! You must
keep your letter until you can deliver it in person."
He made a pretence of laughing heartily at my discomfiture, and
Angelique innocently joined in, thinking the jest to be my ignorance
of the country, while my heart was bursting with indignation that
he should thus make a mock of my helplessness, for he knew well
what it meant to me that Hugh should be ignorant of my whereabouts.