Whether Pain or Sorrow Are Assuaged by the Sympathy of Friends?
Objection 1: It would seem that the sorrow of sympathizing friends
does not assuage our own sorrow. For contraries have contrary
effects. Now as Augustine says (Confess. viii, 4), "when many rejoice
together, each one has more exuberant joy, for they are kindled and
inflamed one by the other." Therefore, in like manner, when many are
sorrowful, it seems that their sorrow is greater.
Obj. 2: Further, friendship demands mutual love, as Augustine
declares (Confess. iv, 9). But a sympathizing friend is pained at the
sorrow of his friend with whom he sympathizes. Consequently the pain
of a sympathizing friend becomes, to the friend in sorrow, a further
cause of sorrow: so that, his pain being doubled his sorrow seems to
increase.
Obj. 3: Further, sorrow arises from every evil affecting a friend, as
though it affected oneself: since "a friend is one's other self"
(Ethic. ix, 4, 9). But sorrow is an evil. Therefore the sorrow of the
sympathizing friend increases the sorrow of the friend with whom he
sympathizes.
_On the contrary,_ The Philosopher says (Ethic. ix, 11) that those
who are in pain are consoled when their friends sympathize with them.
_I answer that,_ When one is in pain, it is natural that the sympathy
of a friend should afford consolation: whereof the Philosopher
indicates a twofold reason (Ethic. ix, 11). The first is because,
since sorrow has a depressing effect, it is like a weight whereof we
strive to unburden ourselves: so that when a man sees others saddened
by his own sorrow, it seems as though others were bearing the burden
with him, striving, as it were, to lessen its weight; wherefore the
load of sorrow becomes lighter for him: something like what occurs in
the carrying of bodily burdens. The second and better reason is
because when a man's friends condole with him, he sees that he is
loved by them, and this affords him pleasure, as stated above (Q. 32,
A. 5). Consequently, since every pleasure assuages sorrow, as stated
above (A. 1), it follows that sorrow is mitigated by a sympathizing
friend.
Reply Obj. 1: In either case there is a proof of friendship, viz.
when a man rejoices with the joyful, and when he sorrows with the
sorrowful. Consequently each becomes an object of pleasure by reason
of its cause.
Reply Obj. 2: The friend's sorrow itself would be a cause of sorrow:
but consideration of its cause, viz. his love, gives rise rather to
pleasure.
And this suffices for the reply to the Third Objection.
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