Meanwhile, in the late Autumn, Eleanore had come back to town. I had a
note from her one day.
"Come and tell me what you are writing," she said.
I went to see her that afternoon, and I was deeply excited. I had often
felt her by my side when I was watching the harbor life and as often
behind me while I wrote. We had had long talks together, absorbing talks
about ourselves. And though now in her easy welcome and through all her
cheerful questions there was not a suggestion that we two had been or
ever would be anything but genial friends, this did not discourage me in
the least. No fellow, I thought, could be happy as I and have nothing
better than friendship ahead. The Fates could never be so hard, for
certainly now they were smiling.
Here was her apartment, just the place I had felt it would be, only
infinitely more attractive. High up above the Manhattan jungle, it was
quiet and sunny and charming here. From the low, wide living-room
windows you could see miles out over the harbor where my work was going
so splendidly, and all around the room itself I saw what I was working
for. Eleanore's touch was everywhere. An intimate, lovable feminine home
with man-sized views from its windows--just like Eleanore herself, from
whom I found it difficult to keep my hungry eyes away. To that soft
bewildering hair of hers she had done something different--I couldn't
tell what, but I loved it. I loved the changing tones of her voice--I
hate monotonous voices. I watched the smiling lights in her eyes. She
was at her small tea table now. Her motorboat, thank Heaven, was laid
up for the winter, and I had her right here in a room, with nothing to
do with her eyes but pay a decent amount of attention to me. Then by
some chance remark I learned that she had been reading what I wrote,
almost all of it, in fact. And at the slight exclamation I made I saw
her color slightly and bite her lip as though she were angry with
herself for having let that secret out.
"What do you want to write," she asked, "when you get through with the
harbor?"
"Fiction," I said. "I want it so hard sometimes that it seems like a
long way ahead. It seems sometimes," I added, "like a girl I'd fallen in
love with--but I couldn't even ask her--because I'm so infernally
poor."
Over the tea cup at her lips Eleanore looked thoughtfully straight into
and through and behind my eyes.
"Fiction is such a broad field," she remarked. "What kind do you think
you're going to try?"
"I don't know," I answered. "It still seems so far ahead. You see, I
have no name at all, and this harbor at least is a good safe start. I'm
afraid I'm rather a cautious sort. When I find what I want--and want so
hard that it's the deepest part of me--I like to go slow. I'm afraid to
risk losing it all--deciding my life one way or the other--by taking a
chance." I made a restless movement. "I wasn't speaking of my work just
then," I added gruffly.
I suddenly caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror back of Eleanore's
chair. And I glared at myself for the fool that I was to have said all
that. I hadn't meant to--not in the least! What a paltry looking cuss I
was--small, tough and wiry, hair sandy, eyes of no color at all, snub
nose and a jaw shut tight as in pain.
"You're a queer person," said a voice.
"I am," I agreed forlornly. "I'm the queerest fellow I ever met." I
caught a grim twinkle in my eyes. Thank God for a sense of humor.
"Sometimes," she went on, reflectively, "you seem to me as old as the
hills--and again so young and obvious. I'm so sorry to hear you say that
you weren't talking of your work. I like to hear men talk of their
work."
"I know you do," I said hungrily. "And that's one of the reasons why
you're going to mean so much some day--to somebody's work--and to his
whole life."
Why couldn't I stop? Had I gone insane? I rose and moved about the room.
A low rippling laugh brought me back to my senses.
"But how about _me_ and _my_ life?" she asked. "That ought to be thought
of a little, you know."
I came close beside her:
"Let me say this. Won't you? I'll promise never to say it again. Your
life is going to be all right. It's going to be quite wonderful--you'll
be tremendously happy. I'm sure of that. It's not only the way you
always--look--it's the way you always think and feel. It's everything
about you."
She had looked down at her hands for a moment. Now she looked up
suddenly.
"Thank you," she said smiling, in a way that told me to smile too. I
obeyed.
"I did that rather badly, didn't I," I said.
"No, you did that rather well. Especially the first part--I think I
liked that best of all--the part where you promised so solemnly that
you'd never do it again."
I went indignantly back to my chair.
"Do you know," I said, "I feel sometimes when I'm with you as though I
were being managed! Absolutely managed!"
"I should think you wouldn't like that," she replied. Her hands were
peacefully folded now and she looked at me serenely: "I should think
you'd rather manage yourself."
I took the hint. From, that day on, each time I came to see her, I
managed myself severely. And this apparently pleased her so much that
she seemed no longer the least afraid to let me know her as well as I
liked. Her father, too, when I met him now and then in the evenings, was
most kindly in his welcome. And as winter wore on, my hopes rose high.
But one evening, after Dillon had read my story about the Christmas
Boat, he gave me a bitter disappointment.
"I like it," he said, as he handed it back. "It's a fine dramatic piece
of work. But it's only a starter here. To get any idea of our problem
you'll have to go all over the harbor. When you've done that for a few
months more, and I get back from my trip abroad, I'll be glad to help
you."
"You're going abroad?" I asked abruptly.
"Next month," he said, "with Eleanore. She seems to think I need a
rest."
Back came the old feeling of emptiness. And gloomily at home that night
I wondered if it was because she knew she was leaving so soon that she
had been so intimate lately. How outrageous women are.