DESIRE TO PLEASE.
AFTER having created man God saw that it was not good for him to be
alone; and in order to console and cheer him in his solitude He took
from his side, near his heart, the material out of which He made him
a companion. This origin of woman tells us more of her nature, and
points out more clearly the end that God proposed to Himself in
creating her than the most elaborate and profound treatises or the
most lucid theological theories.
Man was made out of the slime of the earth, woman has been formed
out of a body already organized and vivified by the breath of life;
man has been created to reign over the world, to govern the animals
which God placed under his control, woman has been created to be
man's companion; to cheer him in his solitude, and share with him the
power and gifts which he received from God.
Hence it is quite natural that woman should feel in the depths of
her heart a gnawing desire to please and be agreeable, for in that
she only obeys the instinct of her nature. Still, woman would be
abusing that instinct, and acting contrary to the designs of
Providence, if she sought to please by means unworthy of her.
Before plunging Adam into that mysterious sleep, God brought all the
animals before him, that he might see and know the extent of his
dominion. The sacred writer remarks, that among all those animals
Adam did not find a single being that resembled himself. He could
find in none of those animals a sociable companion, because none of
them had a soul like his, and consequently, could not share in the
sweet joy that arises from an interchange of thoughts and sentiments,
which constitutes the charming pith of life.
Many of them surpassed him in bodily strength, fleetness and
agility, many attracted his attention by the beauty of their form, by
their wonderful instinct and industry. And God, through His unbounded
goodness, had planted in their very nature a desire or want of
attachment, an instinctive gratitude and fidelity, such, that it
seemed impossible to desire anything more exquisite of the kind.
Still, with all these advantages, man was unsatisfied, he required a
being like himself, possessing qualities superior to those found in
irrational beings, one with whom his intelligence and heart might
commune.
You must have already penetrated the profound sense of the words of
the sacred historian and obtained a clear knowledge of the end that
God proposed to himself in creating woman. Yes, He has certainly
willed that you should be a messenger of consolation and comfort,
that your mission should be, not to please and flatter the senses,
which the animals did for Adam before Eve was created, but to meet
the wants of the mind and heart of man.
Irrational beings suffice to please the senses and imagination;
hence, if this is all that you propose to do, you put yourself in
contradiction with the designs of God over you, and the grandeur of
your destiny. You seem to say to God that it was not necessary for
Him to create woman, that man could dispense with her, because the
animals subject to his empire sufficed to meet all the wants of his
mind and heart. Do not debase and despise your noble nature by thus
placing yourself in the same category with animals, which can have
nothing in common with the duties of your sublime mission.
The senses are blind, impetuous and changeable in their instincts;
inconstancy and change are so necessary to them, that, rather than be
condemned to remain immutable, they readily quit a more agreeable
object for another very inferior, simply to satisfy that need of
change inherent to their nature. Hence the strongest protestations,
the most assiduous attentions, and the most active devotedness,
though truly sincere in themselves, but when founded on the senses,
are like smoke that disappears, even as the material that produces
it. You will not have the right even to blame those who may deceive
you in this way, because it is not in the power of man to conserve
for any notable length of time a sentiment produced by the senses,
and which has received no higher sanction than that of the imagination.
The difference, however, between this abortive sentiment and a
genuine one is so palpable and characteristic that it is impossible
to be mistaken in them, unless that we wilfully close our eyes to the
truth. But, alas! it must indeed be confessed that a vast number of
women wish to be deceived, not only in their discernment of the
sentiment by which they are actuated, but also in their preference
for it. And through some unaccountable blindness, they fear every
thing that might interfere with their cherished idol. They purposely
shut their eyes to the light of truth, preferring to deceive and be
deceived than to be obliged, on seeing the matter in its true light,
to doubt the power of their frivolous charms; as a proof of this the
least compliment paid them for their beautiful or handsome appearance
puts them beside themselves so far as to make them forget to consider
whether such compliments are authorized by sincerity or flattery.
In vain will you try to convince them that this is not the way in
which a genuine sentiment is formed and manifested. It is useless to
tell them that such a sentiment does not spring up suddenly in the
heart; that, on the contrary, its development is due to the process
of a constant and almost insensible growth; being characteristically
modest, calm, reserved, and even timid; having God for its first
confidential friend, and pure souls for its tutors. It is labor in
vain to point out to them that an affection, unaccompanied by the
necessary precautions, should be repelled by a young lady as an
insult to the dignity of her sex. But they will readily listen to any
language that flatters their vanity, which paves the way to so many
fatal friendships that often entail a lifetime of woe and sorrow.
When necessity or propriety requires your presence in society,
somewhat brilliant, where you must inevitably come in contact with
young men whom perhaps you do not know; then you should guard the
senses, the mind and the heart with vigilant care; without ceasing on
that account to be simple and natural in your whole demeanor; for the
most vigilant are neither troubled nor embarrassed on account of
their vigilance; yet excessive fear of being recreant either to duty
or propriety in such like circumstances, would only expose you to
greater danger of falling into the snare you try to avoid, as it
would pre-occupy the mind and weaken the will. In such conjunctures,
remain as near as possible to your mother, keeping your eyes fixed
upon hers, always hearkening with a tender respect to the mysterious
language that escapes from the maternal heart; a language easily
understood by a daughter that loves the virtue of filial piety.
The mother's presence is always an infallible protection for young
ladies; her looks are a book constantly open, and in which they can
read her most secret thoughts; whether they approve or condemn their
actions. Whenever you are called on to participate in worldly
festivities let your mother be your visible guardian angel; she will
preserve the innocence of your heart from the dangers that surround
you. If you feel a secret desire to be relieved of your mother's
presence, as being something noxious to your liberty, rest assured
that your heart has already lost something of its innocence and
simplicity. A daughter who dreads her mother's eye has evidently
entered on a winding way, and ought to consider with suspicion the
state of her soul. There is no company that you should prefer to that
of your mother, no conversation that you should esteem more than
hers; there should be no pleasure that could engage you to forego the
pleasure of being near her. God himself has placed those sentiments
in the hearts of young ladies in order to guard them against the
seduction of the world and the attractions of false pleasures. He
strengthens in their soul the virtue of filial piety, which forms an
impregnable citadel around the heart, keeping it in perfect security
against the evil influences of wicked agents.
Your conduct in every detail ought to be discreet and grave in the
company of young men with whom you are unacquainted. If they speak to
you, answer them briefly modestly and with simplicity, but
fearlessly. Let it be your constant endeavor to converse on subjects
capable of interesting a serious mind; in this way you can better
divert their attention from frivolous topics, and prevent perhaps
indiscreet questions or rash intimacies.
It is well to advert to the fact that, in consequence of a
deteriorated faith and virtue among young men, in whom a bad
education has oftentimes destroyed the happiest dispositions; many
among them have lost that esteem, respect and veneration for woman so
prevalent in the Christian ages prior to ours. Such, unfortunately,
is the case in thousands of instances now-a-days; for when a young
man finds himself in company with a young lady his chief object is to
amuse himself with her, if his heart, already vitiated, does not
entertain desires more criminal still; he is unguarded in his
conversation, while displaying his talents, complimenting her for
qualities which he interiorly believes her devoid of.
Bear in mind that this young man with whom you are conversing
watches all your movements, studies all your looks, discusses and
interprets interiorly every word you speak; while treating with you
he plays the part of a cunning diplomatist whose wiles you happily
ignore; but in order to escape from becoming his dupe, prudence
should govern all your actions while in his company.
Remember that there are in the world manners, gestures and attitudes
that constitute a conventional language, but which hold nothing in
common with the genuine sentiments of the heart, being like a
counterfeit money which vanity pays and receives. It is one of the
most dangerous snares for a young girl whose simplicity and candor
are yet intact. Those qualities, so precious in themselves, are
sometimes prejudicial to her safety from the perfidy of a heart
already skilful in the art of deceiving. For, judging others by her
own heart, she cannot suspect those who converse with her of wicked
designs. She accepts all that is told her as the sincere expression
of the heart, and very often receives for a genuine affection what is
only hypocrisy and deception.
If you are acquainted with the young men whom you meet in the world,
you should know how to treat with them; yet experience proves that
for the most part a young lady is little posted in matters of this
nature. If the mind is already poisoned by the distemper of
incredulity, if the heart is already vitiated, if they have justly
won by their evil conduct a sad notoriety in the world, if they are
of that class that seek to take the advantage of woman's simplicity
by rendering vice agreeable to her in their own person; oh, you
cannot treat them with too great severity. Your language, your looks,
your attitude, should repel them from or command a respectful fear in
your presence. Do not fear to wound their feelings, or to be
impolite, or indecorous in their regard. An obstinate reserve, a
severe demeanor, is all that you owe them. Treating them with that
courtesy due to gentlemen would prove noxious to you, as they would
not fail to make of it a plausible reason to justify their insolent
conduct and rash judgments; be not deceived, the slightest mark of
benevolence that they would receive from you would be immediately
interpreted by them in the most perfidious manner. They detest virtue
as much as you detest vice. They have a sovereign contempt for every
woman, for they believe that she is unable to resist the allurements
of pleasure.
They are mutual confidentials, and tell each other, with deplorable
levity, all that young ladies innocently say to them; wickedly
misconstruing their intentions, exaggerating what was true, and
treating with sneering contempt those who were simple enough to
believe in the sincerity of their hypocritical compliments. Most
assuredly you have not the slightest desire of becoming the subject
of the scandalous conversation of those men; you have but one means,
however, of guarding yourself against their venomous tongue; that is,
to exact from them a respectful deference by the gravity of your
demeanor, and the severity of your relations with them.
If, on the contrary, you meet with young men who, with a lively
faith, have conserved the purity of their hearts, and as a
consequence of these virtues, all due respect for woman, you can show
them greater confidence, and let them feel that you highly esteem
them for their virtues, without, however, renouncing the precautions
advised by prudence while in their company. It is in such encounters
that your conversation should reveal a serious turn of mind,
carefully avoiding every thing that would intimate undue confidence
or intimacy; for the heart of a young lady should never be on her
lips; except with regard to her mother, she should keep it buried in
the depths of her soul to converse familiarly only with God and His
angels.