CHOICE OP COMPANIONS.
Since a predisposition to good and evil is found among persons of
all classes and ages; and as this predisposition is especially strong
at your age, when the sympathies are most tender, when the heart so
candid and open is ready to receive and reciprocate those secret
emanations that escape from the souls of loved ones; you require to
take more than ordinary precautions, since the danger to which these
circumstances expose you is indeed very great, and requires a
prudence superior to your years,--you must therefore look for it in
the advice of others, but more especially in that of your mother who
should be your first adviser in all things.
How many women owe to the examples and deceptive lessons of a so-
called friend, the bitterness that corrodes their hearts, and the
remorse which perhaps torments their life! We pass over in silence
those societies the evident danger of which is easily perceived, and
on that account easily averted; but you have not the same guarantee
against the noxious effects which arise from those relations whose
union is found in the most frivolous instincts of the heart, to which
access is gained by the feeblest faculties of the soul. What is it
that is most commonly found in those intimacies, if not thoughts
without consistency, vain hopes, precocious or impatient desires,
indiscreet confidence, imprudent language, rash questions and answers
rasher still?
As a general rule, any society or company from which you derive no
benefit for head or heart is, if not dangerous, at least pernicious;
and you ought to shun them unless that imperative reasons or the will
of your parents advise otherwise; for all that tends to diminish your
esteem for the value of time and for the love of serious things is
prejudicial to your soul. You should prefer your mother's company to
that of all others. Her life should be as a book constantly open
before you; her lessons and examples, her experience and counsels
should be an inexhaustible mine of instruction, useful and precious
to your soul.
The young lady is indeed an object of compassion who feels her
mother's company irksome and onerous. At your age the heart is
confiding and effusive, and it needs some bosom in which to repose
its confidence; for it would be subjecting it to an ordeal too rude,
and exposing it perhaps to a fatal reaction, by completely depriving
it of consolations derived from acquaintances approved by every law,
human and divine. It should be treated with moderation, founded on
prudence, as undue severity renders its desires and needs more
imperative.
But if it is dangerous to restrict the heart to silence and inaction
it is much more dangerous to feed it on frivolous affections. There
is nothing that exhausts its energies so much as an over-indulgence
in those puerile sentiments fed by the imagination. Those sentiments
create within it a void which nothing can fill, and destroy its love
for everything that is noble and generous.
A frivolous heart is not less disastrous to woman than is a
frivolous mind. How many women find themselves disarmed and powerless
in important circumstances of life, for having neglected in youth the
training of the heart's affections! How many are unequal to the task
of discharging a painful duty, because they were wont to seek their
pleasure in all they did from early childhood! How many who, spite of
the chastisement of adversity and deception incurred by their
idolizing preference for their levity and affections, still remain
the dupes of their blind attachment even in their old age! Your
esteem for your own heart, and appreciation for its affections,
should be highly noteworthy, and deeply graven in your mind by the
constant habit of prizing them.
When you feel an attraction for a young person of your own age, do
not blindly obey it, before having maturely studied its nature and
motives. We should always act for a purpose worthy of ourselves, but
more especially so when there is question of delivering ourselves
over to the confidence and friendship of others; for in this mutual
exchange we dispose of the greater part of our being. In this
intimate relation, which is formed insensibly by repeated interviews,
there is formed a reciprocal discernment that exercises a powerful
influence over all the faculties of the soul, the convictions of the
minds, the sentiments of the heart, the habits of character, and
often even over the general deportment.
The good sense of our fathers has expressed this truth by one of
those proverbs so familiar to them: "_Tell me your company and I
know who you are._" Of course you have frequently heard those
words, and knowing their meaning withal, perhaps you have not
considered the circumstances wherein they may be applied. We
earnestly wish that they may never be employed relative to you, at
the expense of the joy of your heart or the peace of your conscience.
You should use much discretion in the choice that you make of the
person with whom you would form an intimate acquaintance; for such an
intimacy is not only founded on a mutual confidence, and reciprocal
affections; it is also the result which follows from being frequently
in each other's company. This latter intimacy is more dangerous than
the former because the heart, not thinking itself interested, is less
upon its guard, and consequently more exposed to suffer from the
poison concealed in words and examples.
Be assured of the nature of the attraction you feel. See if it is
founded upon solid qualities, capable of making an impression upon an
upright and serious mind, or upon those superficial qualities which
the world esteems, and which allure volatile minds. In the latter
case, you cannot, without danger, engage in relations; the inevitable
effect of which must be either to fortify your present defects, or
add to them others which you have not at present. If your love for
any one be founded on trivial motives, and if you dispense yourself
from the obligation of restraining your affections, let me entreat
you to take at least all the precautions that prudence requires to
prevent you from becoming the dupe of a foolish fondness. But if your
affections are founded on sympathy of character, on a concurrence of
holy thoughts and sentiments, with a view to strengthen the love and
practice of virtue; then the attainment of their object is highly
commendable and praiseworthy; and you may justly hope to secure the
happiest results from it. But even then, you should be on your guard
against your own judgment, placing a certain restraint on your
sentiments of confidence and love, or friendship, which, in order to
be lasting, must be calm, devoid of that impetuosity which acts
violently on the heart. It should be the work of time, shedding its
sweet influence on the duties of life, rendering their accomplishment
less laborious and more fruitful.
Those who love each other with a sincere Christian affection,
willingly sacrifice to duty the pleasure of being together, or rather
their great pleasure consists in doing God's will; with noble courage
they rise superior to all other considerations, and mutually inspire
each other with a holy zeal, imposing silence upon the voice of their
affections, in presence of the voice of their conscience.
Such is the manner in which persons should love each other; such are
the affections that God blesses and rewards. You are deeply indebted
to Divine Providence if it has sent you one whom you can love in this
way, for this is one of the most precious gifts of God's mercy. It is
especially at your age that such friendships are most easily formed,
because then the heart is more tender and confiding. How many women
owe, in a great measure, their peace of mind and conscience to the
good advice and protecting influence of a friend whom they met with
in the springtime of life.
There are in woman's life many delicate and trying circumstances
that demand the intervention of a sincere friend, to direct and
sustain her, when the light of conscience becomes obscured or
extinct; when the energies of the heart succumb to the allurements of
pleasure; when the mind, embarrassed by doubt and perplexity, can
scarcely distinguish the line of duty, semi-obliterated by prejudice
and passion; happy, then, is the woman who can call upon a faithful
and tried friend, to whom she can confide the secrets of her heart,
and from whom she may hope to receive the help and consolation that
her condition calls for.