Of divers other Relations.
1. The relation of _Averroes_, and now common in every mouth, of the
woman that conceived in a bath, by attracting the sperm or seminal
effluxion of a man admitted to bath in some vicinity unto her, I have
scarce faith to believe; and had I been of the Jury, should have hardly
thought I had found the father in the person that stood by her. 'Tis a
new and unseconded way in History to fornicate at a distance, and much
offendeth the rules of Physick, which say, there is no generation
without a joynt emission, nor only a virtual, but corporal and carnal
contaction. And although _Aristotle_ and his adherents do cut off the
one, who conceive no effectual ejaculation in women, yet in defence of
the other they cannot be introduced. For, if as he believeth, the
inordinate longitude of the organ, though in its proper recipient, may
be a means to inprolificate the seed; surely the distance of place, with
the commixture of an aqueous body, must prove an effectual impediment,
and utterly prevent the success of a conception. And therefore that
conceit concerning the daughters of _Lot_, that they were impregnated
by their sleeping father, or conceived by seminal pollution received at
distance from him, will hardly be admitted. [SN: _Generations by the
Devil very improbable._] And therefore what is related of devils, and
the contrived delusions of spirits, that they steal the seminal
emissions of man, and transmit them into their votaries in coition, is
much to be suspected; and altogether to be denied, that there ensue
conceptions thereupon; however husbanded by Art, and the wisest menagery
of that most subtile imposter. And therefore also that our magnified
_Merlin_ was thus begotten by the devil, is a groundless conception; and
as vain to think from thence to give the reason of his prophetical
spirit. For if a generation could succeed, yet should not the issue
inherit the faculties of the devil, who is but an auxiliary, and no
univocal Actor; Nor will his nature substantially concur to such
productions.
And although it seems not impossible, that impregnation may succeed from
seminal spirits, and vaporous irradiations containing the active
principle, without material and gross immissions; as it happeneth
sometimes in imperforated persons, and rare conceptions of some much
under pubertie or fourteen. As may be also conjectured in the coition of
some insects, wherein the female makes intrusion into the male; and from
the continued ovation in Hens, from one single tread of a cock, and
little stock laid up near the vent, sufficient for durable
prolification. And although also in humane generation the gross and
corpulent seminal body may return again, and the great business be acted
by what it caryeth with it: yet will not the same suffice to support the
story in question, wherein no corpulent immission is acknowledged;
answerable unto the fable of the _Talmudists_, in the storie of
_Benzira_, begotten in the same manner on the daughter of the Prophet
_Jeremie_.
2. The Relation of _Lucillius_, and now become common, concerning
_Crassus_ the grand-father of _Marcus_ the wealthy _Roman_, that he
never laughed but once in all his life, and that was at an Ass eating
thistles, is something strange. For, if an indifferent and unridiculous
object could draw his habitual austereness unto a smile, it will be hard
to believe he could with perpetuity resist the proper motives thereof.
[SN: _Laughter. What kind of Passion it is._] For the act of Laughter
which is evidenced by a sweet contraction of the muscles of the face,
and a pleasant agitation of the vocal Organs, is not meerly voluntary,
or totally within the jurisdiction of our selves: but as it may be
constrained by corporal contaction in any, and hath been enforced in
some even in their death, so the new unusual or unexpected jucundities,
which present themselves to any man in his life, at some time or other
will have activity enough to excitate the earthiest soul, and raise a
smile from most composed tempers. Certainly the times were dull when
these things happened, and the wits of those Ages short of these of
ours; when men could maintain such immutable faces, as to remain like
statues under the flatteries of wit and persist unalterable at all
efforts of Jocularity. The spirits in hell, and _Pluto_ himself, whom
_Lucian_ makes to laugh at passages upon earth, will plainly condemn
these Saturnines, and make ridiculous the magnified _Heraclitus_, who
wept preposterously, and made a hell on earth; for rejecting the
consolations of life, he passed his days in tears, and the uncomfortable
attendments of hell.
3. The same conceit there passeth concerning our blessed Saviour, and is
sometimes urged as an high example of gravity. And this is opinioned,
because in holy Scripture it is recorded he sometimes wept, but never
that he laughed. Which howsoever granted, it will be hard to conceive
how he passed his younger years and child-hood without a smile, if as
Divinity affirmeth, for the assurance of his humanity unto men, and the
concealment of his Divinity from the devil, he passed this age like
other children, and so proceeded untill he evidenced the same. And
surely herein no danger there is to affirm the act or performance of
that, whereof we acknowledge the power and essential property; and
whereby indeed he most nearly convinced the doubt of his humanity. Nor
need we be afraid to ascribe that unto the incarnate Son, which
sometimes is attributed unto the uncarnate Father; of whom it is said,
He that dwelleth in the heavens shall laugh the wicked to scorn. For a
laugh there is of contempt or indignation, as well as of mirth and
Jocosity; and that our Saviour was not exempted from the ground hereof,
that is, the passion of anger, regulated and rightly ordered by reason,
the schools do not deny: and besides the experience of the
money-changers and Dove-sellers in the Temple, is testified by St.
_John_, when he saith, the speech of _David_ [SN: Zelus domus tuæ
comedit me.] was fulfilled in our Saviour.
Now the Alogie of this opinion consisteth in the illation; it being not
reasonable to conclude from Scripture negatively in points which are not
matters of faith, and pertaining unto salvation. And therefore although
in the description of the creation there be no mention of fire,
Christian Philosophy did not think it reasonable presently to annihilate
that element, or positively to decree there was no such thing at all.
Thus whereas in the brief narration of _Moses_ there is no record of
wine before the flood, we cannot satisfactorily conclude that _Noah_ was
the first that ever tasted thereof. [SN: _Only in the vulgar Latin._
Judg. 9. 53.] And thus because the word _Brain_ is scarce mentioned
once, but _Heart_ above an hundred times in holy Scripture; Physitians
that dispute the principality of parts are not from hence induced to
bereave the animal Organ of its priority. Wherefore the Scriptures being
serious, and commonly omitting such Parergies, it will be unreasonable
from hence to condemn all Laughter, and from considerations
inconsiderable to discipline a man out of his nature. For this is by a
rustical severity to banish all urbanity; whose harmless and confined
condition, as it stands commended by morality, so is it consistent with
Religion, and doth not offend Divinity.
4. The custom it is of Popes to change their name at their creation; and
the Author thereof is commonly said to be _Bocca di porco_, or swines
face; who therefore assumed the stile of _Sergius_ the second, as being
ashamed so foul a name should dishonour the chair of _Peter_; wherein
notwithstanding, from _Montacutius_ and others I find there may be some
mistake. For _Massonius_ who writ the lives of Popes, acknowledgeth he
was not the first that changed his name in that Sea; nor as _Platina_
affirmeth, have all his Successors precisely continued that custom; for
_Adrian_ the sixt, and _Marcellus_ the second, did still retain their
Baptismal denomination. Nor is it proved, or probable, that _Sergius_
changed the name of _Bocca di Porco_, for this was his sirname or
gentilitious appellation: nor was it the custom to alter that with the
other; but be commuted his Christian name _Peter_ for _Sergius_,
because he would seem to decline the name of _Peter_ the second. A
scruple I confess not thought considerable in other Seas, whose
Originals and first Patriarchs have been less disputed; nor yet perhaps
of that reality as to prevail in points of the same nature. For the
names of the Apostles, Patriarchs and Prophets have been assumed even to
affectation; the name of Jesus hath not been appropriate; but some in
precedent ages have born that name, and many since have not refused the
Christian name of _Emmanuel_. Thus are there few names more frequent
then _Moses_ and _Abraham_ among the _Jews_; The _Turks_ without scruple
affect the name of _Mahomet_, and with gladness receive so honourable
cognomination.
And truly in humane occurrences there ever have been many well directed
intentions, whose rationalities will never bear a rigid examination, and
though in some way they do commend their Authors, and such as first
began them, yet have they proved insufficient to perpetuate imitation in
such as have succeeded them. Thus was it a worthy resolution of
_Godfrey_, and most Christians have applauded it, That he refused to
wear a Crown of Gold where his Saviour had worn one of thorns. Yet did
not his Successors durably inherit that scruple, but some were anointed,
and solemnly accepted the Diadem of regality. Thus _Julius_, _Augustus_
and _Tiberius_ with great humility or popularity refused the name of
_Imperator_, but their Successors have challenged that title, and retain
the same even in its titularity. And thus to come nearer our subject,
the humility of _Gregory_ the Great would by no means admit the stile of
universal Bishop; but the ambition of _Boniface_ made no scruple
thereof, nor of more queasie resolutions have been their Successors ever
since.
[Sidenote: Turkish _History_.]
5. That _Tamerlane_ was a _Scythian_ Shepherd, from Mr. _Knolls_ and
others, from _Alhazen_ a learned _Arabian_ who wrote his life, and was
Spectator of many of his exploits, we have reasons to deny. Not only
from his birth, for he was of the blood of the _Tartarian_ Emperours,
whose father _Og_ had for his possession the Country of _Sagathy_; which
was no slender Territory, but comprehended all that tract wherein were
contained _Bactriana_, _Sogdiana_, _Margiana_, and the nation of the
_Massagetes_, whose capital City was _Samarcand_; a place though now
decaid, of great esteem and trade in former ages. But from his regal
Inauguration, for it is said, that being about the age of fifteen, his
old father resigned the Kingdom and men of war unto him. And also from
his education, for as the storie speaks it, he was instructed in the
_Arabian_ learning, and afterward exercised himself therein. Now
_Arabian_ learning was in a manner all the liberal Sciences, especially
the Mathematicks, and natural Philosophy; wherein not many ages before
him there flourished _Avicenna_, _Averroes_, _Avenzoar_, _Geber_,
_Almanzor_ and _Alhazen_, cognominal unto him that wrote his History,
whose Chronology indeed, although it be obscure, yet in the opinion of
his Commentator, he was contemporary unto _Avicenna_, and hath left
sixteen books of Opticks, of great esteem with ages past, and textuary
unto our days.
Now the ground of this mistake was surely that which the Turkish
Historian declareth. Some, saith he, of our Historians will needs have
_Tamerlane_ to be the Son of a Shepherd. But this they have said, not
knowing at all the custom of their Country; wherein the principal
revenews of the King and Nobles consisteth in cattle; who despising gold
and silver, abound in all sorts thereof. And this was the occasion that
some men call them Shepherds, and also affirm this Prince descended from
them. Now, if it be reasonable, that great men whose possessions are
chiefly in cattle, should bear the name of Shepherds, and fall upon so
low denominations; then may we say that _Abraham_ was a Shepherd,
although too powerful for four Kings: that _Job_ was of that condition,
who beside Camels and Oxen had seven thousand Sheep: and yet is said to
be the greatest man in the East. Thus was _Mesha_ King of _Moab_ a
Shepherd, who annually paid unto the Crown of _Israel_ an hundred
thousand Lambs, and as many Rams. Surely it is no dishonourable course
of life which _Moses_ and _Jacob_ have made exemplary: 'tis a profession
supported upon the natural way of acquisition, and though contemned by
the _Egyptians_, much countenanced by the Hebrews, whose sacrifices
required plenty of Sheep and Lambs. And certainly they were very
numerous; for, at the consecration of the Temple, beside two and twenty
thousand Oxen, King _Solomon_ sacrificed an hundred and twenty thousand
Sheep: and the same is observable from the daily provision of his house:
which was ten fat Oxen, twenty Oxen out of the pastures, and an hundred
Sheep, beside row Buck, fallow Deer, and fatted Fowls. [SN: _Description
of the Turkish Seraglio, since printed. The daily provision of the
Seraglio._] Wherein notwithstanding (if a punctual relation thereof do
rightly inform us) the grand Seignior doth exceed: the daily provision
of whose Seraglio in the reign of _Achmet_, beside Beeves, consumed two
hundred Sheep, Lambs and Kids when they were in season one hundred,
Calves ten, Geese fifty, Hens two hundred, Chickens one hundred, Pigeons
an hundred pair.
And therefore this mistake concerning the noble _Tamerlane_, was like
that concerning _Demosthenes_, who is said to be the Son of a
Black-smith, according to common conceit, and that handsome expression
of _Juvenal_.
_Quem pater ardentis massæ fuligine lippus,
A carbone et forcipibus, gladiosq; parante
Incude, et luteo Vulcano ad Rhetora misit._
_Thus Englished by Sir_ Robert _Stapleton_.
Whom's Father with the smoaky forg half blind,
From blows on sooty Vulcans anvil spent.
In ham'ring swords, to study Rhet'rick sent.
But _Plutarch_ who writ his life hath cleared this conceit, plainly
affirming he was most nobly descended, and that this report was raised,
because his father had many slaves that wrought Smiths work, and brought
the profit unto him.