PERPLEXITIES
"Don't you think it is very extraordinary that I have never had one line
from Hugo since the letter I got at Aden?" asked Jan.
It was Friday evening, the Indian mail was in, and there was a letter
from Peter--the fourth since her return.
"But you've heard of him from Mr. Ledgard," Meg pointed out.
"Only that he had gone to Karachi from Bombay just before Fay
died--surely he would see papers there. It seems so heartless never to
have written me a line--I can't believe it, somehow, even of Hugo--he
must be ill or something."
"Perhaps he was ashamed to write. Perhaps he felt you would simply
loathe him for being the cause of it all."
"I did, I do," Jan exclaimed; "but all the same he is the children's
father, and he was her husband--I don't want anything very bad to happen
to him."
"It would simplify things very much," Meg said dreamily.
Jan held up her hand as if to ward off a blow.
"Don't, Meg; sometimes I find myself wishing something of the kind, and
I know it's wrong and horrible. I want as far as I can to keep in the
right with regard to Hugo, to give him no grievance against me. I've
written to that bank where he left the money, and asked them to forward
the letters if he has left any address. I've told him exactly where we
are and what we propose to do. Beyond the bare facts of Fay's death--I
told him all about her illness as dispassionately as I could--I've never
reproached him or said anything cruel. You see, the man is down and out;
though Mr. Ledgard always declared he had any amount of mysterious wires
to pull. Yet, I can't help wondering whether he is ill somewhere, with
no money and no friends, in some dreadful native quarter."
"What about the money in the bank, then? Did you use it?"
Jan blushed. "No, I couldn't bear to touch his money ... Mr. Ledgard
said it was idiotic...."
"So it was; it was Fay's money, not his. For all your good sense, Jan,
sometimes you're sentimental as a schoolgirl."
"I daresay it was stupid, and I didn't dare to tell Mr. Ledgard I'd left
it," Jan said humbly; "but I felt that perhaps that money might help him
if things got very desperate; I left it in his name and a letter telling
him I had done so ... I didn't _give_ him any money...."
"It was precisely the same thing."
"And he may never have got the letter."
"I hope he hasn't."
"Oh, Meg, I do so hate uncertainty. I'd rather know the worst. I always
have the foreboding that he will suddenly turn up at Wren's End and
threaten to take the children away ... and get money out of me that way
... and there's none to spare...."
"Jan, you've got into a thoroughly nervous, pessimistic state about
Hugo. Why in the world should he _want_ the children? They'd be terribly
in his way, and wherever he put them he'd have to pay _something_. You
know very well his people wouldn't keep them for nothing, even if he
were fool enough (for the sake of blackmailing you) to threaten to place
them there. His sisters wouldn't--not for nothing. What did Fay say
about his sisters? I remember one came to the wedding, but she has left
no impression on my mind. He has two, hasn't he?"
"Yes, but only one came, the Blackpool one. But Fay met both of them,
for she spent a week-end with each, with Hugo, after she was married."
"Well, and what did she say?"
Jan laughed and sighed: "She said--you remember how Fay could say the
severest things in the softest, gentlest voice--that 'for social
purposes they were impossible, but they were doubtless excellent and
worthy of all esteem and that they were exactly suited to the _milieu_
in which they lived.'"
"And where do they live?"
"One lives at Blackpool--she's married to ... I forget exactly what he
is--but it's something to do with letting houses. They're quite well off
and all her towels had crochet lace at the ends. Fay was much impressed
by this, as it scratched her nose. They also gave you 'doylies' at
afternoon tea and no servant ever came into the room without knocking."
"Any children?"
"Yes, three."
"And the other sister?"
"She lives at Poulton-le-Fylde, and her husband had to do with a
newspaper syndicate. Quite amusing he was, Fay says, but very shaky as
to the letter 'H.'"
"Would they like the children?"
"They might, for they've none of their own, but they certainly wouldn't
take them unless they were paid for, as they were not well off. They
were rather down on the Blackpool sister, Fay said, for extravagance and
general swank."
"What about the grandparents?"
"In Guernsey? They're quite nice old people, I believe, but
curiously--of course I'm quoting Fay--comatose and uninterested in
things, 'behindhand with the world,' she said. They thought Hugo very
wonderful, and seemed rather afraid of him. What he has told them lately
I don't know. He wrote very seldom, they said; but _I've_ written to
them, saying I've got the children and where we shall be. If they
express a wish to see the children I'll ask them to Wren's End. If, as
would be quite reasonable, they say it's too far to come--they're old
people, you know--I suppose one of us would need to take them over to
Guernsey for a visit. I do so want to do the right thing all round, and
then they can't say I've kept the children away from their father's
relations."
"Scotch people always think such a lot about relations," Meg grumbled.
"I should leave them to stew in their own juice. Why should you bother
about them if he doesn't?"
"They're all quite respectable, decent folk, you know, though they
mayn't be our kind. The father, I fancy, failed in business after he
came back from India. Fay said he was very meek and depressed always. I
think she was glad none of them came to the wedding except the Blackpool
sister, for she didn't want Daddie to see them. He thought the Blackpool
sister dreadful (he told me afterwards that she 'exacerbated his mind
and offended his eye'), but he was charming to her and never said a word
to Fay."
"I don't see much sign of Hugo and his people in the children."
"We can't tell, they're so little. One thing does comfort me, they show
no disposition to tell lies; but that, I think, is because they have
never been frightened. You see, everyone bowed down before them; and
whatever Indian servants may be in other respects, they seem to me
extraordinarily kind and patient with children."
"Jan, what are your views about the bringing up of children?... You've
never said ... and I should like to know. You see, we're both"--here Meg
sighed deeply and looked portentously grave--"in a position of awful
responsibility."
They were sitting on each side of the hearth, with their toes on the
fender. Meg had been sewing at an overall for little Fay, but at that
moment she laid it on her knee and ran her hands through her cropped
hair, then about two inches long all over her head, so that it stood on
end in broken spirals and feathery curls above her bright eyes. In the
evening the uniform was discarded "by request."
Jan looked across at her and laughed.
So funny and so earnest; so small, and yet so great with purpose.
"I don't think I've any views. R. L. S. summed up the whole duty of
children ages ago, and it's our business to see that they do it--that's
all. Don't you remember:
A child should always say what's true,
And speak when he is spoken to,
And behave mannerly at table:
At least as far as he is able.
It's no use to expect too much, is it?"
"If you expect to get the second injunction carried out in the case of
your niece you're a most optimistic person. For three weeks now I've
been perambulating Kensington Gardens with those children, and I have
never in the whole course of my life entered into conversation with so
many strangers, and it's always she who begins it. Then complications
arise and I have to intervene. I don't mind policemen and park-keepers
and roadmen, but I rather draw the line at idly benevolent old gentlemen
who join our party and seem to spend the whole morning with us...."
"But, Meg, that never happens when I'm with you. I confess I've left
you to it this last week...."
"And what am I here for except to be left to it--I don't mean that
anyone's rude or pushing--but Miss Tancred _is_ so friendly, and I'm not
dignified and awe-inspiring like you, you great big Jan; and the poor
men are encouraged, directly and deliberately encouraged, by your niece.
I never knew a child with such a continual flow of conversation."
"Poor Meg," said Jan, "you won't have much more of it. Little Fay _is_ a
handful, I confess; but I always feel it must be a bit hard to be hushed
continually--and just when one feels particularly bright and sparkling,
to have all one's remarks cut short...."
"You needn't pity that child. No amount of hushing has any effect; you
might just as well hush a blackbird or a thrush. Don't look so worried,
Jan. Did Mr. Ledgard say anything about Hugo in that letter to-night?"
"Only that he was known to have left Karachi in a small steamer going
round the coast, but after that nothing more. Mr. Ledgard has a friend
in the Police, and even there they've heard nothing lately. I think
myself the Indian Government _wants_ to lose sight of Hugo. He's
inconvenient and disgraceful, and they'd like him blotted out as soon as
possible."
"What else does Mr. Ledgard say? He seems to write good long letters."
"He is coming home at the end of April for six months."
"Oh ... then we shall see him, I suppose?"
"I hope so."
Meg looked keenly at Jan, who was staring into the fire, her eyes soft
and dreamy; and almost as if she was unconsciously thinking aloud, she
said: "I do hope, if Hugo chooses to turn up, he'll wait till Mr.
Ledgard is back in England."
"You think he could manage him?"
"I know he could."
"Then let us pray for his return," said Meg.
The clock on the mantelpiece struck eleven.
"Bed-time," said Meg, "but I must have just one cigarette first. That's
what's so lovely about being with you, Jan--you don't mind. Of course
I'd never do it before the children."
"You wouldn't shock them if you did. Fay smoked constantly."
Meg lit her cigarette and clearly showed her real enjoyment. She had
taken to it first when she was about fifteen, as she found it helped her
to feel less hungry. Now it had become as much a necessity to her as to
many men, and the long abstinence of term-time had always been a
penance.
She made some good rings, and, leaning forward to look through them at
Jan, said: "By the way, I must just tell you that for the last three
afternoons we've met that Captain Middleton in the Gardens."
"Well?"
"And he talks everlastingly about his dog--that William Bloomsbury
creature. I know _all_ the points of a bull-terrier now--'Well-set head
gradually tapering to muzzle, which is very powerful and well-filled up
in front of the eyes. Nose large and black. Teeth dead-level and big'
... oh! and reams more, every bit of him accurately described."
"I'm a little afraid of those teeth so 'dead-level and big'--I foresee
trouble."
"Oh, no," said Meg easily. "He's evidently a most affectionate brute.
That young man puzzles me. He's manifestly devoted to the dog, but he's
so sure he'd be stolen he'd rather have him away from him down at Wren's
End than here with him, to run that risk."
"Surely," said Jan, "Kensington Gardens are some distance from St.
John's Wood."
"So one would think, but the rich and idle take taxis, and he seems to
think he can in some way insure the welfare of his dog through the
children and me."
"And what about the old gentlemen? Do they join the party as well?"
"Oh, dear no; no old gentlemen would dare to come within miles of us
with that young man in charge of little Fay. He's like your Mr.
Ledgard--very protective."
"I like him for being anxious about his dog, but I'm not quite so sure
that I approve of the means he takes to insure its happiness."
"I didn't encourage him in the least, I assure you. I pointed out that
he most certainly ought not to be walking about with a nurse and two
children. That the children without the nurse would be all right, but
that my being there made the whole thing highly inexpedient, and _infra
dig_."
"Meg!... you didn't!"
"I did, indeed. There was no use mincing matters."
"And what did he say?"
"He said, 'Oh, that's all bindles'--whatever that may mean."
"You mustn't go to the Gardens alone any more. I'll come with you
to-morrow, or, better still, we'll all go to Kew if it's fine."
"I _should_ be glad, though I grudge the fares; but you needn't come. I
know how busy you are, with Hannah away and so much to see to--and what
earthly use am I if I can't look after the children without you?"
"You do look after the children without me for hours and hours on end. I
could never trust anyone else as I do you."
"I _am_ getting to manage them," Meg said proudly; "but just to-day I
must tell you--it was rather horrid--we came face to face with the
Trents in the Baby's Walk. Mrs. Trent and Lotty, the second girl, the
big, handsome one--and he evidently knows them...."
"Who evidently knows them?"
"Captain Middleton, silly! (I told you he was with us, talking about his
everlasting dog)--and they greeted him with effusion, so he had to stop.
But you can imagine how they glared at me. Of course I walked on with
Tony, but little Fay had his hand--I was wheeling the go-cart thing and
she stuck firmly to him, and I heard her interrupting the conversation
all the time. He followed us directly, I'll say that for him, but it was
a bad moment ... You see, they had a right to glare...."
"They had nothing of the kind. I wish I got the chance of glaring at
them. Daddie _saw_ Mrs. Trent; he explained everything, and she said she
quite understood."
"She would, to him, he was so nice always; but you see, Jan, I know what
she believes and what she has said, and what she will probably say to
Captain Middleton if she gets the chance."
Meg's voice broke. "Of course I don't care----"
She held her tousled head very high and stuck out her sharp little chin.
"My dear," said Jan, "what with my gregarious niece and my
too-attractive nurse, I think it's a good thing we're all going down to
Wren's End, where the garden-walls are high and the garden fairly large.
Besides all that, there will be that dog with the teeth 'dead-level and
big.'"
"Remember," said Meg. "He treated me like a princess always."