SANE SEX LIFE AND SANE SEX LIVING
SOME THINGS THAT ALL SANE PEOPLE OUGHT TO KNOW ABOUT SEX NATURE AND
SEX FUNCTIONING; ITS PLACE IN THE ECONOMY OF LIFE, ITS PROPER TRAINING
AND RIGHTEOUS EXERCISE
H.W. LONG, M.D.
_AUTHORIZED EDITION_
EUGENICS PUBLISHING CO., INC.
NEW YORK
1919
MADE IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
TO MY FELLOW-MEMBERS OF THE MEDICAL PROFESSION INTO WHOSE HANDS THIS
BOOK MAY COME, AND TO ALL WHO MAY READ IT UNDER THEIR DIRECTION, THIS
VOLUME IS MOST SINCERELY DEDICATED BY THE AUTHOR.
NOTE TO THE READER
IN ORDER TO GAIN A CORRECT IMPRESSION OF THE BOOK, IT IS ESSENTIAL
THAT IT BE READ FROM THE BEGINNING TO THE END WITHOUT ANY SKIPPING
WHATSOEVER. ONCE READ, IT CAN BE RE-READ, HERE AND THERE, AS THE
READER MAY DESIRE. BUT FOR A FIRST READING, IT IS THE EARNEST WISH
OF THE AUTHOR THAT EVERY WORD BE READ, FOR IN NO OTHER WAY CAN THE
PURPOSE OF THE BOOK BE REALIZED.
INTRODUCTION
As we have moved down the ages, now and then, from the religious
teacher, the statesman, the inventor, the social worker, or from the
doctor, surgeon, or sexologist, there has been a "_vox clamantis in
deserto_." Usually these voices have fallen on unheeding ears; but
again and again some delver in books, some student of men, some
inspired, self-effacing, or altruistic one has taken up the cry; and
at last unthinking, unheeding, superficial, self-satisfied humanity
has turned to listen.
Aristotle by the sure inductive method learned and taught much,
concerning the sex relations of men and women, that it would profit
us today to heed. Balzac, Luther, Michelet, Spencer, and later, at
our very doors, Krafft-Ebbing, Forel, Bloch, Ellis, Freud, Hall, and
scores of others have added their voices. All these have seen whither
we were drifting, and have made vigorous protests according to their
lights. Many of these protests should have been heard, but were not,
and only now are just beginning to be heeded. Such pioneers in the
field of proper, healthful, ethical, religious, sane daily sex living,
have been Sturgis and Malchow, who talked earnestly to an unheeding
profession of these things, and now, I have the honor to write
an introductory word to a book in this field, that is sane, wise,
practical, entirely truthful, and unspeakably necessary.
I can endorse the teachings in Dr. Long's book more fully because I
have, for nearly a quarter of a century, been holding similar views,
and dispensing similar, though perhaps less explicit, information.
I know from long observation that the teaching is wholesome and
necessary, and that the results are universally uplifting. Such
teachings improve health, prolong life, and promote virtue, adding to
the happiness and lessening the burdens of men, on the one hand; on
the other, reducing their crimes and vices. A book like this would
have proved invaluable to me on my entrance to the married state; but
had I had it, I might not have been forced to acquire the knowledge
which enables me now to state with all solemnity, that I personally
know hundreds of couples whose lives were wrecked for lack of such
knowledge, and that I more intimately know hundreds of others to
whom verbal teaching along the lines he has laid down, has brought
happiness, health and goodness.
Dr. Long advances no theories; neither do I. He has found by studying
himself and other people, a sane and salutary way of sex living, and
fearlessly has prescribed this to a limited circle for a long time. I
congratulate him for his perspicacity, temerity, and wisdom. He offers
no apology, and there is no occasion for any. He says, "All has been
set down in love, by a lover, for the sake of lovers yet to be, in the
hope of helping them on toward a divine consummation." That is, he has
developed these ideas at home, and then spread them abroad, or, he has
found them abroad and brought them home; and they worked.
I also speak somewhat _ex experientia_ and have some intimate personal
knowledge of many of these things. Therefore, I advocate his doctrine,
the more readily, and maintain that humanity needs these ideas as
much today as when M. Jules Lemaitre wrote his late introduction to
Michelet's _L'Amour_. He said: "_Il ne parait pas, apres quarante ans
passes, que les choses aillent mieux, ni que le livre de Michelet
ait rien perdu de son a-propos_." Twenty years more have elapsed
and things have not yet become much better. Frank sex talks like Dr.
Long's teaching are as a-propos today as was Michelet's book when it
was written, or when, after forty years had passed M. Lemaitre wrote
his introduction.
Idealism is right, and we all approve it; so much so, that many of us
cannot see that ultra-idealism, extremism in right, (it is foolish
to attempt to attain anything better than the best) may be wrong.
Undoubtedly, entire devotion to the material and physical, is also
wrong; but we never must lose sight of the palpable fact that, unless
we have a proper, stable, natural, well-regulated physical or
material foundation, we must fall short of all ideals. Proper physical
adjustments enable the realization of realizable ideals. Unrealizable
ideals are chimeras pursued into futurity, while a world that should
be human and happy waits in vice and misery. I gather that Dr. Long
believes that reducing this vice and misery, and increasing human
happiness and improving health are suitable works with which to
companion a faith in the Arbiter of our destinies.
If thus he develops his idea of the integrity of the universe, I agree
with him fully. His book, since it delineates the numerous details of
a normal sex life, can be sold, thanks to our prudish public, only to
the profession. I believe it should go to the larger public as it has
gone formerly to his smaller community.
In spite of imperfect ideals the Orient has endured, while we of the
Occident are fast becoming decadent. We, by learning something of
the art of love, and of the natural life of married people, from the
Hindoos, may perpetuate our civilization. They, by adopting the best
of our transcendentalism, may reach higher development than we yet
have attained.
The time has come for a book like this to command the attention of
medical men, since now an awakened public demands from them, as the
conservers of life and the directors of physiological living, explicit
directions in everything pertaining to the physician's calling, not
omitting the intimate, intricate, long taboo and disdained details of
sex life and procreation.
W.F. ROBIE, M.D.
CONTENTS
INTRODUCTION
By Dr. W.F. Robie, author of "The Art of Love"
Need for facts about sex and love--Present ignorance of sex
relations--Sex information improves health, prolongs life, promotes
virtue, adds to happiness--Frank talks needed--This book describes
details of normal sex life, describes art of love, gives explicit
instructions pertaining to intimacies of sex life.
FOREWORD
Answers problems of sex life in the delicate relations of
marriage--Most people too timid to reveal reasons for their sexual
difficulties--Knowledge in a book less embarrassing to gain--Never
before could people find facts they wanted to know most--This book
prepared especially to help husbands and wives to live wholesome sex
lives--Gives them facts all married people should know--Explains
how to use that information to make marriage a success--Especially
valuable for newlyweds if read on honeymoon--Those now married who do
not get on well together will find in this book relief from suffering
and woe.
EXPLANATORY INTRODUCTION
Wrong teachings about sex--Children brought up in ignorance on sex
matters--No information given by parents, schools, churches--But
children will find out even if they go to wrong sources--Some one must
tell the truth--This book does it.
THE ARGUMENT AND THE INFORMATION
Until recently it was a crime to give knowledge concerning sex
relations--Sex knowledge denied through selfishness or prudery--This
is wrong because sex is of highest importance to human beings--Ills,
crimes, misfortunes are result when people are forced to be ignorant
of knowledge they need--Condemned to suffer tortures when they might
enjoy delights--Sex is clean and natural--At last sex knowledge may
be given freely--Advice in this book gained from personal and
professional experience.
THE CORRECT MENTAL ATTITUDE
Definite information now given which will help husbands and wives
to find perpetual and increasing happiness all their lives--Duty of
brides and grooms to acquaint themselves with each other's sexual
needs--No man or woman should be ashamed of the sexual make-up--They
should be proud of their sexual functions and virility--Read the book
without shame or shock--Gaining honest truth about these matters is
most essential to life.
THE SEX ORGANS
Male sex organs are penis and testicles--Size and form of penis when
at rest and during sexual excitement--Position of testicles--Why one
teste is larger--Pubic regions in men and women.
Female sex organs are vulva, vaginal passage, womb, and
ovaries--Length of vaginal passage compared with distended penis--Size
and formation of womb--Position of ovaries.
FUNCTION OF THE SEX ORGANS
Primary purpose of sex in the human race--Life is the result of union
of two forces--Birth the same in human beings as in other forms of
life--Process of conception in female--How female ovum is fertilized
by male--When puberty begins and ends in women.
Menstruation, its cause and meaning--When ovum may be
impregnated--Origin of sperm in man--Purpose of prostate gland--What
semen is--For birth of new life union of male and female sex organs
necessary--Glans penis in man and clitoris in woman are "exciting"
focal points--Climax of coitus.
Use of sexual organs to produce offspring same in mankind as in
animals--One way in which human beings differ from animals in sex
relations--Coitus possible in animals only in "rutting" season--In
human beings coitus enjoyable at any time--What this difference means
to happiness--The basis of real success in marriage--Married people
can reach highest conditions of wedlock when they know and practice
what is right in sex--No "rights" conferred in sex relations through
the ceremony of marriage.
Different views of sexual relations for purpose of happiness--Padlocks
to prevent exercise of sexual functions--Effect of falsehoods about
sex relations--Innocent brides and goody-good husbands--Differences
of opinion by brides and grooms lead to terrible wrongs on marriage
night--False teaching often results in the "rape of the wedding
night"--How definite knowledge prevents this shock to bride and makes
for perfect bliss--The second kind of coitus reserved only for human
beings can bring highest physical, mental, and spiritual well-being.
THE ACT OF COITUS
Coitus consists of four parts or acts--Where ninety-nine
one-hundredths of all married troubles begin--Usually husband's fault
due to ignorance or carelessness.
First part of act of coitus--Difference between men and women in time
needed for sexual readiness--Women usually slower--Prostatic flow
and pre-coital secretion--Coitus harmful when either partner not fully
ready for sexual union--Taking time most important feature--Special
information for newlyweds--Woman's fear of "something new" and of
pregnancy--Husband should not insist upon "rights"--Evils which
follow this wrong attitude--True marriage based on mutual love--Key
to married happiness--Married love needs continual care by husband and
wife--Instructions for performing first part of act of coitus.
Second part of act of coitus--Many positions possible--Best
position--Instructions for performing second part of act of coitus.
Third part of act of coitus--A common mistake made by many wives,
especially young brides--Need for complete freedom on part of
woman--Length of time required--Skill and intensity needed by husband
and wife--Instructions for performing third part of act of coitus.
Fourth and final part of act of coitus--When done correctly greatest
of all human experiences--What happens to the man--What occurs in the
woman--No connection with possibility of pregnancy--Designed by nature
especially for woman's satisfaction and pleasure--Special instruction
for husband and wife--Review of all the four parts of the act of
coitus.
THE FIRST UNION
Special conditions which must be considered when bride is to
have first sexual congress--Her state of mind--Need for better
acquaintance--What both bride and groom should know about the woman's
sex organs; where located, parts, how constructed, sensitivity--How
shape and size of mouth indicate shape and size of woman's sex organs.
The hymen or "maidenhead"--Meaning of its presence or absence--How
it may be removed without danger or pain--First union should be
accomplished by mutual desire and effort--Chances of conception in
coitus--Desire for children.
The right to have children when wanted--A matter of choice--Difference
between infanticide, abortion and prevention of pregnancy--How husband
and wife can tell when there is no danger of impregnation--A rule
of coitus which should never be violated--What information about
pregnancy may be gained from menstrual period--Most women have two
weeks of "free time" each month--Freedom from fear an accomplishment
which adds to happiness of marriage.
THE ART OF LOVE
Must be learned and mastered because partners in marriage often
not matched physically or psychically--Ordinary cases of physical
mismatching--Difference in size of sex organs may produce unfortunate
results--How to discover physical mismatching--How to correct
it--Instructions for overcoming physical mismatching.
Psychical mismatching--Differences between men and women cause for
great dissatisfaction if not known and corrected--Instructions for
correcting psychical mismatching if husband is at fault; if wife is
at fault--Extending time of first part of coitus--Inducing pre-coital
flow in woman--Essential that first part of coitus be continued until
woman is ready for second part--Necessity for husband to know ways to
extend time of third part of coitus--"Keeping the cap on"--What wife
can do to correct physical and psychical mismatching.
Sex stimulation is right and wholesome--Instructions if normal sex
relations are impossible--Special information on sex stimulation for
brides and grooms--Valuable addition to sex knowledge.
COITUS RESERVATUS
A mental and spiritual love embrace--Fulfillment of
courting--Specially valuable during time when woman is not
"free"--Value of sexual stimulation if not carried to excess.
Frequency of coitus--Men who wear themselves out--Women who wear out
their husbands--Mismatching in sexual temperament and desire--How
to correct it--Women who are anesthetic to sexual desire, and how to
overcome it--Impotence in men.
How late in life can coitus be practiced with benefit to
health--Danger of withholding sex functioning--Sex organs able to
function until late in life--Sexual desires in women after "change in
life"--Proof that Art of Love must be learned and that it can bring
lifelong happiness.
CLEANLINESS
Need for keeping body clean, sexual reaction--Parts of body woman
should be specially careful to keep clean--Portion of body man should
be specially careful to clean--Effect of mouth and armpit odors.
PREGNANCY
Complete home with children supreme attainment of life--Begetting
children should be deliberate choice by parents--Proper time for
begetting children--Danger of waiting too long to have children--When
first child should be born--At what age of parents should children be
born.
Is coitus wise during pregnancy--How the Art of Love provides for
this time--Passions of women during period of pregnancy--Criminal for
husband to compel coitus upon wife unless desired by her.
CONCLUSION
Book written with purpose of helping lover on towards divine
consummation--Two final instructions--Become master of the Art of
Love--Learn science of Procreation.
About married people who cannot have children--A guide to
happiness--Chief facts of true marriage.
FOREWORD
_To Members of the Medical Profession into Whose Hands This Book May
Come_:
The following pages are more in the nature of a manuscript, or
heart-to-heart talk between those who have mutual confidence in each
other, than of a technical, or strictly scientific treatise of the
subject in hand; and I cannot do better, for all parties concerned,
than to explain, just here in the beginning, how this came about,
and why I have concluded to leave the copy practically as it was
originally written.
In common with nearly all members of our profession who are engaged
in the general practice of medicine, I have had numbers of married men
and women, husbands and wives, patients and otherwise, who have come
to me for counsel and advice regarding matters which pertain to their
sex-life, as that problem presented itself to them personally. As we
all know, many of the most serious and complicated cases we have to
deal with have their origins in these delicate relations which so
often exist among wedded people, of all classes and varieties.
For a number of years I did what I could for these patrons of mine, by
way of confidential talks and the like, my experience in this regard
probably being about on a par with that of my medical brethren who are
engaged in the same kind of work. It is needless to say that I found,
as you have doubtless found under the same conditions, many obstacles
to prevent satisfactory results, by this method of procedure. My
patients were often so reticent, or timid and shame-faced, that it was
frequently difficult to get at the real facts in their cases, and, as
we all know, many of these would, for these and other reasons, conceal
more than they revealed, thereby keeping out of evidence the most
vital and significant items in their individual cases. All these
things, of course, tended to make bad matters worse, or resulted in
nothing that was really worth while.
After some years of this sort of experience, and meditating much on
the situation, I came to the conclusion that a very large percentage
of all this trouble which I and my patrons had to go up against, was
almost entirely the result of ignorance on the part of those who came
to consult me; and because knowledge is always the antidote for not
knowing, I came to the conclusion that, if it were possible to "put
these people wise" where they were now so uninformed, I might at
once save them from a deal of harm and myself from much trouble and
annoyance.
Further than this, I remembered once hearing a wise man say that often
"what cannot be said may be sung"; and I realized that it is equally
true that much which would be awkward, or embarrassing, if said to a
person, face to face, might be got to them in writing with impunity.
This I found to be especially true of my women patients, some of whom
might become suspicious of a wrong intent from the things said in a
private conversation, when they would have no such fears or doubts
if they read the same words from a printed page. It was these
considerations which first suggested to me the writing of the
following pages.
Still other reasons why I did as I did were as follows: You see,
at once, if you stop to think about it, that the writing out of the
knowledge I proposed to impart was really a matter of necessity for
me, because of the _saving of time_ which would thereby be secured. To
get any results that would be worth while in these matters, I would be
required to tell about ever so many things concerning which they were
totally ignorant; and to tell about ever so many things, by word of
mouth, to each individual patient, _takes time_--ever so much time, if
the work is well done, and it had better not be done at all if it is
not well done. So I really was forced to write out what I wanted to
teach these patients of mine.
And let me say further that I was compelled to write these things out
for my people as I have written them, because, in all the range of
literature on this vital subject, I knew of nothing which would tell
them just what it seemed to me they ought to be told, and what they
ought to know.
And so it was that I wrote the manuscript which is now printed in the
following pages. I did not write it at first just as it now stands,
because experience showed me, from time to time, where my first
efforts could be modified and improved. So what is here presented is
the result of many practical demonstrations of the real working value
of what the manuscript contains.
My method of using the copy has been something as follows: As I have
already suggested, what I have written has been prepared for the sole
and express purpose of helping husbands and wives to live sane and
wholesome sex-lives--to give them the requisite knowledge for so
doing; knowledge of themselves and of each other as sexual beings; the
correct ideas regarding such right manner of living; to disabuse their
minds of wrong sex-teaching, or no teaching at all, of ignorance,
or prudery, or carelessness, or lust--in a word, to get to them the
things that all sane married people ought to know, and to help them to
practice these things, to the best of their several abilities.
(Perhaps I ought to say that there is not a line of what I have
written that deals with the subject of venereal diseases, any of
them. This field is already so well covered by a literature especially
devoted to this subject that it needs no word of mine to make it as
satisfactory as possible, as far as discoveries regarding the same
have progressed. My attempt is toward making marriage more of a
success than it now is, under existing conditions; and we all know
that there is a limitless field for exploration and exploitation right
there.)
Speaking somewhat generally, I have found what I have written to be
of special value to two classes of my patrons: First, to the
"newly-weds"; and, second, to those who have been married for a longer
or shorter period, and who "have not got on well together." A word or
two regarding each of these:
It is a wise old saying that "an ounce of prevention is worth a pound
of cure," and in no other experience of life is this so true as in
the ills to which married people are peculiarly subject. Many a newly
wedded couple have wrecked the possibilities of happiness of a life
time on their "honeymoon trip"; and it is a matter of common knowledge
to the members of our profession that the great majority of brides are
practically raped on their entrance into the married relation. Further
than this, we all know that these things are as they are chiefly
because of the ignorance of the parties concerned, rather than because
they deliberately meant to do wrong. They were left to travel, alone
and unguided, over what was to them an unknown way, one that was
beset with pitfalls and precipices, and where dangers lurked in every
forward step they took. It is to these that I have found what I have
written to be a great help at the time of their utmost need; and the
thanks I have received from such parties have been beyond the power of
words to express.
As to just when it is best to put this information into the hands of
young married people, my experience has varied with the personality
of the parties concerned. In some cases I have put the copy into their
hands some time before their marriage; in others, not till some time
thereafter; but, as a rule, I have got the best results by putting the
manuscript into their hands just at the time of their marriage, and in
most of these cases the greatest success has come from their reading
it together during their honeymoon. However, this is a matter on which
I do not care to advise, and regarding which each practitioner must
act to the best of his own judgment.
Once more: Because it is not safe to assume that young married people
are already possessed of the _details_ of the essential knowledge
which they ought to possess, and because such _details_ are the _very
heart_ of the whole matter, I have made these details as simple
and explicit as possible, more so than might seem necessary to the
professional reader. But my experience has proven that I was wise in
this regard, as these very details have saved the day in more than one
case, as the parties who have reported to me, after having read what
I have written, have frequently testified. Sometimes a bride and
groom would keep the copy for a few days only, giving it but a single
reading; but, as a rule, they have been anxious to retain it for some
time, and to read it again and again, especially some parts of it,
till they were well posted on all that it contains. I found, too, that
those who had received help from the reading of the manuscript
were glad to tell others of their friends of the benefits they had
received, and that thus there was a constantly widening circle.
Of course, not all young married people are capable of reading this
book with profit to themselves or anyone else; but many of them are,
and these ought to have the privilege of doing so. Your own good sense
and experience will determine who these latter are, and these you can
favor as they deserve. It is because of this situation that this book
can only be used professionally that it needs the guiding hand of
an expert physician to insure its reaching only those who can be
benefited by its reading.
As to the other class of readers, those who have not got on well
in the marriage relation (and we all know that the name of these is
legion) my experience in getting to them what I have written has been
quite varied; but, on the whole, the results have been good--many
times they have been most excellent. Of course, it is harder to
correct errors than to prevent them; but as most of the errors I have
had to deal with among this class of patients have been made through
ignorance rather than otherwise, I have found that the establishment
of knowledge in the premises has generally brought relief where before
was only suffering and woe.
Another way in which I have found the copy to be of the greatest value
with these cases of unsatisfactory marital relations is the fact that,
often, by the parties _reading the copy together_ they have come to
a mutual understanding by so doing, and have established a _modus
vivendi_ which could not have been attained in any other way. When
such parties see their doctor singly, either of them, a prejudiced
view is very apt to result, and they would seldom, if ever, come
together to consult a physician regarding their troubles. But the
_reading of the book together_ makes a condition of affairs which is
very apt to work out for the best interests of all parties concerned.
Certainly, this is true, that in no case has the reading of the book
made bad matters worse, and in many cases, (indeed in nearly all of
them) it has been of untold value and benefit to the readers.
And because these things are so, because what I have written has
proved its worth in so many cases, I have finally concluded to give
the copy a larger field in which it may be used by other members of
the profession besides myself. I confide it to my fellow-members in
the profession feeling sure that they will use it among their patients
with wisdom and discretion; and my hope is that their so doing may
yield for them and theirs the most excellent results which have come
to me and mine, on these lines, in the years that have gone by.
Perhaps I ought to say that the somewhat unique typography of the
book, the large percentage of italics, and not a few capitalized words
that appear in the pages, comes from a duplication of the copy I have
used with my patients. I wrote the original copy in this way for the
sake of giving special emphasis to special points for my readers,
and the results attained I believe were very largely due to the
typographically emphatic form of the book. Appearing in type in this
way, it gives a sort of personal touch to what is thus presented to
the eye of the reader, and the tendency of this is to establish a
heart-to-heart relation between the author and the reader which could
not be attained in any other way.
All through the copy I have avoided the use of technical words, never
using such a term without explaining its meaning in plain English
in the words that immediately follow it. I found this an absolute
necessity in writing so that the lay reader could understand, in
saying things that would produce results.
I might say, also, that the "Introduction" to the real subject matter
of the book, I found necessary to write as it is largely to get my
readers into a proper _mental attitude_ for a reasonable recognition
and understanding of what follows it. There are so many wrong
teachings and biased ideas in the premises that these had to be
counteracted or removed, to a degree, at least, before the rest of the
copy could be rightly read. My experience is, that the preface, as it
stands, has been the means of putting the readers of the book into a
right mental attitude for its successful study and consideration. For
the good of the cause it is written to serve, and for help to those
who need help in the most sacred and significant affairs of their
lives, may the book go on its way, if not rejoicing in itself, yet
causing rejoicing in the lives and hearts of all who read what its
pages contain.
H.W.L.
SANE SEX LIFE AND SANE SEX LIVING
I
AN EXPLANATORY INTRODUCTION
A pious Christian once said to me: "I find it hard to reconcile sex
with the purity of Providence." He never could understand why God
arranged for sex anyway. Why something else might not have been done.
Why children might not have come in some other fashion.
Look at the harm sex has involved. Most all the deviltry of history
that was not done for money was done for sex. And even the deviltry
that was done and is done for money had, and has sex back of it. Take
sex out of man and you have something worth while. God must have been
short of expedients when God, in sex, conceived sex. It certainly
looks as if the Divine fell down this time. As if infinity was at
the end of its tether. As if the adept creator for once was caught
napping, or for once botched a job.
So we had my pious friend. And we had medievalism. And we had the
ascetics. And heaven knows what else. Too much sex some places. Too
little sex other places. Some people swearing on and some swearing
off. The prostitute giving away that which was meant to be kept.
The virgin keeping that which was meant to be given away. A force
contending with a force. Drawing in opposite directions when they
should be pulling together. Through it all, motherhood misunderstood.
And fatherhood misunderstood. The body cheapened to the soul. And the
soul cheapened to the body. Every child being a slap in the face of
virtue.
Have you ever tried to see what this came from and goes to? This
philosophy of vulgar denial? This philosophy of wallowing surrender?
The Christian stream has been polluted. It has gone dirty in the age
of hush. We are supposed to keep our mouths shut. We are not to give
sex away. We breed youngsters in fatal ignorance. They are always
asking questions. But we don't answer their questions. The church
don't answer them. Nor the state. Nor the schools. Not even mothers
and fathers. Nobody who could answer answers them. But they don't go
unanswered. They get answered. And they get answered wrong instead
of right. They get answered, smutched instead of washed. They get
answered blasphemously instead of reverently. They get answered so
that the body is suspected instead of being trusted.
A boy who knows nothing asks a boy who knows nothing. A girl who knows
nothing asks a girl who knows nothing. From nothing nothing comes. Men
who have been such boys know nothing. Women who have been such girls
know nothing. From nothing nothing comes. They have become familiar
with sex circumstances. They are parents. They have done the best
they knew how. But they never learned sex. They never realized its
fundamentals. They never went back to, or forward to it. They were
lost in a wilderness. They existed without living. They took sex as
they took whiskey. They breathed an atmosphere of hush. They had got
past the ascetics. But they had not got to be men and women. They
didn't refuse sex. But though embracing its privileges, they still
seemed to regard it as something not to be gloried in. The least
said about it the soonest mended. Mothers and fathers would say to
children: "You'll know about it soon enough." Teachers would say:
"Ask your questions at home." Home would say: "What ever started you
thinking about such things?"
The child goes about wondering. What's the matter with sex that
everybody's afraid to talk about it? What's the matter with my body
that I dare not mention it? My body seems very beautiful to me. I like
to look at it. I like to feel it. I like to smell it. But I'm always
hurried into my clothes. My body is so mysteriously precious I must
take care of it. But how am I to take care of it if I don't get
acquainted with it?
I find that having a body has something to do with being a father and
a mother. I want to be a father. I want to be a mother. But how can
I be a father or mother if some one who knows doesn't tell me what
precedes fatherhood and motherhood? I should prepare for it. How can
I if all the books are closed? How can I if I am blanked every time I
express my curiosity? Is there no one anywhere who'll be honest with
me?
If I look at sex right out of my own soul, it seems like something
which God didn't fail with, but succeeded with. Like something not
polluted, but purified. Like something having everything, instead of
only an occasional thing, to do with life. But the world shakes its
head. The world is nasty. But it puts on airs. The world has eaten.
But the world says it's best to starve. Folks will say they've got to
be parents. But they say they will regret it. They say sex is here.
They say we're up against its mandates or its passions. But let's
be as decent as we can with the indecent. Let's not linger on its
margins. Let's not overstay our dissipation. Sex is like eating. Who
would eat if he didn't have to? To say you enjoy a meal is carnal. To
say that you derive some sense of ecstasy from paternal and maternal
desires is a confession of depravity. Sex at the best is a sin.
Sex at the best is like stepping down. That sex might be an ascent.
That sex might be the only means of growth and expansion. You never
suppose that! You only assume perdition. You are afraid to assume
heaven. I may take pride in that which I may abstract from my anatomy.
I must not allude to my body as frankly as to my soul. I must withdraw
my body from the public eye. From discussion. From its instinctive
avowals. Our bodies must be coffined. Treated as dead before they are
born. Regarded as conveniences. Not as essential entities. The body is
only for a little while. The soul is forever. But why is that little
while not as holy as forever? They don't say. They cavalierly settle
the case of the body against itself.
So it goes. Endless vivid portrayals could be made of the anomalous
situation. The more you look at the mess we've got sex into the worse
it seems. _Someone's got to peach._ Someone's got to tell the truth.
In a world of liars who are hushers? In a world of hushers who are
liars? _Someone's got to tell the truth._ Someone's got to give sex
its due. _You can't give spirit its due until you give sex its due._
You can't accept one and cast aside one. They go together. They are
inseparable.
You refer to body and soul as if you knew just where one stops and the
other commences. Maybe neither stops and neither commences. Maybe they
are not two things but two names. Maybe when you put a body into a
grave you put a soul there too. And maybe you put neither there. It's
not so easy to say.
I can't see anything in the things you call spiritual more marvelous
than what you call the physical birth of a baby from a mother. Maybe
you know all about it. I don't. I know nothing about it. To me it's
mysterious. To me it's the supreme demonstration of the spiritual.
How that a baby comes from a man and a woman. I want that kept clean.
It starts clean. Why do we corrupt it? You who disparage it corrupt
it. You ascetics anywhere. You libidinous roues anywhere. You corrupt
it. By your excesses. You who never say yes. You who never say no. You
corrupt it.
You parents. You professors. You prudes. This is addressed to you.
What have you got to say about it? You have tremblingly closed the
question. I would coolly open it. You have rebuked God by silence. I
would praise God by speech.
II
THE ARGUMENT AND THE INFORMATION
No apology is offered for what is said in the following pages, but
a brief explanation is virtually necessary to make clear, from the
outset, the reasons why it has been written.
It is one of the chief characteristics of the human race that
the knowledge acquired by one generation can be passed on to the
generations that follow; and that, in this way, progress in the
betterment of life's results and the adaptation of means to ends can
make a steady and reliable advance.
Such a method of evolution and growth is not possible in the vegetable
or animal kingdom, where _instinct_ is the only means for the
transmission of acquired knowledge. It is this feature that
differentiates man from all other created beings.
But here is a curious fact: In one realm of human experiences, in all
Christian civilized countries, it has been considered wrong, even in
some cases being counted a criminal offense, punishable by fine and
imprisonment, for anyone to make any record of, or transmit to
anyone else, any knowledge that may have been acquired regarding sex
relations in the human family.
To be sure, there has been preserved, from time to time, a body
of _professional_ knowledge of this sort, made and prepared by
physicians, but _confined strictly to that class of people_. No
attempt has been made to disseminate such knowledge among those who
most need it--the common people. On the contrary, every possible
effort is put forth to keep such knowledge from them. This is wholly
at variance with the practice regarding all other forms of human
knowledge, which is to spread, as widely as possible, all known data
that have so far been obtained.
There is not space, in this small volume, for pointing out the reasons
for this anomalous condition of affairs, but the chief cause of its
status, past and present, is grounded on two sources: The first of
these is a brutal selfishness which has come over to modern times from
a savage past; the second is a sort of pious prudery.
The result of these causes has been to make the whole subject of sex
in the human family, with its functions and mission in human affairs,
together with its proper training, discipline and exercise--to make
all these things _tabu_, something to be ashamed of and ignored
as much as possible, and all the knowledge regarding them that one
generation has been permitted to transmit to those who come after, may
be summed up in these words, namely "_Thou shalt not_."
Now it goes without saying that, in the very nature of things, _all_
this is just as bad as it can possibly be. For, of all phenomena with
which the human race has to do, that of the highest importance, so far
as the well-being of the race is concerned, is that which has to do
with sex in men and women. A large percentage of all the physical
ailments in mankind and womenkind arise from errors in sexual life,
and these are but trifles compared with the mental and spiritual
disasters which come upon humanity from the same source. It is
probably true that more than one-half of all the crimes that are
committed in the civilized world are more or less directly connected
with sex affairs, and there is no so common a cause for insanity as
sex aberrations.
And nearly all these ills, crimes and misfortunes arise because of
_ignorance_ in the matter of sex in which the rank and file of the
race are forced to live. Few of these ever acquire any positive and
definite knowledge in the premises, and if they do learn anything
for sure, _they keep it to themselves_, inspired to do so by a false
belief regarding the rightful transmission of such knowledge; or, by
a false modesty, or prudery, they are kept from telling to anyone else
what they have discovered or found to be the truth in these matters.
And so the people stumble along in ignorance of these vital affairs
in life, generation after generation, repeating the errors of their
predecessors, and no positive progress being made as the years go by.
Because of this state of affairs millions of human beings die every
generation, and other millions suffer the tortures of the damned while
they live, when they should enjoy the delights of the elect, and would
do so if they only knew the actual facts in the case, and would act in
accordance with the knowledge that ought to be made theirs.
But there are not wanting signs of the times that there will slowly
come a change in these conditions. The fact is that the intelligent
world is beginning to emerge from a condition of conformity to the
say-so of some one supposed to speak with authority, and to come into
a realm of obedience only to a law that has a scientific basis of
actual knowledge for its foundation.
For untold ages the sex relations of the human family have been
directed and determined by the clergy and by _their_ teachings and
pronunciamentos regarding what was fit and right. There is no need of
saying hard things about such a fact; nevertheless, it is true that,
for the most part, all the dicta of these men have originated amongst
those who knew nothing of the _scientific_ conditions regarding the
subject on which they issue their mandates. So did the blind lead the
blind, and the ditches of the past years are filled to overflowing
with the dead bodies and souls of men and women, who, for this cause,
have fallen therein.
This must not always be! It is neither wise nor right that the
essential matters of human life should always remain a stumbling block
and a rock of offense for the children of men. We are coming to see
that sex is no more unclean and to be denied a scientific knowledge
of, than any other part of the human body--the eye, the ear or
whatsoever. Furthermore, the rank and file are beginning to clamor
for a knowledge of these matters for themselves. This is shown by
the frequency of articles that deal with sex in many of the best
newspapers and magazines in the civilized world, and by similar
discussions in the literature, the works and scientific books that now
go into the hands of the common people. It also shows in the attempts
that are occasionally being made to introduce the subject of sexual
hygiene into our public schools and other educational institutions.
"The world do move!"
It is for these reasons--because it is right to transfer to you and to
those who come after, the sex knowledge that has been acquired by the
author, by reading scientific and professional literature upon the
subject, by conference with men and women who know, and by personal
and professional experience, that what follows is written.
III
THE CORRECT MENTAL ATTITUDE
So much by way of general remarks regarding the subject in hand. It
is more the especial purpose of what follows, however, to treat of the
matter of marriage in particular, _to say something definite to young
husbands and wives that shall be of real benefit to them_, not only by
way of starting them out right in the new and untried way upon which
they have entered, but to help them to make that way a realm
of perpetual and ever increasing joy to both parties concerned,
throughout its entire course, their whole lives long.
Be it said, then, first, that it is the duty of every bride and groom,
before they engage in sexual commerce with each other, to acquaint
themselves thoroughly with the anatomy and physiology of the sex
organs of human beings, both male and female, and to make the
acquirement of such knowledge as dispassionate and matter-of-fact
an affair as though they were studying the nature, construction and
functions of the stomach, or the digestive processes entire, or the
nature and use of any of the other bodily organs. "Clear and clean am
I within and without; clear and clean is every scrap and part of me,
and no part shall be held more sacred or preferred above another. For
divine am I, and all I am, or contain."
Now the normal young man or woman would do just this, would pursue a
study of sex in this way, were it not for the fact that they have
been taught, time out of mind, that to do this is immodest, not to
say indecent or positively wicked. They have longed to be possessed
of such knowledge, all their lives; in most cases more than any other
form of wisdom that it was possible for them to make their own. But
its acquirement has been placed beyond their possible reach, and it
is only by the most clandestine and often nasty means that they have
attained what little they know. But the quotation made in the last
paragraph, sounds the key note of what is _right_ in this matter,
and the first effort made by the reader of these pages should be to
establish in himself or herself the _condition of mind which these
lines embody._
And it had better be said, right here, that for most young people this
will be found to be no _easy_ thing to do. Nor should the reader feel
ashamed or chagrined, or at odds with himself or herself if he or she
finds such condition of affairs existing in his or her case. For it
is nothing for which they are to blame. It is a misfortune and not
a fault. It is only the result of inherited and inculcated (the word
inculcated means _kicked in_) ideas to which all "well bred" youths
have been subjected for centuries; the idea being that the closer they
were kept in the realm of innocence, which is only another name for
ignorance, the better "bred" they are. And to pry one's self loose, to
break or tear one's self away from such a mental view and condition
as heredity and such years of rigorous restraint have developed, is no
small task. Indeed, it often takes months, and sometimes years, wholly
to rid one's self of these deep seated and powerful, wrong views and
prejudices.
Remember this: that _to the pure all things are pure._ But do not
make the mistake of thinking that this much abused sentence means that
purity means _emptiness_! It does no such thing. On the contrary,
it means _fullness_, to _perfection_. It means that one should be
possessed of the right kind of stuff, and that the stuff should be of
supreme quality. So, in studying to obtain a knowledge of sex organs
and sex functions, in the human family, the reader should not try to
divest himself or herself of all sex-passion and desire; but, on the
contrary, to make these of a sort of which he or she can be _proud_,
rather than _ashamed_ of, rejoice in, rather than suffer from.
So, then, let the reader of these lines, first, get a correct _mental
attitude_ toward what is about to be said. Banish all prurient
curiosity, put aside all thought of shame or shock, (these two will
be hardest for young women to overcome, because of their training in
false modesty and prudishness) and endeavor to approach the subject in
a reverent, open-eyed, conscientious spirit, as one who wishes, above
everything else, to know the honest truth in these most essential
matters that pertain to human life. Get into this frame of mind, and
_keep in it_, and what is here written will be read with both pleasure
and profit.
Once more, for we must make haste slowly in these delicate affairs, if
the reader should find himself or herself unduly excited, or perhaps
shocked, while reading some parts of what is here written, so that the
heart beats too fast, or the hand trembles, it may be well to suspend
the reading for a time, divert the mind into other channels for a
while, and resume the reading after one has regained poise and mastery
of one's self. That is, "_keep your head_" while you read these
lessons, and you will be all right.
IV
THE SEX ORGANS
And now, having given these cautionary directions, the way is clear
for the making of definite statements and the giving of positive
instruction.