DEAREST ILMA,--I am in despair! I am very ill, and in bed! Ah! I shall
never dance a quadrille again. I will go into a convent, or marry, or
make away with myself in some other way. Conceive what has happened to
me! Oh! it is too dreadful, too shocking! you never read such a thing
in a romance!
You may have heard that the Hungarian troops marched through here last
week, after the battle of Branyisko; there was the greatest panic and
confusion at the news of their approach; we expected that they would
have set fire to the town, and pillaged, and killed us--indeed, mamma
said there was no knowing what horrors they might commit, and she
desired me to scratch my face with my nails, and disfigure myself, in
case they should wish to carry me off! Did you ever hear such an idea?
Well! ere long the national guards marched in with their bands
playing. Papa went to meet them with a deputation. Our servants all
ran out to see the soldiers, and I could not find mamma anywhere; the
day before, she had never ceased searching for a place to conceal
herself in--never answering me when I called and looked for her; and
if by chance I found her in a wardrobe, or in the clock, she scolded
me severely for discovering her hiding-place.
As I was left quite alone, I thought the best thing I could do was to
lay out the table with every sort of eatable and wine I could find;
that at least these national guards should not eat me, but find
something else prepared for them; and I determined in my own mind to
give them quietly every thing they asked for, and let them see I did
not fear them in the least; and then I waited with the utmost
resignation to hear cries for help through the streets.
At last the sound of spurred footsteps and clinking swords echoed
along the corridor, but no noise or swearing; _au contraire_, a very
polite double knock at the door. In my terror or flurry, however, I
had no power to say, Come in. But do not imagine they broke in the
door with their muskets--not at all, they only repeated the knock, and
waited till I gave permission, in a trembling voice--expecting at
least six dog-faced Tartars to enter, with square heads and skin
caps--beards down to their girdles, and dressed in bears' hides, with
leather sacks over their shoulders, to thrust their plunder into; and
covered all over with pistols and knives, as I have heard mamma
describe them; but conceive my surprise, when, instead of all this,
two young officers walked in; one fair, and the other dark, but very
well dressed, and just like other people.
They wore small fur cloaks across their shoulders, and under this, a
tight-fitting attila--no idea of skins or square heads; indeed, the
dark one was quite a handsome youth.
Their first action was to beg pardon for any inconvenience they might
cause; to which I replied, that I considered it no inconvenience
whatever, and was ready to serve them in any way they wanted.
The dark youth, glancing at the table, could scarcely refrain from a
smile, which embarrassed me extremely, as I thought he must have
supposed I had prepared all this on purpose for him. At last the
other relieved my embarrassment, by thanking me politely for all my
proffered services, and only begged I would show them an apartment
where they could take some rest, as they were very tired, not having
slept in a bed for six weeks, or lain down at all for two days.
Poor creatures! I quite pitied them--not to have slept in a bed for
six weeks!
"Indeed!" I exclaimed, "it must have been very uncomfortable to have
been obliged to sleep on a divan, or even in a camp-bed, for six
entire weeks!"
They both laughed. "On the bare ground--on the snow--under the clear
sky," they replied.
Oh, heavens! even our servants would have died, had they been obliged
to pass one winter's night out of doors.
I begged them to follow me, and showed them our best room, in which
there were two beds. As the servants were all out, I was going to make
down the bed myself.
"Oh, we cannot allow that!" they both exclaimed, "we can do that
ourselves;" and seeing they had need of rest, I bowed, and hastened to
leave them alone.
Scarcely had I reached my own room, when I heard a terrible shriek,
which seemed to proceed from the apartment I had just left, and cries
of "Help! robbers! murder!"
I knew the voice, but in my terror I could not remember who it was,
and still the cries continued, "Help! murder!"
If you can imagine my situation, you may suppose that I never moved
from the spot on which I stood, till the voice, echoing through the
rooms, at last approached my apartment.
It was my dear mamma!--but in what a plight!
Her clothes all crumpled, her cap over her eyes, one of her shoes off,
and her whole face as red as if she had come out of an oven. It was a
long time before I could make out where she had been, or what had
happened to her. Well! only fancy. She had hid in the very room where
I had quartered my two guests, and where, do you think?--in one of the
beds, under all the feather quilts! Now you may imagine the rest, and
the surprise of the national guard officer when he threw himself down
half dead with fatigue. Poor mamma had good reason to cry out; but
what an idea, to hide there!
After much trouble, I calmed her a little, and endeavoured to persuade
her that these national guards had not come to rob or kill us; and,
finally, I succeeded so far, that she promised not to hide again, and
I undertook to explain to the officers, that mamma had the rheumatism,
and was obliged to get under all these feather beds, by way of a
vapour bath!
Meanwhile our guests had scarcely time to fall asleep, when an orderly
arrived, who desired to speak with them.
"You cannot see them at present," I replied--"they are both asleep;
but you may wait, or come again."
"Where are they sleeping?" he asked.
I showed him the room, and without the slightest consideration, as to
whether it was proper to awake them, after being two whole days
without rest, he walked coolly into the room.
I expected they would have immediately cut the man in pieces for
disturbing them, instead of which, in a few minutes, they both
appeared, completely dressed, and followed the orderly, without the
slightest sign of displeasure. The major had sent for them.
How strange this military life must be, how people can submit without
the least resistance! I should be a very bad soldier indeed, for I
always like to know beforehand why I am ordered to do a thing.
In about half an hour the officers returned--no ill-humour or
sleepiness was visible; they did not even return to their rooms; but
asked for mamma and me, and announced to us in very flattering terms,
that the officers' corps had _improviséd_ a ball for that night, to
which we were invited, and then they immediately begged to engage me
for a _française_, a csardas, and a polonaise (there was to be no
waltzing), and I naturally promised everything.
It was our first ball since the Carnival, and they seemed to enjoy the
thoughts of it as much as I did, for they would not hear of sleeping
any more.
Mamma, however, never ceased making every objection and difficulty she
could think of.
"You have no ball dress."
"My white dress, dear mamma; I only wore it once."
"It is old-fashioned."
"A little bow of national ribbon, and you will have the prettiest of
new fashions," interrupted the dark officer.
"But my foot aches," persevered mamma.
"But there is no absolute necessity for your dancing, dear mamma."
The officers did not laugh--out of politeness; and for the same
reason, mamma did not scold me till they had gone away.
"You foolish child," she said angrily, "to rush openly in the face of
danger, and ruin yourself intentionally!"
I thought mamma was afraid I should take cold, as she always was, when
I prepared for a ball; and to calm her fears I reminded her that there
was to be no waltzing. This made her still more angry. "You have no
sense," she exclaimed. "Do you suppose they are giving this ball that
they may dance? not at all! it is all finesse--all a plot of the
national guards, to get the young girls of the town together, when
they will probably seize them, and carry them off to Turkey."
"Ah, mamma! why, officers are not allowed to marry in time of war," I
reminded her, laughing.
On this she scolded me still more, called me a little goose, and told
me I should find out to my cost; and with this threat she left me to
prepare for the ball.
I was busy enough until evening getting everything ready. According to
the officer's advice I wore a broad red-white-green ribbon as a sash,
and my _coiffure_ was a simple bouquet of white and red roses, to
which the green leaves gave the national colour. I never observed
before how well these colours blend.
The two officers waited on us _en pleine parade_, and paid us so many
compliments, I could not imagine how they learnt them all. I was
obliged to laugh, to put off my embarrassment.
"Well, you will see tears will be the end of all this," said mamma;
but nevertheless she continued arranging and altering something or
other about my dress, that if they did carry me away, they should at
least find everything in order.
The officers accompanied us to the ballroom. I was already enjoying
the idea of the effect which my national ribbon and our two beaux
would produce; and, _entre nous_, I could not give up the hope, that
if all the others really had square heads, we should have the only two
round ones in the room!
But great was my mistake and surprise.
There was not one of my companions who had not at least twice as much
national ribbon on her dress as I had; and as to the officers, our two
cavaliers held but the third rank among them.
One was more agreeable, more fascinating, handsomer, livelier than the
other; how is it possible that men like these can shed so much blood!
There was one in particular who attracted my attention--not mine
alone, but everybody's. He was a young captain--his strikingly
handsome face, and tall, graceful figure became the braided attila so
well, it seemed to have been moulded on him.
And then his dancing! with what animation he went through the mazur
and csardas; one could have rushed through the crowd to embrace him--I
do not talk of myself; and, what was more than dancing--more than
compliments, a _je ne sais quoi_ in the large, dark, dreamy eyes; you
cannot imagine _that_, it is not to be described--it bewildered,
inspired, overpowered, and enchanted at the same moment. In less than
an hour, every girl in the room was in love with him. I do not except
myself. If they are as irresistible on the field of battle, I do not
know what could withstand them. Imagine my feelings, when all at once
he stepped up to me and requested the honour of the next quadrille!
Unfortunately, I was engaged. What would I not have given at that
moment, had a courier entered to call away my dancer.
"Perhaps the next one?" said the captain, seating himself beside me.
I do not know what I said, or whether I replied at all; I only know I
felt as I do when flying in a dream.
"But you will forget, perhaps, that you promised me?" he continued.
Had I not suddenly recollected myself, I should probably have told him
that sooner could I forget my existence; however, I only replied, in a
very indifferent tone, that I should not forget.
"But you do not know me!"
A country simpleton would have answered in my place, "Among a
hundred--among thousands! at the first glance!"
Not I! As if I were doing the simplest thing in the world, I took a
single rosebud from my breast and gave it to him. "I shall know you by
this," I said, without betraying the slightest agitation.
The captain silently pressed the rose to his lips; I did not look, but
I _knew_ it. I would not have encountered his eyes at that moment for
all the world.
He then left me and sat down under a mirror opposite; he did not
dance, and seemed absorbed in his own reflections.
Meanwhile two csardas and a polonaise were danced, after which our
quadrille would come. You may conceive how long the time appeared;
these eternal "harom a tanczes" seemed absolutely to have no end. I
never saw people dance so furiously; and although it was the third
night they had not slept, nothing would tire them out. However, I
amused myself pretty well by making the acquaintance of the commander
of the battalion, Major Sch----, who is a most diverting person.
His name is German; and though he speaks Hungarian shockingly, he will
always speak it, even if he is addressed in German or French. Then he
is most dreadfully deaf, and accustomed to such loud-toned
conversation, one would think the cannons were conversing together.
They say he is a very gallant soldier; but his appearance is not
prepossessing--an uncouth, grotesque figure, with a long thin face,
short-cut hair, and a grisly beard, which is not at all becoming. But
the most amusing thing was, that what I spoke he did not hear; and
what he spoke I did not understand. He brought me over a box of
_bonbons_; and I complained of the badness of confectionary in our
town. He probably supposed from my grimace that somebody had offended
me at the ball, and answered something, from which--by the gestures
which accompanied it--I could only infer that he intended cutting the
offender in pieces; unless indeed what others would express under such
circumstances may be the common gesticulation of men who live in war.
At last, my quadrille came. The band played the symphony, and the
dancers hastened to seek their partners.
My heart almost burst from my dress when I saw my dancer approach,
and, bowing low, press the little flower to his heart.
I fear my hand trembled as he took it in his; but I only smiled, and
made some observation about the music.
"Ah, you are carrying off my neighbour!" cried the major, laughing,
with one of his "annihilating" gesticulations.
As we joined the columns, somebody whispered behind us, "What a
well-matched couple!"
Ah, Ilma! how happy I was! I felt, as we stood there, hand in hand, as
if his blood were flowing into mine, and mine into his! We waited for
the music; but before it could begin, the noise of horses' feet were
heard galloping up the street, and, at the same time, several cannons
were fired at a distance, which made all the windows rattle. Suddenly
an officer entered the ballroom, with his csako on his head, and
covered with mud, and announced that the enemy had attacked the
outposts.
The major had heard the cannon, and read from the courier's face what
he could not understand from his words.
"Ah, that's right!" he exclaimed, clapping his hands, and again those
fearful gestures by which people express killing. "We were only
waiting for them, _messieurs_; we must ask our ladies for a few
moments' leave--just a few moments, _mes dames_; we shall return
immediately, and meanwhile you can rest."
And he hastened to put on his sword; all the other officers ran to get
theirs--and I saw the gay, courtly, flattering expressions suddenly
change to angry, fierce, threatening countenances; but one and all
seemed eager to start, as if they had expected it all along.
My dancer, too, forsook me to look for his sword and csako. His step
was the firmest, his eye the keenest of all; if I had hitherto felt
happiness--more than happiness--in looking at him, admiration,
enthusiasm now filled my breast.
As he buckled on his sword, a strange fever seemed to burn in all my
veins; I could have wished to be in the battle with him, to ride
beside him, and dash with him into the midst of the enemy!
He still held my rose in his hand, and, as he took up his csako, he
placed it beside the cockade; and then he turned back, as if he sought
something through the crowd--our eyes met!--he hastened away, and the
ballroom was empty!
Meanwhile we remained alone, as if nothing had happened; the major had
given orders that none should leave the rooms before his return. It
was the longest hour I ever spent.
Many of us stood at the windows listening to the cannon, and trying to
guess the result, as they sounded now nearer, now more distant. None
judged it advisable to go home, as the combat might have ended in the
streets, and they thought it better to await the decision where we
were.
Ere long, the sounds began to recede further and further, till at last
they ceased entirely. The civilians concluded by this that the
national guards had gained the victory. They were right. In less than
a quarter of an hour we heard them return with great noise and
clatter. And the officers entered the room gaily, as if nothing had
happened; many of them wiped something from their dross--perhaps mud
or blood--and each hastened to find and cheer his partner.
"Where did we leave off?" cried one.
"At the quadrille," replied several at once, and began arranging the
columns as if they had just come out of the supper-room. My dancer and
the major were alone absent!
In vain my eyes were fixed on the door--every instant some one
entered, but not the one I sought.
At last the major appeared. He looked round, and when he saw me,
immediately approached, and, making a grotesque bow, without waiting
for me to speak, "Fair lady!" he said, "your dancer entreats your
pardon for this breach of politeness; but he is unable with the best
will to enjoy the happiness of dancing the _française_ with you,
having been shot through the leg, which is obliged to be amputated
above the knee."
Oh, Ilma! I shall never dance a quadrille again.