DOUBTS AND SURMISES.
Gilbert's voice, sharpened by his sudden and mortal fear, recalled Mary
Potter to consciousness. After she had drunk of the cup of water which
he brought, she looked slowly and wearily around the kitchen, as if some
instinct taught her to fix her thoughts on the signs and appliances of
her every-day life, rather than allow them to return to the pang which
had overpowered her. Little by little she recovered her calmness and a
portion of her strength, and at last, noticing her son's anxious face,
she spoke.
“I have frightened you, Gilbert; but there is no occasion for it. I
wasn't rightly prepared for what you had to say--and--and--but, please,
don't let us talk any more about it to-night. Give me a little time to
think--if I _can_ think. I'm afraid it's but a sad home I'm making for
you, and sure it's a sad load I've put upon you, my poor boy! But oh,
try, Gilbert, try to be patient a little while longer,--it can't be for
long,--for I begin to see now that I've worked out my fault, and that
the Lord in Heaven owes me justice!”
She clenched her hands wildly, and rose to her feet. Her steps tottered,
and he sprang to her support.
“Mother,” he said, “let me help you to your room. I'll not speak of
this again; I wouldn't have spoken to-night, if I had mistrusted that it
could give you trouble. Have no fear that I can ever be impatient again;
patience is easy to me now!”
He spoke kindly and cheerfully, registering a vow in his heart that
his lips should henceforth be closed upon the painful theme, until his
mother's release (whatever it was and whenever it might come) should
open them.
But competent as he felt in that moment to bear the delay cheerfully,
and determined as he was to cast no additional weight on his mother's
heart, it was not so easy to compose his thoughts, as he lay in the
dusky, starlit bedroom up-stairs. The events of the day, and
their recent consequences, had moved his strong nature to its very
foundations. A chaos of joy, wonder, doubt, and dread surged through
him. Over and over he recalled the sweet pressure of Martha Deane's lip,
the warm curve of her bosom, the dainty, delicate firmness of her
hand. Was this--could this possession really be his? In his mother's
mysterious secret there lay an element of terror. He could not guess why
the revelation of his fortunate love should agitate her so fearfully,
unless--and the suspicion gave him a shock--her history were in some way
involved with that of Martha Deane.
This thought haunted and perplexed him, continually returning to disturb
the memory of those holy moments in the twilight dell, and to ruffle the
bright current of joy which seemed to gather up and sweep away with
it all the forces of his life. Any fate but to lose her, he said to
himself; let the shadow fall anywhere, except between them! There would
be other troubles, he foresaw,--the opposition of her father; the rage
and hostility of Alfred Barton; possibly, when the story became
known (as it must be in the end), the ill-will or aversion of the
neighborhood. Against all these definite and positive evils, he felt
strong and tolerably courageous, but the Something which evidently
menaced him through his mother made him shrink with a sense of
cowardice.
Hand in hand with this dread he went into the world of sleep. He stood
upon the summit of the hill behind Falconer's farm-house, and saw Martha
beckoning to him from the hill on the other side of the valley. They
stretched and clasped hands through the intervening space; the hills
sank away, and they found themselves suddenly below, on the banks of the
creek. He threw his arms around her, but she drew back, and then he saw
that it was Betsy Lavender, who said: “I am your father--did you never
guess it before?” Down the road came Dr. Deane and his mother, walking
arm in arm; their eyes were fixed on him, but they did not speak. Then
he heard Martha's voice, saying: “Gilbert, why did you tell Alfred
Barton? Nobody must know that I am engaged to both of you.” Betsy
Lavender said: “He can only marry with my consent--Mary Potter has
nothing to do with it.” Martha then came towards him smiling, and said:
“I will not send back your saddle-girth--see, I am wearing it as a
belt!” He took hold of the buckle and drew her nearer; she began to
weep, and they were suddenly standing side by side, in a dark room,
before his dead mother, in her coffin.
This dream, absurd and incoherent as it was, made a strange impression
upon Gilbert's mind. He was not superstitious, but in spite of himself
the idea became rooted in his thoughts that the truth of his own
parentage affected, in some way, some member of the Deane family. He
taxed his memory in vain for words or incidents which might help him to
solve this doubt. Something told him that his obligation to his mother
involved the understanding that he would not even attempt to discover
her secret; but he could not prevent his thoughts from wandering around
it, and making blind guesses as to the vulnerable point.
Among these guesses came one which caused him to shudder; he called it
impossible, incredible, and resolutely barred it from his mind. But with
all his resolution, it only seemed to wait at a little distance, as if
constantly seeking an opportunity to return. What if Dr. Deane were his
own father? In that case Martha would be his half-sister, and the
stain of illegitimacy would rest on her, not on him! There was ruin and
despair in the supposition; but, on the other hand, he asked himself
why should the fact of his love throw his mother into a swoon? Among the
healthy, strong-nerved people of Kennett such a thing as a swoon was of
the rarest occurrence, and it suggested some terrible cause to Gilbert's
mind. It was sometimes hard for him to preserve his predetermined
patient, cheerful demeanor in his mother's presence, but he tried
bravely, and succeeded.
Although the harvest was well over, there was still much work to do on
the farm, in order that the month of October might be appropriated to
hauling,--the last time, Gilbert hoped, that he should be obliged to
resort to this source of profit. Though the price of grain was sure to
decline, on account of the extraordinary harvest, the quantity would
make up for this deficiency. So far, his estimates had been verified. A
good portion of the money was already on hand, and his coveted freedom
from debt in the following spring became now tolerably secure. His
course, in this respect, was in strict accordance with the cautious,
plodding, conscientious habits of the community in which he lived. They
were satisfied to advance steadily and slowly, never establishing a new
mark until the old one had been reached.
Gilbert was impatient to see Martha again, not so much for the delight
of love, as from a sense of the duty which he owed to her. His mother
had not answered his question,--possibly not even heard it,--and he did
not dare to approach her with it again. But so much as he knew might be
revealed to the wife of his heart; of that he was sure. If she could but
share his confidence in his mother's words, and be equally patient to
await the solution, it would give their relation a new sweetness, an
added sanctity and trust.
He made an errand to Fairthorn's at the close of the week, hoping that
chance might befriend him, but almost determined, in any case, to force
an interview. The dread he had trampled down still hung around him,
and it seemed that Martha's presence might dissipate it. Something,
at least, he might learn concerning Dr. Deane's family, and here his
thoughts at once reverted to Miss Betsy Lavender. In her he had the true
friend, the close mouth, the brain crammed with family intelligence!
The Fairthorns were glad to see their “boy,” as the old woman still
called him. Joe and Jake threw their brown legs over the barn-yard fence
and clamored for a ride upon Roger. “Only along the level, t'other side
o' the big hill, Gilbert!” said Joe, whereupon the two boys punched each
other in the sides and nearly smothered with wicked laughter. Gilbert
understood them; he shook his head, and said: “You rascals, I think I
see you doing that again!” But he turned away his face, to conceal a
smile at the recollection.
It was, truly, a wicked trick. The boys had been in the habit of
taking the farm-horses out of the field and riding them up and down the
Unionville road. It was their habit, as soon as they had climbed “the
big hill,” to use stick and voice with great energy, force the animals
into a gallop, and so dash along the level. Very soon, the horses knew
what was expected of them, and whenever they came abreast of the
great chestnut-tree on the top of the hill, they would start off as if
possessed. If any business called Farmer Fairthorn to the Street Road,
or up Marlborough way, Joe and Jake, dancing with delight, would dart
around the barn, gain the wooded hollow, climb the big hill behind the
lime-kiln, and hide themselves under the hedge, at the commencement
of the level road. Here they could watch their father, as his benign,
unsuspecting face came in sight, mounting the hill, either upon the
gray mare, Bonnie, or the brown gelding, Peter. As the horse neared the
chestnut-tree, they fairly shook with eager expectancy--then came the
start, the astonishment of the old man, his frantic “Whoa, there, whoa!”
his hat soaring off on the wind, his short, stout body bouncing in the
saddle, as, half-unseated, he clung with one hand to the mane and the
other to the bridle!--while the wicked boys, after breathlessly watching
him out of sight, rolled over and over on the grass, shrieking and
yelling in a perfect luxury of fun.
Then they knew that a test would come, and prepared themselves to meet
it. When, at dinner, Farmer Fairthorn turned to his wife and said:
“Mammy,” (so he always addressed her) “I don't know what's the matter
with Bonnie; why, she came nigh runnin' off with me!”--Joe, being the
oldest and boldest, would look up in well-affected surprise, and
ask, “Why, how, Daddy?” while Jake would bend down his head and
whimper,--“Somethin' 's got into my eye.” Yet the boys were very
good-hearted fellows, at bottom, and we are sorry that we must chronicle
so many things to their discredit.
Sally Fairthorn met Gilbert in her usual impetuous way. She was glad to
see him, but she could not help saying: “Well, have you got your tongue
yet, Gilbert? Why, you're growing to be as queer as Dick's hat-band! I
don't know any more where to find you, or how to place you; whatever is
the matter?”
“Nothing, Sally,” he answered, with something of his old playfulness,
“nothing except that the pears were very good. How's Mark?”
“Mark!” she exclaimed with a very well assumed sneer. “As if I kept
an account of Mark's comings and goings!” But she could not prevent an
extra color from rising into her face.
“I wish you did, Sally,” Gilbert gravely remarked. “Mark is a fine
fellow, and one of my best friends, and he'd be all the better, if a
smart, sensible girl like yourself would care a little for him.”
There was no answer to this, and Sally, with a hasty “I'll tell mother
you're here!” darted into the house.
Gilbert was careful not to ask many questions during his visit; but
Sally's rattling tongue supplied him with all he would have been likely
to learn, in any case. She had found Martha at home the day before, and
had talked about him, Gilbert. Martha hadn't noticed anything “queer”
in his manner, whereupon she, Sally, had said that Martha was growing
“queer” too; then Martha remarked that--but here Sally found that she
had been talking altogether too fast, so she bit her tongue and blushed
a little. The most important piece of news, however, was that Miss
Lavender was then staying at Dr. Deane's.
On his way to the village, Gilbert chose the readiest and simplest way
of accomplishing his purpose. He would call on Betsy Lavender, and ask
her to arrange her time so that she could visit his mother during his
approaching absence from home. Leaving his horse at the hitching-post in
front of the store, he walked boldly across the road and knocked at Dr.
Deane's door.
The Doctor was absent. Martha and Miss Lavender were in the
sitting-room, and a keen, sweet throb in his blood responded to the
voice that bade him enter.
“Gilbert Potter, I'll be snaked!” exclaimed Miss Lavender, jumping up
with a start that overturned her footstool.
“Well, Gilbert!” and “Well, Martha!” were the only words the lovers
exchanged, on meeting, but their hands were quick to clasp and loath
to loose. Martha Deane was too clear-headed to be often surprised by an
impulse of the heart, but when the latter experience came to her, she
never thought of doubting its justness. She had not been fully, vitally
aware of her love for Gilbert until the day when he declared it, and
now, in memory, the two circumstances seemed to make but one fact. The
warmth, the beauty, the spiritual expansion which accompany love had
since then dawned upon her nature in their true significance. Proudly
and cautiously as she would have guarded her secret from an intrusive
eye, just as frank, tender, and brave was she to reveal every emotion
of her heart to her lover. She was thoroughly penetrated with the
conviction of his truth, of the integral nobility of his manhood; and
these, she felt, were the qualities her heart had unconsciously craved.
Her mind was made up inflexibly; it rejoiced in his companionship,
it trusted in his fidelity, and if she considered conventional
difficulties, it was only to estimate how they could most speedily be
overthrown. Martha Deane was in advance of her age,--or, at least, of
the community in which she lived.
They could only exchange common-places, of course, in Miss Lavender's
presence; and perhaps they were not aware of the gentle, affectionate
way in which they spoke of the weather and similar topics. Miss Lavender
was; her eyes opened widely, then nearly closed with an expression
of superhuman wisdom; she looked out of the window and nodded to the
lilac-bush, then exclaiming in desperate awkwardness: “Goodness me, I
must have a bit o' sage!” made for the garden, with long strides.
Gilbert was too innocent to suspect the artifice--not so Martha. But
while she would have foiled the inference of any other woman, she
accepted Betsy's without the least embarrassment, and took Gilbert's
hand again in her own before the door had fairly closed.
“O Martha!” he cried, “if I could but see you oftener--but for a minute,
every day! But there--I won't be impatient. I've thought of you ever
since, and I ask myself, the first thing when I wake, morning after
morning, is it really true?”
“And I say to myself, every morning, it _is_ true,” she answered. Her
lovely blue eyes smiled upon him with a blissful consent, so gentle and
so perfect, that he would fain have stood thus and spoken no word more.
“Martha,” he said, returning to the thought of his duty, “I have
something to say. You can hear it now. My mother declares that I am her
lawful son, born in wedlock--she gave me her solemn word--but more than
that she will not allow me to ask, saying she's bound for a time, and
something, I don't know what, must happen before she can set herself
right in the eyes of the world. I believe her, Martha, and I want that
you should believe her, for her sake and for mine. I can't make things
clear to you, now, because they're not clear to myself; only, what she
has declared is and must be true! I am not base-born, and it'll be
made manifest, I'm sure; the Lord will open her mouth in his own good
time--and until then, we must wait! Will you wait with me?”
He spoke earnestly and hurriedly, and his communication was so
unexpected that she scarcely comprehended its full import. But for his
sake, she dared not hesitate to answer.
“Can you ask it, Gilbert? Whatever your mother declares to you, must be
true; yet I scarcely understand it.”
“Nor can I! I've wearied my brains, trying to guess why she can't speak,
and what it is that'll give her the liberty at last. I daren't ask her
more--she fainted dead away, the last time.”
“Strange things sometimes happen in this world,” said Martha, with a
grave tenderness, laying her hand upon his arm, “and this seems to be
one of the strangest. I am glad you have told me, Gilbert,--it will make
so much difference to you!”
“So it don't take you from me, Martha,” he groaned, in a return of his
terrible dread.
“Only Death can do that--and then but for a little while.”
Here Miss Betsy Lavender made her appearance, but without the sage.
“How far a body can see, Martha,” she exclaimed, “since the big
gum-tree's been cut down. It lays open the sight o' the road across the
creek, and I seen your father ridin' down the hill, as plain as could
be!”
“Betsy,” said Gilbert, “I wanted to ask you about coming down our way.”
“Our way. Did you? I see your horse hitched over at the store. I've an
arrand,--sewin'-thread and pearl buttons,--and so I'll git my bonnet and
you can tell me on the way.”
The lovers said farewell, and Betsy Lavender accompanied Gilbert,
proposing to walk a little way with him and get the articles on her
return.
“Gilbert Potter,” she said, when they were out of sight and ear-shot of
the village, “I want you to know that I've got eyes in my head. _I_'m a
safe body, as you can see, though it mayn't seem the proper thing in me
to say it, but all other folks isn't, so look out!”
“Betsy!” he exclaimed, “you seem to know everything about everybody--at
least, you know what I am, perhaps better than I do myself; now suppose
I grant you're right, what do you think of it?”
“Think of it? Go 'long!--you know what you want me to say, that there
never was such a pair o' lovyers under the firmament! Let my deeds prove
what I think, say I--for here's a case where deeds is wanted!”
“You can help me, Betsy--you can help me now! Do you know--can you
guess--who was my father?”
“Good Lord!” was her surprised exclamation--“No, I don't, and that's the
fact.”
“Who was Martha Deane's mother?”
“A Blake--Naomi, one o' the Birmingham Blakes, and a nice woman she was,
too. I was at her weddin', and I helped nuss her when Martha was born.”
“Had Dr. Deane been married before?”
“Married before? Well--no!” Here Miss Betsy seemed to be suddenly put
upon her guard. “Not to that extent, I should say. However, it's neither
here nor there. Good lack, boy!” she cried, noticing a deadly paleness
on Gilbert's face--“a-h-h-h, I begin to understand now. Look here,
Gilbert! Git that nonsense out o' y'r head, jist as soon as _you_ can.
There's enough o' trouble ahead, without borrowin' any more out o' y'r
wanderin' wits. I don't deny but what I was holdin' back somethin',
but it's another thing as ever was. I'll speak _you_ clear o' your
misdoubtin's, if that's y'r present bother. You don't feel quite as much
like a live corpse, now, I reckon, hey?”
“O, Betsy!” he said, “if you knew how I have been perplexed, you
wouldn't wonder at my fancies!”
“I can fancy all that, my boy,” she gently answered, “and I'll tell you
another thing, Gilbert--your mother has a heavy secret on her mind, and
I rather guess it concerns your father. No--don't look so eager-like--I
don't know it. All I do know is that you were born in Phildelphy.”
“In Philadelphia! I never heard that.”
“Well--it's neither here nor there. I've had my hands too full to spy
out other people's affairs, but many a thing has come to me in a nateral
way, or half-unbeknown. You can't do better than leave all sich wild
guesses and misdoubtin's to me, that's better able to handle 'em. Not
that I'm a-goin' to preach and declare anything until I know the rights
of it, whatever and wherever. Well, as I was sayin'--for there's Beulah
Green comin' up the road, and you must git your usual face onto you,
though Goodness knows, mine's so crooked, I've often said nothin' short
o' Death'll ever make much change in it--but never mind, I'll go down a
few days to your mother, when you're off, though I don't promise to do
much, except, maybe, cheer her up a bit; but we'll see, and so remember
me to her, and good-bye!”
With these words and a sharp, bony wring of his hand. Bliss Betsy strode
rapidly back to the village. It did not escape Gilbert's eye that,
strongly as she had pronounced against his secret fear, the detection of
it had agitated her. She had spoken hurriedly, and hastened away as if
desiring to avoid further questions. He could not banish the suspicion
that she knew something which might affect his fortune; but she had not
forbidden his love for Martha--she had promised to help him, and that
was a great consolation. His cheerfulness, thenceforth, was not assumed,
and he rejoiced to see a very faint, shadowy reflection of it, at times,
in his mother's face.