UNACCOUNTABLE SYMPATHIES.
Barbara Stafford sat upon the roots of an old oak, that held the edges
of forest turf together, just where they verged into the white sands of
the beach. The woods had been thinned on that portion of the coast, and
the oak stood out almost alone, amid a sea of whortleberry bushes,
ferns, and low-vined blackberries, that covered the sparse soil with
their many-tinted herbage. Behind her loomed the forest; before her
rolled the ocean. The sunshine lay upon both, turning one to sapphires,
the other to shifting emeralds. The sunshine lay everywhere, save in her
own heart--there was unutterably darkened.
I do not say that all this brightness in nature fell around her like a
mockery; for her soul was too heavy even for a thought of external
objects. It is only sudden or light sorrows that shrink and thrill to
outward things. When depression becomes the habit of a life, it weighs
upon the existence, as stagnant waters sleep in a landscape. When they
are disturbed, miasma starts forth, and makes the earth feel that a
weight is forever upon its bosom, whose breath is poison, which no power
can fathom, and brightness can warm.
This great burden lay upon Barbara Stafford. Had the ocean been lashed
with storms, she might have looked upon it in awe, for she was a woman
full of feminine timidity, and only a few weeks before had been snatched
from the waves by the very youth from whom she had just parted. She was
thinking of the youth, but not of the waves from which he had rescued
her--thinking of him with vague yearnings and fond regrets, which seemed
all of human tenderness that gleamed across the desolation of her hopes.
She felt something like joy singing through the dreariness of her life,
whenever the image of this young man presented itself. Why was it? she
asked herself again and again. Were the blossoms of a new love springing
up from her soul, after it had been laid waste for so many years? Had
the ashes of dead hopes fertilized her life afresh, that she should feel
this glow of affection, when the lad spoke or looked into her eyes?
Barbara was no girl to wave these questions with blushes. She knew their
meaning well, and searched her own heart to its depths, as the surgeon
probes a wound. The unnaturalness of this attachment did not startle her
pride as at first; for she was one of those who measure souls by their
capacity, not the years that might have fallen upon them. Still every
sensitive feeling was wounded by the very idea of love, in its broadest
and most beautiful meaning, as connected with this youth. Affection deep
and steadfast, a love that thrilled her with holy impulses, she found;
but nothing that could bring the pure matronly blood warmer to her
cheeks, or cause her frank eyes to turn aside from his glances. The
feelings that she was forced to acknowledge to herself were
inexplicable, for gratitude was never half so tender, love never in a
degree so unselfish. Barbara had never experienced the sweet worship
which a mother feels for a living child, therefore could not judge how
far these sensations approached that most holy feeling; but she knew
that the presence of this strange emotion had filled her with ineffable
content. The hard realities of her condition faded away at the approach
of this young man, and all the gentle sensations of her youth came
softly back across the desert of her life, keeping her soul from the
despair that for a time had threatened it.
She was thinking of the youth, nothing else, though her eyes gazed
wistfully across the sea, and her face was thoughtful, as if she
expected some pleasant approach from the far-off blue of the deep. So,
when footsteps came across the bench, she started, and the wings of a
brooding dove seemed to unfold in her bosom as Norman Lovel approached
and seated himself on a fragment of stone at her feet.
Barbara could not resist the impulse, but laid her hand caressingly on
his head, burying her fingers in the rich waves of his hair.
He looked up, and smiled. This gentle caress was pleasant, after the
coldness with which Elizabeth had driven him from her side.
"How profoundly you were thinking!" he said. "I was almost afraid to
disturb you."
"Yes," answered Barbara, "I was trying to find out what has swept so
much of the darkness from my life within the last hour."
"And did you find a happy conclusion? I hope so, for then I shall think
that some pleasure at my coming was mingled with your thoughts. Oh, dear
lady, you never will know how keenly we felt your loss."
"And yet I am a stranger to you all."
"Some people are never strangers. I feel as if I had known you from the
cradle up--as if my happiness would never be complete if you were away.
The touch of your hand soothes me, and your voice stirs my heart, like
music heard before thought or memory comes. When I am near you, a solemn
gladness quiets me into a very child. Oh, lady, I love you dearly."
Barbara did not start, or change color. This language seemed natural to
her, as the rush of the waves on the beach. She simply bent down and
laid her hand on his forehead. He drew a deep breath and was silent. The
smile upon his lips was like that of an infant Samuel when he prays.
"I have found you at last; you will never, never leave us again!"
"When the ship sails I must go yonder," she answered, pointing seaward.
"To England! Why should you go? Have you friends there more dear than
those you will leave behind?" questioned the youth, anxiously.
"I have no friends there, but many duties," said Barbara, and her voice
trembled painfully. "When I leave these shores, every living being that
I love will be left behind."
"Why go, then? Why abandon those who regard you tenderly, for a land
that contains no friends?"
Barbara turned pale as she looked down into those beautiful, eager eyes.
"Because," she said, extending her hand toward the ocean, "because that
must roll between us and--and this continent, before I can fall into the
heavy rest, which is all I hope or ask for now."
"But why go away? This is a new country; a mind and energy like yours
may find ample scope for exertion here. Become the missionary of
intelligence. We have school-houses, but few teachers. What grand men
and noble women would be given to the world, from a teacher at once so
strong and so gentle."
Barbara smiled a little proudly. The idea of becoming a school-teacher
in one of the colonies had evidently never entered her mind.
Norman saw the smile and blushed.
"You think it a humble means of good," he said, "and are, perhaps,
offended with me for naming it. But Governor Phipps thinks it a calling
of the utmost importance in these settlements. He says that the man, or
woman, who gives wisdom and Christianity to our little ones, holds an
office higher than that of any judge or statesman in the land."
Barbara gazed wistfully in Norman's face, while he was speaking. An
earnest gleam came into her eyes, and her lips began to quiver. Why was
her voice so like a hoarse whisper when she spoke?
"Did--did Governor Phipps speak of me in this connection?"
"No, but when I had been speaking of you, he said it, as if the idea
came with your name."
Barbara shook her head, slowly and mournfully.
"It can never happen. This land holds no corner of rest for me now. Here
is struggle, temptation, bitter soul-strife; there, is rest, that leaden
rest, which comes when there is nothing to hope or fear. Oh, my young
friend, it is a terrible thing, when one reaches the hill-tops of life,
and finds a broad, ashen desert beyond, with a grave on the other side,
which you long to reach, but must not."
"But surely this is not your case, lady?"
"Alas! what else?" she whispered, casting that wistful look seaward
again. "What of joy, or hope, can ever come to me again?"
"And are you so unhappy?" questioned the youth, almost with tears in his
eyes.
"Unhappy! I do not know--but let us talk of other things: this fair girl
Elizabeth."
"Do not speak of her--she wounds me with her coldness, she insults me
with suspicions--let us talk of any thing rather than her."
"But she loves you, for all that."
"I do not believe it!" cried the youth, impetuously: "love does not turn
a maiden into stone, when a true heart appeals to hers. You would not
repulse me one hour, and adore me the next. I am tired of girls!"
Barbara smiled, as if the prattle of an infant had amused her.
"Fiery young heart," she said, laying her hand on his shoulder, "how
little you comprehend the feelings that trouble you!"
"I can only understand how much sweeter your voice is than hers, how
grand your words are, how like heaven the earth seems when you permit me
to rest as I do now at your feet, and look forth on the ocean. With you,
all is rest--with her, excitement, discontent. She does not love me, and
I begin to think that I do not love her."
"Boy, forbear. This is madness. Your heart does not speak out here. Such
impetuosity will end in evil. Check it. Your wild temper belies a noble
nature. Remember Elizabeth Parris is your betrothed wife!"
"I can remember nothing, except that I have offended you," answered the
youth, passionately, "and I would rather die here at your feet."
"Hush," said Barbara, "here comes Samuel Parris. He turns this way. I
will stroll toward the beach, while you converse with him."
"Nay! I will follow you."
Barbara had arisen. The young man started to his feet, and prepared to
walk forward with her. His color rose, and a glow of haughty resentment
came to his forehead as he caught a glimpse of Samuel Parris, who was
walking quickly toward them, while his face lowered with sombre anxiety.
"Stop," cried the old man, lifting his staff. "Move not to the right or
the left, till I have spoken with you both, face to face."
Barbara Stafford drew her proud figure to its height. There was
something too imperative in his command for her humble endurance. At
times, blood, that seemed born of emperors, mantled over that broad
forehead. It rose red and warm now.
Norman Lovel stood by her side, his lips curved, his eyes flashing fire.
The two looked strangely akin in their haughty astonishment, as that
voice of command sought to arrest their footsteps.