NIGHT TALKS
October is come, and among the black glooms of the pine forests flare
out the scarlet branches of the rock-maple, and the beech-groves are all
arrayed in gold, through which the sunlight streams in subdued richness.
October is come with long, bright, hazy days, swathing in purple mists
the rainbow brightness of the forests, and blending the otherwise gaudy
and flaunting colors into wondrous harmonies of splendor. And Moses
Pennel's ship is all built and ready, waiting only a favorable day for
her launching.
And just at this moment Moses is sauntering home from Captain
Kittridge's in company with Sally, for Mara has sent him to bring her to
tea with them. Moses is in high spirits; everything has succeeded to his
wishes; and as the two walk along the high, bold, rocky shore, his eye
glances out to the open ocean, where the sun is setting, and the fresh
wind blowing, and the white sails flying, and already fancies himself a
sea-king, commanding his own place, and going from land to land.
"There hasn't been a more beautiful ship built here these twenty years,"
he says, in triumph.
"Oho, Mr. Conceit," said Sally, "that's only because it's yours
now--your geese are all swans. I wish you could have seen the Typhoon,
that Ben Drummond sailed in--a real handsome fellow he was. What a pity
there aren't more like him!"
"I don't enter on the merits of Ben Drummond's beauty," said Moses; "but
I don't believe the Typhoon was one whit superior to our ship. Besides,
Miss Sally, I thought you were going to take it under your especial
patronage, and let me honor it with your name."
"How absurd you always will be talking about that--why don't you call it
after Mara?"
"After Mara?" said Moses. "I don't want to--it wouldn't be
appropriate--one wants a different kind of girl to name a ship
after--something bold and bright and dashing!"
"Thank you, sir, but I prefer not to have my bold and dashing qualities
immortalized in this way," said Sally; "besides, sir, how do I know that
you wouldn't run me on a rock the very first thing? When I give my name
to a ship, it must have an experienced commander," she added,
maliciously, for she knew that Moses was specially vulnerable on this
point.
"As you please," said Moses, with heightened color. "Allow me to remark
that he who shall ever undertake to command the 'Sally Kittridge' will
have need of all his experience--and then, perhaps, not be able to know
the ways of the craft."
"See him now," said Sally, with a malicious laugh; "we are getting
wrathy, are we?"
"Not I," said Moses; "it would cost altogether too much exertion to get
angry at every teasing thing you choose to say, Miss Sally. By and by I
shall be gone, and then won't your conscience trouble you?"
"My conscience is all easy, so far as you are concerned, sir; your
self-esteem is too deep-rooted to suffer much from my poor little
nips--they produce no more impression than a cat-bird pecking at the
cones of that spruce-tree yonder. Now don't you put your hand where your
heart is supposed to be--there's nobody at home there, you know. There's
Mara coming to meet us;" and Sally bounded forward to meet Mara with all
those demonstrations of extreme delight which young girls are fond of
showering on each other.
"It's such a beautiful evening," said Mara, "and we are all in such good
spirits about Moses's ship, and I told him you must come down and hold
counsel with us as to what was to be done about the launching; and the
name, you know, that is to be decided on--are you going to let it be
called after you?"
"Not I, indeed. I should always be reading in the papers of horrible
accidents that had happened to the 'Sally Kittridge.'"
"Sally has so set her heart on my being unlucky," said Moses, "that I
believe if I make a prosperous voyage, the disappointment would injure
her health."
"She doesn't mean what she says," said Mara; "but I think there are some
objections in a young lady's name being given to a ship."
"Then I suppose, Mara," said Moses, "that you would not have yours
either?"
"I would be glad to accommodate you in anything _but_ that," said Mara,
quietly; but she added, "Why need the ship be named for anybody? A ship
is such a beautiful, graceful thing, it should have a fancy name."
"Well, suggest one," said Moses.
"Don't you remember," said Mara, "one Saturday afternoon, when you and
Sally and I launched your little ship down in the cove after you had
come from your first voyage at the Banks?"
"I do," said Sally. "We called that the Ariel, Mara, after that old torn
play you were so fond of. That's a pretty name for a ship."
"Why not take that?" said Mara.
"I bow to the decree," said Moses. "The Ariel it shall be."
"Yes; and you remember," said Sally, "Mr. Moses here promised at that
time that he would build a ship, and take us two round the world with
him."
Moses's eyes fell upon Mara as Sally said these words with a sort of
sudden earnestness of expression which struck her. He was really feeling
very much about something, under all the bantering disguise of his
demeanor, she said to herself. Could it be that he felt unhappy about
his prospects with Sally? That careless liveliness of hers might wound
him perhaps now, when he felt that he was soon to leave her.
Mara was conscious herself of a deep undercurrent of sadness as the time
approached for the ship to sail that should carry Moses from her, and
she could not but think some such feeling must possess her mind. In vain
she looked into Sally's great Spanish eyes for any signs of a lurking
softness or tenderness concealed under her sparkling vivacity. Sally's
eyes were admirable windows of exactly the right size and color for an
earnest, tender spirit to look out of, but just now there was nobody at
the casement but a slippery elf peering out in tricksy defiance.
When the three arrived at the house, tea was waiting on the table for
them. Mara fancied that Moses looked sad and preoccupied as they sat
down to the tea-table, which Mrs. Pennel had set forth festively, with
the best china and the finest tablecloth and the choicest sweetmeats. In
fact, Moses did feel that sort of tumult and upheaving of the soul which
a young man experiences when the great crisis comes which is to plunge
him into the struggles of manhood. It is a time when he wants sympathy
and is grated upon by uncomprehending merriment, and therefore his
answers to Sally grew brief and even harsh at times, and Mara sometimes
perceived him looking at herself with a singular fixedness of
expression, though he withdrew his eyes whenever she turned hers to look
on him. Like many another little woman, she had fixed a theory about
her friends, into which she was steadily interweaving all the facts she
saw. Sally _must_ love Moses, because she had known her from childhood
as a good and affectionate girl, and it was impossible that she could
have been going on with Moses as she had for the last six months without
loving him. She must evidently have seen that he cared for her; and in
how many ways had she shown that she liked his society and him! But then
evidently she did not understand him, and Mara felt a little womanly
self-pluming on the thought that _she_ knew him so much better. She was
resolved that she would talk with Sally about it, and show her that she
was disappointing Moses and hurting his feelings. Yes, she said to
herself, Sally has a kind heart, and her coquettish desire to conceal
from him the extent of her affection ought now to give way to the
outspoken tenderness of real love.
So Mara pressed Sally with the old-times request to stay and sleep with
her; for these two, the only young girls in so lonely a neighborhood,
had no means of excitement or dissipation beyond this occasional
sleeping together--by which is meant, of course, lying awake all night
talking.
When they were alone together in their chamber, Sally let down her long
black hair, and stood with her back to Mara brushing it. Mara sat
looking out of the window, where the moon was making a wide sheet of
silver-sparkling water. Everything was so quiet that the restless dash
of the tide could be plainly heard. Sally was rattling away with her
usual gayety.
"And so the launching is to come off next Thursday. What shall you
wear?"
"I'm sure I haven't thought," said Mara.
"Well, I shall try and finish my blue merino for the occasion. What fun
it will be! I never was on a ship when it was launched, and I think it
will be something perfectly splendid!"
"But doesn't it sometimes seem sad to think that after all this Moses
will leave us to be gone so long?"
"What do I care?" said Sally, tossing back her long hair as she brushed
it, and then stopping to examine one of her eyelashes.
"Sally dear, you often speak in that way," said Mara, "but really and
seriously, you do yourself great injustice. You could not certainly have
been going on as you have these six months past with a man you did not
care for."
"Well, I do care for him, 'sort o','" said Sally; "but is that any
reason I should break my heart for his going?--that's too much for any
man."
"But, Sally, you _must_ know that Moses loves you."
"I'm not so sure," said Sally, freakishly tossing her head and laughing.
"If he did not," said Mara, "why has he sought you so much, and taken
every opportunity to be with you? I'm sure I've been left here alone
hour after hour, when my only comfort was that it was because my two
best friends loved each other, as I know they must some time love some
one better than they do me."
The most practiced self-control must fail some time, and Mara's voice
faltered on these last words, and she put her hands over her eyes. Sally
turned quickly and looked at her, then giving her hair a sudden fold
round her shoulders, and running to her friend, she kneeled down on the
floor by her, and put her arms round her waist, and looked up into her
face with an air of more gravity than she commonly used.
"Now, Mara, what a wicked, inconsistent fool I have been! Did you feel
lonesome?--did you care? I ought to have seen that; but I'm selfish, I
love admiration, and I love to have some one to flatter me, and run
after me; and so I've been going on and on in this silly way. But I
didn't know you cared--indeed, I didn't--you are such a deep little
thing. Nobody can ever tell what you feel. I never shall forgive myself,
if you have been lonesome, for you are worth five hundred times as much
as I am. You really do love Moses. I don't."
"I do love him as a dear brother," said Mara.
"Dear fiddlestick," said Sally. "Love is love; and when a person loves
all she can, it isn't much use to talk so. I've been a wicked sinner,
that I have. Love? Do you suppose I would bear with Moses Pennel all his
ins and outs and ups and downs, and be always putting him before myself
in everything, as you do? No, I couldn't; I haven't it in me; but you
have. He's a sinner, too, and deserves to get me for a wife. But, Mara,
I have tormented him well--there's some comfort in that."
"It's no comfort to me," said Mara. "I see his heart is set on you--the
happiness of his life depends on you--and that he is pained and hurt
when you give him only cold, trifling words when he needs real true
love. It is a serious thing, dear, to have a strong man set his whole
heart on you. It will do him a great good or a great evil, and you ought
not to make light of it."
"Oh, pshaw, Mara, you don't know these fellows; they are only playing
games with us. If they once catch us, they have no mercy; and for one
here's a child that isn't going to be caught. I can see plain enough
that Moses Pennel has been trying to get me in love with him, but he
doesn't love me. No, he doesn't," said Sally, reflectively. "He only
wants to make a conquest of me, and I'm just the same. I want to make a
conquest of him,--at least I have been wanting to,--but now I see it's a
false, wicked kind of way to do as we've been doing."
"And is it really possible, Sally, that you don't love him?" said Mara,
her large, serious eyes looking into Sally's. "What! be with him so
much,--seem to like him so much,--look at him as I have seen you
do,--and not love him!"
"I can't help my eyes; they will look so," said Sally, hiding her face
in Mara's lap with a sort of coquettish consciousness. "I tell you I've
been silly and wicked; but he's just the same exactly."
"And you have worn his ring all summer?"
"Yes, and he has worn mine; and I have a lock of his hair, and he has a
lock of mine; yet I don't believe he cares for them a bit. Oh, his heart
is safe enough. If he has any, it isn't with me: that I know."
"But if you found it were, Sally? Suppose you found that, after all, you
were the one love and hope of his life; that all he was doing and
thinking was for you; that he was laboring, and toiling, and leaving
home, so that he might some day offer you a heart and home, and be your
best friend for life? Perhaps he dares not tell you how he really does
feel."
"It's no such thing! it's no such thing!" said Sally, lifting up her
head, with her eyes full of tears, which she dashed angrily away. "What
am I crying for? I hate him. I'm glad he's going away. Lately it has
been such a trouble to me to have things go on so. I'm really getting to
dislike him. You are the one he ought to love. Perhaps all this time you
are the one he does love," said Sally, with a sudden energy, as if a new
thought had dawned in her mind.
"Oh, no; he does not even love me as he once did, when we were
children," said Mara. "He is so shut up in himself, so reserved, I know
nothing about what passes in his heart."
"No more does anybody," said Sally. "Moses Pennel isn't one that says
and does things straightforward because he feels so; but he says and
does them to see what _you_ will do. That's his way. Nobody knows why he
has been going on with me as he has. He has had his own reasons,
doubtless, as I have had mine."
"He has admired you very much, Sally," said Mara, "and praised you to me
very warmly. He thinks you are so handsome. I could tell you ever so
many things he has said about you. He knows as I do that you are a more
enterprising, practical sort of body than I am, too. Everybody thinks
you are engaged. I have heard it spoken of everywhere."
"Everybody is mistaken, then, as usual," said Sally. "Perhaps Aunt Roxy
was in the right of it when she said that Moses would never be in love
with anybody but himself."
"Aunt Roxy has always been prejudiced and unjust to Moses," said Mara,
her cheeks flushing. "She never liked him from a child, and she never
can be made to see anything good in him. I know that he has a deep
heart,--a nature that craves affection and sympathy; and it is only
because he is so sensitive that he is so reserved and conceals his
feelings so much. He has a noble, kind heart, and I believe he truly
loves you, Sally; it must be so."
Sally rose from the floor and went on arranging her hair without
speaking. Something seemed to disturb her mind. She bit her lip, and
threw down the brush and comb violently. In the clear depths of the
little square of looking-glass a face looked into hers, whose eyes were
perturbed as if with the shadows of some coming inward storm; the black
brows were knit, and the lips quivered. She drew a long breath and burst
out into a loud laugh.
"What _are_ you laughing at now?" said Mara, who stood in her white
night-dress by the window, with her hair falling in golden waves about
her face.
"Oh, because these fellows are so funny," said Sally; "it's such fun to
see their actions. Come now," she added, turning to Mara, "don't look so
grave and sanctified. It's better to laugh than cry about things, any
time. It's a great deal better to be made hard-hearted like me, and not
care for anybody, than to be like you, for instance. The idea of any
one's being in love is the drollest thing to me. I haven't the least
idea how it feels. I wonder if I ever shall be in love!"
"It will come to you in its time, Sally."
"Oh, yes,--I suppose like the chicken-pox or the whooping cough," said
Sally; "one of the things to be gone through with, and rather
disagreeable while it lasts,--so I hope to put it off as long as
possible."
"Well, come," said Mara, "we must not sit up all night."
After the two girls were nestled into bed and the light out, instead of
the brisk chatter there fell a great silence between them. The full
round moon cast the reflection of the window on the white bed, and the
ever restless moan of the sea became more audible in the fixed
stillness. The two faces, both young and fair, yet so different in their
expression, lay each still on its pillow,--their wide-open eyes gleaming
out in the shadow like mystical gems. Each was breathing softly, as if
afraid of disturbing the other. At last Sally gave an impatient
movement.
"How lonesome the sea sounds in the night," she said. "I wish it would
ever be still."
"I like to hear it," said Mara. "When I was in Boston, for a while I
thought I could not sleep, I used to miss it so much."
There was another silence, which lasted so long that each girl thought
the other asleep, and moved softly, but at a restless movement from
Sally, Mara spoke again.
"Sally,--you asleep?"
"No,--I thought you were."
"I wanted to ask you," said Mara, "did Moses ever say anything to you
about me?--you know I told you how much he said about you."
"Yes; he asked me once if you were engaged to Mr. Adams."
"And what did you tell him?" said Mara, with increasing interest.
"Well, I only plagued him. I sometimes made him think you were, and
sometimes that you were not; and then again, that there was a deep
mystery in hand. But I praised and glorified Mr. Adams, and told him
what a splendid match it would be, and put on any little bits of
embroidery here and there that I could lay hands on. I used to make him
sulky and gloomy for a whole evening sometimes. In that way it was one
of the best weapons I had."
"Sally, what does make you love to tease people so?" said Mara.
"Why, you know the hymn says,--
'Let dogs delight to bark and bite,
For God hath made them so;
Let bears and lions growl and fight,
For 'tis their nature too.'
That's all the account I can give of it."
"But," said Mara, "I never can rest easy a moment when I see I am making
a person uncomfortable."
"Well, I don't tease anybody but the men. I don't tease father or mother
or you,--but men are fair game; they are such thumby, blundering
creatures, and we can confuse them so."
"Take care, Sally, it's playing with edge tools; you may lose your heart
some day in this kind of game."
"Never you fear," said Sally; "but aren't you sleepy?--let's go to
sleep."
Both girls turned their faces resolutely in opposite directions, and
remained for an hour with their large eyes looking out into the moonlit
chamber, like the fixed stars over Harpswell Bay. At last sleep drew
softly down the fringy curtains.