WEDDING. The wedding fee, preferably gold or
clean bills in sealed envelope, is given by the
best man to the officiating clergyman. Custom
leaves the amount to the groom, who
should give at least five dollars or more, in
proportion to his income and social position.
The clergyman usually gives the fee to his
wife.
A fee should also be paid to the sexton and
the organist
FIANCE, MOURNING FOR. In the event of the death
of a woman's betrothed shortly before the
date of the wedding, she may wear black for
a short period or full mourning for a year.
FINGER-BOWL. The fingers should be dipped in the
water and gently rubbed together, and dried
on the napkins.
FIRST CALLS. Newcomers and brides are called upon
first.
After a country visit, the visitor should call
first upon the hostess when the latter returns
to town.
Other things being equal, the younger or
unmarried woman calls first upon the older
or married woman.
A woman returning to town before another
one would make the first call.
If one woman issues her AT HOME card
before another, she should receive the first
call.
FISH should be eaten with a fork held in the right
hand and a piece of bread held in the left hand.
The bones should be removed from the
mouth with the aid of a fork or with the
fingers. If by the latter, great delicacy
should be used.
FLOWER GIRL. The flower girls--one or two, as may
be the case--follow the maid of honor up the
isle and strew flowers in the path of the
bride, who follows after.
In the procession down the isle they should
follow the bride.
Flower girls and pages are not used now
as much as formerly.
FLOWERS. Between friends, flowers may be sent as
an expression of sympathy in either joy or
sorrow.
BIRTH, ANNOUNCEMENT OF. If wishing to send
congratulations after a birth, cards should be
left in person or sent by a messenger. Cut
flowers may be sent with the card.
BRIDE. If she wishes, a bride may present flowers
to her bridesmaids, and also to the best
man and ushers.
CHRISTENING. A christening ceremony offers a
good opportunity for the guests who desire
to present flowers to the mother. This is
not obligatory, however, and must remain a
matter of personal taste.
CONDOLENCE CALLS. When making a condolence
call upon a very intimate friend, cut
flowers may be left in person or sent,
together with a card, unless request has been
made to send none.
DEBUTANTE. Friends should send flowers to a
debutante at a formal tea given in her honor.
ENGAGEMENT. Flowers should accompany the
greetings from the parents of the man to the
parents of the woman.
FUNERALS. See FUNERALS--FLOWERS.
GROOM. He pays for the bridal bouquet carried
by the bride at the wedding ceremony, and, if
he wishes, for the bouquets carried by the
bridesmaids.
MEN. If well acquainted with a debutante's
family, a man may send her flowers at the
time of her debut.
After a slightly intimate acquaintance, a
man can present flowers to a young
unmarried woman as a token of sympathy either of
joy or sorrow.
It is not usual for a man to send flowers to
a woman who is a mere acquaintance.
BALLS. It is permissible for a man, if he wishes,
to send flowers to a woman he is to escort to
a ball.
THEATRE OR OPERA. It is permissible, but not
necessary, for a man to send flowers to the
woman he is to take to the theatre or to the
opera.
WEDDING TRIP. The best man should arrange
beforehand all the details of the trip--such as
the tickets, parlor-car, flowers, baggage, etc.
PALL-BEARERS. See PALL-BEARERS--FLOWERS.
FORK AND KNIFE. See KNIFE AND FORK.
FORMAL AFTERNOON TEAS. See AFTERNOON TEAS (FORMAL).
FORMAL DANCES. See DANCES (FORMAL).
FRUIT. All raw fruit, except melons, berries, and
grapefruit, are eaten with the fingers.
Canned fruits are eaten with a spoon.
FULL DRESS. This phrase is now no longer in good
usage, and instead should be used the term:
"Evening Dress," which SEE.
FUNERALS. A member of the family, or very near
relative, should take charge of the ceremony
and direct the undertaker. A large funeral
should be avoided, and the ceremony confined
to the immediate family and nearest relatives,
and, if possible, the service should be at the
church.
All the details of the funeral should be
carefully considered and carried out, with the
ceremony started at the hour set, and with
all appearance of confusion avoided.
It is not now customary to watch by the
dead at night.
Funerals should be private, and only those
intimately interested should be invited.
CARRIAGES. A carriage should always be
provided to call for the clergyman and to take
him from the church or cemetery back to his
house. Carriages should also be provided to
take the friends, mourners, and pall-bearers
from the house to the church, and then to the
cemetery and return. These are provided by
the family.
DRESS. See FUNERALS--MEN.
EXPENSES. Though it is not customary for
the clergyman in Protestant churches to
expect or to receive fees for conducting funerals,
yet it is in perfectly good taste to offer him a
fee. In the Roman Catholic Church the rate
of fees for funerals is fixed. There are,
besides, fees for the sexton, the organist, and the
singers.
FLOWERS. The family, in publishing notice of
funeral, may add: "Kindly omit flowers."
However, in the absence of such a notice,
at the public funerals of prominent persons
elaborate designs may be sent. But at a
private funeral, if flowers are sent, they
should be choice and delicate.
The custom is growing of having fewer
flowers, and it is no longer in good taste to
have a carriage in the procession carrying
flowers and set pieces. A good use of the
large set pieces is to send them afterward to
the hospitals.
If any flowers are laid upon the grave
they should be those given by the nearest
relatives.
INVITATIONS. A church funeral can be attended
by any one, friend or acquaintance, and no
slight should be felt at the non-receipt of an
invitation. Those attending should take
especial pains to be in the church before the
funeral procession arrives, and that they do
nothing to distract from the solemnity of the
occasion.
Notice of death and date of funeral may be
printed on heavy bordered cards, or on
mourning paper, and sent to friends.
Sometimes a notice is written and sent to most
intimate friends.
MEN--DRESS. A man should wear either a black
frock coat or a black cutaway, with the
necktie, gloves, and other parts of the dress as
subdued as possible. Under no conditions
should light ties or light-colored linen be
worn.
PALL-BEARERS. See PALL-BEARERS.
PRECEDENCE. At a church funeral the parents,
arm in arm, follow the body of their child,
and the children come next in the order of
their age.
A widow, leaning on the arm of her eldest
son, follows the body of her husband, and
the other children come after.
A widower, attended by his eldest daughter
or son, follows the body of his wife, and the
children come after.
The elder children always precede the
younger. The pall-bearers are seated at the
left of the main isle, and the near relatives
at the right.
PUBLIC NOTICE. When the date of the funeral
has been determined upon, notice should be
published in the papers, giving date, place,
and time of funeral--also date of birth and
late place of residence of deceased. Such
announcement may contain notice that
the interment is private, and also the words:
"Kindly omit flowers."
A notice of death and date of funeral may
be printed on heavy bordered cards or mourning
paper, and sent to friends. Sometimes
a notice is written and sent to most intimate
friends.
CHURCH. The pall-bearers and the nearest relatives
meet at the house. At the appointed
hour the procession leaves the house, the
casket borne on the shoulders of the undertaker's
assistants, followed by the pall-bearers,
relatives, and friends.
The same order is followed in the procession
up the aisle, the relatives occupying
the first pews on the right, the pall-bearers
the first pews on the left, of the middle aisle.
At the conclusion of the ceremony the friends
wait until the family and pall-bearers have
left, and then quietly retire.
HOUSE. At a house funeral, some one representing
the family should receive the people
as they enter and direct them where to go,
it being customary for the family and relatives
to be in one room and the friends in
another.
Usually there are no pall-bearers; but if
there are, their duties are the same as at a
church funeral. The clergyman should stand
near the casket, and if there are musicians
they should be so stationed that, while they
are not seen, they are easily heard. At the
conclusion of the ceremony the friends depart,
and thus allow the family and relatives
to take the last leave of the deceased
before they take the carriages for the cemetery.
It is customary for the family to be in
retirement at the hour of the funeral, and
they are the first to enter the carriages.
Those in charge of the house should, after
the funeral party has left, arrange the
apartments to make them as cheerful as possible,
and also provide a substantial meal for
the mourners on their return.