sensible hussy.
VI
HOW THE WHOLE PARISH WAS FRIGHTENED
Who does not know Lady Ducklington, or who does not know that she was
buried at this parish church? Well, I never saw a grander funeral in
all my life; but the money they squandered away would have been better
laid out in little books for children, or in meat, drink, and clothes
for the poor.
All the country round came to see the burying, and it was late before
the corpse was interred. After which, in the night, or rather about
two o'clock in the morning, the bells were heard to jingle in the
steeple, which frightened the people prodigiously, who all thought it
was Lady Ducklington's ghost dancing among the bell ropes. The people
flocked to Will Dobbins, the clerk, and wanted him to go to see what
it was; but William said he was sure it was a ghost, and that he would
not offer to open the door. At length Mr. Long, the rector, hearing
such an uproar in the village, went to the clerk, to know why he did
not go into the church, and see who was there. "I go, sir?" says
William; "why, the ghost would frighten me out of my wits!" Mrs.
Dobbins, too, cried, and laying hold of her husband, said he should
not be eat up by the ghost. "A ghost, you blockhead," says Mr. Long,
in a pet; "did either of you ever see a ghost in a church, or know
anybody that did?" "Yes," says the clerk, "my father did once in the
shape of a windmill, and it walked all around the church in a trice,
with jack boots on, and had a gun by its side, instead of a sword." "A
fine picture of a ghost, truly," says Mr. Long; "give me the key of
the church, you monkey, for I tell you there is no such thing now,
whatever may have been formerly." Then taking the key, he went to the
church, all the people following him. As soon as he had opened the
door, what sort of a ghost do you think appeared? Why, Little
Two-Shoes, who being weary had fallen asleep in one of the pews during
the funeral service, and was shut in all night. She immediately asked
Mr. Long's pardon for the trouble she had given him, told him she had
been locked into the church, and said she should not have rung the
bells, but that she was very cold, and hearing Farmer Boult's man go
whistling by with his horses, she was in hopes he would have gone to
the clerk for the key to let her out.
VII
CONTAINING AN ACCOUNT OF ALL THE SPIRITS OR THINGS SHE SAW IN THE
CHURCH
The people were ashamed to ask Little Madge any questions before Mr.
Long, but as soon as he was gone, they all got round her to satisfy
their curiosity, and desired she would give them a particular account
of all that she had heard or seen.
HER TALE
"I went to the church," said she, "as most of you did last night, to
see the burying, and, being very weary, I sat me down in Mr. Johns's
pew, and fell fast asleep. At eleven of the clock I awoke; which I
believe was in some measure occasioned by the clock's striking, for I
heard it. I started up, and could not at first tell where I was; but
after some time I recollected the funeral, and soon found that I was
shut in the church. It was dismal dark, and I could see nothing; but
while I was standing in the pew, something jumped up upon me behind,
and laid, as I thought, its hands over my shoulders. I own I was a
little afraid at first; however, I considered that I had always been
constant at prayers, and at church, and that I had done nobody any
harm, but had endeavored to do what good I could; and then thought I,
what have I to fear? Yet I kneeled down to say my prayers. As soon as
I was on my knees, something very cold, as cold as marble, ay, as cold
as ice, touched my neck, which made me start, however, I continued my
prayers, and having begged protection from Almighty God, I found my
spirits come, and I was sensible I had nothing to fear; for God
Almighty protects not only all those that are good, but also all those
who endeavor to be good--nothing can withstand the power, and exceed
the goodness of God Almighty. Armed with the confidence of his
protection; I walked down the church aisle, when I heard something
pit, pat, pit, pat, pit, pat, come after me, and something touched my
hand, which seemed as cold as a marble monument. I could not think
what this was, yet I knew that it could not hurt me, and therefore I
made myself easy; but being very cold, and the church being paved with
stones, which were very damp, I felt my way, as well as I could, to
the pulpit; in doing which something rushed by me and almost threw me
down, However, I was not frightened, for I knew that God Almighty
would suffer nothing to hurt me.
"At last I found out the pulpit, and having shut the door, I laid me
down on the mat and cushion to sleep; when something thrust and pulled
the door, as I thought, for admittance, which prevented my going to
sleep. At last it cries, 'Bow, wow, wow;' and I concluded it must be
Mr. Saunderson's dog, which had followed me from their house to
church; so I opened the door, and called Snip, Snip, and the dog
jumped upon me immediately. After this, Snip and I lay down together,
and had a comfortable nap; for when I awoke again it was almost light.
I then walked up and down all the aisles of the church to keep myself
warm; and though I went into the vaults, and trod on Lady
Ducklington's coffin, I saw nothing, and I believe it was owing to the
reason Mr. Long has given you, namely, that there is no such thing to
be seen. As to my part, I would as soon lie all night in a church as
in any other place; and I am sure that any little boy or girl, who is
good and loves God Almighty, and keeps his commandments, may as safely
lie in the church, or the churchyard, as anywhere else, if they take
care not to get cold, for I am sure there are no things either to hurt
or to frighten them; though any one possessed of fear might have taken
Neighbor Saunderson's dog with his cold nose for a ghost; and if they
had not been undeceived, as I was, would never have thought
otherwise." All the company acknowledged the justness of the
observation, and thanked Little Two-Shoes for her advice.
REFLECTION
After this, my dear children, I hope you will not believe any foolish
stories that ignorant, weak, or designing people may tell you about
ghosts; for the tales of ghosts, witches, and fairies are the frolics
of a distempered brain. No wise man ever saw either of them. Little
Margery was not afraid; no, she had good sense, and a good conscience,
which is a cure for all these imaginary evils.
VIII
OF SOMETHING WHICH HAPPENED TO LITTLE MARGERY TWO-SHOES IN A BARN,
MORE DREADFUL THAN THE GHOST IN THE CHURCH; AND HOW SHE RETURNED GOOD
FOR EVIL TO HER ENEMY, SIR TIMOTHY.
Some days after this, a more dreadful accident befell Little Madge.
She happened to be coming late from teaching, when it rained,
thundered, and lightened and therefore she took shelter in a farmer's
barn at a distance from the village. Soon after, the tempest drove in
four thieves, who not seeing such a little creep-mouse girl as
Two-Shoes, lay down on the hay next to her, and began to talk over
their exploits, and to settle plans for future robberies. Little
Margery, on hearing them, covered herself with straw. To be sure she
was frightened, but her good sense taught her that the only security
she had was in keeping herself concealed; therefore she lay very still
and breathed very softly. About four o'clock these wicked people came
to a resolution to break both Sir William Dove's house and Sir Timothy
Gripe's, and by force of arms to carry off all their money, plate, and
jewels; but as it was thought then too late, they all agreed to defer
it till the next night. After laying his scheme, they all set out upon
their pranks, which greatly rejoiced Margery, as it would any other
little girl in her situation. Early in the morning she went to Sir
William, and told him the whole of their conversation. Upon which he
asked her name, then gave her something, and bid her call at his house
the day following. She also went to Sir Timothy, notwithstanding he
had used her so ill, for she knew it was her duty to do good for evil.
As soon as he was informed who she was, he took no notice of her; upon
which she desired to speak to Lady Gripe, and having informed her
ladyship of the affair she went away. This lady had more sense than
her husband which indeed is not a singular case; for instead of
despising Little Margery and her information, she privately set people
to guard the house. The robbers divided themselves, and went about the
time mentioned to both houses, and were surprised by the guards and
taken. Upon examining these wretches (one of which turned evidence),
both Sir William and Sir Timothy found that they owed their lives to
the discovery made by Little Margery; and the first took great notice
of her and would no longer let her lie in a barn; but Sir Timothy only
said that he was ashamed to owe his life to the daughter of one who
was his enemy; so true it is, "That a proud man seldom forgives those
he has injured."
IX
HOW LITTLE MARGERY WAS MADE PRINCIPAL OF A COUNTRY COLLEGE
Mrs. Williams, who kept a college for instructing little gentlemen and
ladies in the science of A, B, C, was at this time very old and
infirm, and wanted to decline this important trust. This being told to
Sir William Dove, who lived in the parish, he sent for Mrs. Williams,
and desired she would examine Little Two-Shoes, and see whether she
was qualified for the office. This was done, and Mrs. Williams made
the following report in her favor, namely, that Little Margery was the
best scholar, and had the best head and the best heart of any one she
had examined. All the country had a great opinion of Mrs. Williams,
and this character gave them also a great opinion of Mrs. Margery, for
so we must now call her.
This Mrs. Margery thought the happiest period of her life; but more
happiness was in store for her. God Almighty heaps up blessings for
all those who love him, and though for a time he may suffer them to be
poor, and distressed, and hide his good purposes from human sight, yet
in the end they are generally crowned with happiness here, and no one
can doubt their being so hereafter.
THE RENOWNED HISTORY OF MRS. MARGERY TWO-SHOES
PART TWO
In the first part of this work the young student has read, and I hope
with pleasure and improvement, the history of this lady, while she was
known and distinguished by the name of LITTLE TWO-SHOES. We are now
come to a period of her life when that name was discarded, and a more
eminent one bestowed upon her; I mean that of MRS. MARGERY TWO-SHOES;
for as she was now president of the A, B, C college, it became
necessary to exalt her in title as in place.
No sooner was she settled in this office, but she laid every possible
scheme to promote the welfare and happiness of all her neighbors, and
especially of her little ones, in whom she took great delight; and all
those whose parents could not afford to pay for their education, she
taught for nothing but the pleasure she had in their company; for you
are to observe that they were very good, or were soon made so by her
good management.
I
OF HER SCHOOL, HER USHERS, OR ASSISTANTS, AND HER MANNER OF TEACHING
We have already informed the reader, that the school where she taught
was that which was before kept by Mrs. Williams. The room was very
large and spacious, and as she knew that nature intended children
should be always in action, she placed her different letters, or
alphabets, all round the school, so that every one was obliged to get
up and fetch a letter, or to spell a word when it came to their turn;
which not only kept them in health, but fixed the letters and points
firmly in their minds.
II
A SCENE OF DISTRESS IN A SCHOOL
It happened one day, when Mrs. Two-Shoes was diverting the children
after dinner, as she usually did, with some innocent games, or
entertaining and instructive stories, that a man arrived with the
melancholy news of Sally Jones's father being thrown from his horse,
and thought past all recovery; nay, the messenger said, that he was
seemingly dying when he came away. Poor Sally was greatly distressed,
as indeed were all in the school, for she dearly loved her father, and
Mrs. Two-Shoes and all her children dearly loved her.
At this instant something was heard to flap at the window, at which
the children were surprised; but Mrs. Margery, knowing what it was,
opened the casement, and drew in a pigeon with a letter.
As soon as he was placed upon the table, he walked up to little Sally,
and dropping the letter, cried "Co, co, coo;" as much as to say,
"There, read it."
"My dear Sally--God Almighty has been very merciful and
restored your papa to us again, who is now so well as to be
able to sit up. I hear you are a good girl, my dear, and I
hope you will never forget to praise the Lord for that his
great goodness and mercy to us. What a sad thing it would
have been if your father had died, and left both you and me,
and little Tommy in distress, and without a friend. Your
father sends his blessing with mine. Be good, my dear child,
and God Almighty will also bless you, whose blessing is above
all things.
"I am, my dear Sally,
"Your affectionate mother,
"MARTHA JONES."
III
OF THE AMAZING SAGACITY AND INSTINCT OF A LITTLE DOG
Soon after this, a very dreadful accident happened in the school. It
was on a Thursday morning, I very well remember, when the children
having learned their lessons soon, she had given them leave to play,
and they were all running about the school, and diverting themselves
with the birds and the lamb; at this time the dog, all of a sudden,
laid hold of his mistress's apron, and endeavored to pull her out of
the school. She was at first surprised; however, she followed him, to
see what he intended. No sooner had he led her back into the garden,
but he ran back, and pulled out one of the children in the same
manner; upon which she ordered them all to leave the school
immediately, and they had not been out five minutes before the top of
the house fell in. What a miraculous deliverance was here! How
gracious! How good was God Almighty to save all these children from
destruction, and to make use of such an instrument as a little
sagacious animal to accomplish his divine will! I should have observed
that, as soon as they were all in the garden, the dog came leaping
round them to express his joy, and when the house was fallen, laid
himself down quietly by his mistress.
Some of the neighbors who saw the school fall, and who were in great
pain for Margery and her little ones, soon spread the news through the
village, and all the parents, terrified for their children, came
crowding in abundance; they had, however, the satisfaction to find
them all safe, and upon their knees with their mistress, giving God
thanks for their happy deliverance.
You are not to wonder, my dear reader, that this little dog should
have more sense than you, or your father, or your grandfather.
Though God Almighty has made man the lord of the creation and endowed
him with reason; yet in many respects he has been altogether as
bountiful to other creatures of his forming. Some of the senses of
other animals are more acute than ours, as we find by daily
experience.
The downfall of the school was a great misfortune to Mrs. Margery; for
she not only lost all her books, but was destitute of a place to teach
in; but Sir William Dove, being informed of this, ordered it to be
built at his own expense, and till that could be done, Farmer Grove
was so kind as to let her have his large hall to teach in.
IV
WHAT HAPPENED AT FARMER GROVE'S, AND HOW SHE GRATIFIED HIM FOR THE USE
OF HIS ROOM
While at Mr. Grove's, which was in the heart of the village, she not
only taught the children in the daytime, but the farmer's servants and
all the neighbors to read and write in the evening; and it was a
constant practice, before they went away, to make them all go to
prayers and sing psalms. By this means the people grew extremely
regular, his servants were always at home instead of being at the
alehouse, and he had more work done than ever. This gave not only Mr.
Grove, but all the neighbors, a high opinion of her good sense and
prudent behavior; and she was so much esteemed that the most of the
differences in the parish were left to her decision; and if a man and
wife quarreled (which sometimes happened in that part of the kingdom),
both parties certainly came to her for advice. Everybody knows that
Martha Wilson was a passionate, scolding jade, and that John her
husband was a surly, ill-tempered fellow. These were one day brought
by the neighbors for Margery to talk to them, when they talked before
her, and were going to blows; but she, stepping between them, thus
addressed the husband: "John," says she, "you are a man, and ought to
have more sense than to fly in a passion at every word that is said
amiss by your wife: and Martha," says she, "you ought to know your
duty better than to say anything to aggravate your husband's
resentment. These frequent quarrels arise from the indulgence of your
violent passions; for I know you both love each other, notwithstanding
what has passed between you. Now, pray tell me, John, and tell me,
Martha, when you have had a quarrel over night, are you not both sorry
for it the next day?" They both declared that they were. "Why, then,"
says she, "I'll tell you how to prevent this for the future, if you
promise to take my advice." They both promised her. "You know," says
she, "that a small spark will set fire to tinder, and that tinder
properly placed will set fire to a house: an angry word is with you as
that spark, for you are both as touchy as tinder, and very often make
your own house too hot to hold you. To prevent this, therefore, and to
live happily for the future, you must solemnly agree, that if one
speaks an angry word, the other will not answer, till he or she has
distinctly called over the alphabet, and the other not reply till he
has told twenty; by this means your passions will be stifled, and
reason will have time to take the rule."
This is the best recipe that was ever given for a married couple to
live in peace. Though John and his wife frequently attempted to
quarrel afterwards, they never could get their passions to a
considerable height; for there was something so droll in thus carrying
on the dispute, that, before they got to the end of the argument, they
saw the absurdity of it, laughed, kissed, and were friends.
V
THE CASE OF MRS. MARGERY
Mrs. Margery was always doing good, and thought she could never
sufficiently gratify those who had done anything to serve her. These
generous sentiments naturally led her to consult the interest of Mr.
Grove, and the rest of her neighbors; and as most of their lands were
meadow, and they depended much on their hay, which had been for many
years greatly damaged by the wet weather, she contrived an instrument
to direct them when to mow their grass with safety, and prevent their
hay being spoiled. They all came to her for advice, and by that means
got in their hay without damage, while most of that in the neighboring
village was spoiled.
This occasioned a very great noise in the country, and so greatly
provoked were the people who resided in the other parishes, that they
absolutely sent old Gaffer Goosecap (a busy fellow in other people's
concerns) to find out evidence against her. The wiseacre happened to
come to her to school, when she was walking about with a raven on one
shoulder, a pigeon on the other, a lark on her hand, and a lamb and a
dog by her side; which indeed made a droll figure, and so surprised
the man that he cried out, "A witch! a witch! a witch!"
Upon this she, laughing, answered, "a conjurer! a conjurer! a
conjurer!" and so they parted; but it did not end thus, for a warrant
was issued out against Mrs. Margery, and she was carried to a meeting
of the justices.
At the meeting, one of the justices who knew little of life, and less
of the law, behaved very idly; and, though nobody was able to prove
anything against her, asked who she could bring to her character. "Who
can you bring against my character, sir?" says she. "There are people
enough who would appear in my defense, were it necessary: but I never
supposed that any one here could be so weak as to believe there was
any such thing as a witch. If I am a witch, this is my charm; and"
(laying a barometer or weather-glass on the table) "it is with this,"
says she, "that I have taught my neighbor to know the state of the
weather." All the company laughed; and Sir William Dove, who was on
the bench, asked her accusers how they could be such fools as to think
there was any such thing as a witch?
After this, Sir William inveighed against the absurd and foolish
notions which the country people had imbibed concerning witches and
witchcraft, and having proved that there was no such thing, but that
all were the effects of folly and ignorance, he gave the court such an
account of Mrs. Margery, and her virtue, good sense, and prudent
behavior, that the gentlemen present were enamored with her, and
returned her public thanks for the great service she had done the
country. One gentleman in particular, I mean Sir Charles Jones, had
conceived such a high opinion of her that he offered her a
considerable sum to take care of his family, and the education of his
daughter, which, however, she refused; but this gentleman sending for
her afterwards, when he had a dangerous fit of illness, she went, and
behaved so prudently in the family, and so tenderly to him and his
daughter, that he would not permit her to leave his house, but soon
after made her proposals of marriage. She was truly sensible of the
honor he intended her, but, though poor, she would not consent to be
made a lady till he had effectually provided for his daughter; for she
told him that power was a dangerous thing to be trusted with, and that
a good man or woman would never throw themselves into the road of
temptation.
All things being settled, and the day fixed, the neighbors came in
crowds to see the wedding; for they were all glad that one who had
been such a good little girl, and was become such a virtuous and good
woman, was going to be made a lady; but just as the clergyman had
opened his book, a gentleman richly dressed ran into the church and
cried, "Stop! stop!" This greatly alarmed the congregation,
particularly the intended bride and bridegroom, whom he first accosted
and desired to speak with them apart. After they had been talking some
little time, the people were greatly surprised to see Sir Charles
stand motionless, and his bride cry and faint away in the stranger's
arms. This seeming grief, however, was only a prelude to a flood of
joy which immediately succeeded; for you must know, gentle reader,
that this gentleman, so richly dressed, was that identical little boy,
whom you before saw in the sailor's habit; in short, it was Mrs.
Margery's brother, who was just come from sea, where he had, after a
desperate engagement, taken a rich prize; and hearing, as soon as he
landed, of his sister's intended wedding, had rode post to see that a
proper settlement was made on her, which she was now entitled to, as
he himself was both able and willing to give her an ample fortune.
They soon returned to the communion table, and were married in tears,
but they were tears of joy.
VI
THE TRUE USE OF RICHES