I was born on April 18, 1648. My parents, particularly my father, was
extremely pious; but to him it was a manner hereditary. Many of his
forefathers were saints.
My mother, in the eighth month, was accidentally frightened, which
caused an abortion. It is generally imagined that a child born in that
month cannot survive. Indeed, I was so excessively ill, immediately
after my birth, that all about me despaired of my life, and were
apprehensive I should die without baptism. Perceiving some signs of
vitality, they ran to acquaint my father, who immediately brought a
priest; but on entering the chamber they were told those symptoms which
had raised their hopes were only expiring struggles, and all was over.
I had no sooner shown signs of life again, than I again relapsed, and
remained so long in an uncertain state, that it was some time before
they could find a proper opportunity to baptize me. I continued very
unhealthy until I was two and a half years old, when they sent me to
the convent of the Ursulines, where I remained a few months.
On my return, my mother neglected to pay due attention to my education.
She was not fond of daughters and abandoned me wholly to the care of
servants. Indeed, I should have suffered severely from their
inattention to me had not an all-watchful Providence been my protector:
for through my liveliness, I met with various accidents. I frequently
fell into a deep vault that held our firewood; however, I always
escaped unhurt.
The Dutchess of Montbason came to the convent of the Benedictines, when
I was about four years old. She had a great friendship for my father,
and obtained his permission that I should go to the same convent. She
took peculiar delight in my sportiveness and certain sweetness in my
external deportment. I became her constant companion.
I was guilty of frequent and dangerous irregularities in this house,
and committed serious faults. I had good examples before me, and being
naturally well inclined, I followed them, when there were none to turn
me aside. I loved to hear God spoken of, to be at church, and to be
dressed in a religious garb. I was told of terrors of Hell which I
imagined was intended to intimidate me as I was exceedingly lively, and
full of a little petulant vivacity which they called wit. The
succeeding night I dreamed of Hell, and though I was so young, time has
never been able to efface the frightful ideas impressed upon my
imagination. All appeared horrible darkness, where souls were punished,
and my place among them was pointed out. At this I wept bitterly, and
cried, "Oh, my God, if Thou wilt have mercy upon me, and spare me yet a
little longer, I will never more offend Thee." And thou didst, O Lord,
in mercy hearken unto my cry, and pour upon me strength and courage to
serve thee, in an uncommon manner for one of my age. I wanted to go
privately to confession, but being little, the mistress of the boarders
carried me to the priest, and stayed with me while I was heard. She was
much astonished when I mentioned that I had suggestions against the
faith, and the confessor began to laugh, and inquire what they were. I
told him that till then I had doubted there was such a place as Hell,
and supposed my mistress had spoken of it merely to make me good, but
now my doubts were all removed. After confession my heart glowed with a
kind of fervor, and at one time I felt a desire to suffer martyrdom.
The good girls of the house, to amuse themselves, and to see how far
this growing fervor would carry me, desired me to prepare for
martyrdom. I found great fervency and delight in prayer, and was
persuaded that this ardor, which was as new as it was pleasing, was a
proof of God's love. This inspired me with such courage and resolution,
that I earnestly besought them to proceed, that I might thereby enter
into His sacred presence, but was there not latent hypocrisy here? Did
I not imagine that it was possible they would not kill me, and that I
would have the merit of martyrdom without suffering it? Indeed, it
appeared there was something of this nature in it. Being placed
kneeling on a cloth spread for the purpose, and seeing behind me a
large sword lifted up which they had prepared to try how far my ardor
would carry me I cried, "Hold! it is not right I should die without
first obtaining my father's permission." I was quickly upbraided with
having said this that I might escape, and that I was no longer a
martyr. I continued long disconsolate, and would receive no comfort;
something inwardly reproved me, for not having embraced that
opportunity of going to Heaven, when it rested altogether on my own
choice.
At my solicitation, and on account of my falling so frequently sick, I
was at length taken home. On my return, my mother having a maid in whom
she placed confidence, left me again to the care of servants. It is a
great fault, of which mothers are guilty, when under pretext of
external devotions, or other engagements, they suffer their daughters
to be absent from them. I forbear not condemning that unjust partiality
with which parents treat some of their children. It is frequently
productive of divisions in families, and even the ruin of some.
Impartiality, by uniting children's hearts together, lays the
foundation of lasting harmony and unanimity.
I would I were able to convince parents, and all who have the care of
youth, of the great attention they require, and how dangerous it is to
let them be for any length of time from under their eye, or to suffer
them to be without some kind of employment. This negligence is the ruin
of multitudes of girls.
How greatly it is to be lamented, that mothers who are inclined to
piety, should pervert even the means of salvation to their
destruction--commit the greatest irregularities while apparently
pursuing that which should produce the most regular and circumspect
conduct.
Thus, because they experience certain gains in prayer, they would be
all day long at church; meanwhile their children are running to
destruction. We glorify God most when we prevent what may offend Him.
What must be the nature of that sacrifice which is the occasion of sin!
God should be served in His own way. Let the devotion of mothers be
regulated so as to prevent their daughters from straying. Treat them as
sisters, not as slaves. Appear pleased with their little amusements.
The children will delight then in the presence of their mothers,
instead of avoiding it. If they find so much happiness with them, they
will not dream of seeking it elsewhere. Mothers frequently deny their
children any liberties. Like birds constantly confined to a cage, they
no sooner find means of escape than off they go, never to return. In
order to render them tame and docile when young, they should be
permitted sometimes to take wing, but as their flight is weak, and
closely watched, it is easy to retake them when they escape. Little
flight gives them the habit of naturally returning to their cage which
becomes an agreeable confinement. I believe young girls should be
treated in a manner something similar to this. Mothers should indulge
them in an innocent liberty, but should never lose sight of them.
To guard the tender minds of children from what is wrong, much care
should be taken to employ them in agreeable and useful matters. They
should not be loaded with food they cannot relish. Milk suited to
babies should be administered to them not strong meat which may so
disgust them, that when they arrive at an age when it would be proper
nourishment, they will not so much as taste it. Every day they should
be obliged to read a little in some good book, spend some time in
prayer, which must be suited rather to stir the affections, than for
meditation. Oh, were this method of education pursued, how speedily
would many irregularities cease! These daughters becoming mothers,
would educate their children as they themselves had been educated.
Parents should also avoid showing the smallest partiality in the
treatment of their children. It begets a secret jealousy and hatred
among them, which frequently augments with time, and even continues
until death. How often do we see some children the idols of the house,
behaving like absolute tyrants, treating their brothers and sisters as
so many slaves according to the example of father and mother. And it
happens many times, that the favorite proves a scourge to the parents
while the poor despised and hated one becomes their consolation and
support.
My mother was very defective in the education of her children. She
suffered me whole days from her presence in company with the servants,
whose conversation and example were particularly hurtful to one of my
disposition. My mother's heart seemed wholly centered in my brother. I
was scarcely ever favored with the smallest instance of her tenderness
or affection. I therefore voluntarily absented myself from her. It is
true, my brother was more amiable than I but the excess of her fondness
for him, made her blind even to my outward good qualities. It served
only to discover my faults, which would have been trifling had proper
care been taken of me.