understand that he thought more than he chose to say, and I was in hopes
that he would not have annoyed us any longer in this manner; but I was
much mistaken. He went on again more violently than before upon the old
woman’s knavery, in an harangue which occupied a long half hour; after
which, he finished by saying, “I return a thousand thanks to Heaven,
that I bear no resemblance to that cursed old hag, and that I am a man
of probity and honour, that I may hold up my head in any part of the
world, without fearing the least reproach from any man. Poor as I am,
nothing of that sort goes on in my house; every thing, thank God, is
here sold for what it really is, and not a cat for a hare, nor a sheep
for a lamb. Let no one give up his mind to cheating others, for he only
cheats himself in the end. He who deals ill must expect ill treatment in
return.”
Happily for the muleteer and myself, our host was obliged to stop here,
from want of breath. I took advantage of this opportunity to ask if he
had any fruit? He answered that he had got some very fine olives. During
the time that he was gone to fetch them, my comrade made an end of the
dish of calf’s brains, which I could not much relish, thinking it too
much like the andouille; but this did not prevent its being entirely
demolished. No hungry wolf ever fed more greedily than the muleteer,
whose appetite seemed never to be appeased; we had been at least an hour
at table, and his appetite seemed to continue as sharp as when we first
sat down. For my part, I relished the olives extremely, which, as well
as the wine, were excellent; as to the bread, though bad enough, it was
much better than what I had met with at dinner.
Such was our supper; and as we intended to set out early the next
morning, we desired our host to get our breakfast ready in time: we then
laid ourselves down on some straw, after having spread thereon some of
our mule furniture, to serve to cover us and keep us warm. The fatigue
of our journey, and the quantity of wine I had drank, made me sleep so
soundly, that though I was bit by the fleas that fed on me all night,
they were not able to rouse me, and I verily believe I should have slept
till the next evening, if the muleteer had not awaked me at break of
day, giving me notice that it was time to think of our departure. I was
soon ready, having only to shake off the bits of straw that were
sticking about my hair; but the fleas had left me in such a condition
that I looked like a young monster, having so disfigured my face that I
might well have been taken for one who had just recovered from the
small-pox; if I had been transported to the market-place of Seville, I
doubt whether any of my friends would have recognized me.
It being Sunday, we began the day by going to mass; after which we
returned to the inn, where my hungry companion had not forgotten to
order breakfast; it was the first thing he thought of after he was up.
“Gentlemen,” said our landlord, “I have stewed you a piece of the same
veal that you supped off last night, and I have taken great pains to
cook it to your satisfaction.” The muleteer, whose mouth watered at this
speech, placed himself at table in a trice, and commenced an attack upon
the ragout, which appeared to him as delicate as peacock’s flesh. For my
part, either because I had no appetite so early in the morning, or that
I had eaten too much supper the preceding night, I did nothing for some
time but look at him, without feeling the least inclination to follow
his example; but finding that he enjoyed it as if it were the finest
dish in the world, and fearing that I might possibly have reason to
repent at dinner of not having partaken of so good a breakfast, I made
an effort to swallow a few mouthfuls; but instead of finding them so
savoury as my companion seemed to fancy them, there was something in
them extremely disagreeable to my palate; as for the seasoning, as our
host had good reasons for being prodigal of his pepper and salt, it
seized hold of the throat, so that I was obliged to give over as soon as
I had tasted it; in addition to which, the flesh was so hard that I
could not help remarking that I thought the meat as tough as leather;
adding, that I did not consider that it had altogether the taste of
veal. “Don’t you see,” said our host, who heard what I said, and who, in
spite of his impudence, could not refrain from blushing a little, “don’t
you see,” said he, “that it has not been kept long enough to be
tender?” The muleteer, who believed what the landlord advanced, or at
least thought that I was too delicate, answered, in a jeering tone of
voice, “that is not the reason;--but our young gentleman of Seville has
always been accustomed to be fed with new laid eggs and cracknels, so
that he finds fault with every thing else.”
I contented myself by shrugging up my shoulders at this bantering of my
comrade’s, and said not a word; not knowing whether I was not actually
too dainty, or, what is more probable, beginning to feel so queer that I
almost fancied myself in the other world. I could not make up my mind to
touch this meat again, but was occupied with numerous thoughts far above
my age. I recollected the passionate behaviour of our host at our
laughter at supper the evening before; the unnecessary oaths that he
made on the occasion; and as a man undoubtedly renders himself
suspected who is anxious to justify himself before he is accused, I
considered that there must be some knavery in the business. When my
imagination was once thus prepossessed against him, the very sight and
smell of his veal ragout quite turned my stomach; so that not being able
to remain much longer, I rose from table, and waited patiently until the
muleteer did the same, which was very shortly afterwards. Although the
piece of veal was such as required a most determined assailant to get
through it, my companion appeared to have made but a slight repast of
it; after which I requested him to get the reckoning of our host, to
ascertain what each had to pay; but he answered me in an obliging
manner, that it was such a trifle that I was not to think of it, for
that he would take care to see it settled.
This generous behaviour from a man of his rank in life surprised me
extremely, or rather charmed me: had I been in different circumstances,
I could not in honour have allowed this man to pay for me; but my purse
was so low, that it did not either become or suit me to refuse his
generosity. I allowed him, therefore, without ceremony, to discharge the
reckoning, and, by way of return, I assisted him in every way in my
power in getting his mules ready for our journey. I would have done
almost any thing for him, so much was I affected by his noble behaviour
towards me.
CHAP. VII.
_The Landlord steals Guzman’s cloak.--A great uproar at the Inn._
To enable myself the better to assist my friend the muleteer in getting
his mules ready for our journey, I threw my cloak off, which I folded
up, and placed on a bench; but, about a quarter of an hour afterwards,
happening to look that way, I perceived that my cloak was no longer
there. This alarmed me at first; but I did not vex myself extremely
about it, thinking that either our host or the muleteer had concealed it
from me for the purpose of amusing themselves by observing the anxiety
it would occasion me.
I could not suspect any one else of having played me this trick, for no
other person had entered the stable, whence my cloak had been taken. I
enquired first of the muleteer, who told me that he never amused himself
in that way. I then addressed myself to our host, who instantly had
recourse to oaths to persuade me that he had no hand in the theft I
complained of. Upon that I determined to search the house for it, and
went over it from top to bottom, without forgetting the least corner in
which it might be secreted, feeling firmly convinced in my own mind that
our host was the one guilty of the theft, whose physiognomy alone
sufficiently justified my presumption.
I came at last, by chance, to a back yard, the door of which I found
some difficulty in opening, and the objects that I perceived there were
sufficient to turn my mind for some minutes from thinking of my cloak. I
observed upon the pavement a large pool of blood that had been but newly
spilt, at the side of which lay the skin of a young mule, spread out,
with the four feet still hanging to it, as well as the ears and head,
which had been opened to take out the brains and the tongue. I beheld
this sight not without horror, and said to myself, “there, there lie the
remains of our excellent veal; it is but proper that my companion should
witness this sight with his own eyes, being at least as much interested
in it as myself.” I ran to the stables where he was, and whispered to
him, that if he would accompany me I would shew him something that would
be well worth his trouble. He followed me to the back court, where I
pointed out to him the remains of the two fine repasts that we had made.
“Well, my friend,” said I, “and what do you say to all this? Do you
still think that I feed upon nothing but fresh eggs and cracknels?
Contemplate with voluptuousness this delicate calf, of which our host
made for us those ragouts which you found so savoury. You now see how
that skilful cook of your’s has regaled us.”
The good muleteer was so ashamed that he had not a word to answer. “This
is, then,” continued I, “the man of probity, who never sells cats for
hares, sheep for lambs; but who, at the same time, makes no scruple of
giving us a mule instead of a calf.” My companion, sad and pensive,
returned to the stable, and I went to look for our host, to speak to him
more stoutly, thinking that, to oblige him to restore my cloak, I had
only to apprise him that I had discovered all his villany, and to
threaten to give notice to the magistrates; for it was prohibited by an
express law, and under heavy penalties, for any person to have a mule in
his possession, the breeding of that animal being unlawful in Andalusia.
Our host had cared but little about observing this law; for having,
about eight days before, had a young mule out of an ass and a little
Gallatian mare, whom he had trusted in the same stable together, he
thought he might safely venture to pass it off upon travellers, who are
generally very hungry, for veal.
I met him at the well in the yard, washing another piece of this
supposed veal, which he endeavoured to hide as soon as he perceived me.
I came up to him with a resolute air, and desired him, in a determined
tone, to return me my cloak, or that I should immediately make my
complaint elsewhere; but at these words, which did not frighten him in
the least, he looked at me disdainfully, called me a little jackanapes,
and threatened to whip me.
The loss of my cloak had not provoked me so much as this behaviour of
his; so that giving myself up to my resentment, without considering the
inequality of our strength, I answered, that he was nothing but a thief
and a knave, and that I dared him to touch me. He appeared stung by my
answer, and made up to me, as if to put his threat in execution; but
without waiting for this giant (for he was one in comparison with
myself), I took up a large stone, and threw it at his head, but
fortunately for him it only just grazed one of his ears. Instead,
however, of closing with me, and crushing me with the weight of his
body, he ran to his chamber, whence he returned in an instant with a
long naked sword in his hand. Far from flying before this bravo, I began
to reproach him in the most abusive terms, upbraiding him as a coward
and poltroon, for not being ashamed to make use of a sword against a
young boy, who had no other weapon than a stone to defend himself with.
All the servants ran out to see what was the matter, and were not a
little frightened to see their master with a drawn sword in his hand. My
comrade, who bore a spite against the scoundrel for the abominable
ragout that he had been made to eat, came up to my assistance with a
pitchfork; so that (the muleteer and I, of the one part, the host, his
wife, children, and servants, of the other) we made such an uproar
between us, that any one passing must have thought there was some
desperate work going forward in the inn. All the neighbours were
alarmed, and came to the house, where they knocked at the door, but,
not waiting for its being opened from within, they broke it open, that
they might the sooner ascertain the cause of the horrid tumult they
heard: then entered a troop of the police, with numerous armed
attendants, and the alcaids; for, on account of the wickedness of the
inhabitants, there were two alcaids in this town of Cantillana.
These two alcaids had no sooner got into the house, with their
followers, than each of them pretended that the cognizance of this
affair belonged to him alone, which formed two parties. The armed
attendants were also divided according to their different interests, and
their division excited a furious dispute amongst them. As the quarrel
grew worse, the noise grew louder, till at last no one could hear
himself speak; the two parties grew so warm, that they no longer
scrupled to betray each other’s feelings, but allowed the most
unpleasing truths to escape them. From these revilings they would
probably have proceeded to blows, if some honest inhabitants of the
town, who had entered the inn at the same time with them, had not
interfered and reconciled them; which being accomplished, God knows how,
nothing remained but to ascertain the cause of our quarrel, and as a
cord always breaks first where it is weakest, they began by seizing
hold of me. I was a stranger, without favour, and without
acquaintance--JUSTICE, therefore, could not fail to begin with me.
Let me, however, give these alcaids their due; for they certainly did
not send me to prison without a hearing. I related to them in a simple
manner the subject of my dispute with our host respecting my cloak; then
taking them apart, I added the story of the mule, informing them, that
they would still find that animal’s skin in the back court, and some
pieces stewing in the kitchen. Upon this last article of my deposition,
my judges forgot all about my cloak, and repaired to the back court,
after having, by way of precaution, seized our host, who did nothing but
laugh, thinking that it was all about the cloak, which no one had seen
him take; but when the mule’s hide and other appurtenances were brought
forward in judgment against him, he became in an instant as pale as a
condemned criminal, and during his examination, confessed even more than
he was accused of; unluckily for me, however, my cloak was the only
subject on which he remained firm; the rascal, from a spirit of revenge,
would not confess he had stolen it.
The alcaids sent this rogue to prison, which gave me some pleasure in
the midst of my troubles; I say in the midst, for I had not yet got over
them. The alcaids’ clerks, a sort of people quite as humane as they are
disinterested, thinking that I was of a good family, and might have a
rich father, recommended the alcaids, in the most christian manner, to
detain me also at all chances. This advice, which was much approved of
by my judges, would certainly have been followed, had not the citizens
who were present opposed so great an injustice, by saying aloud, that if
that were done, I should be punished merely for having done my duty. The
murmurs of these honest men prevailed for this once over the good will
of the officers of justice, who pardoned me through policy.
The muleteer, who had been witness to all that had passed, and was not a
little apprehensive that they would seize his mules and him, whispered
me to leave, as quickly as I was able, this blessed part of the country,
where a man need not think himself badly off if he escaped with the loss
of his cloak only. I approved of his advice; we mounted our beasts in
haste, and rode out of the inn-yard.
CHAP. VIII.
_Guzman and the Muleteer meet with another misfortune._
We were so anxious to get clear of the city, that at our setting out we
spurred on our mules, which was almost unnecessary, for they seemed as
impatient as ourselves, and to have taken an equal aversion to the inn,
fearing perhaps lest they should leave their skins there behind them;
but when we had got a little way into the country, we slackened our pace
again, both keeping a profound silence, and each occupied by his own
thoughts. It was a fine treat to observe the countenance of my friend
the muleteer; all desire for laughing had entirely forsaken him since I
had pointed out to him the remains of the mule, and he dared not
venture to jeer me on our admirable repast, fearing the repartees that I
might have made, as he had eaten at least six times the quantity that I
had, both of the andouille and the brains, and the whole of the
morning’s ragout was still on his stomach; so that, had he thought
proper to rally me again, which, by the bye, was very far from his
thoughts, I could have easily silenced him.
If my companion had cause for disagreeable reflections, I was not more
satisfied with the images that presented themselves to my imagination.
“O Heavens!” said I, “what unlucky star prevailed on me to quit my
mother’s house; no sooner had I left it than every thing became contrary
with me; one misfortune has only been the presage of another: the first
night I was forced to lie down to sleep at a chapel-door, and that
without supper; the next day I had nothing but a chick omelet for
dinner, and in the evening was regaled with several ragouts made of a
mule travestied into veal; at night I was devoured by fleas, which
happily I was not aware of; and to day I had like to have fared equally
well, and what is worse, have lost my cloak; nothing was wanting to
complete my misfortune but that I should have been sent to prison in
company with the man who stole it, and it was not the fault of my judges
that was not the case.”
Whenever I thought of this theft I sighed bitterly, for this loss
afflicted me more than all the other unfortunate occurrences; in fact, I
had more reason to regret it: the stomach may recover itself from the
effects of a bad meal, and an uneasy night may be made amends for by the
following one; but how was the loss of a cloak to be repaired, with so
little money as I had in my pocket? Nevertheless, the evil being without
remedy, I resolved to bear it patiently. I had heard it said, that the
life of man is a compound of happiness and misery, of pleasure and
pain; “if so,” said I, “be comforted, friend Guzman, for you are
assuredly on the brink of some good fortune, since you have as yet met
with nothing but mischances since your departure from Seville.”
Buoyed up by this flattering hope, I was just beginning to recover
myself, when I perceived two men upon mules, who had very much the
appearance of what they really were, riding up at a quick trot behind
us, who having come up to us, examined us attentively, as if they were
looking for some one who very much resembled me. Their very looks were
enough to make me uneasy; the holy Brotherhood, of which they had the
honour to be members, probably had not any among them of a more terrific
appearance. They looked earnestly at me, and as I appeared rather
surprised, and even a little alarmed, they leapt from their mules
without wanting any further proof, and falling upon me both together,
they threw me from my mule to the ground, then seizing me by the arm,
one of them said, “Ah! Mr. Rogue, have we caught you at last? come,
little wretch, give up the money; give up the jewels that you have
stolen, or we will immediately hang you up on the tree that you see a
few paces off.” At these words, they set to and pulled and cuffed me
about so unmercifully that it was in vain for me to attempt to defend
myself.
The good-natured muleteer, touched with compassion to see me so cruelly
treated, represented to them that they were certainly mistaken in me;
but he was but ill-paid for his remonstrance, for they turned upon him,
and when they were tired of thumping him, accused him of being the
receiver of the goods I had stolen, and seized both him and his mules,
asking him how he had disposed of the money and jewels; and as he could
answer them in no other manner than that he was entirely ignorant of
what money and jewels they alluded to, a fresh shower of blows fell upon
him without mercy. I must confess here my bad disposition; I could not
help feeling a malignant satisfaction in seeing this poor devil, upon
whom I had brought this ill-luck, so unmercifully banged; for it was to
him that I attributed the loss of my cloak, and our infernal repast at
supper. After having well pummelled us both, they rummaged out our
pockets, and searched us carefully; and not finding what they were in
search of, they bound our hands with cords, designing to conduct us in
this state to Seville. We were already leashed together like greyhounds,
when one of the constables who had bound my hands, said with surprise to
his companion: “God forgive me, comrade, but I think that we have been
too precipitate, and are deceived; the fellow that we are in pursuit of
has no thumb on his left hand, and this chap has all his fingers
perfect.” The constable hearing this, drew forth his instructions, and
read them aloud. The thief was there described in a manner very
different from my appearance; for besides that he wanted a thumb, it was
there stated that he was nineteen or twenty years of age, and had long
black hair falling over his back like a horse’s tail; instead of which,
no one could take me to be more than fourteen, and my hair was very
short, of a reddish colour, and much curled. Finding, therefore, that
they had made a mistake, they unbound us, and taking possession of a few
reals, by way of fee, which the muleteer had in his pocket, they
apologized to us by laughing in our faces, and remounted their mules,
leaving us all covered with bruises, particularly my friend the
muleteer, whose thick built, robust shoulders, had been less spared than
mine. To make amends, my mouth was full of blood, and almost all my
teeth loosened by the several fisty-cuffs I had received.
This did not prevent us, however, from getting upon our mules again, and
continuing our route; but in as sorrowful a plight as any one would have
done on such an occasion. When we had got within a quarter of a league
from the village del Pédoro, we perceived and soon joined the two
friars, who were walking on slowly, waiting till we came up.
I related to them the cause of our delay; for the muleteer was in such a
condition that he had not courage to speak a word. These good men much
pitied us: the last adventure appeared to them the most distressing, and
one of these gentlemen took occasion to say: “God keep every honest man
from three _Holies_ that are at this time in Spain; viz. _the holy
Inquisition, the holy Brotherhood, and the holy Crusado_. Especially, if
he be innocent, God keep him from the _holy Brotherhood_: there may be
some hope of justice with the two others, but all that can be said in
favour of this latter is, happy are they who do not fall into its
hands.”
The friar who had treated me with a sermon the day before, and who was
quite upon the itch to be preaching again, managed to turn the
conversation upon the vanities of the world, that he might take the
opportunity of informing us we could look for none but false pleasures
in this world, and that true pleasure is in heaven, where only it is to
be found; that even such diversions as promise the greatest possible
pleasure, are sure to be either accompanied or followed by some
mortification or other. “Have you any objection,” added he, addressing
himself to his comrade, “that I should relate to you a fable on this
subject, which I think well worthy to be listened to? you will not be
sorry to hear it.” At the same time, without waiting for his
companion’s answer, he began in these words.
“Jupiter, not content with having created all things on earth for man,
through an excess of love for them, sent the God of Pleasure, in early
times, to reside here below, solely to make them joyful. But man, and
more especially woman, attaching themselves to this new deity, whose
attractions completely charmed them, resolved to look up to him only as
their divinity; they believed that he was able to gratify all their
wishes: thus, thinking that they could dispense with all the other Gods
in Heaven, they began to forget them: no prayers, sacrifices, or
victims, were offered up to any but the God of Pleasure. Jupiter, being
the one most offended, felt this ingratitude of his creatures so
sensibly, that he considered he ought to avenge himself on them, and
called a council of the immortals to consult with them, fearing that he
might be accused of having listened to nothing but his anger.