Oh! lawk; oh! dear; oh! crimeny me; what a downright sin and a shame,
To try to put down old Bartlemy Fair! I don't know who's to blame:
Whether it's the west-end nobs, or the city folks—confound 'em! I could
cry with vexation;
But this I will say, if it's the latter, they ain't fit for their
city-wation.
What is to become of all us poor showmen, as has embarked every penny
we've got,
In learned pigs, and crocodiles, and sheep with two heads, and wax
Thurtells, and what not?
It's werry unfair to make us an exception to the general rule of the
nation;
You orts to consider our wested rights, as free-born Britons, and allow
us "a compensation."
When you stopp'd the rich West Indy merchants from dealing in poor
African niggers,
You allowed them twenty millions of money; and, surely, showing a few
hinnocent wax figgers
Aint worse than stealing one's black feller creturs, and carrying 'em
off, and treating 'em worse than swine;
And, let me tell you, a lamb with two tails is much more preferabler
than a cat with nine.
Oh! dear; oh! dear; what is to become of us all, from Mr. Wombwell down
to the penny peeps?
We're wuss off than the poor silenced muffin-men, or the poor
unfortynat forbid-to-go-up-the-chimbly sweeps!
It's fine talking, taking to other businesses; and going out as lackeys
and servants, ifegs!
Who, d'ye think, would take, as lady's maid or nurs'ry governess, poor
Miss Biffin, without either arms or legs?
And what great duchess or countess would like to have walking behind
her, in Regent Street,
With a powder'd head and long cane, poor Thomas Short, the Lincolnshire
dwarf, as measures only three feet?
Or what gentleman in the Park, driving his cab on a Sunday afternoon,
would choose
For his tiger, stuck up behind in top-boots and white gloves, the
Nottingham youth, as stands 7 foot 3 in his shoes?
To say nothing of the indignity of the thing: for how is a man to go to
submit to come down,
From being a Royal Red-Indian Prince, to nothing but a poor
common-day-labouring clown?
And the Siamese twins, oh! Gemini, they might advertise in the _Times_
for a cent'ry,
Before any merchant would take them into his counting-house, to keep
his books by double entry.
And now Mister Bunn's given up Drury Lane to Mister Musard and his
French and German crew,
What is the dancing elephant, and the performing lion, and the acting
horses and dromedaries to do?
And the poor Albanians, with their red eyes and long hair so flowing
and white?
By Jove, such news as this is enough to make every inch of it turn grey
in a night.
And the Indian juggler, poor fellow! neat as imported from the coast of
Delhi,—
He may swallow swords and daggers long enough before he's able to fill
his belly!
We've all our ups and downs in this world, it's said—or, at least, used
to be;
But "Marshall Mayor" wont leave so much as a poor single Up-and-down
for we.
And one thing I must take the liberty to say, I don't see why the poor
people's fairs
Should be put down and done away with, while the rich _Fancy_ people
are allowed to keep up theirs;
And as for the morality, it does seem rather funny to shut up Bartlemy
Fair o' Mondays,
While they keep open their genteel wild-beast-show in the Regency Park
o' Sundays,
Our booths are our homes; and we've nowhere to go to when these are
taken,
They must recollect that the Learned Pig ain't a lord, like the Learned
Bacon.
The learned pig may carry himself off to Newgate market—it is but just
over the way,
And the alligator may indulge himself shedding crocodile tears for ever
and a day:
The elephant may pack up his trunk; for Smithfield he must abandon:
And the mare with seven feet may cut her stick, for she hasn't a leg to
stand on:
The wonderful calf with two heads had better pack up his traps and
begone;
For the Lord Mayor hasn't no fellow-feeling only for calves with one.
The pelican had better go and peck his bowsum somewhere else, and not
stop here in such distress,
A-bringing up his four little ones (with a drop of blood a-piece) to be
only pelicans of the wilderness:
The industrious fleas may hop the twig as soon as they like, for one
thing is very clear,
If they ain't off of their own accord, the Lord Mayor will soon _help_
'em off with a flea in their ear!
As for myself, I've made up my mind what to do; though, of course, I
can't quite keep down my sensations,
In parting with a hanimal which I have so long looked on almost as one
of my own relations;
But I shall sell my GIGANTIC DURHAM HEIFER (and so put an end to their
noises and rows),
And then—as the next nearest trade—I shall take to Waccination, and go
and live at Cowes!