JANUARY 15.—A tradesman at the West End was thrown into convulsions, by
the surprise of receiving payment of a Christmas bill!
FEBRUARY 9.—An elderly "Signer of Fives," who has, for thirty years
past, walked from Walworth to the Bank, without picking up one new idea
by the way, hearing that a deputation of paper-makers had applied to Mr.
Murphy for a little more rain to make their wheels go round, exclaimed,
"Don't tell me, they never can need it; have I not wanted my umbrella
every morning for above a week?"
MARCH 15.—The City Forensic Club applied to the Court of Aldermen for a
contribution; the grant was opposed by one of the Court, on the ground
that they could have nothing to spare for any Foreign-sick Society while
there was so much illness at home.
The same gentleman thought it his duty to inform the Court, that there
was a report on 'Change of an alarming rise in Sperma-City. He said he
had been taken from school so long ago, that he had forgotten its
locality, and requested the Remembrancer to remind him. That learned
gentleman, after referring to a map, said he could not exactly find the
place, but he believed it was somewhere in Wales.
APRIL 1.—At the annual meeting of the Humane Society, medals were
offered for the quickest method of putting disappointed authors out of
their misery—for the means of supplying aldermen, at city feasts, with
hot dinners, and—for the best plan for relieving the baronets from the
agonies they are suffering, on account of their neglected claims.
MAY 15.—_Legacy extraordinary._—A poor old woman, living at Clapham, a
few weeks ago, was given over by the doctor. Her only anxiety was for
her grandson, a scapegrace lad whom she had brought up, and of whom she
was the only relative. He had been placed under the care of a
neighbouring waggoner, and the man was sent for. "Thomas," said the old
woman, "I feel that I'm not long here, and I fear for Dick when I'm
gone. He's a wild lad, and I've nothing to leave him, but I hope you'll
look after him,"—the man nodded assent,—"and try to make a good lad of
him,"—nod—"and do your duty by him,"—nod again,—"and now and then _do
give him a cut or two_!" The authorities at Somerset House have not yet
been troubled to fix the duty payable on this bequest.
JUNE 15.—The following advertisement having appeared in the daily
papers, "FOUND—The wig and gown of a barrister _unknown_," the place of
reference was next day blocked up with applicants answering the
description.
JULY 21.—Lord Durham, in the midst of the cares of his government, has
not been unmindful of the promotion of science. Among other of his
original projects was one for exporting Canada geese, and domesticating
them in the Bermudas. It was discovered, however, that the attempt was
not likely to succeed, since his Lordship, though he might send them,
could not make them stay there.
AUGUST 9.—The recent default in Clerkenwell parish has been the cause of
the following notice on the Church doors:—"The inhabitants are requested
to remember when their taxes were collected, or they will be
recollected."
OCTOBER 1.—The Greenwich Pensioners who have lost their legs, this day
presented a petition to the Commissioners of Woods and Forests praying
to be re-membered.
NOVEMBER 15.—The Linendrapers' Shopmen held a public meeting to agitate
for earlier hours. Some of the masters, who attended, manifested a very
unaccommodating spirit, and seemed inclined to subject their complaint
to that dangerous system of treatment, _counter-irritation_.
DECEMBER 7.—Lord Durham safely arrived at his house in Cleveland Row
this day. We can vouch for the accuracy of the following particulars.
His Lordship, as he alighted, was observed to look up and down the
street, in an impressive manner, and nodded his head significantly to
the porter who stood to receive him—there seemed to be something in it.
His Lordship passed rapidly through the hall, upstairs, and shortly
after his dressing-room bell was heard to ring. Our reporter, who was
stationed at the window of the opposite house, was not able to ascertain
who answered it, but he observed servants pass out in various
directions, and one of them, by his anxious looks, seemed to manifest
peculiar solicitude. Soon afterwards, a butcher's boy presented himself
at the area, with a tray containing three mutton chops; he received some
communication from within, and disappeared rapidly, but shortly
returned, bearing a leg of mutton. No movement of importance being
observed for the next seven minutes, our reporter withdrew to the
nearest public-house for refreshment, and had scarcely taken his seat,
when a servant, in his Lordship's livery, entered, and whispered to the
man at the bar. The words were not heard, but the pot-boy was observed
to leave the house in great haste, having in his tray three pints of
half-and-half. It was rumoured in the private public room, where our
reporter was making his notes, that his Lordship's return was not
attributable to political causes solely, but to the dread of a Canadian
winter; for that, though he was amply furnished with warm feather beds,
he had been disappointed in receiving a supply of _bolsters_ from home.—
[_Intended for a Morning Paper._]
The principal novel publishers at the West End announce that, in the
course of the ensuing season, they will publish a great many fictions on
reduced terms. These will all be derived from the most authentic sources
of information, arrangements having been made with several retired
lady's-maids for original communications, and the contents of all
slop-pails, sent under cover, will be considered confidential, and used
with discretion. Gentlemen's gentlemen, who have dismissed their
masters, and are of a literary turn, will meet with every encouragement.
The Marquis of Waterford is preparing for publication a new edition of
Wild Sports of the West, with original illustrations.
Early in the new year will be published,