After my papa's death, as he left me no money, and only a little land, I
put my estate into an auctioneer's hands, and determined to amuse my
solitude with a trip to some of our fashionable watering-places. My
house was now a desert to me. I need not say how the departure of my
dear parent, and her children, left me sad and lonely.
Well, I had a little ready money, and, for the estate, expected a couple
of thousand pounds. I had a good military-looking person; for though I
had absolutely cut the old North-Bungays (indeed, after my affair with
Waters, Colonel Craw hinted to me, in the most friendly manner, that I
had better resign), though I had left the army, I still retained the
rank of Captain; knowing the advantages attendant upon that title, in a
watering-place tour.
Captain Stubbs became a great dandy at Cheltenham, Harrogate, Bath,
Leamington, and other places. I was a good whist and billiard-player; so
much so, that in many of these towns the people used to refuse, at last,
to play with me, knowing how far I was their superior. Fancy, my
surprise, about five years after the Portsmouth affair, when strolling
one day up the High Street, in Leamington, my eyes lighted upon a young
man, whom I remembered in a certain butcher's yard, and elsewhere—no
other, in fact, than Dobble. He, too, was dressed _en militaire_, with a
frogged coat and spurs; and was walking with a showy-looking,
Jewish-faced, black-haired lady, glittering with chains and rings, with
a green bonnet, and a bird of Paradise—a lilac shawl, a yellow gown,
pink silk stockings, and light blue shoes. Three children, and a
handsome footman, were walking behind her, and the party, not seeing me,
entered the Royal Hotel together.
I was known, myself, at the Royal, and calling one of the waiters,
learned the names of the lady and gentleman. He was Captain Dobble, the
son of the rich army clothier, Dobble (Dobble, Hobble, and Co., of Pall
Mall); the lady was a Mrs. Manasseh, widow of an American Jew, living
quietly at Leamington with her children, but possessed of an immense
property. There's no use to give one's self out to be an absolute
pauper, so the fact is, that I myself went everywhere with the character
of a man of very large means. My father had died, leaving me immense
sums of money, and landed estates—ah! I was the gentleman then, the real
gentleman, and everybody was too happy to have me at table.
Well, I came the next day, and left a card for Dobble, with a note: he
neither returned my visit, nor answered my note. The day after, however,
I met him with the widow, as before; and, going up to him, very kindly
seized him by the hand, and swore I was—as really was the case—charmed
to see him. Dobble hung back, to my surprise, and I do believe the
creature would have cut me, if he dared; but I gave him a frown, and
said—
"What, Dobble, my boy, don't you recollect old Stubbs, and our adventure
with the butcher's daughters, ha?"
Dobble gave me a sickly kind of grin, and said, "Oh! ah! yes! It is—yes!
it is, I believe, Captain Stubbs."
"An old comrade, madam, of Captain Dobble's, and one who has heard so
much, and seen so much, of your ladyship, that he must take the liberty
of begging his friend to introduce him."
Dobble was obliged to take the hint; and Captain Stubbs was duly
presented to Mrs. Manasseh; the lady was as gracious as possible: and
when, at the end of the walk, we parted, she said, "she hoped Captain
Dobble would bring me to her apartments that evening, where she expected
a few friends." Everybody, you see, knows everybody at Leamington; and
I, for my part, was well known as a retired officer of the army; who, on
his father's death, had come into seven thousand a year. Dobble's
arrival had been subsequent to mine, but putting up, as he did, at the
Royal Hotel, and dining at the ordinary there with the widow, he had
made his acquaintance before I had. I saw, however, that if I allowed
him to talk about me, as he could, I should be compelled to give up all
my hopes and pleasures at Leamington; and so I determined to be short
with him. As soon as the lady had gone into the hotel, my friend Dobble
was for leaving me likewise; but I stopped him, and said, "Mr. Dobble, I
saw what you meant just now: you wanted to cut me, because, forsooth, I
did not choose to fight a duel at Portsmouth; now look you, Dobble, I am
no hero, but I'm not such a coward as you—and you know it. You are a
very different man to deal with from Waters; and _I will fight_ this
time."
Not, perhaps, that I would: but after the business of the butcher, I
knew Dobble to be as great a coward as ever lived: and there never was
any harm in threatening, for you know you are not obliged to stick to it
afterwards. My words had their effect upon Dobble, who stuttered, and
looked red, and then declared, he never had the slightest intention of
passing me by; so we became friends, and his mouth was stopped.
He was very thick with the widow: but that lady had a very capacious
heart, and there were a number of other gentlemen who seemed equally
smitten with her. "Look at that Mrs. Manasseh," said a gentleman (it was
droll, _he_ was a Jew, too), sitting at dinner by me; "she is old and
ugly, and yet because she has money, all the men are flinging themselves
at her."
"She has money, has she?"
"Eighty thousand pounds, and twenty thousand for each of her children. I
know it _for a fact_," said the strange gentleman. "I am in the law, and
we, of our faith, you know, know pretty well what the great families
amongst us are worth."
"Who was Mr. Manasseh?"
"A man of enormous wealth—a tobacco-merchant—West Indies; a fellow of no
birth, however; and who, between ourselves, married a woman that is not
much better than she should be. My dear sir," whispered he, "she is
always in love—now it is with that Captain Dobble; last week it was
somebody else; and it may be you next week, if—ha! ha! ha!—you are
disposed to enter the lists."
"I wouldn't, for _my_ part, have the woman with twice her money."
What did it matter to me, whether the woman was good or not, provided
she was rich? My course was quite clear. I told Dobble all that this
gentleman had informed me, and being a pretty good hand at making a
story, I made the widow appear _so_ bad, that the poor fellow was quite
frightened, and fairly quitted the field. Ha! ha! I'm dashed if I did
not make him believe that Mrs. Manasseh had _murdered_ her last husband.
I played my game so well, thanks to the information that my friend the
lawyer had given me, that, in a month, I had got the widow to show a
most decided partiality for me. I sat by her at dinner; I drank with her
at the Wells; I rode with her; I danced with her; and at a pic-nic to
Kenilworth, where we drank a good deal of champagne, I actually popped
the question, and was accepted. In another month, Robert Stubbs, Esq.,
led to the altar Leah, widow of the late Z. Manasseh, Esq., of St.
Kitt's!
* * * * *
We drove up to London in her comfortable chariot; the children and
servants following in a post-chaise. I paid, of course, for everything;
and until our house in Berkeley Square was painted, we stopped at
Stevens's Hotel.
* * * * *
My own estate had been sold, and the money was lying at a bank, in the
city. About three days after our arrival, as we took our breakfast in
the hotel, previous to a visit to Mrs. Stubbs's banker, where certain
little transfers were to be made, a gentleman was introduced, who, I saw
at a glance, was of my wife's persuasion.
He looked at Mrs. Stubbs, and made a bow. "Perhaps it will be convenient
to you to pay this little bill, one hundred and fifty-two poundsh?"
"My love," says she, "will you pay this? It is a trifle which I had
really forgotten." "My soul!" said I, "I have really not the money in
the house."
"Vel, denn, Captain Shtubbsh," says he, "I must do my duty—and arrest
you—here is the writ! Tom, keep the door!"—My wife fainted—the children
screamed, and I—fancy my condition, as I was obliged to march off to a
sponging house, along with a horrid sheriff's officer!
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