A GENTLEMAN, who is about to proceed to New South Wales, on the public
account, for fourteen years, is desirous of providing a confidential
situation for an active YOUTH, previously to his departure. He is
exceedingly light-fingered, and very dexterous in the conveyance of
property; and, among his other accomplishments, the advertiser can
confidently recommend him for considerable skill in opening locks
without the aid of a key. He has been brought up to the _bar_; and is
_lineally_ descended from the renowned Jerry Abershaw. Most of his
relations have been raised to exalted situations, far above the ordinary
crowd; and, indeed, there is little doubt, that the force of his genius,
if suffered to take its course, will, in time, procure for him the same
degree of elevation. He can refer with confidence for a character to any
of the gentlemen composing that respectable body, the Swell Mob
Association; and the advertiser will be happy to reply to any inquiries,
addressed—PETER PRIG, Esq., at the Stone Jug Hotel, Old Bailey.
[Illustration:
APRIL.
]
┌─────────────┬───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┐
│1835.] │ APRIL. │
├─────────────┼───────────────────────────────────────────────────────┤
│ │ Opera open—Town fills— │
│ │ Old fools dance quadrilles— │
│ │Paganini's fiddle-de-D— │
│ │The D— once fiddled a guinea from me— │
│ │Crockford's splendid Saturday Dinners— │
│ │Sunday—"Miserable sinners!" │
├──┬──────────┼──────────────────────────────────────────┬────────────┤
│ M│ Season's │ =Odd Matters.= │ WEATHER. │
│ D│ Signs. │ │ │
├──┼──────────┼──────────────────────────────────────────┼────────────┤
│ 1│growing │ │ If it be │
│ │ │ │ │
│ 2│showers │ APRIL RHYMES. │ neither │
│ │ │ │ │
│ 3│springing │Rhymes for April—let me sing │ ♄ ♊ ♌ ☿ ⚹ │
│ │ │The pleasures of returning spring. │ │
│ 4│flowers │ │ warm │
│ │ │ I wish, in verse the lines ran single, │ │
│ 5│hot │'Tis tiresome, hunting words that jingle, │ nor cold, │
│ │ │ │ wet │
│ │ │And just as hard, in any season, │ │
│ 6│cross │To furnish either rhyme or reason: │ nor dry, │
│ │ │For showers, and bowers, and buds of │ │
│ │ │ roses, │ │
│ 7│bunn │Nights, and blights, and blue cold noses, │ ♂ ☉ ☌ ☍ │
│ │ │Beams and gleams, and flow'rets springing,│ │
│ 8│day │Feather'd warblers, winging, singing, │ calm │
│ │ │Hills and rills, and groves and loves, │ │
│ 9│Easter │Wooing, cooing, turtle-doves, │ nor storm; │
│ │ │Shades and glades, and larks and thrushes,│ │
│10│Monday │Chilly grass, and dripping bushes, │ and │
│ │ │Are soon a poor exhausted store;— │ │
│11│what a │I'll try a city theme for more. │ │
│ │ │ │ ⚹ ♊ ♄ ☉ │
│12│fun │ Judges, fudges, wigs, and prigs, │ │
│ │ │In coaches, busses, cabs, and gigs, │ there be │
│13│day! │Dripping, tripping, slipping, slopping, │ │
│ │ │Pink silk stockings go a-shopping; │ neither │
│14│prentice │Haggling, draggling, puddling, poking, │ │
│ │ │Drizzling, mizzling, muddling, soaking, │ │
│15│boys │Dirty crossings, dainty faces, │ ♃ ♄ ☉ ☿ ♂ │
│ │ │Pretty legs choose widest places; │ │
│16│full │And fools are made, by far the worst, │frost, snow,│
│ │ │On other days besides the First. │ │
│17│of │ │hail, rain, │
│ │ │ │ │
│18│joys │ │ │
│ │ │ │ │
│19│noise │ │ ♊ ☉ │
│ │ │ │ │
│20│toys │ │ ♄ ♊ ☿ ♂ ⚹ │
│ │ │ │ │
│21│Greenwich │ │ why then │
│ │ │ │ │
│22│hill │ │you may say,│
│ │ │ │ │
│23│Jack │ │ ♄ ♊ ☉ │
│ │ │ │ │
│24│and │ │ that │
│ │ │ │ │
│25│Jill │ │ │
│ │ │ │ ♃ ♄ ♊ ☉ ♂ │
│26│tumble │ │ │
│ │ │ │ I am │
│27│down │ │ │
│ │ │ │ ☌ ☉ ♌ ♈ ☿ │
│28│crack │ │ │
│ │ │ │ no │
│29│their │ │ │
│ │ │ │ conjurer. │
│30│crown │ │ │
└──┴──────────┴──────────────────────────────────────────┴────────────┘
_ABSTRACT of an ACT, intituled an Act for the Amendment of an
Act for the Amendment of the Poor Laws._
[To be passed on the 1st of April next.]
_Preamble._—Abuses all former Acts, and repeals them accordingly.
_Clause 1._—Empowers paupers to act as Churchwardens and Overseers; to
form their own vestries, and pass laws for their own relief.
_Clause 2._—Provides for weekly tavern dinners for the same; and
stipulates for a bountiful supply of turtle-soup, venison, burgundy,
champagne, hock, claret, and rose-water.
_Clause 3._—Enacts that pensions, of not less than £1000 per annum,
shall be granted to all former Churchwardens and Overseers, as a
compensation for their loss of office; and that they shall each be
raised to the rank of baronet, as a compensation for their loss of
dignity.
_Clause 4._—Enacts that every able-bodied pauper, who can work, shall be
allowed five guineas per week each, and two guineas for each of their
children, illegitimate or otherwise; and should any refractory pauper
refuse this allowance, and prefer breaking stones at a penny per bushel,
he shall be forthwith committed to the custody of the keeper of the
London Tavern, if in the City of London, or of some inn or hotel, if any
other part of the kingdom, and be compelled to feast like an alderman,
till he show symptoms of contrition.
_Clause 5._—That as many paupers may prefer being boarded and lodged,
suitable mansions shall be erected for the purpose, in cheerful and airy
situations; to which governors shall be appointed, to be elected by the
paupers, for the due regulation thereof. And if, on complaint of one or
more of the said paupers, it shall appear, that the said governor hath,
on any occasion, omitted to provide them with all due necessaries, such
as silver forks, doileys, finger-glasses, napkins, or other
indispensable matters; or hath omitted to serve their tea, coffee, or
chocolate, in silver pots, and china cups and saucers; or substituted
plain lump for double-refined lump sugar, or milk for cream, or tallow
for wax candles, or a feather-bed for a down-bed: or neglected to keep
the harp or piano in proper tune, or to furnish clean linen once a day,
(if they desire it, but not otherwise); or presumed to call them out of
bed before twelve at noon, unless specially directed so to do; or
behaved disrespectfully, or omitted to stand uncovered in their
presence, &c. &c. &c. for each and every such offence, the said governor
shall be committed to the tread-mill for not less than six calendar
months.
_Clause 6._—Each pauper, who is a boarder as aforesaid, shall be at
liberty to invite as many friends as he pleases, to a grand dinner
party, to be holden once a week; a concert and ball to be holden twice a
week; and a grand concert and ball to take place four times in the year;
on which occasion, the said paupers, or a committee thereof, shall be at
liberty to engage any of the Italian singers, provided their terms do
not exceed 100 guineas each per night.
_Clause 7._—Allows a premium of 50 guineas to the mother of every
illegitimate child born in the said mansion.
_Clause 8._—Enacts that the halt, the maimed, and the blind, together
with all aged, infirm, diseased, idiotic, and insane persons, and all
who are unable, through mental or bodily incapacity, to maintain
themselves, shall be allowed the liberty of begging their bread on the
king's highway; by which, public sympathy will be powerfully awakened,
and pauperism effectually discouraged.
_Clause 9._—Enacts that all the moneys, necessary for carrying the
foregoing provisions into effect, shall be disbursed from the pockets of
the honest and industrious.
_Clause 10._—Enacts that this Act shall neither be altered, amended, nor
repealed.