3. Profane, and even lower jests, sent by creatures who pretend
to be readers of _Punch_.
4. Idiotic jests, usually laid upon the shoulders of "my little
boy," or "my youngest girl." _Punch_ would pity the children of
such parents, but that he generally disbelieves in the existence
of the innocents.
5. Sketches, to be used in his next without fail, or, if
rejected, to be instantly returned. These burn well, and he
prefers those on cardboard, as they crackle prettily.
6. Things, literary or artistic, that have been "dashed off."
The mere word "dash" is the cue for instant fire.
7. Compositions, poor in themselves, whose insertion is prayed
because the authors are poor also. Is _Mr. Punch_ to perform his
charities at the expense of society?
8. Aged jokes, possibly recently heard for the first time by the
Stupid Sender, but more probably copied from print.
9. Post-Cards, or communications with the Halfpenny Stamp. These
are all selected by his Deputy-Assistant-Under-Secretary, and
destroyed unread.